Found
by rcorrine
Summary: Four years after the Volturi showdown, Jake's pack has moved on and moved away, only to be befriended by transfer student Emma. When Emma sees a photo of a friend in La Push, it sends them all back to the life, and Emma into strange new territory.
1. Move In Day

**A/N: **Hello! This is my first story. So I am nervous for the outcome, obviously.

I started writing this when my internet was down, so I have a few chapters written, which are subject to change if I get reviews that change my mind about the route it's going.

The usual "meet and my world changes direction" imprint does not happen in this story, and I have a bit of fun with the possibilities. As of now, it's just one POV- I might dabble in others later on.

_**Disclaimer: The characters in this story(minus Emma) belong to SM. They are not mine. Carry on.**_

Move-In Day

I knocked on the door in front of me and waited for any sounds from the inside. I was looking at the peephole so I could wait for the shadow in front of it. For a minute there was only the sound of wind chimes from a neighbor's patio and cars driving down the street to fill my ears. But when nothing happened for another minute, I started to hear my own heartbeat pounding my ear drums. _She said she'd be here from two to four o'clock and it's quarter after three, what the heck…_

With newfound agitation I knocked again, louder so even the neighbor with the wind chimes would hear it. _Then_ I finally heard movement. A loud thump with a muffled curse came from inside before I heard loud distinct footsteps coming towards me. The pounding in my ears got louder as I heard the locks click and the door finally swung open. A girl with russet colored skin and shoulder length black hair was standing before me, and even though I could tell from her somewhat puffy eyes and rumpled clothes that she had just woken up, my self esteem was taken down a few notches. Natural beauty like hers was not common, and apparently, I was going to have to bear the notch-lessening every day for the next year.

My breath came out in a short whoosh from holding it before I sucked it back in to speak, "Um, hi…are you Leah?" She looked at me with her eyes still squinted and it looked like she was coming up with a blank for who I was, so I helped her along.

"I'm Emma…" still no response. "…from Minnesota, I answered your ad about the apartment, we emailed back and fo-"

"Oh shit, it's Tuesday isn't it?" her eyes got wide as she finally looked past me and took in my two suitcases and back pack I had sitting on the landing of the staircase.

When she finally looked at my face again, I thought I should answer the question, "Yep, it's the first."

She quirked her eyebrow at me. "First what?"

I quirked my own. "Of September." I started to wonder if I had woken her from some sort of hibernation if she didn't know what day it was.

She shook her head as if to clear it and said, "Sorry, um, Emma right? Your room's the one on the right," as she stepped away from the door and pointed towards what I assumed were the bedrooms.

Watching her walk towards the kitchen, I guessed she wasn't going to help me, so I slung my back pack on my shoulder with a short glare at her back and lugged my two suitcases into the apartment. Looking around, I could tell she didn't care much about interior decoration; mismatching couch and loveseat, a clock on the wall, some books on a shelf, a television, but no pictures or posters. That could be fixed, hopefully.

"Wow, it's bigger than I thought it'd be." I looked out the front window towards the courtyard to see it had started to rain again. _It just never stops here, does it?_

An echoed "mmhmm" brought my gaze back to Leah and watched as she finished chugging a glass of orange juice, at first thinking she had answered my thoughts. She finished and set the glass in the sink, turning back to me. "More space than the dorms, that's for sure. I don't have that much stuff either, so looks even bigger."

"Yeah, I've got some stuff being shipped that we can put on the walls and whatnot. I couldn't bring any furniture, but I like what you have here," I nudged the blue-green couch with my knee, noticing how cushy it was.

"That couch is like heaven, do not patronize it," Leah gave me a fierce look that stopped any qualms I might have had on the subject. She must have been in 'heaven' before I showed up. With her arms crossed over her chest, she let out a breath and nodded towards my luggage. "You want some help with that?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, thanks." I mentally cringed hoping she didn't catch that I used three answers for one in my haste. She was intimidatingly tall, and strong too I noticed, watching her pick up my sixty pound suitcase like it was a carry-on. I waited for a snarky comment on the weight of it, but it never came. _Guess she really _is_ that strong_.

The room that was deemed mine already had a bed and dresser in it, which surprised me. I thought I'd have to do a lot more furniture shopping.

"The bed and the dresser were Jake's."

_Jake? She was living with a guy? _

"Was he your, uh…?" _They had separate rooms, so boyfriend didn't seem right. Maybe a relative? _

By the look on her face, I gathered that his departure was welcome. "God, I'm so happy he's gone. He moved home last minute, couldn't take the 'separation'" she used air quotes with an eye roll, "from his dear girlfriend and transferred out."

I just nodded along. I didn't know the details, but they were definitely not together.

"By the way," she said, turning towards me and putting a hand on my shoulder, "I am _so _glad you're a girl. First my brother, then him…you can only share a bathroom with a guy for so long."

I let out a snicker of agreement and nodded my head.

"Speaking of my brother, if he's more in tune to the date than I am, he'll be up her sooner or later." She acted like his coming was her demise.

"Do you not get along, or…?" I left the question open as I looked skeptically at her.

She had put both of her hands in her hair, pulling it away from her face. She let her hands fall to her sides before rolling her eyes.

"No, we get along fine, but he's just so damn perky. Plus, you're a girl he hasn't met," she added as if that explained everything. My confusion must've shown because she hesitated before adding, "He's… sorta into a love-at-first-sight philosophy." She let out an aggravated sigh before muttering what I thought could have been "Oh God, please no," but sounded more like, "I got cheese, yo." The former made more sense, but was still a bit cryptic.

"Ahh…hm. Okay." My eyebrows were probably hitting my hairline, but what else do you say to that? _So the brother of my new roommate thinks I could be the love of his life if I look good enough to him? Weird, but hopefully not true. Leah certainly hopes not. I barely know Leah as it is. Right. Need to work on that. _

I sat on the bed and looked at the sheets already spread on it. Leah saw my gaze and confirmed they were cleaned after her cousin went home.

"So where _is _home for you? In Washington?"

Leah leaned against the dresser with a look on her face that told me she had mixed feelings about the subject. "Yeah, it's a few hours from Port Angeles, the La Push Reservation. Right next to a little town called Forks."

"Reservation…" my brain finally caught up with the conversation, "Oh, what tribe are you?" I asked, hoping that wasn't too blunt.

"Quileute." She answered just as bluntly, but turned the conversation quickly. "So you're from Minnesota, right? Whereabouts?" _Well that's curious. Animosity? Hopefully not, that'd be sad…_

Thinking about home made me miss it. It definitely wouldn't be raining buckets. "Edgerton?" I answered as a question, thinking maybe she'd heard of it, but when she didn't answer, I clarified, "It's in the south western corner, close to Sioux Falls. Middle of nowhere, surrounded by farms."

I added in an announcer voice, "Home of the Flying Dutchmen!" Then smiled because I realized I just had an outburst of crazy and I smile when I'm nervous or embarrassed. Sure, Edgerton High's mascot _was_ the Flying Dutchmen, to my dismay, but it was really only funny if you knew about it.

Leah did not know about it.

After waiting for her to react in any way shape or form, she finally let out a short laugh and said "Small town folk, huh?"

The only thing I could utter now in my embarrassment was a strangled, "Yep." Any more words coming out of my mouth and she would no doubt question my sanity.

"Guess we have that in common-"

She was interrupted by a loud banging at the door. Clearly, this person knew to knock hard for its occupant, but said occupant scrunched her face into a grimace and looked at me apologetically. "That's Seth. Prepare yourself," she said as she left the room to get the door.

Remembering that this Seth was her brother that wanted to see me to find _love_, I pushed my hair behind my ear and walked into the living room cautiously just as I heard Leah mutter "If you do, you're not spending your mushy love time here, by any means." _She thinks it's true?! Who are these people?_

Standing next to her was a male form of Leah, but taller. I could tell he was pretty well built in the muscle department and had the same russet colored skin and black hair, but his was cropped short. He turned his head to the sound of my footsteps and just stared at me. No introduction, no greeting, just silence, and Seth staring at me. Then frowning at me. Then glaring at Leah who looked like she was trying to hold back her laughter.

My eyes were shifting between the two of them, unable to look away. The silence was getting to me once again, and the nervous smile was making its way across my face. Stepping forward, I stretched out my hand in greeting. You know, the universal "hello" as opposed to a one-sided stare-down.

"Hi, I'm Emma, Leah's new roommate."

His shoulders slumped a bit and he dejectedly stuck out his own hand as he looked at me again sans the intense stare. "Seth. Nice to meet you."

As I shook his hand I realized it must've not worked. _Guess I'm not your true love after all, Seth._

But my brain wasn't working and then I heard those words out loud, coming from my mouth, and watched Seth's eyes widen and swivel to Leah who sort of jerked and started to run away from him cackling.

"Leah! Frickin A! What the hell?!" he yelled, running after her and running smack dab into her bedroom door that she had slammed shut in his face.

Growing up with an older sister, scenes like this were not foreign to me, but seeing Seth's reaction, with a younger brother I'm sure it would have been so much more fun. I couldn't hold back the snort from my own mouth as he couldn't come up with anything else to say and just hit the door with a "Bah! Humbug!"

I could hear Leah on the other side of the door still laughing, "Oh come on, that is so _weak_! Resorting to Dickens!?" Her cackling went on.

"Yeah that is pretty weak," I added, making him turn around with a look that said 'come _on!_' "Shakespeare has the best insults though…you bolting hutch of beastliness!" I added with a British accent to spur him on. This was just too much fun. Younger brothers…who knew?

"Oh no. You don't even _know _what you're getting into. I _mastered_ Shakespeare insults!"

I instantly started holding my stomach from laughing, not because of the "dissembling fat-kidneyed codpiece" he called me over my laughter, but because of the first sentence he gave me.

"Leah!" I hollered in between trying to breathe, "Have you seen Dane Cook?"

I instantly heard her cackles explode into full-blown laughter as she saw my train of thought and hollered back in a voice to mimic her brother, "You don't even _know!_"

Tears were forming in my eyes as I watched Seth turn his head from me to Leah's door and back again until realization set on his face and he yelled back at the door, "No more sibling bonding! You hear me! No more!" By then I was just reliving the video of Dane Cook going through how the only thing a guy can say in an argument with a girl is '_You don't even KNOW!'_ over and over again. The fact that it was just played out before me had my cheeks and sides aching.

Seth stomped over to the 'heaven' couch and plopped onto it sending his feet flying before they hit the ground again. He was mumbling but I caught snippets of "_my _DVDs, but she just _had _to watch them…"

I tried to calm down and was almost there when Leah burst from her room, pointed at me and while leaning her weight against the doorframe, and said "Thank you!" She had a full-blown smile on her face from laughing at the expense of her brother, and I could now fully see how beautiful she was.

It was degrading was what it was.

My own laughter calmed down with that thought, but with a smile on my face, I congratulated Seth on the insult that went unnoticed before. Seth was staring at the wall in front of him and gave me a sour, "Yeah, well…"

Leah's earlier sentiments about her brother being 'so damn perky' came back to me when the mad-at-the-world look he had going now seemed to ruin his face. "I thought you said he was perky, Leah. I'm not sensing the perkiness."

"Yeah, but Seth here just got owned by a girl and his sister. Not much perkiness in that, right?" she patted his head.

Seth rolled his head to the side on the back of the couch and glared at me. "Who are you," he pointed back to Leah, "and what have you done to her?"

"Well," I started, deciding to give the five basic answers to college introductions, "I'm Emma Swenson, I'm from Minnesota, I'm a junior, I'm a Music Ed Major, and I live here." But his second question caught me off guard. "As for what I've done to your sister…absolutely nothing. Why?"

"Because I'm the happy one and she's the bitter one." A snort came from Leah as Seth was seemingly pointing out the obvious. "You frickin' switched us up!" another snort came from Leah. "And I want answers!"

I walked around and plopped next to him on the couch. "Hey, I got here about five minutes before you did. I don't even know your guys' last name!" Leah and I had really only been on a first name basis over the emails, and I couldn't figure it out from her email address.

Leah sat on the arm rest next to me. "Clearwater."

I was confused. "Uh, tap water is fine for me, thanks."

Seth let out a chuckle before leaning forward and addressing his sister, "She's funny!" he said, pointing his thumb at me. "She should meet Embry, maybe that'd work-"

"Seth," she looked over me to Seth with an angry look that I would not want to be on the receiving end of. A slight shake of her head cut his thought short, and he let out an irritated sigh.

"Fine." He let out another chuckle before moving so he was facing me on the couch holding out his hand. "Let's try this again. Hi, I'm Seth Clearwater, Leah's brother."

My hand had started to reach towards his until I heard the entirety of his greeting in my head replayed. My hand jerked back to cover my mouth as I mumbled a low, "oh, shit," and both Seth and Leah started laughing quietly again. The tables had turned, and now _I_ dejectedly stuck my hand into his and shook it. It was alarmingly warm, something I hadn't been able to notice before as I was trying to make my way through the most awkward greeting of my life. On either side of me, I could feel their body heat radiating off of them. Maybe it was genetic.

"So Minnesnowta, what brings you out to Washington?" Seth's jab at my home state was not lost on me, but I ignored it with an eye roll and answered him.

"I went to the University of Minnesota through my sophomore year, but wanted to transfer, so I applied to a few schools and liked the University of Washington the best."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why the transfer? Now you're half a continent away from home."

I knew it was coming, but let out a sigh anyway. "I just wasn't happy there. Needed a change." I had a feeling this answer would be reiterated many times over the next few weeks.

Seth's head bobbed up and down before saying, "Change is good. So why the apartment choice over the dorms?"

The third degree was a little startling, but I answered. "Cheaper, less drama, my own room, bathroom not shared by twenty other people, nobody blasting hip hop music through their rooms…" I trailed off, hoping neither of them loved that kind of music to death, and turned questioningly to Leah.

"Good answer. Any more questions, officer?" she looked over me to Seth with a glare that I would not want to be on the receiving end of.

Seth held up his hands in surrender and I watched them start to shake with the movement his shoulders were making. He started to laugh before glaring back at Leah with an evil grin, "…you don't even _know!_"

The breath I must have been holding spewed through my lips like a raspberry and I was laughing along with them.

After some questions of my own, it was revealed that Leah was a business major in my year, and Seth was an undeclared freshman here for orientation and the like. It took a lot of convincing on his part for me to believe he was only eighteen, to the point where he had to take out his driver's license. I said I believed him, but I couldn't really. He was huge! He looked twenty, twenty- one at the least, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I let that be. The freshman girls would definitely have their hands full.

Likes and dislikes took on the conversation, and at the mention of Dane Cook, Seth rolled his eyes and claimed, "I'm never watching that with you guys if you're only going to use it against me!"

I suggested some DVDs I had brought with me on the plane, and balked when neither of them recognized the show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. By the time we had gotten through two of the discs, it was late and Seth had to get back to his dorm. He left with a wave and a triumphant "Rock like an Eeeag-"

Leah shut the door on him before he could finish 'eagle'.

I giggled and said, "Well, he's got his 'perky' back anyways."

Leah scoffed and brought the cans of soda we had finished to the recycling bin. "Yeah, that never really goes away. He just loves the drama of it all when it does."

I was hoping I wouldn't see the "bitter" Leah that Seth had mentioned before. I noticed throughout the night that when she had calmed down, she was more quiet and reserved, most of the conversation being between myself and Seth. I had a feeling that she didn't get that close to people often, and after being so openly happy before, was questioning whether I would be just a roommate or a friend. Or maybe that was my own questioning.

From the moment I introduced myself at the door, I knew that living here might start out tough, having a roommate with such a tough exterior. But if my past had taught me anything, I knew that the tough things in life can't be ignored, least of all a person.

Standing up from the couch, which did prove to be like heaven, I started towards the bedrooms. "I'm gonna put my bed together. I haven't even unpacked anything yet."

Leah was on the floor by the front door pulling on her tennis shoes. "I'm gonna go for a run, I'll be back later."

"What, now? It's dark out."

"Yeah, it's cooler out at night." Her eyes were set on her shoes. "Nice for running."

I thought I caught a double meaning in her words, but I couldn't think of anything that could fill the secondary one. Nevertheless, I knew that jogging at night was not the smartest thing for a college-aged girl to do alone. "Would you mind if I went with you?"

"No!" Her head shot up at my suggestion, her eyes wide. "No, I'll be fine, you go unpack."

All I could do was stand there, mid-stride towards her. My foot finally made it to the ground as I tried to assess the situation. "Do you at least have some pepper spray on you, or a taser or something? I have a Swiss Army Knife you can-"

"Emma," I met her hours ago, and I'm already receiving the angry look. "I'll be fine. Trust me." A sarcastic smirk lit across her face. "The big bad wolf won't get me." She got up from the ground, and it was then I heard the bitterness, but from what, I couldn't tell. I guessed it was because I was mothering her already, and tried to backtrack.

"Okay, um…just, be safe…I guess." My failure to stop mothering was bringing the nervous smile back. I mashed my lips together to keep myself from saying anything else.

She answered me with a sigh and "Yeah, sure," before she was out the door and I was alone in the apartment, suitcases waiting to be unpacked.

It was my first day here, and I'd let it go for now, but sooner or later, I would find out why the mention of someone named Embry, having someone to run with, and my concern for her safety ticked her off so much.

**A/N: Review please? I'm giving you the puppy-dog eyes, and feedback is lovely!**


	2. Just Another Name

**A/N: So I decided I'm just going to post the rest that I have, because I keep writing and even if no one sees this for months, what the hey, I put it out there. **

**Emma has her quirks, here's a second look at them, and Leah's reactions. We will get to Embry in time, you will see. :) I'm workin' on the links for any music or media mentions, hopefully up soon. Title for this chapter is a Lifehouse song. For now, read on!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

Just Another Name

_What?_

This is the first thing I thought when I woke up. I was on my bed with the covers over me, and I didn't remember getting there. The wall in front of me was plain white.

_I don't have white walls. I painted them yellow. Where the heck…?_

In my half-asleep state, my brain wasn't really functioning properly. I didn't drink, so there wasn't a probability of me being drunk. I didn't have a reason to drink, anyways, I was just unpacking.

Unpacking…unpacking! I was in Washington. Seth and Leah. Mad Leah. Unpacking…what was I unpacking? I rolled to my other side to see what was still out on the floor. My suitcase I used for most of my clothes was almost empty, my hair straightener and some shoes still filling the bottom.

_Okay, clothes are done…._

My backpack I had used as a carry-on had all the pockets open, but looked deflated with some wires dangling out of it that I recognized being for my camera_._ So that meant my computer…was right next to my bed, still open.

I _was playing music. _That_ I remember_.

And right next to my computer was a notebook_. My psychology notebook?_ I stopped using it when I found a program on my computer that made taking notes quicker. I couldn't write as fast as the professor talked, but I could match him with typing.

Too comfortable to get out of bed yet, I let my arm hang down to the floor to pick it up, but I could only reach it with my fingertip. I wasn't getting any traction like I should from my fingerprints, and the cover was just slipping under my skin, unmoving on the carpet. My muscles gave out and my arm came flopping back to the bed, my funny bone banging against the wooden bed frame that went all around the box spring, immediately sending that awkward painful feeling up through my arm and out through my mouth.

"Aaagh! Freaking..Aaagh!" I tried to muffle my yell into my pillow, but most of it was just out in the open, my first words to the new day.

I pulled my elbow close to my body, some reflex telling me it would make it better, but it really didn't. I endured the weird pain for a few more seconds before it was gone and the sleepy curses kept coming. "What the hell, why is this here? How _old _is this damn bed frame anyway, freaking _sticking out there_ ready to kill me…"

I was closer to being awake now, thanks to the adrenaline from getting my funny bone whacked, and sat up quickly, throwing the covers off of me towards the wall.

The instant I was sitting straight up, I regretted my actions as a head rush pushed blinding pressure behind my eyes and my balance was off. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for it to pass before opening them, trying to find the physch notebook and blinking away the weird pinks and greens my vision was previously blurred with. Things just weren't liking me this morning.

As I stood up, I heard my knees crack, but dismissed it, the noise too familiar to me. I reached down to pick up the notebook, careful not to move my feet lest I trip and make this moment _that_ much better.

I flipped through the first few pages, seeing notes about neurotransmitters and parts of the brain. They stopped and there were just blank pages until I recognized my writing again. It wasn't notes, but-

_Ahh…that's why._

I have this habit of starting journal entries in the middle of random notebooks of mine I find lying around. There will be two or three entries, then I forget it's there and it goes unnoticed for a year or so. It's always interesting to go back and read them, see what I was fretting about and compare it to what I fret about now.

_So I was reading the notebook, and I had music on…_

I reached over to rub the mouse pad with my finger and my computer came to life, my iTunes the front window. It was paused in the middle of my Debussy piano CD, a random one that my dad had picked up at Cheapo. I knew quiet music kept me from being productive, so I couldn't figure out why I was listening to it until I saw the album right before it; a mix my sister and her friend had made to keep themselves awake and she had given me a copy. It must have played through to the next one alphabetically.

My demise.

But there was still the problem of how I got _into_ the bed. No one else was here but Leah, and she's…well, she's strong, but I wasn't a toothpick.

I closed my eyes and tried to rub the sleep out of them, when a vague memory of someone talking to me came to mind. _"I'm not lifting you up. You're gonna hurt your back if you sleep like this, now get up Minnesota. I don't have any flying Frenchmen or whatever to help me. Up." I was pulled from the floor by the arm to a sitting position on the bed and proceeded to flop to the side, my head finding a pillow._ After that my only memories were waking up to the white walls of my room and the events following.

I rubbed my elbow just thinking about it.

_Damn wooden…I better not have a bruise. Elbow bruises are the worst, you can't lean on anything…_

I couldn't see any coloring yet, but I'm sure there would be. My glare to the bed frame did absolutely nothing but satisfy my need to glare at something.

Finished with my own mental drama, I let out a breath, concluding that Leah had in fact, put me to bed.

_Who's the mother now, hmmm?_

She must have come home alright from her run. Judging by how much I got stored away, she was gone for a while. I guessed that nothing happened if she was fine being smart with a girl she barely knew who wasn't completely conscious.

I stepped out of my room and checked her bedroom door. It was closed, and turning to face the living room and kitchen area I couldn't see or hear anyone, so I gathered she was asleep.

_Well, I don't have any food here yet. I don't know what she would do if I ate hers…better not find out. Shower time, then. _

As I turned on the water, it came out in spurts, three times until it was a flowing stream.

My nerd-self kicked in and I copied the spurts with the tune to Beethoven's Fifth, "Dun dun dun duuuuuunnn!" Of course, I couldn't just stop there, and throughout the shower continued the symphony, changing voices for the brass, strings, and woodwinds respectively.

When the tympanis came in, my feet came down on the beat, and inevitably lost all traction on the wet shower floor. A little yelp interrupted my mental symphony and my hands flailed until one caught the ledge that held the shampoo. My little travel bottles clattered to the ground, making more noise than I had ever intended this morning.

Pulling myself up with a low "_damnit_," I silently prayed that this didn't wake up Leah.

My prayers went unanswered as I heard a knock on the bathroom door and Leah's muffled voice, "Emma? You alright in there?"

"Oh shit," I muttered before shouting over the sound of the water, "Yeah! I'm fine! Just slipped a bit, but I'm fine! Shampoo's fine! We're all good… in here…" my embarrassment was not only causing the nervous smile (though, thankfully no one could see it) but also nervous rambling that made no sense.

_We? Nice job Emma, you're the only one in here, unless you name inanimate objects…_

"Okay," I could almost see her with a raised eyebrow. "Just checking." I couldn't be sure if I heard her chuckle at my expense, but I wouldn't be surprised if she did.

With my hand still holding on to the ledge for dear life, I rested my forehead against my arm and closed my eyes. I let out a breath and said to the air, "freaking…why, world, why?"

Ready to be done with the trap-opolis that is the shower, I shut of the water and grabbed the towel I had brought in with me, drying myself off and wrapping it around me.

I wiped off the mirror from the steam that condensed there and took in my reflection. The mascara that I hadn't washed off the night before was now rimmed around my eyes, making me look like zombie with my pale skin. I found a cotton ball to wipe it all off and finally got a good look at myself.

Being the girl that I am, I couldn't help but compare myself to my new roommate. As far as I could tell, Leah was outshining me everywhere. My eyes could be considered brown, but they had a ring of green around the edges that made them look like lake mud compared to Leah's exotic dark brown. Her face was angled with high cheekbones and a clear russet toned complexion, whereas my pale Scandinavian skin was spotted with freckles and had a tendency to break out when I got really stressed. My sister tells me she wants my nose, but I don't know what all the fuss is about. My hair was an ashy brown, going past my shoulders, in waves that didn't correspond with each other and made me look like a wet afghan dog. When it wasn't frizzy, it could be nice, but with all the rain I would be experiencing here in Washington, I could only guess that the frizz would take over.

Leah on the other hand, was probably one of those people who could do anything with their hair in any climate and it would look gorgeous. No kinks left from the hair tie or anything.

Done with my female ramblings, I blew my long bangs out of my eyes and pushed off the counter, going to my bedroom to get dressed.

After dressing I realized that I still had to pick up the rest of my things, a task which would require a car. I hated asking for favors like this, especially from people I barely knew, and internally groaned at the upcoming confrontation.

Leah met me on my way out of my room, "Hey you said you had stuff being shipped. Is it here already?"

Relief came out in a breath as my reluctance about bringing it up evaporated. "Yeah, I was actually gonna ask you about that. Would you mind helping me pick it up?"

"Sure, just let me get my keys. You ready to go? We can stop and get breakfast somewhere."

"Sounds good."

I didn't trust small apartment complexes with my big packages, so I had opened a P.O. Box at the local post office. On our way there, we stopped at a coffee shop that had some good sized danishes to go with our morning coffee. Leah got hers black, while I was a wimp and added cream and sugar. I took note that the shop was hiring. I'd need a job after all.

"Emma!" the sound of my name made me turn on my heel in front of the cream and sugar station until I found Seth walking towards us.

"Seth! Hey, what's up?" I stifled a laugh as he put one of the coffee shop's giant brownies in his mouth and took his own giant bite.

"Nuffin', wher're you guyf goin'?" he asked with a mouthful of brownie.

Leah looked disgusted and annoyed, "Ugh, Seth, that's gross."

Seth merely responded with a smile that puffed out his cheeks from the brownie still stuck in his mouth.

Leah's eye roll was her only response.

"We're getting my shipped stuff from the post office."

Seth finally swallowed with a gulp. "You want help?"

"Yeah, sure-"

"No, go home-"

Leah and I answered at the same time and glanced at each other in confusion.

Meanwhile, Seth's smile widened and pumped his fist in the air "Ha! Emma said yes! I'm coming!"

He was out the door and waiting in the car before either of us had moved.

"He just wants a ride home. Nice job, now we're stuck with him." Leah was scowling at her brother as we made it back into the parking lot.

I could tell she was pissed, but couldn't help but smile at the brother-sister banter, "Um, sorry?"

Leah stopped before opening her door, "Yeah, you will be."

Getting back into the car, my first random thought of the day made its way out of my mouth. "We can't have pets in the apartment, can we?"

Leah glanced at me for a moment, "No. Why, did you ship one?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

I couldn't help but laugh at that, "Psh, no. I just miss having a dog. I'd see mine whenever I went home for the weekend."

Leah was fighting a smirk. My nervous smile reappeared yet again as the only reason I could think for that was because of my random outburst. It must've been funnier than I thought because I heard Seth snort in the backseat behind me.

Leah's face was struggling to control itself as she told me, "No. We can't have pets. You can have Seth if you want though."

"What?!" Seth's voice went up a few octaves and he kicked Leah's seat. "She's already got you," he muttered.

Leah's evil grin turned into a malicious frown as she glared at him in the rear view mirror.

Not knowing what caused it or how to break it, the tension was thick, so I busied myself with sipping my coffee, forgetting to blow on it and burning my tongue.

"Aaaah shit…" I pulled the cup away from my mouth, wincing as the sandpaper feel had already started on my tastebuds.

"Burned your tongue?" Leah asked, her face void of any teasing from before.

"Yeah," I sadly sighed, looking at my full cup of coffee. I wouldn't be able to taste it as much now. "Happens all the time. I'm just too anxious to let the darn thing cool. Now my tongue's all weird. You want this?" I looked back to Seth, holding up my coffee.

After seeing his nod, I started to hand it back to him, just as Leah's car hit a pot hole. The little hole in the lid spewed out scalding hot coffee onto mine and Seth's hands as he grabbed it.

"AAAAH! My_ God_, what is _wrong_ with me today? Everything's just out to _ruin_ me!" I said to no one in particular as I shook my hand trying to relieve the burn. "You okay?" I asked Seth, though he didn't seem to be in any sort of pain and just wiped the coffee on his jeans.

"Yeah I'm good. You seemed to get the brunt of it," he chuckled. "Hey Leah, she should meet Bella, they'd get al-"

"_Seth!_" Leah's bark rang through the car, the authority of it seeming to silence Seth immediately.

This time he didn't answer, but just leaned back in the seat, rolled his eyes, and looked out the window.

Why Leah didn't want me to meet these people was beyond me, but for now, the tension these two kept building was enough to plaster the ever-present smile on my face because I couldn't think of anything else to do.

"So…Are there good radio stations around here?"

Leah seemed to come out of her anger-filled haze and let out a sigh, "Yeah, you can fiddle around with it or whatever." She gestured to the stereo console, never taking her eyes off the road.

Turning the dial, the different stations blurred in and out of each other as I passed oldie's, light rock, news radio, a psychologist, some country, rap, until I landed on a classical station and groaned as Leah snorted beside me and Seth started to sing along with the music.

"Dun dun dun _duuuuunnnn!...._Dun dun dun _DUUUUNNNN!_" his low voice shouted behind me as I looked at Leah, a smirk stuck on her face.

"Shut up." I hissed at her, but couldn't hold in the laughs myself, bringing my hand up to my mouth trying to hide my smile.

Beethoven's Fifth played on, and Seth started drumming on the back of my seat. I couldn't help but play along and do a sort of conducting dance in my seat to it, having memorized it.

When the tympanis came in this time, I glanced at Leah and caught her eye. When I stomped my feet on the floor of the car and right where I had stopped this morning because of my slip, she pointed at me and said "Crash."

I burst out laughing and my head fell against the head rest as we pulled into the Post Office lot.

After getting my key and information from the clerk, I brought the slips back to him and several people brought out my packages, and the three of us each went to pick them up. Seth was heading towards the one labeled "books and CDs", which I knew to weigh a ton, so I started to warn him, but he lifted it like the only thing in it was packing peanuts.

_Nevermind…?_

Despite my questioning glances towards the super siblings' strength, the boxes were packed into the car, leaving a sliver of the back seat open for Seth, so I saved him an uncomfortable ride and took the back for him to take shotgun.

When I shut the door, I figured I should call home to let my parents know I got here safely. Frankly, I was surprised I hadn't gotten ten calls from my mother already, but I had warned them before I left to just let me be a little. _"I'm twenty years old, I think I can survive a plane ride and moving in just fine, I'm a big girl._"

I called the house phone and got the answering machine. "Hi, this is Emma, just calling to say I'm alive and kicking. Leah's pretty cool, we've hung out with her brother a bit, and we just picked up the stuff I shipped. Nothing seems broken, so that's good." I hated leaving messages. I never knew how to end them. "So, yeah, I guess that's it, I'll catch you later then…bye." I stared at the ID picture I had on my phone for my house number, the swing in our backyard. Why my father had a thing against cell phones, I could never figure out.

The sound of Leah's voice broke my gaze and I looked up.

Leah and Seth were still outside having some sort of argument. Leah's finger was stuck pointing in her brother's chest as she was trying to drive something home. Seth's shoulders slumped a bit, but his glare at his sister didn't waver and his nostrils flared. He glanced at me through the windows and said something to Leah that seemed to appease her and she stepped back, moving towards the car.

When they were both inside, the unnamed elephant was back with a force, filling the air in the car, and there was nothing I could do to myself that would take it away this time. I could barely move, squished in between the boxes and the car door.

Leah turned on the ignition, which turned on the radio, the station still set to classical. It was some baroque concerto and was too jumpy and frilly for the current mood. She slammed her finger into one of the presets and some classic rock filled the car.

The ride back to the apartment was quiet save for my occasional humming or harmonizing that I did absent-mindedly with the music, hopefully not loud enough for them to hear. Every once in a while I caught either Seth or Leah glancing at me in one of the mirrors, but they would both look away before I could acknowledge it.

Unpacking the boxes turned into a serious affair, the only words passing between myself and either of them being directions on where to put stuff or what it was.

I brought out my computer and started playing some music, hoping to make it more comfortable. When _Ain't No Mountain High Enough_ came on, I started singing along, thoroughly making a fool of myself. It wasn't something I could prevent; it always had this effect on me.

Thankfully, it did the job when I heard Seth sing back to me during the guy's part, the smile back in his eyes. He just seemed wrong without it.

When all my stuff was situated, Seth made his way back to his dorm after a call from a friend, and Leah took me to the closest grocery store so I could stock up on food.

She seemed to have cooled down quite a bit, and we chatted easily, still getting to know each other.

"So how did you manage to know the entire symphony by heart earlier?" she asked as she helped me put some frozen vegetables in the freezer.

I didn't have to ask which symphony she was referring to, and sneered at her jab before smiling and confessing, "I've played it before in orchestra."

"Orchestra? What do you play?"

"Cello," hoping to God Almighty that she knew which one that was. If one more brainless person asked if it was the big one you stand up with…

She smiled and her eyes widened, "Yeah? Like Yo Yo Ma?"

I smiled in relief, but rolled my eyes at the common connection and nodded, "Yes, like Yo Yo Ma."

"What? Don't you like Yo Yo Ma? He's supposed to be crazy good isn't he?"

"Eh, yeah I guess," I bobbed my head from side to side, filling my shelf with yogurt. "He's the only one that gets attention though. No one thinks first nowadays about Julian Lloyd Webber or Mstislav Rostropovich. I mean, Rostropovich freaking worked with Shostakovich. You can't just ignore a man like that, dead or not."

As I looked back at Leah over the fridge door, her eyebrows were furrowed and she shook her head, showing she didn't recognize them.

"Nevermind. I have more knowledge of classical music than is healthy. I hope you don't mind hearing it around the apartment, I don't have much of the frilly baroque songs you heard in the car, mostly just the good stuff…in my opinion. " I added, giving a wide smile that just added to the dorkiness of that statement. "It's nice for studying and stuff when there's no words."

"Sure," she said a little skeptically, seeming to consider my music of choice. "What was the stuff you were listening to last night, the piano?" she was smiling, probably remembering my less-than–conscious state.

Hook, line, and sinker, I'll get you addicted in no time Leah Clearwater.

"Debussy. French dude who didn't like calling himself an impressionist, even though it's pretty much what he was…" I was turning into Nerd Emma again.

Must-stop-useless-information-from-spewing… "He's cool. I have the CD here if you want it…"

From that, the chatting continued until we were both tired and decided to go to bed.

As I followed her to the bedrooms, a big picture on a shelf in her room caught my eye. I recognized Seth standing to the right of three guys just as built and tall as him, all with their russet-colored skin and black hair cut at differing lengths. One had a little girl on his shoulders, probably no more than five with long black hair framing her face, her arms snug around his neck, and his smile wide.

The next was the tallest, making me feel very small as he towered over Seth in the picture. His face was turned and he was smiling at something out of the frame and looked like he had grease smudges on his shirt.

The third was simply smiling at the camera, eyes shining in mirth about something unknown to the viewer. His eyes were like a vacuum, sucking me into the picture. I found myself wishing I was there with them.

"Emma?"

Leah's voice startled me out of my trance and I blinked, brought back to earth.

I tried to think of an excuse for why I was standing in her doorway staring at her photo, but couldn't think of anything, so I jumped right to it and gestured in the general direction of the shelf. "Friends back home?"

She followed my gaze to the photo and turned back to me with a strange look on her face, "Yeah."

"Oh," was my brilliant answer. "Um…" I was about to ask about them when I remembered each time Seth had brought up someone from their home. She had snarled at him to shut him up, and for some reason, didn't want me to know about them. Even when I pointed it out, she didn't say who was in her photo.

Not wanting to touch on a subject I obviously kept stirring up trouble with, I decided to excuse myself and hide. "Goodnight then."

"Yeah, goodnight." She was still looking at me funny until she smirked and said, "Make sure you make it to the bed this time."

My eyes narrowed to slits and the only intelligible thing that came out of my mouth was "Guh!" and I turned away in defiance.

Heading into my own room I yelled back to her, "Yeah! Will do!" before skipping back to her doorway and hissing "and it's the Flying Dutchmen!"

Her look was bored and she rolled her eyes at me and turned to her dresser, the tension momentarily lifted.

Finally getting into bed, several thoughts roamed across my mind, but the biggest one was the owner of those eyes. Those shining eyes that captured my own through just a picture of him and held me there.

Leah was being really protective of something involving her friends and family back home, and it would be like pulling teeth, I knew, but I would find out who that guy was in the picture.

**A/N: *hint hint nudge nudge* Guess whose eyes those are. You know. I know you know. **

**Reviews would make me ever so joyous. **


	3. I Wasn't Prepared

**A/N: Like I mentioned before, this story isn't your typical 'see each other and instantly fall in love and he's my world' type of imprint story, so please bear with me. Leah's a bit of an enigma to me, and I have to figure her out first. Chapter title is a song by Eisley.**

**Disclaimer: Psh, yeah I wish. La Push, Leah and Seth are all SM.**

I Wasn't Prepared

The next few days consisted of preparations for school, job interviews at the local businesses that were hiring, watching _It's Always Sunny_ with Seth, and staring at the man in Leah's photo.

It didn't sound right anymore to be calling him a 'guy' in my head. That would be too impersonal.

_Impersonal? I haven't ever met him, of course it's impersonal. _

But I _wanted_ to meet him.

I wanted to meet him very badly.

I was counting on Seth to maybe slip up and mention people back at La Push again, but he never did.

Several times he would look at me and open his mouth, ready to say something, but just snapped it shut with a frustrated grunt. He'd glumly throw out a new topic of conversation, sending Leah a glare when she came into view.

Seeing the glare prompted me to take the matter into my own hands; I'd bring up the names he mentioned without Leah around. When classes started, I'd take my chance.

OOO

Much to my dismay, classes took over, and my chances were few and far between. I would have chickened out anyways.

The first few weeks of school came and went, syllabi were handed out, chapters read, and I introduced myself too many times to count. I got the job at the coffee shop and filled my head with more coffee combinations than I knew what to do with. Seth was over a few times asking us for help on a paper, and we would have to send him out by force when he started to figure out how to get us to write half the paper for him.

So far, most of my classmates were pretty nice, with the exception of one guy that had a staring problem. And it was never at my face. I made sure to wear a baggy jacket or sweatshirt to Philosophy, always coming home from that class feeling violated.

That is, until I'd see the mystery man in the photo, and I'd feel better.

_Alright, Emma, this is pathetic. Just grab the boy and shake it out of him!_

My opportunity came on a Friday night when Leah had to make a run to Office Depot. Seth was playing on Leah's computer in our living room and I was concentrating on my game of TextTwist, myself, but we were keeping up conversation nonetheless. Taking in his build, I started to rethink my 'grab and shake' method I was pondering earlier and chose the more subtle 'bring it up in conversation' tactic.

"Why are you here again?" I asked trying to move around the letters to make the six-letter winning word.

"Just because I know you enjoy my company so much," he answered with a smile. His eyes never left the screen and his thumb hit the space bar repeatedly.

"Pah, yes, of course. But seriously, where's your roommate? Is he an ass or something?"

He was about to answer, but I cut him off with a loud "Turtle!" and quickly typed in the winning word with ten seconds left on the clock.

I looked up with a triumphant smile on my face to meet his confused one and pointed at my computer. "Turtle…it's the six letters," I said lamely, "I was stuck forever and I finally-"

I stopped when he was no longer confused and was now laughing at me, but that stopped when he looked back at his screen and he cursed under his breath, his eyes wide as he frantically started hitting keys to make up for lost time and it was my turn to cackle at him.

"Sorry," I said with a smile,"You were going to tell me if your roommate was an ass or not."

Seth made a few more punches to the spacebar before hitting a few choice keys and turning to me, and I guessed he paused his game.

"No, he's not an ass. Bit of a nerd, but I guess it works for him cuz he asked me to hang out somewhere else for the evening.

"Oh?" _I forgot 'rev' was a word...whaddya know…_

"Yeah, he claims he's gonna have a cheerleader over. As long as they don't go near my bed, I'm fine with it."

"Huh." My eyes were still glued to my screen. "A bit forward, but eh." I cocked my head to the side. "Is 'reev' a word? R-E-E-V?"

Seth turned back to his game with an eye roll, "Couldn't tell ya."

"Dangit, nope. Veer! Ha! Yes!"

I heard a chuckle beside me but ignored him. This was _my_ game. I would master TextTwist if it was the last thing I did, but first, Mystery Man.

There was a momentary silence, and I seized it.

"So who was that person you were talking about a while ago…Bella?" Maybe it was more of an 'out of the blue' tactic. "I think you said something about us getting along…or...something along those lines."

His head snapped up to meet my gaze, but I kept it on the screen in front of me. The 'click for the next level' button was flashing at me, and I was typing random letters trying to focus on his answer and look productive at the same time.

In my peripheral vision, I could see him turn back to his screen, trying to internally battle something until he gave up and said, "Family friend."

This got me nowhere. I tried my luck and struck again.

"Is um, Embry, was that his name? He a family friend too?"

I took a chance to look at Seth and saw that his shoulders were rigid and he was pounding on the keys of Leah's laptop. Hopefully nothing broke.

His lips mashed together before he let out a forced, "Yep."

That was weird.

_Does Leah have some sort of power over him? I get that she's the older child, but this is a bit much._

"Yeah? Do they come up to U-dub to visit at all? Maybe I could meet them." My pulse was throbbing in my ears and I could feel the heat on either side of my face. I was facing my computer screen, but my eyes were now locked on Seth.

Same as before, I got nothing out of him but a one word answer, "Nope."

My eyes narrowed as I tried to figure this out. One of his legs was bouncing up and down and he moved the computer from his lap to the coffee table in front of him.

I was ready to confront him about it, but was interrupted by the door opening and Leah entered, carrying two poster boards. She took in our current states and slowly pulled her keys from the lock. "Hey guys." The door swung shut and seemed to echo in the silence.

I missed a beat, but finally answered her. "Hey."

Seth turned to his sister and tried to communicate something with his eyes. Leah's narrowed in response, flicking over to me and back to her brother.

Whatever was going on here, I was waiting with baited breath for it to finally unveil itself.

Unfortunately my imagined unveiling never happened as Leah kept her gaze on her brother while addressing me, "So Emma," she turned to me. "That creeper guy still staring at your chest? Because if he is, I will find him and I _will_ do something."

I had no reason to doubt her, but I wasn't about to let her be my personal body guard. I could handle this myself.

"What? He's harmless. Just a perve with his eyes. I can deal."

Seth was on his feet. "Are you kidding? A perve is a perve. What's his name? I'll kick his ass-"

"Woah! I appreciate it guys, but really, I can deal. Okay?"

They both started back on me and the argument went back and forth before I concluded that I would let them do something if Leah took pepper spray with her on her runs.

Leah's eyes rolled and my faith in her stubbornness conquered as she threw up her hands and said, "Fine! Have it your way. Be violated!" and walked back to her bedroom.

I rolled my eyes back at her and shouted, "Fine! Get attacked at night when no one can see you! Just don't come crying wolf to me!"

There was silence on Leah's end, and I hoped I had finally convinced her. Seth looked like he was trying to hold in laughter, but was failing miserably.

"Don't!" Leah's voice traveled through her door.

I looked questioningly at Seth, "You're her brother, aren't you supposed to be supporting me on this?"

He just shook his head, "Nah, she can take care of herself when worst comes to worst."

I rounded on him, unappeased. "How so, when she's got nothing to defend herself with?"

Leah's voice drifted from her bedroom. "Self-Defense class!"

"Don't they tell you to always be prepared or whatever in those classes?" This made no sense.

"That's Boy Scouts," Leah came out of her room with her pajamas on, seemingly done with the week and ready to veg. "And I was an A student," she said with a smile too sweet to convince me.

I narrowed my eyes at her then, and tried to stare the answer out of her, but she just stared right back. I was never one to win a staring contest, and was taking on the master herself.

I held out as long as I could, which wasn't that long, and let out a lame "psh" in her direction before turning back to my computer, the 'next level' button still flashing at me.

Checking the time at the corner of my screen, I just about threw my computer off of me in my hurry to get up.

"Shit shit shit," I was muttering to myself as I flew back to my bedroom and grabbed my phone. Sure enough there were three text messages and four missed calls all from the same person. "Aaah crap."

I grabbed my bag and made sure my music theory notebook was inside before speed-walking through the apartment, picking up my keys and hitting 'send' twice on my phone to call the last phone number that called me.

"Got somewhere to go?" Leah was following my route through the apartment with her eyes, leaning against the heaven couch.

Grabbing an apple from the fridge, my phone stuck in between my ear and my shoulder, I spun to answer her in my frantic sprint to the door, "Yes! I do! And I'm _late!_ I gotta go!"

The door was swinging shut behind me when I heard Leah shout, "Wait!"

I opened it up again to see an object flying towards my face. I yelled and turned away, but somehow still caught it and opened my eyes to look at the tube of pepper spray I now held in my hands.

I threw a sarcastic smile to the smirking duo and swung the door shut, realizing that there was a masculine voice talking in my ear.

"Emma? Hello? You there?"

"Jordan! Hi!" I was out of breath from sprinting down the stairs, and I tried to say everything at once, "I'm so sorry, I was away from my phone and I didn't see the time and the pepper spray and gaah!" Leaves obscured my view as a tree branch ran into my face while I was trying to find a place for my apple and the pepper spray in my bag.

Washington, so far, had it in for me.

"What… are you okay?" Jordan was sounding concerned and amused at the same time. I thought about explaining the situation for a whole two seconds, and decided against it.

"Yeah. I'm dandy. Sorry." My hands were finally free to loose my phone from my shoulder and my neck screamed in relief as I moved my phone to the other ear. "Which room did we get again?"

"We're in 204. You sure you're okay?"

"Yep, I'm just fine. I'll be there in a minute." I was getting testy. This was _not _the greatest mood for studying.

"Alright, see you in a bit, then."

"Yep, bye." I snapped my phone shut before he could answer and instantly regretted it, so I stared at my phone with a remorseful look as if Jordan could see it from here.

Since the start of term, Jordan was proving to be a really good friend. We ended up sitting next to each other in our music theory class and clicked as friends right away, agreeing to help each other on the homework and projects for the class. He played percussion, usually the tympanis in orchestra, and we embraced our music nerd-ness together, sometimes giving critiques if we saw each other in the practice rooms. With his tall but slim build and dark hair with some scruff along his square jaw, I wasn't surprised when I heard some of the freshman girls jabbering about his 'hotness'. The fact that his family was from Vancouver, giving him the slightest bit of an accent was not lost on them either. Several people commented that we should date, but I just didn't see it. We were too much alike and it would have been weird, no matter how much of a 'hot piece of man' he was.

We were meeting with another girl from our class, Amy. Short, petite, and blonde, she played the cello as well, and we ended up as stand partners in the orchestra. She worked in the music office and had helped me get a steal of a deal renting a cello, to which I was eternally grateful. She had also given me rides home a few times, for which, I was also eternally grateful. We all agreed to get together to make a head start on our project that had just been assigned and meet in one of the library's sound proof study rooms tonight.

I was _supposed_ to be there a half hour ago.

Walking to campus at dusk was alright, not the creepiest thing in the world, but I was rethinking my choice of transportation with the thought of walking back after dark. Alone.

When I finally made it to the Library, all the street lamps were on and it was misting.

_Curses, it'll probably be raining by the time we get out of here._

I found 204 pretty quickly and joined Jordan and Amy at the table that was already covered with open books.

"Hi guys, sorry I'm late," I breathed out as I slumped into one of the rolling chairs surrounding the table.

They ignored my greeting and were glancing at my hair on the left side.

"What..?" I started to ask, bringing my hand up to my head. I felt something that definitely was _not_ hair, and was startled a bit before I pulled out a twig and a few leaves.

Tired of the world laughing at my expense today, and already being in a testy mood, I threw the twig and leaves on the floor, ignoring Jordan's shaking shoulders.

"So I was attacked by a tree. What's it to you?"

There were still smiles on their faces, but sensing my mood, we got to business.

Three hours later, quite satisfied with our work, we called it a night and started to head home. When we got outside the Library doors, it was dark out and finally raining.

_Right, like I can walk home in that and not freak myself out…_

"Do you want a ride home?" _Amy, you just saved my life, once again._

"Could you? That'd be so awesome."

Amy just waved away the umpteenth time I thanked her and pulled me towards her car.

"Have a good night ladies, I'll see you later!" Jordan hollered as he walked away from us.

"'Night!" we hollered back and got into the car.

"Thanks again for the ride, it's a bit creepy out here at night," I said, looking out the window at all the dark spaces in between the street lamps.

"Oh hush, I wouldn't have let you walk home alone in this anyways." She paused before starting again in a more blasé tone, "I should've waited for Jordan to offer walking you home. I'm sure you would've enjoyed that a lot more." Amy glanced at me with a grin on her face, lifting her eyebrows suggestively.

"Amy," I groaned. "No, Jordan doesn't see me that way. _I _don't see_ him_ that way. No, we're just good friends."

Amy was disregarding my defense and still had a knowing smile on her face as she drove.

"Amy, really," I pleaded, "I don't like him like that, okay? Don't try to do anything, please?"

Like clockwork, the Mystery Man in Leah's photo came to mind, and being anything more than a friend with Jordan just seemed wrong.

"Fine. But if I wasn't dating Tom, I wouldn't overlook a guy like Jordan, especially if we meshed the way you two do so well…but whatever you say. I shall do nothing."

"Thank you," I sighed and turned to the window, watching the raindrops race across the glass as they collected in lines.

I was thankful we were made it to my apartment soon after, getting that conversation over with. Amy brought the car to a stop in front of the stairs that led to where I hoped would be dry and warm.

"Here you go, safe and sound. See you later, Em."

"Yep, see ya," I answered, shutting the door and started up the stairs.

Thinking back through the past five minutes, the fact that the mystery man had come up in my brain and caused such a vehement thought about Jordan was a bit jarring. I slowed on my way to the door, unlocking it and welcoming the warmth of the apartment.

_Why am I so attached to him? I've never met him. He shouldn't have any influence on what I think about other guys. Jordan's awesome, what's not to like about him?_

Tired from studying and having this weird thought process, I shook off my shoes and coat, heading straight for my bed. I hardly noticed Leah sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs filled with tea and a book in one hand.

"Em?" I jumped about an inch off the floor before I found sight of her and put a hand to my chest.

"Oh God, you scared me, I didn't even see you there."

It had become a sort of routine we had started, seeing that we both weren't particularly social butterflies, to spend Friday nights with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and sometimes a movie. It helped us forget about the draining week schedule we both took on and just wind down for the weekend.

Leah had yet to be as open as I once saw her, and these movie nights were our sort of roommate bonding time, even if we both just sat and watched and fell asleep.

"You okay? We can nix the movie if you want."

"Maybe. That tea looks really good though." I sat in the chair next to her and took the second mug, warming my hands around it before taking a tentative sip. Thankfully my tongue went unharmed.

"Thanks for the pepper spray, by the way," I smirked at her over my mug.

She snickered in success of her little trick as she brought her own mug to her lips. "Did you have to use it?" She was joking, but I could sense an underlying seriousness to her question.

I rolled my eyes. It was becoming a habit from being around she and Seth. "No, I didn't. Amy gave me a ride home."

At the thought of the car ride, my mind went back to my thoughts of the mystery man's weird hold on me and without thinking, I glanced towards Leah's bedroom, frowning when I saw the door was closed.

The sound of a ceramic mug hitting the wooden table snapped my attention back to Leah, who was giving me a calculating look.

I couldn't hold her gaze for beans, so I picked up my mug again to drink more tea and pass the time, and after a moment of silence, she finally spoke.

"You look tired. You should go to bed."

I finished my tea and set it on the table, staring at the tea bag still hanging on the side.

"Yeah. I probably should."

Leah reached over and grabbed my empty mug, setting it next to hers. "I'll take care of these. You go to sleep before I have to drag you to your bed again. I was starting the good part anyways," she ordered me, picking up her book.

My tired eyes narrowed at her reference to my first night here, but I didn't have the energy to banter with her tonight, and I just nodded and headed to my bedroom.

While getting ready for bed, I tried to convince myself that this fascination I had for the man with the shining eyes in Leah's photo was getting ridiculous. It was almost becoming a drug for me, finding myself in a trance with it at least once a day when Leah wasn't home.

It started two weeks ago, when I had a day with a full schedule morning to night. I had woken up late, and didn't even think about the photo before I left. The day had started out fine considering my rush to stay on time, but got progressively worse throughout, and I eventually came home with a cold, a headache, and a strong urge to break something. Searching for any object that neither Leah or I would miss, my eyes roamed the apartment until I saw the photo and I lost my train of thought.

I didn't even take in the whole frame, just the one section with my Mystery Man, smiling in all his charming glory.

Leah had then stepped in front of me as she came out of her room and caught me standing in the hallway. She had to snap her fingers under my nose to bring me out of whatever trance I was in. The same calculating look she had given me tonight had been etched across her features and I made up some excuse about a long day and wanting to take a shower, stepping around her.

I had felt better after just seeing his eyes and being pulled into the moment with him like they always did, but from then on, I made sure that Leah was never around when that happened.

_My God…I've been sneaking around just to try and get a look-see at this guy's photograph. Something is clearly wrong here._

I sat on my bed and ran my hands through my hair, still thinking through what I should do about this.

_Okay, Emma, it's that simple. You just stop looking at the picture. You've built up a tolerance and now it's time for detox. Just do it and get it over with before it's too late._

_Too late?_ I seemed to suddenly have two inner voices. _Too late for what?_

_I don't know! Before it completely affects your daily routine. You can't depend on a photo of a man you don't know to make your day brighter._

_Well, what if it just makes my day more tolerable?_

_Case and point. You need to go cold turkey on the Mystery Man. This is weird._

_Weird in a cool mysterious sort of way?_

_No. This is weird and not right._

I mashed my face into my pillow to muffle the frustrated growl caused by my very own mind. But I had to agree with it.

With me. Myself. I was agreeing with myself.

Another growl was silenced by my pillow, this time with more intelligible four-letter words thrown in.

This _was_ weird. And it needed to stop before…

Ugh.

It just needed to stop.

**A/N: Hmmm….is she crazy? Or logical? Review!**


	4. Coming to Terms

**A/N: Title by Carolina Liar, read on…**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

Coming to Terms

I should have known the cold turkey method was a stupid idea.

Over the next month, I tried and failed to stop glancing at Leah's photo of the Mystery Man. I would be doing so well, but it would catch me off guard whenever I passed it. I'm pretty sure Leah heard me curse under my breath whenever this happened, but she never said anything, so I was left to believe she thought nothing of it.

I was such a wimp.

It was now November, and sitting on the edge of my bed on a Monday morning, I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to do. Operation "Pry Emma from the Mystery Man" was about to take action.

When I was going through my morning routine, I would deliberately keep my head down whenever passing Leah's doorway. This plan was working until I ran into Leah herself.

In my hurry to turn away from the direction of her room and avoid any weird looks she may have given me, I grabbed my bag and was out the front door like no one's business.

It was when I was waiting at a crosswalk two blocks from our apartment that I heard my stomach gurgle, and realized I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. I searched my bag for a granola bar or apple or some sort of food to fill my stomach I might have left in there, but found nothing.

The next best thing would have been to just buy something on my way, but my search for food also revealed that my purse and wallet weren't with me. I had left them on the couch in my hurry to get as far away from those shining eyes as fast as possible.

This meant that my phone and keys were also still in the apartment.

Without my phone, I didn't know what time it was, and even though I would probably be on time, maybe even early, I felt like I was missing an appendage and started to panic, speed-walking to campus.

I made it to my first class in record time, out of breath, and ten minutes early.

My day without my phone was slowly driving me insane. I tried to not place blame on the Mystery Man, but there was no one else to blame but myself, and I was not in the mood to admit my own faults.

Thinking I heard one of its rings or felt it vibrate, I would stop mid stride in the middle of a walk way and throw open my bag, searching and listening for my phone, hoping that I had just missed it before.

I stopped after the third time this happened, and looked longingly at the people passing me as they texted or talked or played games on their own mobile devices.

I slumped into my chair in my music theory class and stared at the front of the room, the professor writing today's assignment on the board.

"Why the glum look?" Jordan sat down next to me, but I kept my eyes straight ahead.

"I don't have my phone."

"Aaah. That always sucks. Were you expecting a call?"

"No, I just feel like I'm disconnected from the world without it. Is that weird?" I asked, turning to him.

I'm certain he answered my question, but all I could concentrate on was the Nutri-Grain bar he was unwrapping. My mouth started to water and I felt my stomach clench in response. It was now two o'clock in the afternoon, and I hadn't eaten anything since the Lean Pocket I called 'dinner' the night before.

Jordan must have noticed my gaze because the next thing I knew, he was setting half of the fruit-filled bar on the table in front of me. I grabbed it and shoved it into my mouth in one bite, closing my eyes and smiling in satisfaction as I chewed.

"Hungry?" Jordan was staring incredulously at me.

"Uhuh!" Without any water, it was hard to swallow that much grain at one time, but I really didn't care. I was eating food.

"Here, you look like you need it," Jordan was still watching me as he set the other half in front of me, still in its wrapper.

I made a noise akin to a whimper before swallowing and throwing Jordan a thankful look. I grabbed the rest of the bar, this time taking a smaller bite.

"Have you eaten at all today?" I could still hear the incredulous tone behind his concern.

"Now I have," I smiled and kept my gaze forward, recognizing the professor's stance for the start of class. I thanked Jordan for the bar and popped the rest of it in my mouth while flipping open my notebook.

OOO

When our professor's lecture seemed to come to a close twenty minutes early, I knew something was up.

"Pop quiz today, ladies and gents!"

_These are not the sort of words I need to be hearing right now, Dr. Russell!_

"It's a ten point quiz. No need for a scantron, use a piece of paper. Hopefully it'll boost your grade if you've been keeping up with the assignments." Dr. Russell's faith in his students was flattering, but I was not in the right state of mind to cope with this.

The questions were projected onto a screen at the front of the room, and as I tried my best to focus on them, it just wasn't happening.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jordan glancing up at the questions and quickly writing down his answers. Soon enough, he was turning over his paper and leaning back in his chair.

I was still only half way through when we were given only a few more minutes. I flew through the rest not caring any more.

_So I would fail a quiz. It builds character. Happens to people all the time. _

I was feeling content about the matter until Dr. Russell ordered us to switch with our neighbor to correct the quizzes in class.

I was going to fail by Jordan's hand.

_Peachy._

As the answers were read off, I was leaning back in my chair, looking down at Jordan's quiz and doing nothing to it because all his answers were correct.

Jordan, however, was glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he continued to mark through my incorrect answers.

My teeth were grinding and my leg was bouncing up and down in contempt for the damn photo that started all of this.

I jotted "10 / 10" at the top of Jordan's quiz as he was passing mine back to me, which had a sickening "+2" at the top with marks all down the margin.

After turning in the blasted quiz, I flew from class without so much as a "see ya" to Jordan and strode with purpose towards home.

I was going to give Mystery Man a piece of my mind.

I just failed a quiz.

I never fail quizzes.

That quiz was going to give my grade a boost, just in the wrong direction.

In my walk of rage, I wasn't using any senses but my eyes, which were trained on the ground in front of me. Eye contact with anyone would just push me off the edge and they would deal with my wrath.

A tug at my elbow made me spin around in fury to see it was only Jordan, and he was out of breath. I glanced past his shoulder to see he had probably just run two blocks to catch up with me.

"What!" I had no patience whatsoever at this moment, and he was slowing me down from getting to my destination.

Jordan's eyebrows rose as he let go of me and held up his hands in peace. "Em, what's going on? Is everything alright?"

And here, I was under the impression the guy was intelligent.

"No! Everything is _not_ alright! I just fucking _failed_ and it's all because-"

I cut myself off, running my hands through my hair and pulling. I knew the rest of that sentence would sound ridiculous. _It's all because of a photo of a guy that I've never met…but I get caught in a trance by his eyes…his wonderful shining eyes._

Thinking about him seemed to have calmed me down a bit and one glance at Jordan told me he was getting more concerned by the second.

But the realization that I had just blew up at him for reasons that didn't even _involve_ him brought my strong emotions back, this time in the form of tears stinging my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jordan, I'm fine, everything is fine, I just need to go home right now, okay?" I sputtered out, willing the water to keep at bay while he was still watching me.

Jordan seemed to consider my change in tone. "You're sure?" He still had his hands up, but they were now hovering in front of me like he was ready for me to fall.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I'll talk to you later." I waved and plastered on the best smile I could muster before turning and continuing my trek home.

The reality of the last ten minutes was coming back to me in waves and I barely registered the tears that were streaming down my face.

This was more than just a weird attraction to the image of a stranger.

This was something else.

I needed to see those shining eyes and mirthful smile or I would break. Or maybe, I would break _when_ I saw them. Either way, I was going to see them. I couldn't take it any longer.

When my feet hit the stairs that led to our apartment, I prayed to God that Leah wasn't home yet.

I burst through the door and ran to the bedrooms, coming to a halt at her closed door.

My blood was pumping in anticipation and I quickly checked the living room for signs of Leah being home, but her stuff wasn't here. I strained my ears for any sounds behind the door, but I could only hear my pulse against my ear drum.

With a shaking hand, I turned the knob and pushed open the door, letting it swing wide until it hit the wall.

My feet were planted just outside the room as my eyes were drawn upwards and I met his.

His shining beautiful eyes.

His shining beautiful eyes that weren't real, but were a projection of light that chemically altered the paper and produced an image.

I wanted so badly just to see this man in person, but my roommate was like Fort Knox whenever her friends in La Push were brought up, and if my strikes at Seth kept failing, my chances were slim to none.

_My chances of meeting him…are slim to none._

I felt like a bulldozer had hit my lungs and a sob filled the air as my vision blurred with tears.

They were tears of confusion, frustration, helplessness…

_What is happening to me?_

My feet trailed backwards and I landed sitting on the arm rest of the heaven couch.

_Slim to none…_

I let gravity pull me backwards and I slid onto the soft cushions, my feet dangling over the arm rest.

_Slim to none…_

I was out of ideas.

I was out of energy.

I was out of emotions.

I'd gone through just about all the extremes within the past half hour and I was spent.

The last of my tears ran out of my eyes and into my hair on either side of my head. My eyes dried and I stared at the ceiling, unmoving.

Searching for an adjective I could give the situation, the one that kept coming forward was 'pathetic'.

Ironic, seeing as my roommate was anything _but_ pathetic.

_Won't even take precautions to protect herself she's so damn proud._

_Is that her problem? She's proud? Doesn't want to involve me with her precious family in La Push? _

My theorizing was awakening some horrible anger towards Leah that I had never felt towards anyone in my life.

I pulled myself upright, setting my feet on the ground and waited.

The days were getting shorter as winter approached, and before long, the light coming in through the window began to fade.

When it was too dark to see without turning a light on, I heard keys jingle in the lock.

My pulse didn't quicken, my muscles didn't tense. I was very calm in my quiet fury.

I heard the door open and saw Leah head towards the kitchen as she turned on the lights.

"Emma!" she shrieked and jumped when she finally saw me. "What the hell?! That is not fucking okay!"

"Sorry." Calm. I was calm.

Leah walked around the couch and stood in front of me. "What in the hell did you d-"

She stopped short and her face went slack when she was looking right at my face.

I must've looked like shit.

"What happened?" She didn't come any closer. Probably better that way.

"I failed a quiz."

I didn't make eye contact with her. Not yet.

She was looking intently at my face waiting for me to elaborate.

"And?"

"And I yelled at Jordan."

She looked away for a moment, her eyes searching the ground.

"Jordan…the drum guy?"

I nodded. "Percussion."

"Did he do something to you?"

My eyebrows furrows as I shook my head.

"Was it the eye perve?"

In the moment it took me to figure out who she was talking about, she took my silence as the affirmative.

"My God, Emma, I _told_ you to let us do something! What did he-"

"What? No! No, nothing happened! It's not about him! He withdrew 'cause he was failing weeks ago!" I was now looking right at her, sooner than I had planned, and her eyes were searching mine, back and forth.

"Then What. Happened." Her arms were crossed over her chest, but she was shaking in her frustration.

I took a few deep breaths through my nose and kept my eyes locked with hers. I couldn't prolong this any longer and went straight to the problem.

"Why don't you talk about people back home?"

Her eyes showed a flicker of surprise at my change in topic, but in a flash she was back to frustration and was shaking even more.

"What?" her voice was low and quick, and honestly I was a bit scared.

"People in La Push. You never talk about them and you won't let Seth. What's your deal?"

Leah's hands clenched into fists as she brought them to her sides and started to take deep breaths.

I waited.

After the longest five seconds I've ever experienced, Leah's shaking had calmed down.

"Emma," she growled, her tone menacing, "There is a lot of small town drama that I'm sure you can relate to, and I don't want anyone else getting involved in it. Alright?"

This did make sense, but I wasn't about to back down.

"What about Seth?"

"What about him?" her tone hadn't changed.

"What if he wants me to meet them?"

She was silent, but her eyes were telling me to stop if I valued my life. Despite that, I kept pushing.

"What if he's not too proud to let me meet them?"

Her eyes narrowed, but she remained silent.

I stood.

"I know he has no problem with it, it's all you."

Her glare was constant but she was still silent.

"What if they want to meet me?"

Her eyes widened the smallest fraction.

"What if I just want to meet him?!"

I was met with nothing but the disbelieving look in her now very wide eyes.

I was hearing my pulse in my ears again.

After five beats, she finally spoke.

"What did you say?" she whispered.

Confused, I asked her again.

"What if _I_ just want to meet _them_." It came out like more of a statement than a question. How could she have not heard me yelling right in front of her?

Leah was shaking her head. "No… You said 'him'."

_What is she talking about?_

"What?"

"Him. You said 'What if I just want to meet _him_."

_Shit. I didn't say that, did I? Damnit. _

"Him who, Emma? Who do you want to meet so badly?" The emotion in her eyes had changed from anger to reluctance and something else. Sadness?

Leah sighed and waited as if she already knew the answer.

_I don't know who he is._

"I …" I stuttered, my mouth was opening and shutting like a fish, her previous statement depriving me of the ability to form a coherent sentence.

I started to feel helpless, and I'm sure I looked it.

Leah's waiting gaze finally looked away in impatience. She glanced back at me and walked to her bag, picking it up and digging through it.

"I need to make some calls, "she said, finding her phone and grasping it tightly in her hand. "I'll be back later."

She picked up her keys and didn't look back as she stepped out the door.

I watched it swing shut behind her, and the silence was deafening.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

I had already fumed, already cried, already waited in a still rage, and already yelled at the two closest friends I had that weren't hundreds of miles away. And it was only November.

Searching for something to do, my eyes roamed until they came to rest on the dishes that were piled in the sink.

Our dishwasher went on the fritz over the weekend and was leaking water everywhere, so until the work order comes through, we'd be doing them by hand.

I filled the sink with hot soapy water and started to clean.

I had just made a mess of everything in one day; the least I could do was clear the counter.

Washing the dishes proved to be therapeutic, my only thoughts surrounding the cleanliness of the pot or glass or spoon in my hands before setting it on a dish towel to dry. Soon, the counter was cleared and I was feeling around in the sudsy water for anything I might have missed.

I pulled out a measuring cup that I had used for pancakes on Saturday morning and I almost laughed.

_What happier times they were, two days ago…_

I felt around some more until I jerked my hand out of the water and hissed as I felt a sharp sting on the inside of my index and middle fingers. There were clean but deep cuts that crossed the middle digits, stinging like mad as the suds from the water ran over them.

Bending them at all just pulled the skin and they started to bleed. Wincing, I grabbed paper towels with my left hand and applied pressure to try and stem the bleeding.

When Leah finally came through the front door an hour later, she found me sitting cross-legged against the refrigerator surrounded by bloody paper towels and clutching my fingers.

It was just one thing after another today, and my sense of self-preservation for sterile bandages was dwindling.

"Emma? What'd you do?" She dropped her keys and ran towards me with a genuine look of concern and annoyance on her face. A worried Seth walked in behind her and stopped in his tracks, not knowing how to proceed.

"Hi," I said ashamedly as she unwrapped my makeshift bandages and assessed my wounds. "There's a knife or something in there," I nodded towards the sink and Seth walked towards it. It was still filled with water. I was afraid to stick my hand in it again to drain it.

The suds must have cleared because after a quick look, he reached in and drew out two spoons and the dreaded chopping knife, and a moment later I could hear the gurgling noise of the water draining.

"Come on," Leah was tugging on my wrist. "I need better light. Hopefully you won't need stitches."

I stood up with her but almost fell forward as a wave of dizziness hit me, my vision a strange array of white and green and pink before it went back to normal and saw an even more concerned Leah.

I glanced down at the bloody paper towels littering the floor, but considering the amount of blood loss, it shouldn't have made me this dizzy.

_You've also had nothing but a Nutri-Grain bar today and it's now…_I looked at the clock. _Seven thirty._

"I think I'm just dehydrated and hungry," I muttered. Leah nodded and looked at Seth, who started to search the cabinets while Leah pulled me to the bathroom.

With the help of the brighter bathroom lights, Leah examined my fingers quickly and opened the medicine cabinet. "They don't look too deep, just enough to make it hurt."

Seth stood in the doorway and handed me a glass of water. I smiled in thanks and started to chug.

When the glass was empty, my fingers were wrapped in gauze and tape and I stretched out my hand, finding them restrained but with less pain.

"Thanks." I had never felt so ashamed of my actions than I did right then. "And I'm sorry," I stared at the tape running around my fingers.

"For what?" Seth's low confused voice brought my eyes back up to the two of them and suddenly I felt claustrophobic in the small bathroom.

I took a deep breath and walked past them, towards the kitchen.

"I'm sorry for prying, it wasn't my place and I _really_ pried." I was talking loudly so they could hear me, but my head was down and I was busying myself by picking up all the bloody paper towels. "It's not any of my business and I totally just-"

"Emma, no, it's fine," Leah was trying to stop me from my nervous cleaning and finally just grabbed my hands. "I'm a bitch, I know, I'm reminded of this frequently."

I heard a low chuckle from Seth's direction.

"No, but I-"

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" My plea for forgiveness went unnoticed and she waited for an answer.

But I was severely caught off guard by this question. "Huh?"

Leah's signature eye roll made its appearance. "Thanksgiving weekend. Do you have plans?"

Seth's smiling face popped into view behind Leah with a hopeful and expectant look in his eyes.

"N-no…I don't. I don't have the money to fly home." _They're asking me to spend Thanksgiving with them?_

Then a thought occurred to me.

"Do you guys even celebrate Thanksgiving?" I had heard that many Native Americans didn't celebrate it, claiming that what they kids in elementary school was all wrong, and I had no way of knowing if the Quileutes did or not.

"Some tribes do, some don't," Leah shrugged her shoulders. "We don't really _celebrate_ the holiday as much as we use the holiday time for our own means. It's pretty much the same though. Lots of food, family, and sleep."

"And food." Seth added from his perch on the back of the heaven couch.

I took a quick look towards the bedrooms. Leah's door hadn't been closed since I opened it this afternoon.

Seth noticed this and his smile widened.

"You sure you want me to come?" Leah's change of heart was like hot and cold and I didn't know what to make of it.

"Yeah, we're sure," Leah confirmed, but she sounded a little defeated. "Besides, you'll get to meet Embry."

_Waitaminute. That name's familiar._

"Embry?"

Seth nodded towards the bedrooms. "Third guy on the right."

I loosed my hands from Leah's, walked past Seth and into Leah's bedroom, pointing to her photo with my Mystery Man.

"This is Embry?" My eyes were wide as I tapped my finger on the glass over my Mystery Man's smile.

Leah was now leaning against her doorframe and nodded the affirmative, "That's Embry Call."

For the first time this whole miserable day, I felt a genuine smile spread from my lips to my eyes and I could feel the joy of it all the way to my toes. I felt lighter.

_That's Embry Call._

He wasn't a Mystery Man anymore.

_I'm going to meet Embry Call!_

My second inner voice made its presence known.

_Calm down you preteen! Pull yourself together!_

With that mental slap, I tried to arrange my features from full out glee to composed contentment and addressed my audience.

"Okay, sure. Sounds fun, yeah, I'll come."

My attempt at being cool and composed was failing by the second and my gleeful smile was fighting its way back.

"Alright," Leah's defeated look didn't waver, but I was too happy to inquire about it.

Instead, my stomach made a loud growl and Leah scoffed.

"Now get out of my room and go eat something," she stuck her thumb back towards the kitchen.

"Right," I looked down at my stomach as it made another growl that sounded like it came from a sick dog.

As I walked past her, Leah briefly met my eyes and had put a smile on her face that looked by no means real. I had seen her smile before, and this wasn't it.

But I had reached my limit today on prying into Leah's life. She was my friend, and although I knew something was troubling her, now was definitely not the time to ask.

Like I had done so many times today, I would wait.

**A/N: What? Leah's a nurse? No. That would be silly. But she's concerned about someone…now how in the heck did that happen?**


	5. The Fatal Wound

**A/N: Title song by Switchfoot. Cello piece mentioned is the first movement of Edward Elgar's Cello Concerto in E minor. **

**Disclaimer: SO not mine…except for Emma…and Jordan…**

The Fatal Wound

_Nine days…_

_Eight days…_

_I'm going to La Push in seven days…_

_I'll meet Embry in six days…_

Ever since the Clearwaters invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them, I had been counting down in my head the days until we were supposed to leave for La Push.

_Five days!..._

Leah had become less talkative and more reserved than normal since then and I was getting worried that she was going to take back her invitation.

But then I had noticed she had also taken on some sort of maternal instinct and was constantly doing things for me. She made sure to check the cuts on my fingers and that I was dressing them correctly.

Usually we would make our own separate meals because of our schedules, but lately, I had come home to an apartment smelling of food because she had waited for me and was cooking dinner.

Yesterday she had stopped by my room with a laundry hamper full of clothes asking if I had any darks I wanted washed. I was surprised, but covered it by handing her a few shirts. She went on her way, and came back a while later to hand them back to me. Folded.

I thanked her with what I'm sure was a very surprised and confused look on my face, because Leah was never this…nice.

Leah, I had learned, was always one to keep to herself, do things herself, and not bother with or be bothered by anyone. I appreciated the things she was doing for me, but it was just so not like her. It was as if she was trying to get into my good graces, but I couldn't understand for what.

"No problem." She shrugged and went to her room, leaving me stunned, standing in the middle of my bedroom, shirts in hand.

I put them away and sat on the edge of my bed, mulling this over.

_Why would she feel the need to get into my good graces? I'm already her friend, she knows that…right?_

Leah was relatively nice and cordial towards me, and I understood that although she was rough around the edges, living together had loosened her up some and she wasn't so closed off towards me. We were friends. But to anyone else she put up a front. She wasn't a touchy feely person. I hadn't ever seen her give any sort of affection that went beyond a small smile that lasted all of two seconds. Hugs were out of the question.

Today, I stood by her doorway, about to ask her about all this domestic help she was giving me lately, but was inevitably caught by Embry.

My troubled emotions in the pit of my stomach lessened quite a bit as seeing his face calmed me and I took a deep breath, drinking it in.

"Is there something you need?" Leah's irritated voice broke the happy haze that I was in and I turned to see her waiting for the explanation of my presence.

She shot a strange look towards her photo before looking back to me, and that troubled feeling started to creep its way back.

My nervous smile started to spread and I was frantically searching my brain for something to say. Now that she seemed irritated, I guessed that accusing her of being nice for the past several days wouldn't be the best thing to do.

"I'm…going to the practice rooms!"

_Phew…_

The idea came to me at the last millisecond _thank the heavens_. It gave me an excuse to leave and mull this over, plus I really did need to practice.

"Oh, okay." Leah turned back to hanging her clothes in her closet. "Have fun."

_Have fun? No snide remark about a hangout with all my 'emo music friends'?_

For the second time in two days, Leah had caused me to stand in stunned silence.

"What?" The eyebrow. It was raised. But not in a funny 'you're stupid' way. It was saying 'Do you have a problem with me? Because if you do I'll ruin your face'.

With that thought, I put on a happy-go-lucky smile to appease the eye brow. "Nothing." My voice sounded weird. It was too high. Maybe she won't notice.

Her facial message morphed back into 'you're stupid' and she continued to put a blouse onto a hanger.

"So? Shoo, go gather the troops and have a jam session."

The snark was back, but she still didn't insult me.

_Something's weird, get out before she blows!_

"I'll be back in a few hours. See ya!" I grabbed my bag and my keys and headed for the door.

"Don't forget the pepper spray!" she hollered, and I knew it wasn't out of concern for my safety. She would never let that one down.

"It's broad daylight! Good day to you!" I hollered back and made sure to add enough defiance to my voice. It was my only weapon – if I could call it a weapon – against her, and shut the door behind me before she could say anything else.

OOO

Practicing didn't help as much as I thought it would.

I started with simple scales, but as thoughts of my roommate's strange behavior started to take over, the scales went faster and my fingers were flying up and down the finger board in my stress until they started to cramp up and I had to stop.

I slumped against the back of my chair and let the cello rest against my knees, my head falling back to stare at the ceiling while I shook out my left hand from the cramp.

I could distantly hear several pianos having their keys pounded and a flute being trilled in the small rooms surrounding mine. I envied their ability to block everything out and just _play_. It was what I needed, but not what was happening.

I looked back at my hand, flexing my fingers and rolling my wrist and found they were back to normal, so I sat up, ready to play again. The music stand in front of me held pages of bowing exercises and excerpts from the Stravinsky symphony we were playing in orchestra, but I didn't want to work on these. I couldn't get lost in them. The exercises would just make me even more frustrated and it just wasn't the same to play the Stravinsky without hearing the rest of the orchestra.

So instead, I moved the stand to the side, set my eyes to the floor in front of me and began to play.

It was a sorrowful piece that started out with harsh chords but slowed into a bittersweet melody. Without consciously thinking about it, I was humming the accompaniment in between playing and continued through the beginning of the piece. I had played it in high school and I missed it. I hadn't performed it since, but I'd keep practicing because I could get lost in the notes that my mind and body hadn't ever forgotten.

I put more pressure on the bow as I ran the culminating scale to one of the highest possible notes the wooden instrument could play and my third finger dug into the steel string with a wild vibrato on the very tip of the finger board.

I finished the note with a flourish of the bow and lifted my head to take a breath, but jumped when I saw someone was watching me.

Jordan was looking through the small window of my practice room door, a frown on his usually happy face.

Since my outburst towards him on my 'cold turkey' day, Jordan hadn't asked about what had happened, but continued to be my cheery nerdy friend. He came over to do homework or hang out, sometimes attempting conversation with Leah, but to no avail. I was grateful for what he was doing and couldn't possibly think of a way to thank him for being continually jovial, but I think he knew I wanted to and would let me buy him lunch every once in a while without a fuss.

He also knew that I would revert back to old pieces when I didn't particularly want to be in the present. The lack of music in front of me must have clued him in, and he opened to door ready to chat.

"The Elgar concerto? " The door shut with a click and he sat on the piano bench across from me with an expectant look.

_Damn his string music knowledge…_

"Yeah, I'm just…I dunno…stupid roommate stuff…" I was mumbling and didn't know how to explain.

"With Leah? Are you in a fight or something?" Jordan's eyes were wide at the mention of said roommate. His knowledge concerning Leah was slim, but he knew that she was tough, and that I was not so tough.

I let out a humorless laugh, "No, it's just the opposite actually."

His head cocked to the side and he had scrunched up his nose in confusion. "You're playing Elgar because you're getting along perfectly?"

I had to laugh outright this time at his logic, "No, she's just being really…attentive. And it's weird. And I can't figure it out."

"So she's being nice?"

"More than normal, yeah." I didn't ever call Leah a bitch, but in truth, she _was_ one towards the majority of people she had to interact with.

Jordan started to scratch the scruff along his jaw, contemplating the idea. "Huh…"

"Yeah." I slumped back into my chair, the unknown reason for Leah's new manners taunting me.

"Did she do something?"

_Thank you, Jordan, for that enlightening and unambiguous question._

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he paused, looking at me cautiously, "did she do something that she's trying to make up for?"

Well, that was an idea. But if anything, it was _me_ who did something to _her_. I had pushed and pushed until she finally agreed to let me meet her friends and family in La Push. Once the deal was set and plans were made, she was cleaning the living room, making me dinner and washing my clothes.

"No."

The idea that the two were connected was possible, but I couldn't think for the life of me what the connecting piece could be. My eyes were trained on the wall past Jordan's shoulder and I was mentally searching for forgotten details or actions that might help me put together the La Push invitation and the refill of my shampoo she brought home for me the other day.

_What is going on in her head?_

"Well maybe she's just opening up more. She's really closed off, right? What if that's changing?"

I frowned, confused. Leah doesn't open up. She's a room with no door, you can't get in.

"Huh?"

Jordan's eyes rolled and he looked at me with a 'you should know this' expression.

"At the start of the year, she was a bitch to everyone, but now she's starting to be nicer to you, her roommate?"

I nodded.

"So what if she's acknowledging you as less of a roommate and more of a friend and she's just starting to be friend_ly_ towards you?"

"But she _is_ my friend." If he was going to give me Dr. Phil session, he had to get his facts straight.

"Does _she_ know that?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped. _Does_ she know that?

I had asked myself the same thing earlier today, and was going to ask Leah, but never got an answer. I had gotten distracted by Embry's photo and she shooed me out of the apartment.

Jordan patted my knee and stood up. "You should talk to Leah. The Elgar sounds good. You should perform it, everyone who doesn't come by here is missing out." He smirked and I watched him walk past me to the door to leave me with my thoughts. When the door shut this time, the small room was quiet and my ears were ringing.

_No way is this some eighth grade debacle of 'are you my friend or not'. She has to know that we're friends. _

_How could she not know that we're friends?_

Jordan's theory now had me questioning everything about my friendship with Leah – if it was even a friendship.

"Aaagh!" I growled into my hands as they wiped down my face.

The only person who could give me the answer was Leah, but I needed a second opinion first.

Because I'm chicken like that.

OOO

The only other person around here who knew her as well as I did was Seth, and I made plans to ask him about it. My 'bring it up in conversation' tactic hadn't worked in the past, but this was on a different matter.

My chance came the next day around lunchtime. I found Seth on one of the campus benches, chowing down on a turkey sub sandwich and fiddling with his phone.

"Well hello sir!" I said pleasantly, sitting on the bench next to him.

He swallowed with a gulp, snapping his phone shut and tried to follow my vernacular. "Well hello…ma'am."

"Miss."

"Miss?"

"I'm not a _ma'am_, I'm a _miss. _But good try."

"Hah." He took forceful bite out of his sandwich and turned to me with a mischievous smile. "Fo how memy dayf?"

"What?" I laughed, half amused and half disgusted.

He chewed for a few seconds, and swallowed, the smile still on his face. "How many days?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows up and down suggestively. He seemed to think my actions concerning Embry's photo were by any means tease-worthy and he took any chance he could get.

I tried to look lost and confused with my response. "How many days what?"

"Until you meet Embry Call!" His voice was several octaves higher and he sounded like a fourteen-year-old fan girl.

"Oh shut up." I pushed his head away but he bounced right back.

"So how many days?"

I turned to him with the most annoyed look that I could muster to make him stop.

But he was still smiling, the fiend.

"How many?"

When Leah would not let up about the pepper spray, Seth would not let up about my fascination with Embry's photo, and it was not funny.

I held out as long as I could and turned away in defeat. "Four," I mumbled.

While I was stewing in my embarrassment, Seth was rolling in laughter and was attracting looks from several people passing us on the walkway.

"I get that you're a happy person, but I am not above kicking you in the shins!" I hissed at him holding up a foot in threat.

From his visits to our apartment to random meetings around campus, Seth was becoming like a brother to me. An annoying, pestering little brother that seldom knew when to shut his mouth. I loved him to pieces and his happy demeanor was like a force of nature, but he had the uncanny ability to push my buttons.

Now was not the time for him to torment me, especially when I needed to discuss the serious topic of his sister.

His laughter calmed down to a few sporadic chuckles as he took another bite of his sandwich.

_How is he always eating and never gaining an ounce?_

I shook my head at the thought and got to my original reason for seeking him out.

"Hey, um…has Leah been… nicer to you… in the past few days?"

"Vat impwive bat she wav nife im buh firf pafe."

"Chew and swallow please, before I vomit." _Disgusting…_

Seth's adam's apple bobbed with his swallow and he clarified, "That implies that she was nice in the first place."

"Okay fine. Has she been nice…at all…towards you…in the past few days?" I asked him with a condescending tone.

"You're really asking me this question?"

"Yes! Have you noticed anything?"

"Leah hasn't been 'nice' to me," he used finger quotation marks, sandwich still in one hand, "in a long time, and it hasn't started now."

"Really?"

"Nope," he said, the 'p' popping on the end.

I pressed my fingers into my eyes and let out a snarl of frustration.

"Then why did she buy me shampoo?" I asked no one in particular, my voice distorted from my hands covering my face.

"She bought you shampoo?" Seth was beside himself.

I took my fingers out of my eyes and let them flop to my lap, answering in a pitiful voice, "I ran out, and I was going to go get some after work, but she came home with it before I left and said she saw the empty one in the garbage.

"She's made me dinner and done some of my laundry and when I told her I was going to the practice rooms, she said 'have fun'. That's it. She didn't insult me at all! I mean, I'm used to it, it's fine, it's funny, but now it's nonexistent!

"What is going on with your sister!?"

By the end of my little speech, I was standing in front of Seth with my hands open in front of him, begging for information.

His eyes had narrowed and it looked like he was finally going to take me seriously. He was going to analyze the evidence I had given him and give me a probable answer.

But I was wrong.

"Where was I when this was going on?! You could've called me or something! She cooked you food?!"

"URGH!" I looked up to the heavens in desperation, seeking some sort of guidance it might have. Seth was my last hope before I went straight to the source.

"You're telling me that my sister, Leah Clearwater, has been doing _nice things_ for you from the goodness of her ridiculously stone cold heart?!"

"Yes!" I exclaimed back. "No! Don't say mean things about your sister!"

"I have waited," he stopped and mumbled some numbers and months and names I couldn't decipher, "a _long_ time for her bitter bitchy edge to come off and you're telling me that time is _now_?! _Days_ ago?! And you haven't _told_ me?!"

"Yes! Alright?! So why is that?! There's no reason she should be doing those things for me and ever since you guys invited me to La Push, she's been the anti-bitch!" My chest was heaving with exasperation as I drilled Seth. "What the hell is that?!"

"Emma?"

The voice was soft, and it was definitely not Seth's. He was holding his breath and looking at something over my left shoulder with scared eyes.

I wasn't thinking about my volume.

I wasn't thinking about my words.

I wasn't thinking that the reason for my exasperation would hear me at all.

But I was wrong.

I turned around with wide eyes and they met dark brown exotic ones that were filled with anger, hurt, disbelief and… pain.

Seth walked around me and started to steer his sister away, but she flinched and shoved him off. Her body was shaking and for a moment I thought I saw it blur around the edges. She glanced at me once before dropping her bag and running, Seth taking off after her.

I was standing stock still, my mouth open in an unsaid apology and I watched as another friend ran away from me.

**A/N: …my breath avoids me, my chest is in my head, my stomach's upside down…(Lyrics from The Fatal Wound)**

**Any sort of review is welcome. I can take it. Please?**


	6. Behind Your Eyes

**A/N: first, let the Leah thing sort out. It has to be done. I know. It's about time. Shining eyes will make their appearance in this chapter! Fear not!**

**Title is from Jon Foreman's Winter EP.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Go to SM, it's hers.**

Behind Your Eyes

_I was standing stock still, my mouth open in an unsaid apology and I watched as another friend ran away from me. _

OOO

I watched them run until they turned a corner and I could see them no longer. Leah's stride had been one of escape, fast and sure with no thought of changing direction.

Seth had been calling her name, but when she just ran faster, his stride was determined, fast and sure, with no thought of changing direction.

Like sister like brother.

I was caught in a frozen stance, afraid to move, afraid to acknowledge what had just happened.

_...nicer to you in the past few days?..._

…_in a long time…_

…_didn't insult me at all!…_

…_ridiculously stone cold heart..._

…_the anti-bitch!..._

…_Emma?..._

The breath that I had been holding came out fast before I inhaled another gulp of air. I was breathing, but I wasn't. It was fast, like I had been running for miles, and my lungs held it in before harshly pushing it out and pulling it in again. My eyes were moving up and down left and right around me searching for something to hold on to.

_This isn't how it was supposed to happen._

_She wasn't supposed to be here._

_I'd get my second opinion and then I'd ask her about the shampoo and everything else._

_This wasn't supposed to happen._

My eyes clamped shut, shutting out the sight of all the witnesses to the disaster I created, their voices rising as a unit, trying to put together the pieces.

"_She _is _my friend."_

"_Does _she _know that?"_

My head shook at the memory of Jordan giving me a piece of reason. He didn't ask, "Does her brother know that she knows that?" No, he had laid out a pathway for me to take and I ignored it to plow down my own.

And what a detour it had turned out to be.

"Oh God," I whispered helplessly, my voice cracking. I mashed my lips together to keep any more pitiful noises inside, and looked at my surroundings.

Seth's and Leah's things were still lying on the ground, their owners a mile away by now.

I controlled my erratic breathing and picked up each of the bags, my head down avoiding all the watching eyes.

With two bags on each shoulder and one in my hand, I made my way back to the apartment. I would miss a class and an orchestra rehearsal, but I paid it no mind. Leah didn't have another place to go besides home, and I had her car keys in her bag. So I would wait for her.

I spent my time walking trying to think of things I could say, but each possible plea for forgiveness I could think of sounded less probable to cause a reaction than the next. Whenever the confrontation came about, I would just have to wing it.

My musings had blocked out my sense of direction, but my feet had now brought me to the foot of the stairs leading up to our apartment. I thought about the last time they brought me here like this; my 'cold turkey' day. The only thing that had made me calm down was seeing Embry's photo and his warm shining eyes.

But I had done this, whatever it was.

I didn't want to feel better and I didn't want to see his eyes, or rather, I didn't want his eyes to see me.

If there was any time to have a self-deprecating moment for me, this was it.

My decision made, I turned in front of the stairs, set each bag in front of me, and sat on the second step.

It was cold outside and soon enough, my rear end lost all feeling, but I wouldn't move. The cool November air was brisk and the smell of dead leaves filled my nose with each breath, but I didn't want to go inside.

Forty-five minutes later, I finally heard footsteps, slow and precise and getting louder, coming closer.

I was hunched over trying to keep warm, my arms wrapped around my waist, my hands in fists. If it wasn't Leah, then they would keep walking, our neighbors not particularly the most generous folk.

If it _was_ Leah, I wasn't sure what I would do anyways, so I kept my head down, my chin resting on my knees.

The footsteps stopped and I turned my head, only able to see her feet about ten feet away.

The silence between us was anything but, and it was sending my head into hyperdrive.

_Wing it, just wing it! _

_Spit! Yell! Cough! DO something!_

"So," my voice caught and I cleared my throat, "So y-you know…that we're friends…don't you?"

Silence.

"You know th-that you're my friend? I'm your friend?"

No answer.

"You know that you don't have to buy my friendship with meals and laundry and errands, right? Because that's all that was weirding me out."

Her left foot shifted.

"I know you keep to yourself a lot, and I've respected that, but what I said…earlier," I couldn't bring myself to say 'anti-bitch' another time, "what I said was out of concern. You don't have to be doing all of this stuff for me. I'm already your friend. It was like hot and cold and I didn't know why and-"

The slightest sound of a sniff cut me off and I lifted my head.

Leah was staring at the ground, her hair framing her face and half obscuring it. I couldn't see her eyes and wondered if the rock that is Leah Clearwater could actually cry, but put that thought to the side as she walked towards me.

It wasn't threatening or confident or casual. It was reluctant. Hesitant.

Without looking at me, she sat on the ground next to the stair case and let out a sigh.

"When I was growing up, my best friend was my cousin." Her voice was soft and gentle, something that I had never heard her use, her eyes growing distant as she left the present.

"We were more like sisters, really. She lived in another reservation, but we visited each other all the time. She was my best friend."

I tried to imagine a miniature Leah, smiling and giggling with pig tails and scraped knees, an arm thrown over the shoulder of her best friend.

"When I was sixteen, I started dating a guy I had known forever from La Push. He was older than me, but our families were friends and we were a good match. We just… fit. I loved him and he loved me. I had two best friends. My boyfriend and my cousin.

They got to know each other, mainly because they both were so close to me. My cousin was really happy for us and liked to tell me we were a match made in heaven or some bullshit like that."

She took a shaky breath, and I knew what came next was the point of her story, the point to everything.

"At the end of my senior year, my boyfriend got…sick." Her tone implicated there was more behind the story, but I wasn't about to interrupt her. She was freely giving me this information.

"It was a weird sort of illness and I was worried, so sure enough, Emily came down to La Push to help me sort through things."

The beginning of the name drew my attention, being so close to mine. It was the first time she mentioned a name in her story, and I figured it to be her cousin.

"There was…some sort of…no." Leah stopped and took in a deep breath, starting again a firmer tone.

"Somewhere in the time that Sam was…sick," She stopped again, and I registered the second name she gave me, "they left me and found each other."

_They left her and…oh my God. They fell in love. He, they both, left her._

Leah's voice had now turned bitter, "They said they were sorry. That they still loved me. Kept saying 'please' to me all the damn time."

My heart was breaking as I watched and heard Leah relive her past and become who she is now. Someone who had a love and a sister, and they had each left. For themselves.

"They're really in love, you know. They're married. Kid on the way. He adores her and she's devoted to him. Fucking match made in heaven."

I was surprised by her anger now, but didn't dare say anything.

"I can't be mad at them though, because it wasn't in their power to stop it. It just happened like fucking destiny and there wasn't anything I could do but watch them leave."

Then her story turned a direction I did not see coming.

"I didn't want you to remember me as the bitch you had to share an apartment with once, so I guess you could say I cleaned up my act a bit."

_Okay. I guess I understand that._

"I know the way you look at Embry's picture."

_Wait. What?_

My head whipped to Leah, waiting for more explanation.

"I know you, and I know Embry, and the way he looks at _your_ picture."

_Wait. WHAT?!_

"And I know that you and him would work together really well. Like a match made in heaven."

Her words hit me like a knife to the gut and I realized what she was saying. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

"You think I'm going to leave?"

Her head whipped towards me and her eyes were cold.

"I know you will."

_This is insane…_

"No. You don't know that." My voice had risen with determination and I was struggling to keep my composure.

"I do, and you will."

"No! You don't understand-"

"That you're in love with a picture? Please-"

"Just stop and listen to me!"

Her nostrils flared in defiance, but she stayed quiet.

"Every person I've had the chance to call a 'best friend' from the time I was five to now, has left me for bigger and better things, better people, better anything. They'd go to a different school and stop any form of contact or get into drugs and treat me like a pariah because I was 'Nice Emma' and tried to talk them out of it. I'd find out about birthday parties from the pictures I'd see online the next day. I say one thing about my roommates' drinking habits and they kicked me out and I lived at home for the last three months of the semester. They put words in my mouth and turned everyone I knew against me.

"I came here without anyone and I roomed with you and stayed because we got along. I know it sounds horrible, but it didn't look like you had anyone either and I drew on that. I knew you were a bitter bitch for a reason, but I let it go because I didn't want you to throw me out too." My voice cracked on the end and my vision was blurring, but I kept going.

"If you think that I'm just going to do what everyone else has done to me, you've thought wrong."

She scoffed and turned away from me, and I stood to stop her.

"Hey! Whatever happens in La Push, whether or not…" the thought of Embry having a picture of me, sent new thoughts of me into my head, and I had to shake it to keep on track.

"…Whether or not something happens with Embry does not mean that I am going to abandon my best friend."

Leah's eyes burned into mine, "How can you say that? You don't know what will happen. You don't know me. I'm not a good person. I'm as good as a monster to you. And what about Jordan? He's more of a friend to you than I am, don't pin that title on me."

"Jordan?" the more I thought it, the more it was true, "Jordan's on his way to leaving me for you."

Shock covered her face before disbelief and finally fury. "You stupid little white girl, do not try to turn this into some soap opera shit lying to me. I thought I could trust you with this, but obviously I was wrong," she hissed and stood up.

"What, so now you're going to leave? I can just add you to my fucking tally."

She stopped mid-step and turned her head in my direction, not meeting my eyes and breathing heavily through her nose.

"Jordan can barely take his eyes off you when he's over but you'd never notice because you don't care about anyone else. He's always asking about you how you are and today he told me to go straight to you with this helping business because he knew that was the best thing for you. But I went to Seth instead. God, when I asked him what Disney movie was his favorite, he said Pocahontas with a weird look on his face."

She finally looked at me with an incredulous glare and I returned the favor.

"If you let go of this bitchy bitter way of life, I know that you could be happy. He's hung up on you and he's wonderful. But if you're determined to throw away every chance at that and refuse to believe it, then I can't help you."

This was beyond winging it. I had taken flight and made a nose dive, straight into what, I wasn't sure yet, but I wasn't letting her go. The only thing I had left in me was what I had told myself not to do, but I did anyways.

"Leah," I pleaded, "I won't leave but I don't want to see my best friend suffer."

As if for dramatic effect, a tear sprung loose and dropped down my cheek.

Leah's eyes were searching mine, going back and forth and I heard a shaky sigh. Her lips barely moved and she was stock still, but I heard her whisper, "You promise?"

More tears fell now, but I didn't blink, afraid to break eye contact

"I promise."

"No matter what, if La Push changes how you look at me?"

"That won't happen, but yes. I promise."

She was still for several seconds before I saw her eyes soften and her lips twitch.

"Cross you heart and hope to die?"

I rolled my eyes at the juvenile quip, but played along.

"Stick a carpet needle in my eye. Those things are huge. And curved."

She had a small grin as she scoffed at my try for humor and lowered her eyes to the ground.

Looking at her now, vulnerable with her story laid out before me, I couldn't help myself from stepping forward and hugging her.

She gasped and stood very still but I just tightened my arms. She needed a hug. She'd needed a hug for a very very long time.

After a few moments, she realized I wasn't letting go and I felt her relax. I almost let out a squeal when I felt her warm arms hug me back.

_She's alive! She's ALIVE!!!_

"You know," I said in a too-sweet voice, and I felt her arms loosen in caution, so I sped through the rest. "Jordan's Canadian and doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving maybe he can come to La Push-"

Leah pushed me away with an angry but playful "oh fuck you" and went to pick up her bag while I gasped for air between fits of laughter.

OOO

It was now the day of departure. Instead of counting down the days, my head was now chanting _Today! Today! Today!_

After the story telling that went on a few days ago outside our apartment- which we never spoke of again- things cooled down and Leah finally just gave me the photo of Embry to put in my room. I may have squealed.

When I asked her about the supposed photo of me that Embry had seen, she just told me with a straight face that I would have to ask him myself, and wouldn't say anything else about it, to my utter dismay.

My only attack that I could give in response to this would be to mention Jordan and watch her face flush just the slightest bit.

_I knew it…._

Seth was sitting on the heaven couch and Leah was twirling her keys in her hand as they both waited for me to finish packing. I never was punctual about these things.

"I'm almost done! Just…have you guys seen my Vans?"

Leah stomped to my bedroom door looking utterly antsy to get out of here, "They're on your feet, now let's go!"

I looked down and sure enough, she was right. "Blast…"

"Are you done? Embry's not gonna care what you're wearing, believe me."

My head snapped up at that, "What? No! I just.." I let out a sigh and hung my head in defeat, "yeah okay, let's go."

"Finally!" Seth jumped from the couch and was out the door, but not before I heard him mutter, "women."

The drive was several hours long, consisting of three rounds of the alphabet game, and two games of twenty questions, all started by Seth, before we drowned him out with music, Aqualung blasting through the car.

We passed through the small town of Forks and wasn't surprised when we reached the other side of it quickly, being familiar with drives through small towns. But I had never been on a Reservation before and as we passed signs that directed the way, I was getting more excited. When I said this outloud, Seth let out a guffaw and told me it was just a small town with a federal sign in front.

So instead, I channeled all of my excitement to the thought of Embry, something I had been trying to suppress the entire trip. I didn't have his photo in front of me, but soon I wouldn't need it. In my head I was screaming like a preteen about to see the Jonas Brothers.

"Can we stop at Sam and Emily's first? He wanted me to check in with him." Seth's sleepy voice rumbled behind me.

Leah glanced at me before looking back at the road, "Yeah, I guess. All the guys will be there and Miss Jittery over here is about to bust out of the car."

I couldn't really disagree with that.

"Emma, you're probably going to be meeting Emily, and I need to warn you that she was in an incident that left part of her face disfigured. Just try not to stare. I doubt she'd mind it, being used to it, but just for propriety's sake..."

"Yeah, no I understand."

"Thanks." She paused. "And she's really one of the nicest people you meet, don't let anything I told you hinder that."

This was the first time she had mentioned our conversation outside since then, so I knew it was causing her quite a bit of stress. "I won't. Worry not." I said with a smile, trying to lift the mood.

It was now getting close to dark outside and the car pulled up to a small house with the lights on, showing a multitude of people inside.

"Woah, what's going on, a party?"

"No," Leah sighed, as she parked the car and turned off the ignition, and Seth jumped out of the car yelling, "Food!"

"It's dinner time."

Puzzled, followed Leah to the front of the house, but she held out a hand, stopping me. "Wait here."

"What? Why? Is Embry in there?"

"Yes, that's why you need to stay here."

Of their own accord, my feet were moving forward against Leah's orders, but this time she grabbed my shoulders with a small shake. "Do you want to meet him in front of everybody or out here?"

I glanced around me, seeing nothing but the exterior of the small house and the woods surrounding it, and then looked through the windows of the house at the crowd of people. My nodded head slowly, and I brought my eyes back to Leah. "Out here, out here is better."

"Thought so. Don't move, I'll be one minute." I watched her jog up to the house and disappear behind the door, then heard a warm deep voice like honey travel through the air, muffled by the house walls containing it.

"Leah? Did you...Is she..."

The door swung open and my breath caught as bright shining eyes met mine. And this time they were real. Not a photo, but encompassing dark tunnels of life that drew me in.

My feet were moving. His form was growing bigger the closer I got to him. The closer he got to me.

"Hi," I whispered, and he smiled in response, making my own smile form, but this time it wasn't nervous. It was elated.

"Hi," he whispered back. "I'm Embry," and he held his hand in front of him.

I slowly slipped my hand into his, reveling in the warmth of it.

"I know," I said, not thinking at all, my eyes glued to his, completely lost in them. "I'm Emma."

His smile widened and he let out a small laugh, making me warm just at the sound of it, "I know."

Several loud thumps from inside the house caused both of us to turn around and see several tall strapping young men standing up by the windows and scolding one in the middle who seemed to have caused all the trouble. When the ruckus was seemingly over, a voice that sounded eerily like Seth's shouted out the window, "Kiss her!" and the ruckus recommenced.

The smile I had on before immediately morphed into my nervous smile and I looked anywhere but at Embry. I felt his hand leaving mine and I turned in surprise and distress, only to see that he was switching hands, running the one that was previously holding my hand through his short black hair.

"You want to go somewhere…else?"

"Yes." I didn't miss a beat, and I was warmed again by his bright smile. I didn't care where we would go, I felt immeasurably safe with him. His warm hand tightened around mine and he tugged in the opposite direction of the house , and I followed him eagerly towards somewhere else.

**A/N: Sigh. I'm sorry it took so long. Through the story, that is. Leah's important to me too. **

**Review? :)**


	7. Better Together

**A/N: Okay, I just have to say…that I'm learning. I've written stuff before, but it was mostly prose or descriptive or analytical, not really with a story line, and this is the first time I've attempted a narrative like this. And with already existing characters nonetheless. I've said on my profile that I don't like clichés, and I don't so the idea of making the same imprint storyline that I've read quite a few times just didn't feel right. I'm planning on taking this story further with Emma and Leah and Embry, and I dearly hope that it isn't so predictable. That just ruins the fun. So without further adieu, here is chapter 7, title song by Jack Johnson.**

**Disclaimer: The La Push gang and all other recognizable settings/people/plots pertaining to the Twilight series do not belong to me, but to SM. Carry on.**

Better Together

Is it possible to feel this safe? This content? This…right? It's almost overwhelming.

It _is_ overwhelming.

I have been thoroughly overwhelmed by Embry. And I love it.

I thought I had it bad when just his photo was involved, but now… I can't stop looking at him.

"Oof!" _Alright, maybe looking at that tree stump right in front of me would've been a better choice._

Embry and I had been walking through the woods for a few minutes now, so far simply making small talk, exchanging looks and smiles and simply just enjoying each other's presence, my hand still enveloped in his large warm one. He had said he wanted to take me to the waterfront, that it's really open but it'd also be a nice secluded place to go since everyone was up at the house. As it was continually getting darker in the dense woods, Embry seemed to find his way just fine, but I was having difficulties.

As I started to fall forward, Embry's hand holding mine kept me from making a face plant into the ground, and pulled me upright. There was a slight sting on the top of my right ankle that had collided with the trunk, but after moving it around a bit, the feeling left, so I slapped on an embarrassed smile and stepped over the stump to continue our trek to the beach.

"I'm really not clumsy, per se, but I've found that inanimate objects just don't like me when I'm not paying them any attention."

Embry's laugh rumbled next to me and I joined him on instinct. The sound of it was just wonderful.

"That trunk, for example…" I trailed off with a chuckle.

"Well it's a good thing I'm here then," Embry answered with a smile and squeezed my hand.

_Where in the heck did he get that voice? Sweet honey…_

"Yeah, I suppose it is," I smiled back, ear to ear.

We finally broke through the trees to see the long open beach, waves bringing in the brisk ocean air and sending goose bumps up my arms. In the distance I could see the water spray up against some cliffs, a small trail winding to the top.

"So have you seen the ocean before? Minnesota's pretty far inland, huh." Embry smiled and steered me towards a long white shape a ways off, getting closer I saw it was a tree on its side, stripped of bark and bleached white from the salty water that brought it ashore.

"I have, just a long time ago. I think I was about ten; my family went on a business trip with my dad to San Diego. We didn't go swimming or anything because we got there late. My sister and I just walked along the beach and picked up shells. The sunset was beautiful and it was nice, but not really a dynamic ocean experience," I told him as we sat down next to each other on the tree. He was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and I was shivering with a fleece and jeans, but he seemed perfectly fine and I could still feel his body heat against my side.

Embry moved his hand around in mine so that our fingers were intertwined, and I clasped it tight. I couldn't think of a way to describe the feeling, but it just felt so very…mine.

"Well, that's the California beach scene, of course it's got a reputation to uphold. Here, though, it's got less of the dramatics. Just clean air and some cliffs to jump off every once in a while." He nodded to the cliffs I had seen before, and I realized what the trail was for.

"You go cliff jumping?"

"Yep." He nodded.

"Off of those?!" I pointed a shivering arm towards the aforementioned cliffs with wide eyes, taking in the height of them.

"Yes, but we're safe and there's nothing to worry about, we've been doing it for years." He tried to reassure me, gently putting a hand on my arm to lower it from its frigid point and meeting my eyes with his.

I let out a frustrated breath through my nose and narrowed my eyes, but he wasn't jumping off the cliff now, so I couldn't reprimand him for it. "Okay. It just looks risky to me."

"It can be," he looked towards the cliffs for a moment, then back to me. "Just promise me you won't go off and try it by yourself?" he asked, and at first I thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes was just the opposite and it wiped the grin from my face.

"I promise." One look at the cliffs and just the thought of looking off the top of them had my stomach reeling. "I don't know if I would last just standing up there anyways."

Embry's smile came back and the momentary seriousness of the conversation was gone. "You're afraid of heights?"

My nose scrunched up at the question. "Mostly just being unattached to something…from way up high. I can do the amusement park rides and rock climbing and such, but put me on top of a ladder and I freak out." I grimaced at the thought of last summer, when I was going to get a frisbee off the roof of our house. It was the fourth of July, and one of my cousins threw it too hard and it got stuck behind the chimney. Once I was against the gutter and on top of the ladder, I froze and couldn't move any higher, vertigo taking over.

"So she's _not really_ clumsy and _not really_ afraid of heights…" Embry was jokingly talking to himself, and I elbowed him in the ribs. He pulled away to steer clear of my attack and I immediately missed his body heat, shivering at the loss of it.

"Are you cold? Sorry, I should have brought something down…" His hand left mine and I looked down in confusion, but I soon felt him wrap his arm around my shoulders, his hand now rubbing my arm for friction and I instantly felt better. I leaned into his side, reveling in the warmth he was covering me in. It was amazing.

"It's fine," I smiled, our current position was much more to my liking. "I'm from the land of snow anyways, I should be used to this," I chuckled and could feel his own rumble through his body next to me.

"So what's home like this time of year? Any snow?"

"Sometimes, but usually it's just very dry, everything's brown and pretty cold." I stared off into the waves, watching as they chased each other to the shore. About this time, all the family would be getting preparations together for the feast that is Thanksgiving in the Swenson household. My grandma would be getting her fixings for her strawberry rhubarb pie and my mom would be fussing about the giant turkey that needed to feed all twenty mouths that would be arriving at the house. Why we always hosted, I will never know. Our house isn't that big, and we were always scrounging for card tables and chairs. Dealing with all the kids was another story.

"Do you miss it?" Embry's voice drew me out of my thoughts.

"Yes and no." Truth was, I was glad I didn't have to deal with the stress of it all this year, but it wasn't going to be the same. "This will be my first Thanksgiving away from home."

Embry's arm tightened around my shoulder and brought me closer, my head tilting to rest against him. He had a musky scent like the woods and the ocean and sweet, and home. "Well, we'll just have to make it memorable for you then." He said softly, and I immediately felt more at peace about the idea. "In a good way, of course," he added, and I laughed along quietly next to him.

"Yeah, you guys better not scar me for life, I might not forgive you."

Embry's laugh seemed a little forced.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head and gave me a smile to get lost in, "Nothing, nevermind. So tell me…how do you feel about fish?"

My head rolled to the side against his chest as I let out a laugh and explained my father's obsession with fishing, the Land of 10,000 Lakes giving him ample opportunity to stock our freezer with crappies and walleye and small mouth bass.

We stayed out on the beach for a few more hours, talking and laughing and learning about each other's lives, passions, friends, and family. Embry lived with his mom, and didn't know who his dad was. Apparently there was some drama about it being one of his friends' fathers, but he didn't want to dwell on it, instead talking more about his friends I saw up at the house. His descriptions made me curious as to who was who in the picture I had of him, and as he was talking, the rest of the photo I knew so well began to come to life in my mind.

"Quil and Jake have been my best friends since I was little. You'll be able to pick out Quil by the five-year-old following him around. That's Claire, turns six next week. They're pretty inseparable."

"Oh, is she his cousin, or..?" She must have been the girl on the man's shoulders, both their faces as happy as clams.

Embry's mouth turned to a frown, "Aaah, no. No, they're not related. Just close."

_Odd. Must be neighbors or something. _

"Oh… so Jake is your other friend? I think I took his place at the apartment, right?"

"Yep," he nodded. "He spends most of his time in away from home though. He might be back for this weekend."

"Oh, that's right, he left to be with his girlfriend. So she lives out of town?"

Embry was looking at me with a calculating look, before giving a short laugh. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Another cryptic answer. My head cocked to the side and I was about to ask him about it when a far off bark stopped me. It sounded like it was coming from deep in the woods; the opposite direction of the house, but this was no domestic house dog bark. It was wild, but clear, almost in warning.

I stilled as Embry turned to the direction of the sound, looking annoyed. He may have been used to these sounds, but I sure wasn't. The bark no doubt came with the body of a predator with very large teeth and claws. I was scared stiff and I'm sure I looked it. I'd seen foxes and coyotes in the wild before, but this sounded like something bigger and my only guess would be a wolf. Those I had only seen at the zoo. I used to be obsessed with dogs when I was growing up, and when I got to the wolf exhibit I was so excited, only to run away from the wall of glass to hide behind my dad in fear. Up close, they were a lot less cute and cuddly than I had imagined.

I tugged on Embry's shirt to get his attention, "Should we go back now?" I was surprised how small my voice sounded. Despite the wet ocean air around us, my throat was now dry and I had to swallow to speak again. "Embry?"

He finally looked back and met my fearful gaze, registering that I did indeed want to leave. I wanted to get as far away from that sound as possible.

"Sure," he rubbed my arm as we stood up, "It's getting late, I should get you back to the Clearwater's'."

The walk back to the house was less care free than the walk down. My hand was again clasped tightly in Embry's and he seemed to know where he was going, walking casually through the trees, but I was constantly on the lookout for moving shadows and large forms and beady eyes that might jump out at me. Despite the sense of safety I felt when I was around Embry, my eyes would be drawn to anything that moved and my heart would speed up in alarm.

When we finally cleared of the trees, I let out a deep breath in relief, but didn't recognize the house in front of me and stopped, looking questioningly to Embry.

"This is Seth and Leah's house. You're staying with them, aren't you?"

"Oh!" I looked back at the house and saw a figure with long hair waving through a window on the second floor. "Yeah, I am. Sorry."

"It's fine," he smiled. "I just wish I wasn't letting you go just yet." His voice was soft and his eyes were shining, happy, but sad. He brought his hand up and gently pushed back my long bangs, his fingertips trailing across my forehead and behind my ear, leaving hot trails on my skin that flooded me with a need to me nearer to him again. I stepped forward and brought my arms around his waist, leaning my face into his chest, and felt his strong arms wrap around my shoulders, one of his hands on my head, holding me there.

"Me neither," I murmured into the fabric of his t-shirt, and I felt the deep vibrations of his low chuckle, holding him tighter to me.

_He's so solid…I must feel like a marshmallow compared to him…_

"Have a good night, Emma," he whispered into my hair. I'd never get sick of that voice. "Sweet dreams."

I took one last deep breath against his chest, memorizing the scent, and loosened my arms. "Goodnight. And you too." I smiled, looking up to meet his eyes.

_Goodness, he's tall…_

He glanced at the Clearwater's' house and turned back to me. "I'll come by tomorrow morning. And if Seth does anything, just let me know." He added with annoyed tone.

"Ugh," I chanced a look towards the house and sure enough, there was Seth, watching through the living room window, a mischievous smirk on his face. "He would. And I will."

Embry smiled and trailed his hands down my arms until they were holding my hands, giving them a small squeeze. "G'night. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded, smiling back and watched his tall form jog through the yard and out of sight.

"Emma!"

My head swiveled to the house and saw Leah standing on the back step, a smile on her face.

_How could she have gotten down here so fast? I must've been standing here for a while..._

"Are you planning on coming in?"

"Yeah," I started towards the house, head down in embarrassment, sure she'd seen the whole farewell scene between me and Embry.

Once inside I was bombarded by none other than Seth. "Soooo?" he asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

"If you're asking if he kissed me, and I know that was you at the other house," I accused, pointing a finger in his chest, "it's none of your business. And if you try anything or bugger me about it I'm going straight to Embry with a detailed account. That is to say, if I don't do anything to you first."

He looked between me and Leah, who was trying to hide a smirk. "You guys are no fun. No fun at all."

"No, we're just not push-overs to your lovely charm, ya brute." I quipped with a shove at his shoulder.

"Well, you must be Emma!" A dark, slim woman with long black hair pulled back came from the kitchen, followed by a man that looked more like me. He was pale with dark hair and eyes, and had a Forks Police Department jacket in his hand.

"I'm Sue, Leah and Seth's mom," the woman said, and pulled me into a hug. "It's so nice to meet you!"

"It's nice to meet you too. Thank you for letting me stay here this weekend."

"Oh pish tosh. You're very welcome." She smiled, a little excited.

"Mom," Leah's voice cut in, obviously done with the introductions.

"Oh, I'm sorry! This is Charlie, my husb- Well, soon to be…" Charlie clasped her left hand, clad with an engagement ring, in his and sent a nod and a smile my way.

"Congratulations, nice to meet you Charlie." I didn't know how this arrangement was felt by Seth or Leah, so I didn't extend more conversation. They rarely talked about their home life, and this was all news to me.

"Emma, I'll show you to the guest room upstairs, we already brought your stuff up." Leah was now pulling on my arm towards the staircase, so I gave a small wave towards the happy couple and followed her hurried steps.

She brought me to the second door on the left, just across from the bathroom. "This is the guest room, my room's right next to it if you need anything, and the bathroom's here." Her voice was short and she was breathing deeply through her nose.

"Thanks." I sat down on the small twin bed and looked around the room, watercolor pictures of the coast hanging on the wall, the window looking out into the forest. "So, stepdad, huh? Your mom seems happy."

She sighed and shut the door, coming to sit next to me on the bed and flopping onto her back. "Charlie's fine and all. He's not a bad guy, he was a best friend of my dad's, but…it's just weird when he's here I guess."

"What happened to your dad?" I asked as gently as possible.

Her eyes shut as she let out another short sigh, "He died…of a heart attack about four years ago."

I wanted desperately to comfort her in some way, but didn't want to make her uncomfortable, knowing Leah, so I just said, "I'm sorry. That must've been hard."

Her eyes opened and she looked at the ceiling. "It was. We got through it though, and Charlie was there for mom a lot."

"So Charlie's a good guy? He's a policeman; you can't get much better than that for security, right?"

Leah let out a short laugh, "Yeah I guess." Then she sobered and sat up. "He's good for mom, and he already knows about half the Reservation already…" then her nose sort of scrunched, "but he's got a daughter from a previous marriage, so now she'll be my step sister." From her facial expressions, I gathered that this was not a happy thought.

"Hmmm…and what is she like?"

Leah rolled her eyes and let out an incredulous laugh, "She actually looks like you, but smaller, paler, different eye color." I heard her mutter something along the lines of "now" but thought I must be mistaken. How could eye color change?

"She's married and lives with her husband's family in Forks. They're fine, but it's a bit like with Charlie, just weird to be around them." She had put a bit of an emphasis on 'them' at the end.

I simply nodded, unable to empathize with so many different changing family dynamics, and decided to change the topic.

"So, um…" I wasn't sure if she'd feel comfortable talking about this, but she was the only person here that I wanted to talk to about it. "I…I feel really, um…..IreallylikeEmbryalot." I blurted out, keeping my head down.

After a few seconds of silence, I glanced up to see that Leah was looking at me with a sad smile.

"He fits, huh?"

A smile lit its way across my face and I looked down again. "Yeah, he really does." I thought about how easily things passed between us and how right and natural it felt to be with him already, only actually meeting him several hours ago. That fact had been passing through my mind and subtly alerting me that it wasn't normal, and now I was growing apprehensive about the familiarity I had with him.

"Just don't worry about it."

My head snapped up at her apparent mind reading. "About what?"

"About the timing of it all. Don't let it bother you."

_That's easier said than done…_

I must've been an open book tonight because Leah sighed and nudged me with her shoulder. "Hey."

I gave her a doubtful look.

"Emma, I'm saying this with no sarcasm and no allusions to previous conversations here. You two are _the_ match made in heaven of the year. There aren't many, see, only one per year." I looked down at the quilt below me with a small laugh. "And you're it. Don't let something like timing make you question it. Alright?" she nudged my shoulder again. "Alright?" she said louder.

"Alright!" I shouted, laughing. "I get it!"

"Ssshhhhh! You'll wake the young one!" She whispered loudly, and a booming voice came from outside the guest room door.

"I'm taller than both of you, enough with the 'young one' crap Leah."

"Who said it was Leah?" I snickered.

Suddenly the door opened to reveal an infuriated Seth. "There are a lot of bathroom liquids and gels that I'm sure you would hate to wake up and find in your hair…"

I turned to Leah with a mock serious face, "Pencil and paper stat! I need this in writing, how good are you with shorthand?"

"Oh for the love of…" Seth's voice trailed off as he stomped off presumable towards his own room.

Leah stood up from the bed and headed to the door, not before turning and saying with a smirk, "I'll let you get to sleep. I'm sure you'll have very nice dreams tonight."

"Hmmm maybe. But not as good as the ones you'll be having about a certain percussionist." I would have the last laugh, mark my words…

Leah's smirk turned chagrined and she shut my door with a curt "G'night."

"Goodnight!" I yelled through the door, and heard a low "Buenas noches!" from across the hall.

Getting ready for bed, I looked once out the window, seeing the place in the yard that I had last been with Embry, remembering how natural it felt to hold him, and him to hold me. I hopped into bed, wrapping the quilt tightly around me, imagining his warm strong arms.

_Very nice dreams indeed…_

**A/N: Yaaay for Embry! He's here! And awww Charlie and Sue. So sweet!**

**P.S. I did do research on the Thanksgiving thing and the consensus was- pretty much fifty fifty on "Do Native Americans celebrate Thanksgiving?" I don't know how a real La Push Thanksgiving would look, so I'm using my imagination. Questions, concerns? Review!**


	8. Out Loud

**A/N: Hummm….I've been surprised and made very happy by the hits and alerts and reviews this story has gotten recently. That just made my day, bar none. Thanks guys! I really hope you like this chapter… I'm nervous about it. Title song is by Dispatch.**

**Disclaimer: The La Push gang and all other recognizable settings/people/plots pertaining to the Twilight series do not belong to me, but to SM. Carry on. Just don't steal Emma, she's from my brain thankyouverymuch.**

Out Loud

"_So she's _not really_ clumsy and _not really_ afraid of heights…" Embry was jokingly talking to himself and I elbowed him in the ribs. He pulled away to steer clear of my attack and I immediately missed his body heat, shivering at the loss of it. _

"_Are you cold? Sorry, I should have brought something down…" His hand left mine and I looked down in confusion, but I soon felt him wrap his arm around my shoulders, his hand now rubbing my arm for friction and I instantly felt better. I leaned into his side, reveling in the warmth he was covering me in. It was amazing. So amazing. _

_We were on the beach, sitting on the white tree, and it all seemed very familiar._

"_It's fine," I smiled, our current position was much more to my liking. "I'm from the land of snow anyways, I should be used to this," I chuckled and could feel his own rumble through his body next to me._

"_So what's home like this time of year? Any sno-"_

_He was cut off by a series of snaps, twigs and branches breaking in the woods behind us. I turned around, my heart trying to launch itself out of my chest, and I stopped breathing. A wolf as big as a horse was flying through the air in slow motion, teeth bared and jaw wide in a snarl. All sound had stopped. _

_Embry's mouth was open in a silent shout and was looking at the wolf, its form inching its way towards him in the air, claws like talons outstretched. _

_My eyes swiveled back and forth frantically, realizing that I was the only one who wasn't caught in this time warp, and my efforts to shove Embry out of the way were fruitless._

_Noise banged into my ears as everything started again, very fast. A growl, a shout, a flash of fur, teeth, shocked shining eyes._

_The wolf tackled Embry, paws on his chest, but when they should have thudded to the ground, Embry's form quickly disappeared into the sand like through a cloud, and all that was left was the wolf._

_And me._

_It lunged._

Air rushed into my lungs and I jolted awake, eyes wide, looking at the ceiling, then speedily searching the guest room for anything with fur. Or teeth. Or anything that moved.

I nearly fell out of the bed when I heard a loud knock and Leah hollered through my door, "Emma, you up? We're making breakfast downstairs, and you might want to get some before Seth."

My eyes closed, and I tried to calm down, breathing slowly through my nose, though my heart hadn't stopped beating a mile a minute. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute."

"Alright. It's cold in the kitchen though, might want a sweatshirt or something."

"Thanks."

Her footsteps faded away as she walked down the hallway, and when I couldn't hear them anymore, I let out a groan. I took in several deep breaths and waited until I couldn't feel my heart hammering against my ribcage before getting up to change.

Pulling on a sweatshirt, I made my way down to the kitchen, already smelling the aroma of sausage and bacon, lessening the uneasy feeling in my stomach that the dream had left.

Suddenly something grabbed me from behind and lifted me into the air. I started to flail and shriek and didn't stop until my fear-blinded vision came upon Seth, who was now trying to hold my shoulders still while saying my name, a worried look on his face.

"Emma! Emma, you okay? It's just me, I'm sorry I scared you."

I let out a strangled laugh through my deep breaths and rubbed my eyes, shaking my head. "Sorry…I was not expecting that…at all."

I looked past Seth and saw both Leah and Sue in the doorway to the kitchen, and with worried faces of their own, the resemblance between all of them was startling. But this was not the situation I wanted to realize this in.

"So what's for breakfast? I smelled bacon." Nervous smile, check.

"Um, yeah, there's bacon. Do you like waffles?" Leah was looking between me and Seth, steering me into the kitchen and I kept my eyes forward, avoiding anyone's general direction.

"Only with syrup." I smiled at the stack of waffles ready to be served and still steaming.

Leah set a large bottle of syrup in front of me, along with a plate and silverware. "Take what you want before Seth gets to 'em. He'd eat all the waffles if given the choice."

I stifled a snort and dug in, hoping no one would make me talk if I was eating. Seth came in and loaded a plate before walking around me, sitting two chairs away. I slowly chewed on a sausage, wondering why he was evading me. It wasn't his fault a stupid sound and a stupid dream and a stupid someone lifting me into the air had all combined and scared the living daylights out of me. But the 'someone' was keeping his eyes on his food with a hurt look.

"Seth, I'm not scared of you, you don't have to avoid me." I rolled my eyes, popping another sausage in my mouth.

Seth's mouth stopped chewing and he calculated the 'I'm just fine' look I was trying to send out. It must've been believable because he slid his plate towards me and slid into the chair that had been between us.

"Ay moo ip." He muttered around a mouthful of waffle.

"Seth," Sue's stern voice reprimanded, while handing me a cup of coffee, "don't talk with your mouth full. It's rude."

"What is it that you knew, Seth?" I asked, gratefully receiving the gift of caffeine and taking a sip.

"You enjoy my company too much."

I almost choked on my coffee when I inhaled to laugh, and he patted my back to help me breathe. When I was fine and he kept patting, I pushed his head away and stabbed a piece of waffle ignoring the snickering beside me.

The rest of breakfast was filled with light conversation, mostly revolving around the afternoon schedule. The forecast said it was supposed to be warmer, so the plan was to have the big meal outside in the back yard. Apparently Emily had volunteered her house, but Sue would have none of it, and insisted that their house was used often enough for get-togethers. Seth was given chores for the day and Leah was told where to find enough tables and chairs.

"But why vacuum when everyone's going to be _outside_?" Seth whined.

Sue set down her coffee and folded her hands. "One, because if someone needs to use the restroom, I don't want them to see ruddy floors. Two, I've got enough on my plate already trying to organize this meal, and three, I'm your mother and I said so."

"So I'm raking the leaves, I'm setting up the fire pit, I'm cleaning the bathroom _and_ dusting the living room, why can't Leah do the vacuuming?"

"You know," Leah said to me, "If you want a brother, you can have him. I'm just about through."

Seth's retort was interrupted by a knock at the front door, which was followed by the door bell rung twice.

"Well goodness, who could that be?" Sue's brow furrowed as she headed to answer the door.

Leah and Seth were looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"What? I don't know who- Oh! Embry!" I stumbled out of my chair and hurried to follow Sue to the door. It was already open, Embry and Sue chatting pleasantries, and I stopped, mid stride.

Embry in broad day light was nothing like Embry at dusk, when colors are dulled and unsaturated. The black and white version I had in my head from seeing him in the dark held nothing to the russet-skinned bright happy smile and a sort of dark hazel in his shining eyes I was now greeted with. The light showed off more of his muscle in his arms than I could see before and I had to remind myself to breathe.

"Emma," _Like honey, I tell you…_

"Embry, hi."

"Emma and Embry," Sue giggled and brought a hand to her heart. "Em and Em, like the chocolate, oh isn't that sweet!"

I looked to Embry and found the same expression I was feeling cross my features; a forced smile with flushed cheeks. If that comment spread and stuck, I might just change my name.

"Yes, mom, aren't they cute." Leah lightly patronized her mother and was pushing me out the door. "Have her back by three and by God don't be stupid."

"Yes sir," Embry saluted to Leah, receiving an eye roll before the door closed and we were alone on the front step.

"So… where to?" I asked him, though I may have been really asking his shoes. I was not fond of the M&M revelation.

_I'll never be able to eat those without a grudge now…_

"Well," he wrapped his hand around mine, "Now that it's daytime, those cliffs won't look so freaky?" He stated it as a question and I arched an eyebrow.

"You mean those cliffs that should strike fear into everyone's soul because of their immense height?"

"But won't because I'll be there and make sure no one falls?" he shot back.

I sighed in resignation and narrowed my eyes, "Just not too close to the edge, okay?"

He nodded. "We will remain at a cautionary distance from the cliff edge."

"Thank you." I said, then realized we were still on the front step of the Clearwaters' house. "So…how do we get there from here?"

Embry looked around and also seemed to comprehend that we hadn't yet moved. "Oh, uh…" a smile slowly formed. "Jake's home. We can use his car." He hopped down the steps and pulled me along down the road.

"He'll be okay with that?"

"He'll probably be asleep. He won't even know."

"Embry!" I lightly scolded, slapping his arm, though it probably hurt me more than him. "That is so mean!"

"He can take it. He won't need it anyways, he's just gonna stay on the Rez all weekend with Ness."

"Ness is the girlfriend?"

Again, he had an odd look concerning this girlfriend of Jake's. "Uh, yeah. Haven't seen her in a while though. Should be interesting."

_Should be interesting? There are so many synonyms to 'interesting' that would make me feel better about the situation._

The odd looks, the reluctance, the stuttering, of course, in my mind all pointed to one thing: Embry had a past with this Ness. So I guessed it _would_ be interesting for me to meet her. I don't really know what Embry and I are right now, but a declared couple, we are not, so being possessive of him might come off a bit strong.

During my mental reckoning, I hadn't noticed that we were approaching a small house with a very nice car out front.

No.

Back up.

This was no car.

This was some piece of mechanical aerodynamic art on wheels.

My jaw dropped and I stared at Embry. "_That_ is Jake's car?!"

He giggled and nodded enthusiastically, a smile on his face that meant he was up to no good.

"Embry, I'll break it. I'll break something, I know I will. For all I know, I'll sit in it wrong and it'll fall to pieces." I was begging him with my eyes to forego his latest mission of 'Steal Jake's Car' and just keep going, but he pulled my hand towards the front door and slowly pulled it open.

"You're breaking and entering!" I whisper yelled to him.

"No I'm not, he's like family and his dad won't care. Actually, Billy'll probably love this." He sniggered quietly, a look of pure glee on his face.

I just shook my head at him in mock disgust and followed into the small quiet house. He gave me a signal to wait, and I watched him tip toe through the front entryway searching, I guessed, for the car keys. It was amazing how graceful he was. His feet barely made any sound as they padded across the floor quickly, slowly pulling out drawers and looking through shelves and hooks.

"Looking for these?" a voice like bells rang through the house.

Embry stilled his movements and closed his eyes in defeat, slumping his shoulders and turning around. A teenage girl was standing in the living room, a key ring dangling from her finger. I hadn't even seen her come in, much less heard her. She had a strange reddish color hair that hung past her shoulders in waves and dark brown eyes. Her pale skin far outdid mine and she stood a few inches shorter than my five foot seven. Gorgeous was what she was, and the arched eyebrow she was sporting kept me from moving.

"Ness." Embry greeted reluctantly, and my eyes almost bugged out of my head.

_This is Ness?! Are you serious?! I don't compare to her worth shit!_

"That's Renesmee to you. You really think you can just steal his car when I'm around?"

"Is he asleep?"

"Yes. It was a twenty hour drive and he wouldn't let me behind the wheel of his new 'baby'."

"Then yes, I do." He lunged for the keys, but wasn't fast enough. The girl was like a freaking gazelle and just loped gracefully out of the way.

"Nuh-uh. If you want to go making a racket, you can deal with the one you'll wake up in the process. And I won't protect you."

"Come on Ness, please? We just want to go to the cliffs, we'll bring it right back." The puppy dog eyes he was giving didn't seem to affect her, but I made sure to take note of them along with a mental warning of 'DO NOT GIVE IN WHEN THESE APPEAR'.

"We?"

_Oh shit. The moment of truth. _

"Yes we. Me and Emma." He gestured in my direction with a wide smile, bringing her large brown eyes in contact with mine. I made a small wave and tried to smile, but it was more of a mouth-twisting action. I mean who's really ever happy to meet someone's ex?

"Emma?" Her face lit up with the sweetest smile I've ever seen as she looked back and forth between me and Embry.

He gave the slightest of nods and then looked like he was trying to communicate something with his eyes as he spoke, "Emma is Leah's roommate at school. This is her first time in La Push, she just got here yesterday and hasn't seen much yet."

Ness's mouth formed a small 'o' in recognition before she danced towards me, a hand outstretched. "Hi, I'm Renesmee Cullen, but you can call me Ness. I'm here with Jake."

"Hi, nice to meet you," I forced out, shaking her incredibly smooth and delicate hand.

_What is this girl made out of? Angel flesh?_

"I'm so glad you're here, now I won't be the only odd girl out not being from La Push."

"Hmhmm" I agreed, still trying to make that smile. "Whereabouts are you from?"

"Oh I was born in Forks, but my family moved recently to Sioux Falls in South Dakota."

"R-Really?! That's so close to where I live," I nearly whispered. This girl was unreal.

"Oh, that's right! You're from Minnesota, I thought I heard a bit of an accent! Which town?" She was jumping up and down in merriment and it was hurting my eyes, and my brain. One, she was too cute, two, why is she so happy to see me, and three, how did she know where I was from?

_Right. Jake. Seth or Leah must have told him. And he told this ridiculously pretty little thing._

"Um, real small town, Edgerton. You could pass right by it and never know."

"Oh but I've heard of it! The Flying Dutch Man!" She said excitedly.

I heard a stifled snort beside me and I jumped when I saw Embry. _Since when do feet not make noise around here!? _

"Dutchmen, actually. The Flying Dutchmen. It's just a mascot though. There's a large amount of Dutch heritage in the town, so…" This was ridiculous. Here I am, introducing myself to Embry's ex of all people, and I'm rambling about Edgerton and our stupid high school mascot. Thankfully, Embry saved me from any further ramblings.

"Ness, you can meet her at the dinner, tonight. We're on our way somewhere, remember?"

Ness put up a stern front with a precious pout and thrust the keys at Embry. "You break it you buy it."

"Sure, sure." He grabbed the keys and then pulled her in for a hug. Thankfully it was brief or I might have cleared my throat or something.

But then when they pulled apart, she put her hand up to his cheek and said, "Have a good time," and the second she touched him, Embry's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

_Oh God. He still has feelings for her. And she's perfect. World…you are so cruel…_

My inner turmoil was interrupted by the man in question as he grabbed by hand and pulled me out the door towards Jake's car. It was sleek and black, and as Embry opened my door for me, I noticed the tinted windows and touch-screen controls on the center console. The seats were like a dream and I couldn't help but run my fingers across the smooth leather. Embry hopped in behind the wheel, and I was hoping he was too excited to notice my masked excitement because of the giddiness this car would cause in any male specimen. I barely felt the engine hum to life when he turned the ignition.

"Oh he's gonna kill me," he said with the happiest smile on his face.

"Jake?"

"No," he laughed, "Quil."

I shook my head at his absurdity, then held on for dear life as the car lurched forward and Embry sped through the small roads. He looked like a ten year old that just won the little league championship, and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

_Boys._

Once the road got smaller and more windy, Embry finally slowed down and drove through the trees to a small clearing, and I could distantly see the ocean looking out the window as he parked.

"We're here! God, that was awesome…" he was still chuckling as he got out of the car, and I opened my door, stepping out. There was more wind up here, and the crash of the waves was closer.

"So, you ready to face the cliffs?" he asked. He put his hand in mine and intertwined our fingers, like we had last night. But after meeting Ness…and seeing him with her… it didn't make my heart palpitate like a drum roll again.

"Yeah, let's go." I choked out.

"You okay? Did the drive-"

"No." I stopped him. "No I'm fine, it's just…heights." _Lie. Big fat lie._

I knew he was watching me, but I was looking straight forward. Seeing those eyes would surely break me. He was silent for a moment before he released his hand and just like on the beach, wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I was enveloped in warmth despite the cool wind dancing around us.

"I'm right here. Nothing's gonna happen, it's beautiful from up there. And we won't go that close to the edge I promise."

_Oh but I am very close to a different edge…_

"Okay." I squeaked out, and he tightened his arm around me. It was a short walk through the brush to the cliffs, the wind increasing as we got out in the open and pulling my hair every which way. He brought us to the middle of one of the flat outcrops to sit down, far enough out so that we could see the beach, but back enough so that our feet didn't hit the edge. He pulled me next to him to lean against his side, and in the silence that we sat in, admiring the view, I felt his head come to rest on mine, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"So Ness…is a really nice girl."I started to pick at the sole of my shoe.

"Yeah, she's nice."

"So um…how long were you together?"

Silence. For about a whole agonizing minute.

"What?" Embry seemed utterly confused, but he couldn't have _not_ seen this coming, could he?

"You and Ness…"There was a pine needle that was stuck to my heel and I was having difficulty getting it off.

"Wha-…Who-….Seriously, what?" He lifted his head and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look down at me, his face scrunched up in incomprehension.

"Well she's your ex, isn't she?" Now _I_ was confused. He could not be this stupid.

His was quiet again for a moment, then he exploded into laughter, guffaws curling him onto his side, holding his gut. "No, no, oh God, no."

"You're serious?" Though he looked far from serious, I wanted to know if I was paranoid for a reason.

He sat up and leaned back on his hands, a few sporadic laughs still making their way out. "Yes. I am being very serious. Ness and I have never…there _is_ no Ness and I. It's always been Ness and Jake. Jake and Ness. I knew her when she was Nessie, when she was little. I haven't seen her in a while and she's just changed a lot since then."

"I'll say," I mumbled, returning to picking apart my shoe. Who wouldn't notice the change from a kid sister to a blooming woman like her?

"Emma, I-…I can't….You just…" he let out an aggravated sigh. "I'm gonna tell you something and hope to God it doesn't freak you out."

I nodded, ready for anything.

"In September, Seth sent home some pictures to his mom. She wanted documentation of his time at school or something. Friends and places and stuff. She came over for dinner one night and brought them with her to show all the guys. There were a few with him and his roommate, pictures of the campus, Seattle…but there was one that I might have snuck from the pile and took home."

_Pictures…he's talking about…_

_Oh! He's talking about the picture!_

"It was one of you."

Drum roll heartbeat has now recommenced.

"Seth tried to take it by himself, but he's got horrible aim and only got half his face. You, however, were completely cropped in, smiling with a rubber ducky in your hand."

I smiled at the memory, completely forgetting that Seth took a photo of it. There was a carnival fundraiser on campus and he won me a duck. I named him Ralph and stuck him on the bathroom sink.

"I don't know what it was about seeing you, well, I guess I do, but I couldn't-… I tried, but…I'd just get-"

"Sucked in?" I finished, finally looking up at him. He nodded and his eyes were wide and searching mine.

"Leah had a photo of four guys on a shelf in her room. Seth and I'm guessing you, Quil, and Jake. And Claire." I added, smiling at the thought of the little girl's hold on what I now knew was Quil's neck. "But every time I passed it, all I would see was you. And it would make my day better and…then I met you here … your eyes were shining just like I thought they would." I reached a hand up to his brow and smoothed it out with my thumb. "Shining eyes." I whispered.

His hand came up to grasp mine and he held it tight, using his other one to push back my long bangs from the wind, trailing them across my brow and behind my ear like he did before and held my gaze. "And yours are sparkling just like I thought they would." His thumb lightly caressed the apple of my cheek.

"And you're skin is soft just like I thought it would be." His voice was now a whisper, and he smiled.

"And your hair is flying everywhere up here, but it brings out the jade green in your eyes, right around the brown that puts me in a trance."

"I always thought they looked more like lake mud…"my thoughts were making their way out of my mouth, and he breathed a laugh.

"No, not lake mud. I was thinking more like chocolate, but with the M&M thing…"

I brought my bottom lip between my teeth to stifle a giggle, and I looked down. "No, that's okay, thank you for sparing me." My thumb rubbed softly against his knuckles of the hand I was holding. His other had lowered to my neck, his thumb resting on my chin.

"Emma?" he said softly.

"Hmm?" I looked up and met his eyes that were shining like never before.

"Can I kiss you?"

_Oh, yes please…_

The drum roll of my heart was getting louder in the best way seeing Embry's eyes still shining like gems, into mine. I was lost in them and the only thing I could do to answer was the slightest of nods. He let go of my hand that he had been holding and brought it to the other side of my face, lightly brushing away the strands of hair that ghosted across my cheek. His head bent down to mine, his eyes now on my lips, and mine fluttered closed as I felt his warm breath blow across my face. The drum roll was still going and I was afraid it would leap out of my throat when I felt his lips meet mine.

He was warm and soft and the musky smell of him surrounded me. But he was so gentle, almost too gentle and I inclined my head, kissing him back. Then I felt his hands weave to my hair, tenderly holding me in place against him, my own reaching up his chest and wrapping around his strong shoulders. The kiss was sweet and a beginning, and loving. Something deep within me bloomed and I felt immeasurably happy, making me smile against his lips.

He gave me one more quick kiss before pulling back with a wide smile of his own. It wasn't the smile I saw when he was driving the car. This smile made me warm and happy just at the sight of it, and I could tell he felt the same. He dropped his hands from my hair and wrapped them around my waist, pulling me close against him. I buried my face into his shoulder and took a deep breath of him, sighing in contentment.

I felt him take his own breath against my hair and murmur something.

"Hmm?"

"Lilacs. I was trying to figure out what you smelled like. It's lilacs."

I smiled against him, "I love lilacs. They don't last that long, but when they bloom it's like you can't help but smile because they finally did."

"Mmhmmm" he mumbled against my head, taking another deep breath, "Can't help but smile," and I could hear his own smile in his voice.

We stayed like that for a long time, just holding on and drinking each other in. Eventually I suggested scooting closer to the edge, to face my fear as it were. I was sitting cross-legged at the very edge, pulse pumping in my ears and watching the waves spray up against the rock face. Embry's strong arms wrapped around my middle, holding me tight to his chest, both his legs on either side of me. I put my arms on top of his, and slowly untangled my legs to let my feet dangle off the edge of the cliff.

The breath I had been holding came shakily and I leaned back against him. He brought his head down next to mine, resting his chin on my shoulder. "See, it's not so bad, right?"

I let out a sound that I could only describe as being mildly hysterical and I tightened my grip on him.

"Emma, you're on top of a rock. It's not going to break. And you _are_ attached to something."

"Yeah, but you're not a rope."

"Pfft. I'm as good as. I've got you anchored, just don't think about it so much and enjoy the view," he softly chuckled and kissed my temple.

I closed my eyes and took a calming breath, and when I opened them, I only let myself see what was in front of me. First Beach was beautiful from up high, and it was so different to have an aerial view of the waves rolling onto the sand. The trees from the forest surrounding it was a rolling blanket of leaves.

"It's so green… I love it." I smiled and kissed his cheek, thanking him for doing this for me and he kissed my forehead, his way of saying 'you're welcome'.

"We should probably get going or Leah will kick my ass," he said, standing up and pulling me with him.

We walked back to the car hand in hand, and I slipped out my phone from my pocket to see that it was already three o'clock. "Meh. She'll live."

Embry stopped short and gave me an incredulous look. "Leah? I thought you said you live with her?"

"I do. She's not a total bitch, Embry. That's all you might've seen from her, but she's a person. Not to mention a really good friend to me."

"Really?"

"Really really. So if she does something nice for a change, while she's home, don't look all bug-eyed at her. You want her back to normal, you'll have to treat her that way."

Embry's eye brow arched at my command. Leah was my friend and if home was a weird place for her to be because of who it had turned her into, I wanted to help as much as I could.

"We've come to an agreement that we can rely on each other for things and one of them is just being there. So as much as I love this," I squeezed his hand, "just don't hog me, okay?"

Embry searched my face for any signs of a ploy, but when I held firm he seemed to accept it and squeezed my hand in turn. "Okay."

OOO

The ride back to La Push was slower (Thank God!) and more peaceful. After several tries of mine to make Embry hold the however many million dollar steering wheel with both hands, I gave up and let him massage my palm with his thumb across the center console.

When we pulled up to Jake's house, there was a very tall and very angry man standing on the front porch with his massive arms crossed over his chest. As soon as he saw Embry open the car doo, he looked like he was about to let him have it, but as I stepped out, he deflated and wiped his face with his hand.

"You took my car."

_Ahh, so this is Jake. And he doesn't like witnesses…_

"Ness gave me the keys."

"So I hear, but still, you took my car."

"Yeah," Embry sniggered, "Yeah I did."

"Emma! Embry!" A delighted Ness danced out the front door to join us, looping her arm through Jake's. "You want to walk with us to the Clearwaters'? I just have to grab the casserole and then we can go."

_She seems so much nicer now that I don't want to pry her away from anyone…_

"Sure, that sounds fine," I smiled in earnest, and Embry stifled a snort, to which he received an elbow to the gut as Ness ran back inside.

"Oof! Come on, it's funny, admit it," he snickered at me.

"Mmmmnope." I would not admit to the apparent hilarity of my miscalculations.

Embry's eye roll was very reminiscent of Leah and Seth's and I was starting to wonder if it was more of a local thing. "Fine. So Jake, you cooked?"

"Ha! No, Ness really wanted to. But she wanted it to be a 'complete Quileute' deal so she insisted on using one of my mom's recipes. I don't get it really, for all we know someone's bringing KFC."

Ness appeared from behind the door, casserole in hand, with a scowl on her face. "Are you serious? Someone's bringing KFC? Where is the humanity!?"

Embry burst out laughing, "Speak for yourself, Ness!"

Jake looked like he was getting angry again, but Ness just rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, steering him down the road. I gave Embry a questioning look, but he just shook his head.

"I'll tell you later."

"Oh!" Ness suddenly jumped and turned around to face us, an excited look on her doll face. "I just realized! Emma and Embry…Em and Em…M&M! You're like the candy!"

A collective groan came from Embry and I and for the rest of the walk we were trying to convince Ness that it wasn't cute and should not stick and we should not dress up as big candy circles together for Halloween. She spent the walk trying to convince us that all these things were in fact very true.

It was going to be a long night, that I could tell.

**A/N: Bahaha. I didn't even plan the M&M thing at the beginning, it just turned out like that…and I'm so glad because it's so fun to make fun. **

**Reviews would be awesome and grand.**


	9. Bittersweet Symphony

**A/N: So I'm working on ways that won't make the story seem so speedy in spots. When I think it out in my head, it seems fine, but once I read the last chapter objectively it just seemed really fast. Gotta fix that. (Facepalm) Chapter title is a classic by The Verve.**

Bittersweet Symphony

Thanksgiving at the Clearwaters' was…different.

My experience with the holiday consisted of lots of family cramming into one house, eating one big meal together on nice china, then being dragged around by little cousins and trying to keep my Sunday best away from their sticky little hands. By the end of the day, my face would be aching from putting on such a perky act all day, especially around the kids. I can be perky, but not for hours on end. I would not do well as a receptionist.

Upon entering the back yard behind Seth and Leah's house, I all of a sudden felt very small. And short. And so out of place.

While Embry and I slowly took in the overall layout, Jake and Ness went straight to the mob of people that were congregated around the three or four tables that were connected into one big 'U' shape, the edges lined with mismatched chairs. In the middle was a fire pit that had several logs burning a low flame, and Seth was crouched next to it with an armful of more logs, carefully adding them to the fire.

The night we had arrived and went to Emily and Sam's, I barely registered the fact that there were people in the house once Embry came out. If I had paid more attention, I would have noticed that there was a multitude of very tall and toned men like Embry and Seth and Jake. As I gawked at the height of them, I saw them react to each other like brothers, but with a serious air to them that made them look very… protective?

I recognized Charlie sitting with a group of older Quileute men in chairs they had stolen from the tables, all holding beers in their hands, and though he stuck out like a sore thumb, he was laughing with the lot of them and seemed very comfortable. Suddenly his attention was diverted and he stood up with a wide smile that stretched ear to ear, crinkling his eyes on the sides and making him look years younger. I followed his line of sight and found Ness skipping her way towards him eagerly and yelling "Charlie!" When they finally met, he scooped her up in a big hug, lifting her off the ground. Jake walked up a moment later and shook his hand as he let Ness down and seemed to bombard them with questions. Several of the guys that Ness had passed were watching the exchange with a critical eye, a few srunching their noses like they smelled something bad.

"How does Ness know Charlie?" I softly asked Embry.

"He's her gr-" he stopped, then recovered quickly, "great uncle…twice removed or something like that."

"Oh." Now that I looked at them, Charlie and Ness did seem to have some similar features. He looked more like an uncle than a _great_ uncle.

One of the guys with the critical eye was now shaking his head and muttering under his breath. I knew that Ness didn't have a past with Embry, and he told me it had always been just she and Jake, but some of the looks her arrival was receiving was making me think otherwise.

"Emma!" Leah's voice drew me from my musings and I scanned the yard for her. She called my name again, and I found her by the back step, a large box in hand. I tugged on Embry's hand so we could go meet her but he was a little reluctant.

"Normal, remember?" I squeezed his hand, and he looked down at me with a curious look. "Come on, it's not going to hurt," I muttered to him with a smirk and forcibly pulled him in Leah's direction. He finally relented and gave my hand a squeeze, accepting his fate.

"Was he stupid?" Our greeting from the oh-so-eloquent Leah.

"What? No." Then I thought of Embry's attempt to steal Jake's car keys. "Well actually-"

"Actually I was suave and chivalrous and we had a great time up on the cliffs," Embry interrupted, and was joined by a man whose face I recognized but couldn't quite place.

"Yes, but how you _got_ there is another story," he accused. "What the hell, man? You're supposed to call me when these things happen! He's never gonna let those keys out of his sight now!" he backhanded Embry's shoulder as his sniggers were making a reappearance.

Leah was looking on with a confused look, so I leaned over and whispered, "We took Jake's car."

She almost dropped the box she was holding and slowly but surely guffaws were bursting from her mouth that was sporting a genuine smile of mirth. The guy next to Embry had gone quiet and his brows were lifted as he took in the sight of Leah. Laughing.

"Dude," Embry muttered, elbowing him and giving a slight shake of the head.

"You took his car… What was he tranquilized? I heard he flipped a shit when a bird pooped on it." Leah's attempts at hiding her amusement were failing tremendously.

"He was asleep and Ness gave me the keys," Embry said proudly.

"Grand theft auto, this one," I muttered.

"Dude, I still can't believe you would just throw away years of friendship and turn your back on me like that. The one chance you get to drive it and you go without me?! And to the cliffs of all places." This guy was beside himself.

Embry just rolled his eyes. "Quil, this is Emma. Emma, this is my good friend Quil."

"You weren't kidding when you said he'd be mad," I mumbled back to Embry out of the side of my mouth.

Comprehension slowly registered on Quil's face, and with a big grin towards Embry, extended his hand, which I shook hesitantly. His sudden change in mood from harsh disappointment to merrily thrilled could be categorized as bipolar. I was dearly hoping this was not the case.

"Nice to meet you Emma, Embry's…" he trailed off, then let out a loud cackle. "M&M! Oh this is gonna be so great…"

My jaw dropped and my shoulders slumped in dismay that yet another person found this so amusing and felt the need to shout it out for all the world to hear.

Leah put it together quickly and chuckled, "Oh…Oh wow, that is just…no words…"

They were all against us. Embry was scratching the back of his neck and I could see his russet skin darken with a blush. I let my head flop back and I pleaded with a groan to the sky, "Why?" _It really is not that great…_

"Is it going to rain?" a small voice asked. "I don't see rain clouds. They're usually darker."

I lowered my head and found a small girl with long dark hair, couldn't have been older than five years old, looking up at the sky with her head tilted back like mine was a second ago. One hand was twirling her skirt back and forth while the other was held tightly in Quil's. Seeing them together in person was like a treat that I had been waiting for since I saw them in the photo.

"I do believe you are right." I said.

"I am?" her excited voice drew smiles from the surrounding mob of people.

"Mhm," I nodded and offered my hand to shake, "I'm Emma."

She stuck her little hand in mine and gave it one bug shake, "I'm Claire. Are you Embry's girlfriend?"

"A-ah…" I half stuttered, half laughed.

With the small army of children that my extended family loves to load off on me, I should have been used to the blunt questions that little kids love to ask, and yet I found myself at a loss for words at Claire's. _Was_ I Embry's girlfriend? Is that what we were, boyfriend and girlfriend? I'm a girlfriend? The word seemed to echo in my head after each thought.

_Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend..._

_This is not the time to panic…_

_This is the perfect time to panic!_

…

_Why is my brain quoting Toy Story?! _

"Maybe," Embry started, "What's it to you short stuff?"

"I'm not that short," Claire retorted, stomping her little foot.

"Do _not _start this argument with a five-year-old." Leah stopped Embry's retort and shoved the box she was holding into his hands, the contents making a clangy noise that could only come from silverware.

"I'm almost six!" Claire raised herself on her tippy toes.

"Yes I know, but right now, you're still five," Leah patiently dealt with the proud child, and pointed to Embry and Quil. "Now Ricky and Lucy, make yourselves useful and set out the silverware. Emma," she turned to me, "there's a bunch of people who want to meet you."

"Oh?" She was now steering me to the other end of the yard and I could hear Claire's little voice pleading "I wanna help!" behind us.

"Yeah, you remember what I said about Emily yesterday?"

"Not to stare, she's a crazy nice person."

"Good job. Now off you go." She gave me a little push when we were a good ten feet away from a group of women and girls and didn't acknowledge my sputtering protests to leaving me here unaccompanied in a group of strangers. And they were female strangers no less. They could have claws.

I watched her quickly walk away and back into the house, and I rolled my eyes as I turned back to the group. They were all in some hushed conversation, well, more of an argument, each of them unconscious of my presence as I stood, trying to think of a way to jump in.

"I don't get why she cooked. Or why she's here, she doesn't really eat food does she?" One girl asked, who looked about sixteen.

"Yes she does, Erin. She loves Emily's lasagna. And she's probably got super-sonic hearing, let it go." Said a woman with a wide face and high cheekbones.

"But I heard him say she used one of his mom's recipes. Doesn't that just seem a little wrong to you?" the girl, Erin, pressed on, and then I knew what they were talking about. It was Ness. Sweet adorable, energetic Ness was getting unrightfully judged tonight and I wouldn't stand for it.

"No," I said from my point outside the group, making all of their heads turn towards me. "No, I don't think it's wrong. I think it's sweet."

"And who are you?" Erin's eyes literally sized me up.

"I'm Emma, Leah's roommate at school." This was the only title I was aware I had as of right now.

"Oh! Emma! I'm so glad to meet you!" I had to hold back a gasp as I saw who could only be Emily, struggling to get out of her chair with such a big baby bump. There were three scars on her face that dragged one side of her mouth into a permanent frown, but the rest of it held a big smile and she immediately gave me a hug. When she pulled back I made sure to look solely into her eyes and ignore the scars.

"I'm Emily Uley, my husband's Sam. It's so great to have you here." She led me into the little group and I was introduced to everyone. Kim, the woman with the wide face who was Jared's wife, Rachel, who was Jake's sister and Paul's fiancé, Marian, girlfriend of Brady, Jackie, girlfriend of Justin, and Erin, girlfriend of Colin. Erin gave me a curt and short twist of the mouth in greeting, then continued her case.

"I still think it's weird."

I glanced over in the direction I remembered Ness to be and saw her tightly held in Jake's arms, her eyes distant. _Super-sonic hearing? Maybe this girl's voice just carries._

"Erin," Emily sighed, "if you _met_ her, it would make a huge difference. Don't be so judgmental."

Erin's brow arched dubiously, but any reply she would have made was stopped by Kim.

"So Emma, what are you studying at the U?"

The conversation now turned into an interview, and I hardly had time to ask any questions myself. Erin's aversion towards me switched to awe when I mentioned I played the cello, and I was beginning to fear that this girl was very superficial in terms of giving out respect.

"Is that what you're doing with your fingers? Playing something?" she pointed to my left hand, which had stilled in the middle of subconsciously playing a Bach suite. I stretched it out and stuck both my hands in my jeans pockets.

"Yeah, I don't really think about it sometimes." I knew I did it a lot, using any surface as a substitute for the fingerboard of a cello, but when I was called out on it like that it made me feel like a total music nerd. It usually happened when I was listening to music, but my brain would often multitask during conversations.

"Oh my God, that is so cool!"

"Um, thanks." Erin's awe was going a little overboard now, and making me uncomfortable.

"So you and Embry, huh?" Marian hinted, and everyone put on knowing smile around me. Uncomfortable…times two.

Taking heed of Leah's advice and ignoring the fast timing of all of it was getting hard. Earlier on the cliffs we _had_ kissed, but it still seemed so fast when I looked at the idea of 'us' objectively. I didn't know what to say to Claire and I definitely didn't know what to say to the women surrounding me. Not for the reason that _they_ would think it fast, but because if I said it out loud, then it would make it official. It all seemed too good to be true.

Emily placed a hand on my arm and said, "Embry is amazing, as I'm sure you've noticed. Don't worry about them." She nodded towards the other girls. "They're just excited if there's any hint new drama."

The nervous smile was plastered all over my face and my ears were burning in embarrassment, but I appreciated Emily's evasive action. The group waved her off and started a new topic that lasted for the next several more minutes.

"Looks like dinner's ready," Rachel said, standing up and offering Emily a hand.

"I wish they would've let me help. I'm pregnant, not inept…"

"It's too much stress on you," Rachel argued, "now you are going to join us for dinner and you are going to enjoy it without any offers to help. You got it?"

Emily let out a frustrated sigh, but muttered a short 'yes'. They all headed towards the tables that now had bowls and platters full of food, each joining up with their other half first. One by one, Emily, Rachel, Marian, Kim, Jackie and Erin met their husband, fiancé, or boyfriend with such a loving look in their eyes it almost made me uncomfortable if that was possible.

I started to search for Embry, then switched to searching for Leah. She was the one who had originally invited me here this weekend and I didn't want to ditch her, regardless of recent events with Embry.

I found her sitting down next to her mom, who was still trying to get up and order things around. She would try to stand up to get something, but Charlie, bless his heart, would make her sit and tell him what to get. There was an empty seat next to Leah, so I started towards it and smiled when I saw Embry had taken the seat beside it.

I sat down between my best friend and my…Embry, giving him a smile and a whispered 'thanks'. He nodded in response but looked a little guilty.

"What is it?"

"I tried to stop him, I swear."

"Stop who?"

His guilty look turned annoyed and he muttered, "Quil."

"Hey look, it's M&M!" Seth hollered as he slipped into his seat across from us.

"Seth," I warned.

"Pass me those carrots, would you Em? Or Em? M&M…"

"Seth, please don't."

"You don't even need to morph the names together like Bennifer or Bradjelina. You're like an entity. You are _the _M&M!"

"Oh for the love of Pete." My hands dropped down to the table, knife and fork in hand.

Seth opened his mouth for another comment, but Leah beat him to it.

"Seth, I know where you keep your porn," Leah muttered to him as she took a bite of potatoes, causing Seth's jaw to drop a mile.

"Seth!" Sue's horrified voice carried over everything.

"What?! I don't…What the fuck Leah, I don't have porn!"

"Seth!" Sue had now turned from horrified to furious with the drop of the f-bomb.

Leah just smiled innocently at her brother, "I know."

After that there was no more M&M rubbish from him.

OOO

I never got this right on Thanksgiving. I had stuffed more food into my stomach than a bear for hibernation and the only possible thing to do was lay down. After Leah's little trick, things calmed down and I hung back from the conversations around me, watching it all. Embry's mom was sitting next to him, a quiet and pretty woman who had an artsy flare to her, and it was refreshing to see them interact. He was so caring towards her. Jake was sitting next to Seth with Ness, who throughout the night would flash me a thankful smile out of nowhere. I didn't know what I did to receive it, but I smiled back every time. Surprisingly enough, Erin had ended up next to her, and once greetings were passed, they wouldn't stop talking, grudges forgotten.

Embry, thankfully, wasn't opposed to a lack of any public displays of affection. Any of that and Claire, who was just a table away, but kept flitting her eyes over to me, would have taken the answer for her earlier question as a 'yes'. Throughout the night, the most he did was occasionally nudge me with his elbow or drape his arm on the back of my chair.

After the meal was finished, most of the guys left to watch what was left of the football game and I helped clean up the tables. Sue protested, but I hadn't been here to help set up, and I wouldn't back down from helping now. It was the least I could do.

Before I knew it, it was already dark, and when all that was left in the yard was the fire pit, I was about spent. The dishes were washed, everything put away, and most of the guests had left or were leaving for the night. Three teenage guys waved goodbye to Seth, then took off into the woods after talking with the man standing next to Emily who I guessed was Sam. Several minutes later I heard what could only be a wolf's howl and it raised the hair on my neck. Flashes of the dream I had woken up to this morning came before my eyes and I searched for Embry. He was sprawled out on a couch inside watching TV, and I sighed in relief just seeing that he was okay.

Seth was sprawled on the loveseat next to him and when he saw me he kicked Embry's foot. "Your lady friend's here."

Embry's head turned to me and he sat up with a grin, patting the space next to him on the couch. I made my way over to him and sank into the couch by his side, thankful for being off my feet. "Ugh, I ate too much food," I mumbled, and let my arms fall limp.

Embry chuckled and brought his arm around my shoulders, bringing my head to rest on his chest. They were watching some rerun of an old sitcom, and I tried to pay attention, but the tryptophan in the turkey was taking effect and my eyelids started to droop. Embry's warmth and the feel of his steady breaths was calming and soon the sounds from the TV faded and all I was aware of was how comfortable I was before I succumbed to sleep.

OOO

**Leah POV**

I usually hate Thanksgiving. It was a day that I was forced to sit and eat with people that I didn't want to be around, much less talk to. But this one was different. Emma must've done something to Embry. Or maybe the imprinting just makes him abide to her will, I don't know. She promised she wouldn't leave, but I was expecting it anyway. When they left this morning, I was imagining her to come back all doe eyed and crazy in love and make me sick to my stomach. But she wasn't and she didn't. She was clutching Embry's hand and looked happy, but not clinically insane.

I could tell she was still worried about it though. Last night I told her not to worry about the timing, I couldn't really tell her, "this is normal, it's imprinting, it's irresistible." I'd leave that one to her new boyfriend when the time came. So when is the time going to come? Because when it does, I'll be waiting for her to look at me in a different light, one that changes me into a God damn lady wolf. If he drops the bomb on her about all of us this weekend, it might be too much to take in and then go back to school and projects and finals. It would screw her up and it's only her first semester here.

Right now she's leaning against Embry on the couch, fast asleep, and despite the food that made her tired I would guess it had something to do with the restless sleep she had last night. I could hear her mumbling in the guest room next to mine and some limb of hers thumping the wall every so often in her sleep. Now though, she was dead to the world, the only sign of life being the rise and fall of her chest. Embry had his arm around her and his head leaned back on the back of the couch, also asleep, but I knew this was because he was on patrol last night after their little date. Paul had been bugging him about not even kissing her yet, and I think he made him consider it, so I told him not to be stupid when they went out today. Lord knows he probably did anyways.

I walked over to the slumbering duo and sat on the coffee table in front of them, avoiding the urge to think 'now isn't that cute', and flicked Embry's ear. He moved his head but didn't wake up, so I flicked him again, harder, and whispered, "Embry."

His eyes blinked open in sleepy confusion until they settled on me. "Leah?"

"I need to talk to you." I whispered and jerked my head towards the back door.

It took him a few seconds, but he finally started to move, not remembering he was currently a human pillow. Emma turned in her sleep and mashed her face into his chest. Embry looked at me pleading as she tightly held on to his t-shirt, and I couldn't move her. The girl had grown on me, and as weird as it was being this close to the new couple, I didn't want to wake her up by moving Embry, so I stayed in my spot on the coffee table and decided to just do this while she was still in Dreamland.

"It's fine, don't move her," I whispered and ran a hand through my hair. He settled back on the couch and Emma wrapped an arm around his waist, making incoherent mumblings, then continued to lay still as a corpse.

"What is it," Embry whispered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"When are you planning on telling her?"

Embry's arm flopped onto the arm rest and let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling. He needed to know just how many people this would affect.

"There's me and Seth involved in this, and I'm guessing the whole explanation of Ness too since Sam stopped you last night." I guess she was getting inquisitive pretty early and he had to bark out a signal to distract them, but it scared the shit out of her.

His eyes closed and he heaved a sigh. "So what do you suggest?" he asked dryly.

I bit back a remark and tried to keep it civil. "I suggest you don't tell her this weekend."

He lifted his head and gave me an incredulous look. "And why is that?"

"Because she's worried." I glanced at the girl in question making sure she was still asleep. "Maybe if this was the summer or if we had more than two days for her to get used to the idea and go back to civilization, it would be fine, but in the next few weeks, she's going to have a lot on her shoulders with school and finals and if you give her the low down on top of that I don't think she'll do too well."

"And how pray tell do you know this?"

Again, I bit back a remark at his tone, but plowed on. "Because I've seen it before. She tried to not look at your damn picture one day and when I came home she told me she failed a quiz, yelled at a good friend for whatever reason, and then she started to blow up at me because I wouldn't talk about La Push. When stuff surrounding us gets her stressed it messes everything up. Right now, I know that it's weirding her out that you guys are already so close. She's just holding it in. Give her more time to know you as her boyfriend before you tell her more."

Embry's hand slowly wiped down his face, and looked down at Emma.

"So when, if not now?"

"I'd say after finals. Come up for weekends or something, then she can come here for a while before she goes home. The semester will be over and it'll be the only thing she has to worry about."

"Before she goes home?" his brow was furrowed in incomprehension.

"God Embry," I rolled my eyes, "she lives in Minnesota. Not in Washington. This is the first family holiday she's spent away from home, and I don't doubt she'll be going back for Christmas."

"Ah fuck." He muttered and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back again.

"We'll…we'll figure this out. Just don't do it this weekend….Please."

Embry closed his eyes and gave a nod.

"Now," I sighed, "as comfy as you may be right now, she's gonna wake up with a crick in her neck and cold feet. We should get her in bed."

Embry gave a soft laugh and nodded again in agreement. Emma protested with more incoherent mumblings when he moved around to pick her up, but went limp and silent when she was securely in Embry's arms.

"Where to?" he asked me. I went ahead and led him upstairs to the guest room. I pulled the sheets back and he laid her on the bed, the both of us tucking in her feet and pulling the blankets over her. She rolled onto her side and hugged a pillow and let out a sleepy sigh.

"Thanks," we both whispered at the same time.

I jumped when one of her legs started to kick around and saw that her hands were grasping the pillow. Her mumbling got louder now and her breathing started to pick up. The crease in her brow was deepening and I started to hear more intelligible words.

"Em….the wolf...stop….Embry… go..."

I didn't know what to do. I could put her to bed, I could dress her cuts, but relieve a bad dream? I was at a loss. But somehow, Embry wasn't. He was crouched by the side of her bed brushing back her hair and speaking softly to her.

"I'm right here Emma, you're okay. We're okay." He kissed her forehead and her breathing started to even out. He smoothed out the crease in her brow with his thumb, and by then it was getting too intimate for me to stay. I quietly left the room and waited in the hallway.

A minute later, he came out and softly shut the door behind him. We just stood there in silence for a moment, unable to come up with anything to say. I couldn't hear any mumblings from behind the door, and decided to just use the moment.

"You're good for her," I whispered.

It was quiet for about a minute, and he hadn't moved.

"So're you."

_So am I? I'm good for Emma? I caused all this, if she hadn't roomed with me, none of this would've happened._

"You'll find someone, Leah."

My head snapped up at that comment, but when I normally would have bit back, I stayed quiet.

"I know Sam doesn't think you'll imprint because of…because you're a girl…"

_Nice. Thank you for reminding me._

"…but you'll find someone. Or they'll find you. And whenever that is, we'll be happy for you… We'll all be happy for you."

_These two are definitely made for each other, first Emma and now Embry, telling me I can be with someone. _

I gave a quick nod of dismissal and he gave a short sigh back before passing me and heading downstairs and out the door. I stayed in the hallway, listening to the quiet of the house with Mom and Charlie outside and Seth asleep downstairs.

Maybe it was the aftershock of being treated like a person by someone other than Emma or my family here in La Push, not like the bitter bitch they had all come to know and hate. Maybe it was the fact that now two people had voiced their want for me to be happy with someone. Maybe it was the fact that I wanted to _have_ a someone for the first time in over five years. Or maybe it was just time.

My face started to get hot and my eyes were stinging, and this time I let the tears fall. When I was having the shouting match with Emma, I nearly let them go, but I had held them in, even when I watched hers fall. Years of holding it in were leaking out and I leaned against the small bit of wall between Emma's door and mine, and slid slowly to the floor.

My elbows were on my knees and my hands cupped around my forehead like I was still shielding myself from something. I forgot how gross crying was. Not only was my face getting ridiculously wet and salty, but my nose was running like mad and I was sniffing like I had a cold in January. I was mad at my nose and I was mad at my past, and my genes, my tribe, my family, and myself. And there was nothing I could do about it but move on. I'd been allowing myself to suffer through living a bitter life for so long, I didn't know how to handle the onslaught of kindness that was happening now.

Feet appeared in my blurred vision and I slipped my hands away from my face to see my little brother.

"Leah?"

He's such a good kid. He didn't do anything to deserve a bitch of a sister.

"Are you okay?"

He's been the antithesis of me. He's always so happy. So damn perky.

"What's wrong?"

The dull ache I had been feeling in my stomach began to throb and I waved him down so he would sit. He hesitated for a second, but he finally sat down next to me, and when he did, I grabbed him and hugged my brother like I had never hugged him before. I was giving him a death grip around his neck and when he hugged me back my breaths were coming in awkward spurts, deep and harsh. I was getting snot all over him, but he just hugged me tighter. I hadn't felt this in so long, being loved by my brother. I realized then that he hadn't felt this either, being loved by his sister.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say, but the lump of something in my throat made my voice weird. I still wasn't breathing right and I was constantly sniffling and swallowing.

"I'm so sorry I'm such a bitch." My voice cracked on the end.

"No," he pulled back and though he wasn't tearing up himself, he had a sad smile, and he looked more mature than I had ever seen him. "Not anymore."

My bottom lip quivered and I bit on it hard.

"Because now you're my sister again. Welcome back."

I tried to smile, but my face was still in cry-mode and the muscles wouldn't cooperate, so I just pulled him back into a death grip. I looked behind him to the guest room door and silently thanked Emma for slapping me in the face with reality. She had no idea what an effect it would have.

"I love you, 'kay?" I said, my voice muffled.

"Love you too."

I haven't said that word in context in…too long. It was way overdue.

"You tell anyone about this though, and I will _put_ porn in your room for mom to find," I sniffled.

He laughed and patted my back, letting go. "Got it."

"Good." I sniffed again and wiped of my face with my sleeves.

"Good thing you don't wear make-up or this would have been all kinds of nasty."

"Shut up." I laughed and stood up, Seth following. "Goodnight doofus."

"G'night harpie."

Old habits die hard.

**A/N: What do you think of Leah's POV? The theory of Sam's will come in later, if you are confused.**

**Reviews would make my day. Anything, really.**


	10. Percussion Gun

**A/N: Hmm, this is long. And hopefully better than last chapter. Please let me know!**

**Chapter title is by White Rabbits. (Link is on profile, I am starting to love this song).**

**Disclaimer: The La Push gang and all other recognizable settings/people/plots pertaining to the Twilight series do not belong to me, but to SM.**

**Percussion Gun**

_I'm being swaddled. Or confined. This is uncomfortable_.

The first thoughts of the day came short and to the point in my sleepy haze of discomfort. I was well rested, to be sure, but I was not sleeping on a cloud. Stretching my legs proved that I was in jeans, which were wrapped up in the sheets. As I turned, I heard a small jingle very close to my face and upon further inspection, saw the zipper to the sweatshirt I had on yesterday. I slept in my clothes. Which meant someone had to have brought me here. I hate sleeping in my clothes.

"Murrmph." I groaned and threw off the blankets. My jeans felt heavy as I swung my legs to the ground and the t-shirt and sweatshirt were twisted around my torso. I twisted the shirts to a more comfortable position and stretched, hearing resounding cracks from all of my joints. Including one from my sternum, which made me stop to think if your breastbone should even make sound. Leaving the guest room, I could hear voices from down in the kitchen, but considering I had been brought up here before any bedtime prep, I went to the bathroom first.

Sure enough, there were three crease lines across my face from my pillow, and what little eye make up I had worn was now smudged around my eyelids. My mouth tasted disgusting and my hair…well, my hair just looked like it needed to be washed. Rubbing my eyes to wake up, I went back to get my shampoo and then turned on the shower. No sputterings came from the showerhead to ignite another disastrous symphony, but as I stepped in under the hot water, I just felt very refreshed. I'd never get over that feeling when the water hits my head and sends a shock across my scalp. It wakes me up and I love it.

One of the marble swirly tiles surrounding the shower wall stirred a memory and the endless soundtrack running through my head started to make itself known as I continued to wake up, massaging shampoo into my hair. Bach's Toccata in D minor was one of the first symphonies I remembered, being my favorite from the Fantasia VHS I watched too many times when I was little. Of course, I later learned that it was transcribed for orchestra from a piece for the organ, but I loved it nonetheless. Soon I was choosing melodies and harmonies to sing with, the rest playing along in my head.

I went through the whole thing without one slip, curse or bang. My arms were out in front of me like Stokowski himself as I closed off the ending chord, and like crickets, the only sound was the water spraying from the showerhead. It was a bit anticlimactic. I let my arms fall and I turned off the shower, having been done for a while now. I dried off and rung out my hair, then stopped in front of the mirror, wiping away the fog with my hand. I leaned in close, examining my face, especially my eyes, looking for this 'jade green' that Embry had been talking about.

I couldn't really agree with him, but then again, I've been looking them in the mirror for the past twenty years. The general splendor of my eye color was pretty much gone for me. I could see freckles in them, and the green showed up more when I got closer to light, the inside brown contracting to make my pupil smaller, sort of freaking me out, watching my eye muscles move. But it still looked like more of an olive color to me.

_Humph. To each their own I guess._

I dressed quickly and made it down to the kitchen alive, no surprise lifting-in-the-air antics this time. Sue and Leah were sitting at the table, each with a cup of coffee, while Seth was standing at the kitchen window, looking up at the sky with a glum look. "Come on, where's frickin' Day Man when you need him…"

"What's that Seth?" Sue asked while still reading the paper.

"Day Man! Fighter of the Night Man…did I not show you that one?" Seth's reference to the musical episode of _It's Always Sunny_ went unknown to Sue.

"No? Leah, you saw it, you know..," and he started to sing, "Day Man, ooOOoooh, Fight-er of the Night Man, ooOOoooh…" and he stopped, giving her room to fill in the blank.

"I am not singing with you." She declared, taking another sip of coffee.

_Poor Seth, and it's such a catchy song too…_

Decision made, I continued the song for him.

"Cham-pion of the sun," I started, and we finished together.

"ooOOooooh, Master of karate and friendship for ev-ry-one!"

"Yes! That is what I am talking about!" He gave me high five, and then abruptly became serious. "Emma, I am going to say good morning with a hug. There is no need to panic, there is no need to scream bloody murder, there is no need to elbow me in the face."

I had been rolling my eyes and scoffing at the reference to yesterday's grand opening of a morning, until the last part.

"I elbowed you in the face?"

Seth gave me a humorless smile with an eyebrow arched. "Yes, yes you did. No harm done, but still. It was violent."

Immediately I became an overly concerned mother and studied his face. He didn't look bruised, but I certainly felt horrible. He may have a big mouth, but he also had one of the biggest hearts I'd ever known. And I'd _hit_ him!

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" my apology came out muffled, but audible as my hands came up to cover my mouth in surprise. Seth just gave a bark of a laugh and hugged me tight so my arms were trapped in between us. He lifted me a few inches off the ground and my trapped arms gave pitiful attempts to hit him. When I came back down, Sue was handing me some coffee and steered towards the table where some bagels were sitting on a plate.

"Congratulations, by the way," Leah said, looking over at me with a small smirk.

"Um, for what exactly?"

"A while ago I was going to see if you were awake, but I didn't think you could recite one of your orchestra pieces in your sleep. " She said with a smile, now intent on doing some damage towards me.

_Ah. Oh dear._

"I was all ready for the whole thing to come tumbling down, but hark, she survived!" She said, placing a hand over her heart in mock emotion.

"Yes." I said bitterly. "I survived singing in the shower. Thank you." I grabbed a bagel from the table and started to hack it in half.

"And, thanks," I muttered, "for getting me up to bed last night. Didn't think you'd have to do that again, huh?"

A grin peaked its way around her dark hair that framed her face, but soon it faltered the slightest bit. "I can't carry you up a flight of stairs, Emma. Well, maybe I could, but I didn't."

"Oh." I said, surprised. "Well then, how did I get up there? I didn't sleep walk, did I? That would be creepy..."

Leah's head swiveled to a stop to look at me. "Emma, you fell asleep against Embry last night. He brought you up."

I might have frozen just then, knife submerged in bagel, my brows lifted high and my mouth open in slight shock. The thought of Embry carrying me bridal style up to my bed made my ears heat up like hot coils and the sides of my face were feeling the tell tale signs of a blush.

"Hm." I muttered, suddenly intensely interested in cutting my bagel perfectly.

"You two are so cute together, it's wonderful to see him with someone." Sue said, resting a gentle hand on my arm.

The nervous smile came with a force, and I made some noise of confirmation, though I wasn't exactly sure what I was confirming. The Thanksgiving I experienced yesterday hadn't been bad at all, but it was such a drastically different environment from the cliffs I had been on earlier in the day, and I had come down from my high of being with Embry. Worries resurfaced and it was getting harder and harder to take Leah's advice and ignore the timing. He _was_ amazing, but I didn't know what to call him. Every word just seemed too colossal or monumental and 'friend' seemed wrong, so in my head, I kept referring to him as my Embry. Were we dating? Did he think of me as a girlfriend? He had said 'maybe' yesterday, how fast is he expecting this to go?

The bagel I had half hacked and half expertly and intricately cut sat before me and I had no hunger for it.

"You want to go for a walk?" Leah's question wrought me from my stupor, and the thought of some fresh air seemed mighty reasonable at this point.

"Yeah…yeah I do."

I left the bagel untouched and threw on my shoes, following Leah out the door and through the footpath in the trees that would bring us to the beach. It was definitely less intimidating in the daylight. Everything was so green, like a lens had been put over my eyes.

When we finally made it to the stretch of sand, Leah disregarded the far off white tree for a bench and just plopped on the ground. I made my own plop next to her and added an aggravated sigh, letting myself fall back on the beach sand.

"So what's the inspiration for that noise?" Leah asked.

I brought an arm across my eyes and contemplated just what I as so aggravated about. I could only come up with a question in return.

"Who am I?"

Leah's voice was clearer as she faced my direction. "What do you mean?"

I kept my eyes closed and lifted both arms in desperation. "I mean here. Who am I _here_? I'm your roommate from school, I'm your good friend, but everyone already seems to be associating me with Embry like it's been in the works for months and I've never even met these people."

Leah's lack of response simply urged me on.

"I mean, yeah, I really like him. It's a little weird how much I like him already. I don't even know if 'like' is the right word, but it's the only one that won't make me have a panic attack because if I say anything else it's just.... How is it that he's.... I am so confused!

"This doesn't happen! In real life, this doesn't happen Leah! Did you know he kissed me? I'm twenty fucking years old and I've never been kissed until yesterday! And I didn't even think about it! I just let him! It's like he's taking over, but I like that he's taking over, but I don't get why I like that he's taking over because this doesn't happen!

"But it _is_ happening and God! Why me?!" I cried, bringing my arm back over my eyes.

I was pretty sure that every woodland creature behind us would have heard my giant circle of a rant, but I really didn't care.

"Maybe you should talk to Embry about this." Leah said, as if I were talking about the solution to an algebra problem.

"That's it? That's all you're giving me? I thought we were friends, you're supposed to be all supportive and give girly advice and then we eat ice cream."

I heard Leah stand up and wipe the sand from her clothes. "Emma, when have you ever known me to be girly?"

"So that _is_ it. You're just leaving me here? Some friend you are, I will never come to you for advice again."

"No, I'm not just 'leaving you here'," Leah's voice got quieter like she had turned away from me. "I'm letting someone take my spot for the moment."

My eyes squinted open against the bright overcast sky to stare at her confused. "What? What do you mean take your spot?"

She looked down at me and pointed down the beach. I followed her point and saw Embry walking towards us, thankfully far enough away that he couldn't have heard what all the woodland creatures did. Hopefully.

"I'm glad you got that out of your system, but I'm not the one you should be talking to about this." She said, and walked away towards Embry, only making short eye contact with him as they passed each other.

I sat up with a huff and brushed the sand off of my back and shook it out of my hair that was still a little damp from my shower. I didn't want to look up at him, so I waited with my elbows on my knees and my head propped up with one hand. I felt him sit beside me faster than I thought I would, or than I wanted to. I really didn't want to start this conversation. It had to happen, but I didn't want it to.

_Frick, I am such a wuss…_

"Hey." he whispered, and that was all it took to bring my eyes to his. He was looking at me like I might break at any moment and his side was a good ten or so inches away from mine. I felt cold.

"Hi," I all but breathed, unable to actually use my vocal chords.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you out with all this." He said, and he really did look repentant, but it didn't seem right. I was just as involved as he was.

"No, I should have... ugh, I don't know." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and pulled.

Embry let out his own sigh and I watched his shoulders rise and fall. Memories of being in his arms and feeling him breathe made me shiver.

_How are these feelings so strong so soon? This doesn't happen..._

"I was maybe a little more forward with this than is normal, and I apologize. Most of the guys do too, they agreed to let the M&M thing stay untouched."

I breathed a laugh, thankful that I wouldn't be experiencing that anymore. It was just one of the things that made this so weird.

"As much as I loved yesterday, Emma, we can maybe try to start this over, slower?" He started it as a suggestion, but ended it like a question. I was probably messing him up just as much as myself.

The idea did sound reasonable, but there was no way we could simply 'start over'. What happened happened, and it couldn't just be ignored.

"I would like that, but... it doesn't mean we have to forget the cliffs ever happened. I liked the cliffs," I said, and a grin started across his lips. "It just...all happened so fast and..." I trailed off, wondering if I should tell him. First kisses were after all a big thing for a person, but it was impossible that it was his as well. But if we were going to do this right, he needed to know where I was coming from.

"Would you believe me if I said that before yesterday...I had never been kissed?"

Embry's eyes were still locked with mine and his eyebrows rose in disbelief. "No, I wouldn't."

I grimaced at the assumption, which just went to show how much of a homebody I had been. I had guy friends but never a boyfriend. I wasn't the kind of girl someone asked out on a date, like I was too much of a nerd or 'too intimidating' as someone once told me. People got to know my work ethic, but never really got to know _me_.

"Yeah, well..." I sighed, and dropped my gaze, not wanting to make it a whole production.

"Really?" Apparently Embry had other ideas. "Your boyfriends never even kissed you?"

My head snapped up, my eyes wide in alarm. "What! No, I never had a b-boyfriend or boyfriends you make it sound like I had multiple ones at once." Why I hadn't thought before I spoke is beyond me.

"Emma, I didn't mean that at all, I just-"

"I know, I'm s-sorry I'm.... I didn't mean it either...that you thought that." I started to take deep breaths and closed my eyes in humiliation. I had just accused Embry of thinking I was some sort of player woman. Whore, slut, whatever, he wouldn't think that and I knew it and I just ruined any sort of segue I had hoped for.

"Okay," I started, and took a deep breath. "I'm just going to start because there's no possible transition from that."

"Okay," Embry chuckled beside me.

I took a moment to form the words in my head before I let anything else unintentional spew forth.

"Alright, so the thing is.... I'm, when I'm with you, that is...I'm just..." my plan wasn't working, and there was only one word I could come up with. "I'm just happy."

Embry started to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. He knew there was more.

"I feel very happy with you, and that kind of scares me. Well, not...I'm not afraid of you, but I met you...two days ago! And before that, all I knew was what you looked like in a picture, and everyone is acting like we're already a couple that've known each other for such a long time beforehand, and Claire thinks I'm your girlfriend and I don't even know what to say to that and it's like I want to have that sort of connection to you because I just feel happy with you but anywhere else and it's like this would be insane and-"

"Emma!" Embry was smiling in earnest now, and my rambling was cut short. "We don't have to make a big deal out of this, no specific titles to put on it or anything. Just say the word and I'll do it."

"Do what?" I was still a bit out of breath from my word vomit.

"I'll do whatever. I'm also…very happy whenever I'm with you. You don't even…Even if it hasn't been that long. But we don't need to rush it if that's what you feel is happening. I'll do whatever, just tell me."

He is such a wonderful man…Even when I projectile word vomited on him…and he's still too far away…

I shivered once in the crisp November air and met his eyes that were beseeching mine. "I'm sorry, I must seem like such a basket case."

Embry chuckled in his rumbling way and shook his head. "No, I actually think you're perfectly sane."

I smiled wholeheartedly now, despite the way this had gone the complete opposite of how I had envisioned. And I was still cold.

"And you're mine too, believe it or not." He kept his eyes on mine, and they were shining again, pulling me in.

"Your what?" I asked quietly.

"You're the first girl I've kissed. Unless you count Angie Gray in preschool, so my mom tells me, but… in my own recollection of what a proper kiss should be, you're the first."

My ears were flaming and I was almost afraid that they would singe my hair. I had gotten so wrapped up in myself, I had completely left out what Embry felt or did or thought happened. But his statement didn't make sense.

"How is that possible?" I blurted.

"What?" he chuckled again.

"That you've never kissed anyone before m-me, how is that possible?"

I mean look at you!

"I could ask the same thing of you. Well, I already sort of did, but it came out wrong and…now we're here."

We're here and I'm still cold.

"Well, yes, but… can you be here?" I asked, sticking a finger into the sand between us.

"Emma, are you asking me to 'hold you'?" he grinned.

"No, I am not asking that, it sounds desperate and needy and whiny. I'd just be more comfortable… if you weren't so far away."

He arched an eyebrow.

"You said 'say the word'. So I say skooch your butt over here, I'm cold!"

He let out a bark of laughter and pulled me to him.

"Why are you always coming down here unprepared?" he was rubbing my arms to keep me warm and then wrapped his arm around me to rest at my waist. I huddled against him and let us simply be. No declarations, no mid-relationship things, no titles. We just were two people who each had strong feelings for the other and we were sitting on a beach together. It was all I could really ask for. Baby steps.

Then again, I did feel a need to ask something else.

"Embry?"

"Hmm?" he answered, and I felt it through his chest.

"Leah said you, um… she said you brought me up to bed last night." I started fiddling with the ends of my sleeves.

"Yeah, Leah had me take you up so you wouldn't wake up sore and cold."

"Oh." My fingers were now holding the ends of my sleeves closed in fists.

He was silent for a moment, and then asked, "Was there a question in there somewhere?"

"W-well no," I stuttered, "I just…I was… just confirming… I guess…" I didn't even know why I had brought it up. Stupid word vomit, I'm getting ruined today.

"Well, in case you were wondering, you mumbled a bit."

Oh God no. My tongue pressed up against the roof of my mouth to prevent any such mumblings from happening again.

"Nothing really understandable, but it looked like you were having a bad dream for a while."

Again? I don't even remember having that dream last night…

"I got you to calm down and left when you were sort of snoring." He chuckled softly, making me look up with a pained face.

"Snoring? Like snoring snoring? I'm not a snoring person, are you sure? Wow, it doesn't even seem like a word anymore…snoring…weird."

"No, don't worry," he said, and he was all smiles now, "It was more of a heavy breathing, so I knew you were pretty much out cold."

"Oh, well if that's all," I said, my words dripping in sarcasm. He got to see my 'out cold' sleeping face. Wonderful.

The light laughter concerning my snoring habits died down and soon we were just cohabitating on the stretch of sand that was First Beach.

"Thank you," I said softly, "in more ways than one."

Embry's hand warmed up my arm again before squeezing me to his side and I could feel him breathing against my hair. "You say the word, is this okay?"

I took a deep breath of the ocean air. "Yep, this is fine."

"I'm not hogging you at all?"

"Well, you were sort of given to me, so no, I wouldn't say that."

He breathed a rumbling laugh. "She's really a good friend to you, huh?"

"Leah? Yeah, she really is. Part of me wishes I could have known her before… but then a bigger part of me doesn't. I know her now and that's all I really care about."

He took a minute to reply. "Where did you come from that you could just become her friend like that? It's a miracle."

"Haven't you ever heard of Minnesota Nice? I've been programmed this way….dontchya know." I ended in an exaggerated accent of the long 'o's.

"Minnesota Nice?"

"Yeah, it's sort of a joke back home. We're just nicer to each other. Even in the cities. More courteous to strangers I guess. Traffic is horrible because everyone is letting people in go first. 'You merge. No you first. No, you…' And that is how a whole highway can come to a standstill." I laughed at the truth of that statement. "Mostly around where I live though it's just country roads. Farms, fields, barns, silos, giant mounds of corn…and the smell of manure. We're out in the boonies, it's just very flat and open."

"Huh…I can't imagine that real well. Just plains and no trees?"

"Oh there are trees, just more where the towns are, not out in the farms. It's weird, the more urban you get, the more trees. At least in the southern parts."

"Yeah, that is sort of weird I guess."

I chuckled at the fact that I was now discussing the tree population of Minnesota. The clouds parted finally and the sun danced across the beach, my smile freezing in awe as I saw a glimmer off in the water.

"Do whales come around here?" I asked, excited that I might have actually seen one.

"Whales?" Embry answered as if I had mentioned unicorns. "No, not that I know of."

"Are you sure? I thought I saw a fluke or something shining out there," I said, pointing out to the ocean.

"Shining?"

"Well yeah, when a slippery fin covered with water reflects the sun it would shine, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess…" Embry answered in a quiet and serious voice. I looked around and saw him staring intently out into the ocean in front of us, like he was waiting for the whale fluke to appear again.

"Is that…are whales not supposed to come around here? Is that bad?"

He blinked and looked down at me. "No, just rare I guess." He looked out into the water once more before moving to stand. "Let's get you back to Leah. She may have 'given' me to you, but I think she deserves to be with her friend while she's home instead of giving her off to a handsome rugged young man such as myself for the whole weekend." He boasted, and puffed out his chest with a grin.

"Modest much?" I laughed.

"I try, I try."

We made it back through the woods, Embry making me say things that emphasized my northern accent like "jar" and "boat" and "bag". He thought it was hilarious. I thought it was annoying.

By the time we were in the Clearwaters' back yard, my patience was wearing thin.

"Wait wait, I got one now…say 'I'm going to tow the boat behind the car.'" He was really excited about this.

"No thanks."

"What? Come on, it's one sentence!"

I stopped and sent him a glare that I hoped was reminiscent of Leah's. "You've had your fun on my behalf. I will say no more."

"Please Em? I promise it's the last one." He had taken to shortening my name like Leah and Seth had, something that made me smile inside, but I was still through with this. My accent was not that bad.

"Nope." I turned and walked towards the back door, stopping again when he jumped in front of me.

"Please?" He was giving me puppy eyes. I was watching the shining eyes turn pleading and his brows went up in the middle like some pitiful little creature asking for a crust of bread. There was a warning I put with those eyes…it was here in my brain somewhere…damn it all!

"I'm going to tow the boat behind the car." I muttered in a monotone voice.

Embry lit up with a smile. "See, that wasn't so hard." He tried to stifle a laugh but it was sputtering through his teeth. I rolled my eyes and walked around him and into the house.

"Leah?" I hollered, searching the downstairs level.

"Yeah?" I heard her holler back from the living room. I followed the sound and found her on the couch with my phone in her hand. She held it up when she saw me. "Jordan says 'hi'."

"Oh he does, does he? Searching through my texts, are you?" I asked in a singsong voice.

"No, your phone went off about six times in a row, so I was about to text them back to lay off, but it was just him every time. Checking in and stuff."

"Him?" Embry sounded surprised standing behind me.

"Oh he's just a good friend of mine from school. He's got the hots for Leah." I explained, at which point Leah gave me her glare, but it didn't hurt me so much as make me smile when I saw the slight flush cover her cheeks.

"None of that." She said, attempting to sound menacing while pointing a finger at me, but I ignored that.

"So did you text him back?"

"Yes."

I waited for further explanation, but received nothing.

"And…did he know it was you?"

"Yes."

Again, with the nondescript answers. Guess I'd have to nix the yes or no questions.

"And what did you talk about?"

The flush in her cheeks got a little darker and she narrowed her eyes at me, trying to overcompensate. "You. So what are you guys doing back?"

I gave her a look that said 'we'll discuss this later' before answering. "It got pretty cold. That, and I guess I'm being handed back to you."

"Handed back to me?"

"Yeah, maybe we can work in that girly talk and ice cream," I joked.

"Funny."

"Really? I thought that was sort of weak, but I'll take what I can get."

She rolled her eyes and tossed me my phone, prompting a chuckle from my end.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I saw a whale!" I jumped in the air in my excitement and pride in my newly found whale watching skills.

"A whale?" her brow furrowed, and she looked to Embry for confirmation.

"Yeah," he said, but it sounded a bit off. Maybe he was just as flabbergasted as I was. "The sun came out and she thought she saw a fin…shining." He said the last word weird.

"I did see it, it was such a bright reflection! It couldn't have just been a wave, it was just in one place."

Despite my enthusiasm about my whale sighting that was seemingly rare around here, Leah and Embry both remained serious and were having an eye conversation.

"Seriously, is it so bad that there are whales around here?" Leah blinked just the same way that Embry had and realized I was talking to her.

"No, just strange. I'm gonna go call some of the guys and see what they think about it. I think there's a movie on if you want to watch it." She said, tossing the TV remote to Embry, who gave her a nod in response. To which thing he was responding I couldn't tell.

"Hey, but after you're done with that, do you wanna do something?" I asked, not wanting her to leave again. Embry had after all brought me back so I could hang out with my friend.

"Uh, yeah," she said dismissively, "I'll be back in a minute."

She was picking up the phone and walking out of the room before I could reply, so I slumped onto the couch next to Embry to watch one of the Lethal Weapon movies. What are there, five of them? I got tired of it and grabbed the remote from Embry, flipping through the channels.

"Hey, that was given to _me_!" Embry protested.

"It was thrown in the general direction of both of us, and you caught it."

"She's got good aim, it was to me."

"I beg to differ. I have it now, so shush."

"You thief!"

"I am not a thief. That is a thief!" I said, pointing to the infomercial man selling a ridiculous contraption that had just about every tool known to man connected to one handle.

"Some thief also stole your phone. Is the text history still there?"

My jaw opened in surprise and I shouted, "Yes!" while digging my phone out of my pocket, the remote being tugged by Embry from my hand in the process. The thief. He kept flipping through channels, the same thing I had been doing. It must be some male superiority complex to have control of the TV at all times. Regardless, I was searching through my recent sent and received texts, trying to put together the conversation between Jordan and Leah. Jordan had indeed texted me six times:

_Hey how's La Push? _

_Is it La Push? Is that right? I can't remember._

_Practice rooms are pretty quiet, when do you think you're driving back?_

_Emma Swenson, where are you?_

_Did Seth steal your phone again? Seth if this is you, you owe me 23 bucks still. Don't think I forgot about that._

_Are you alive? Did Leah finally eat you?_

Ouch, and that was the last one she would have read…the conversation went as thus:

Leah: _She's currently alive and kicking. What are you implying asshole?_

Jordan's answer came a whole five minutes later: _Is this Leah?_

Leah: _What's with the surveillance? She's in safe hands, don't shit yourself._

Another three minutes later: _I'm just checking in, Emma's usually quick to answer. How is the weekend going?_

He was probably pacing the floor with that one.

Leah: _Food, people and a mumbling Emma in the next room at night. You?_

Holy shit! She's making conversation! With a guy! And it's Jordan!

This time, his reply was quicker: _Pretty quiet here on campus, keeping busy with Sudoku. You kept everyone in the same room as a sleeping Emma? Sounds risky._

I giggled at his literal interpretation, and hoped he had calmed down by then.

Leah: _When she's out cold like that a rhino stampede could run through the house and she wouldn't notice._

What?! She's playing along!? Oh my…. does this count as flirting?!

Jordan: _This is true. I should come down with some cymbals and we could have some fun waking her up._

I miffed at the jab but they were talking! Texting! Whatever!

Leah: _Tempting, but that might not be enough._

Jordan: _You're right, a gong might be the better choice._

Leah: _Or maybe tympanis._

She knows he plays tympanis! Oh she knows it! That is flirting! Leah you flirt!

Jordan: _I specialize in the tympanis, that is an excellent choice. I agree they would be most effective._

Leah: _Sounds like a plan. Emma's coming back, you want me to tell her anything?_

Jordan: _Hi Emma. It was nice talking to you Leah. I'll see you when you guys get back?_

Leah: _Yeah sure, you too. We'll see you Sunday. _

And that was the end.

The end of Leah disregarding the wonder that is Jordan.

I suppressed a squeal and set the phone on the coffee table just as Leah was coming back into the room. I patted the seat next to me and she sat with a huff.

"I guess this isn't a great place for whales so they're going to check it out more. Embry, Sam will want your help with…what happened to the movie?" She asked, looking at Embry who was still channel surfing.

"This is more fun." He said, not even stopping on a channel long enough for any words to be distinguished.

"Ugh, it's giving me a headache, stop!" I reached over and tried to pry the remote from his hands, but he was too dang strong. I stood up for better leverage and it became a tug of war, which ended when I kicked him in the shin and he let go with a yelp of pain.

"Geez woman, you fight dirty!" he accosted, rubbing his calf where my shoe had hit.

"Yeah, well it's no pepper spray but it gets the job done." I said, trying to keep a straight face. One look to my left and I saw Leah fighting a smile. After about three seconds, we simultaneously burst out laughing at the reference that I was sure would never go away.

"Whatever." Embry muttered, pulling me down to the couch to my spot between them.

We finally settled on a rerun of the old 1960's Batman and we made comments about the absurdity of the show, imitating their voices and quotes. Every once in a while, I'd see Leah glance at my phone on the table and make the slightest of smirks, and I didn't hesitate from leaning into Embry's side, watching my best friend start to see the light. Now all she had to do was get through the rest of the tunnel.

**A/N: Good? Bad? Weird? Let me know in a review! Nothing is too short or too long. I know you guys are out there, please let me know what you think so far!**

**And yes, Minnesota Nice exists. We're just so darn courteous, everywhere else just seems rude. Bahaha. **


	11. Mind Idea

A/N: Sorry if you're getting updates for chapters that already exist. Editing. It had to be done. Also, the power cord for my laptop went through a bout of spontaneous combustion (I kid you not) and functions no more. I'm sharing the family desktop for now which could slow down updates, but I need to know if anyone is out there reading and what you think! Please review!

Chapter Title is by Jeremy Enigk. Had trouble thinking of one, and this one came on the radio.

**Disclaimer: The La Push gang and all other recognizable settings/people/plots pertaining to the Twilight series do not belong to me, but to SM.**

**Mind Idea**

The remaining days of Thanksgiving break were relatively uneventful, but fun all the same. I was formally introduced to both Sam and Emily at their home, which seemed to be a hang out of sorts. Leah wasn't present. I met all of the boyfriends that corresponded with the girlfriends I had already met and watched them throw their significant other loving glances throughout my stay. There were also a lot of knowing glances towards Embry and I, and I'm sure I was blushing scarlet, but Embry was there to block their view, or mine, and eliminate the unease those looks would stir up in me. When that happened, I'd make sure to squeeze his hand in thanks, and sure enough, I'd get one back. One deep breath later and I would be fine.

I witnessed the anomaly of several men and boys eating the equivalent to a whole cow, I'm sure. Bottomless pits they were.

There were groups of guys always coming in and out of the house, all talking with Sam. Supposedly, my whale sighting had caused quite a bit of a stir in La Push, and activity on the small Reservation was buzzing. It wasn't as exciting or spirit lifting as I thought it would be, mostly people just looked worried, but they were the people of the land, so I couldn't exactly tell them to be happy about it. Maybe it was just because I was from out of state and didn't know enough about these things. That was my best guess.

Ness had found me and demanded my phone number and address so we could meet up when we're both back home in the Midwest. Well, she asked politely, but really, who can say no to her? Thinking of home just reminded me of the plane ticket my parents had just bought for me last week to bring me home for Christmas. It was partly an early present from them, otherwise I would have had some say in when I flew back. It was earlier than I wanted, but it was nonrefundable, and I realized painfully that I wouldn't be able to come back to La Push after finals. I would just have to enjoy the best of it while I was here.

The morning we were going to leave La Push, Seth had whined about not having been able to hang out with me all weekend.

"Seth, you had ample opportunity to do stuff with me." I told him.

"I was busy! And now I'm not! Come on, we're not leaving 'til two o'clock, we have a few hours."

"You're gonna see me at school all the time."

"Oh, but dear Embry is not? Is that what this is about? He can come too."

After much more arguing and eye rolling, Seth, Embry and I made our way to the cliffs, golf clubs in hand.

"Why don't we have balls again?" I asked, gripping one of the clubs and swinging it like a baseball bat. I was never a great golfer.

"Watch your words there Emma." Seth snickered.

"You know what I meant, frickin A-hole, now why do we have golf clubs without golf balls?"

"We don't need 'em," he said, still smiling at his little joke from before. He picked up a pinecone from the trees behind us and tossed it between his hands. "These are more fun."

I stared at the club in my hands and the slightly uneven ground of the cliffs. No good could come of this.

"How 'bout I watch while you guys swing away."

"Nuh-uh. You are doing this. You said you would." Seth pointed the handle of his club at me.

"I said I would hang out. I didn't say I would put myself in my own harm's way."

"Fine, you guys can do your coupley thing and Embry can show you how and be all mushy gushy. You're still doing it."

"Seth." Embry warned, and Seth held up his hands.

"Right. Nevermind. You're not really a couple. Whatever."

Oh for heaven's sake…

"Seth," I barked, "Shut up. Embry, you sit." I looked back to Seth. "Just show me how to hit your damn pinecones."

Seth looked pained. "See now, with the balls thing from earlier that just sounds wrong."

I smacked my forehead and wiped my hand down my face, letting the golf club fall to the ground as I headed towards the trees. "I need a stick…a big stick…"

"All the better to hit me with?" Seth asked fearfully behind me.

"No. I already elbowed you in the face, just keep that in your mind." I picked up a few twigs and threw them aside, looking for a big dead thick stick about the width of my arm.

"Emma, are you okay?" Embry was sounding worried from where he was sitting on the cliff.

Huh…he actually sat…

"Yep. I will be." I called over my shoulder as I found the perfect substitute and weighed it in my hands. "This'll do."

I grabbed a few pinecones from the ground and headed back towards the cliff, ignoring the two bemused looks I was getting.

"I've never been one to golf." I said, tossing up a pinecone and catching it. "But I did play fastpitch way back when." I tossed the pinecone again, but this time, grabbed the end of my makeshift bat with both hands and swung. There was a resounding crack and the pinecone went flying off the cliff and into the crashing waves below. I hadn't played in years, but my hand-eye coordination was still good. "Like ridin' a bike."

I heard Embry's rumbling laughter behind me, but nothing from Seth. I turned to him and he threw me an exasperated look and tossed his club to the ground next to mine.

"Well, why didn't you say so before?"

"I've been told I can be intimidating." I picked up another pinecone and tossed it in the air. "Adding an athletic ability of any kind might have just screwed me over for good." My homemade bat hit the pinecone on the word 'screwed'.

"Nah." Seth was shaking his head. "That is just plain awesome!" Apparently, my sister was wrong, and being able to hit a ball (or pinecone in this instance) well in front of guys is not weird.

Seth returned with his own giant stick-bat and his classic smile was ear to ear in anticipation. He was a lefty at bat, so he was facing me as we stood parallel. On the count of three, we tossed up our pinecones and beat them out to sea. His went farther, naturally, but it was a bonding experience nonetheless. Embry was content to sit back and watch us call what would have been homers, triples, or easy outs. We bantered and even had a swordfight with our bats until Seth accidentally swiped my foot with his and I hopped around on one leg, clutching my toes. Embry caught me before I toppled over a big root sticking out of the ground and took my bat. The two of them then battled for the farthest distance, me being the judge. I hadn't kept score, much to Seth's dismay, but was fair for each player.

On about the thirtieth swing, I watched the hit pinecones to gauge the distance, but was distracted by a familiar glimmer that came from farther out in the water.

"It's the whale!" I shouted, pointing. Seth and Embry whipped their heads around to search for said whale and both tensed.

Seth looked up to the sky and muttered, "There's a break in the clouds further out."

"That's twice now! Do you think it's the same one?" I was literally bouncing from where I sat.

Embry mumbled something that sounded like, "hopefully," but I had a feeling I wasn't supposed to hear it.

I pulled out my phone and called Leah. She answered on the first ring and started before I could even tell her about the whale. "You better be calling to tell me you're on your way down. It's supposed to pour later and I don't like driving down country roads in a storm."

"We're on our way down," I said sadly, "Be there in a bi-…she hung up. She is getting no ice cream at all from me, girly talk or not."

We picked up the unused clubs and started down the footpaths to the house. Embry insisted that I might still be injured, so I rode piggyback and Seth strode ahead of us.

"Hey Emma," Seth called over his shoulder, "What are you doing for winter break? You could come here if you want, you know."

Ice water seemed to have poured down my back and I was instantly alert. I had gone the whole day not thinking about it, but I guess now was the time.

"Um…my, uh… my parents bought me a flight home." I said softly. I had been excited about going back home since October, but now, I wasn't so enthused. My arms tightened around Embry's neck and I let my face fall into his shoulder. He was carrying me as if I were feather-light. "I go back on the fourteenth."

I felt Embry tense around me. "So soon?"

I murmured a confirmation and closed my eyes. Embry always seemed to be so warm and any time I was against him I just felt at peace. If only I had come here sooner and could've changed the ticket, I wouldn't feel like I would be leaving a part of myself here in Washington if I left.

When I leave.

This is going to hurt.

"Where's your phone?" Embry asked abruptly.

"In my pocket, why?"

"Can I see it?"

"S-sure," I said, sliding my phone from my back pocket and holding it out in front of him.

He recited a ten-digit number for me to dial and then hit send.

"Who am I calling?" I asked, not recognizing the area code.

"Me. Now you have my number."

I grinned. "And I'm guessing you now have mine as well?"

"Yes indeed."

"Well, how very twenty-first century of you."

He chuckled and I could feel the soft rumbles through his back. I took advantage of the moment and quickly took a picture of him while he was laughing, the fake shutter sound making him turn his head with a quizzical look.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" he asked.

"For Caller ID of course," I said airily and showed him the picture. It was his profile, seeing as he was in front of me, and his head was bowed, but his smile was bright. "See, don't you look dashing." Little did he know that I would be looking at this picture, which showed just a sliver of my arm around his neck, quite a bit, even if he wasn't calling.

"I am, aren't I," he said, standing up a little straighter.

"Ugh, you…. meh." I lost steam in trying to insult him, because it was very true. He was so very dashing.

"Is all your stuff packed?"

"Yeah," I sighed and leaned my head against his warm neck, tightening my hold on him.

"Hey Seth?" he called, "Could you pack up Emma's stuff in the car and pick her up at my house?"

I lifted my head to see that Seth had stopped and was smiling back at us. "Yeah, sure."

"Thanks," Embry gave him a nod, then turned to the right, starting down a different footpath.

"Your house?" I asked.

"Yeah, I…have something for you. I guess it could count as a Christmas present."

"Oh." I squeaked, a little apprehensive at the implications of that. I didn't have anything to give him in return, that is, if we were giving each other presents already.

"It's not…it's nothing big," he stuttered, "just sort of a La Push remembrance item, if you will."

"Okay," I grinned and let my chin come to rest on his shoulder again.

He never seemed to tire of holding me against his back, and we spent the rest of the trek in comfortable silence. We came to the back of a small grey house that had a very nice garden surrounding the back lawn.

"Your mom's an excellent gardener." I pointed out, sliding from his back and immediately grabbing his hand.

"Yeah, but guess who gets to do all the weeding?" he rolled his eyes and I had to laugh at that mental picture.

"She's at work now, so she's not going to pop out at you like Sue and comment how cute we are."

"You heard about that, huh?" I felt the blush spread from my ears.

Embry led me through the back door with a chuckle and I saw his mom's artistic flare in the interior design of the small home. The walls were a bright blue and though the furniture didn't match, they went together well and gave a very homey feel.

"Wait here for a sec." Embry said, and skipped down the hallway.

I stood in place behind the sofa and heard a door open and close, closely followed by Embry quickly jogging back to me, with a big navy bundle in hand.

My eyes widened, and my mouth went dry. "You said it wasn't big." I croaked.

He just shook his head and unfolded what looked to be a large blanket, and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"Its just a blanket. My mom makes these all the time and this one is mine, but I never really use it. So now it's yours."

I looked around me at Mrs. Call's handiwork and kept finding new things to catch my eye. It was mostly made of navy fleece, but not like the easy two-ply ones that I'd seen soccer moms make for their kids with knots around the edges. This blanket was expertly sewn and had several designs embroidered with a light natural thread around the edges, images of trees, birds, waves, and wolves adorning the corners.

"It's beautiful," I whispered in awe. "Are you sure she wouldn't mind? She made it for you-"

"And as the rightful owner, I am now giving it to you. It gets cold in Minnesota, right?"

"Right." I sighed. I guess I wouldn't get out of this one. I looked up into his eyes and he seemed happy I had accepted the gift, but was trying to hold back something. I fisted the edges of the fleece and stepped forward, bringing my arms and the blanket around his waist. I pressed my face into his chest and breathed "Thank you," against his t-shirt. I had a brief sense of déjà vu as he brought his arms around my shoulders, one hand resting against my head, gently holding me there, and I felt him kiss me softly against my hair.

I took a deep breath, stamping the smell and feel of him to my memory. I wouldn't get this for a very long time.

"I wish I could go with you," he said softly, and I could feel his breath blow against my ear. "But Sam's on the council and wants me to be here to help with the…whale business. Probably even more now that we saw it again today. Seth and Leah are good people though, I trust them to take care of you while you're at school. Plus you have my number now."

I didn't answer but just tightened my grip on him. I could feel the sting of tears and mentally chastised myself for being such a girl. I squeezed my eyes shut until I felt the tides recede and pulled away slightly to look up at him, bringing my hands around to rest at his waist. There was such an intense look in his shining eyes, almost…loving. And at the moment I didn't care. Like, love, want, need, some other synonym, whatever, I was with him. And it felt right.

I slowly raised my hand and my fingers lightly touched his cheek. His head tilted to lean into my touch and I mirrored him, following his eyes. My other hand rested higher on his chest, just over his heart. "Embry," I whispered. "I…" I closed my mouth and took a deep breath, unable to look at him like this and speak at the same time. I had to leave, and he had to stay. And I wouldn't see him.

Some deep down instinct took over, and I felt myself rising on my toes, my hand on his chest moving to the back of his neck. His head lowered and his warm breath blew onto my lips. I could feel his warm hands span across my lower back and I let out a shaky breath as I pushed myself up and my lips met his. Fireworks were going off in my stomach and I could see the light of them behind my eyelids as they fluttered closed. Embry's arms wrapped me closer to him, and I had a distinct feeling of _home_. He lifted me off the ground to hold me against him so we were at eye level, and my arms wrapped around his neck as the kiss intensified, both of us knowing it would have to end too soon. I could practically feel our hearts hammering against the other's rib cage, like they were trying to get to each other.

The kiss slowed, and we broke away, both breathing deeply. Embry placed two soft kisses on my lips, and skimmed his nose next to mine. Something in that moment caused the sting again and with my eyes still shut, the drops started to break from my eyelashes. I felt his warm lips kiss both my eyelids in a gentle caress. He left one last kiss at my temple then pushed his nose into my hair, taking in a deep breath. I smiled as I thought he was probably doing the same thing I was earlier, memorizing me.

I breathed in sweet woods and salt water, pine and honey and morning fog, prairie grass and sunshine and blue skies. I didn't know what he actually smelled like, but memories and mental pictures flew before my eyes as I tucked my head into his shoulder.

"I'll miss being with you," I whispered, and his arms tightened around me. It was so much the truth, the only thing I could really say out loud to him. One of my hands roamed into his hair, brushing through the soft short strands. More pictures and memories flew by, happy moments, beautiful snapshots. Then sorrowful moments, ones that weren't particularly life changing, but I would remember the feelings of them forever.

Embry loosened his grip on me, and I slipped softly to the floor, and he rewrapped the blanket around my shoulders that had gone askew.

"You'll have me in this. I may have said it was a La Push remembrance item…but it's more of something to keep me with you." He said slowly, watching for my reaction. I gave him one of the happiest smiles I could give.

"And I love it." I brought a large fold of the blanket to my cheek and felt the soft fleece. It smelled like Embry. No one could part me from this gift.

"I'm glad," he said, beaming with joy and shining eyes.

"I just wish I had something I could give you," I whispered, but he shook his head, still smiling.

"I think that kiss will suffice."

I breathed a laugh and ducked my head, feeling the heat in my ears again. He slid his hand down to mine and laced our fingers, both of us held tight.

"C'mere." He led me around the couch and sat down, pulling me next to him. "Could you hand me that phone on the table there?"

I looked at the end table next to me and saw a small black cell phone. I grabbed it and flipped it open before giving it to Embry. "One missed call. Goodness, who could that be?" I said in a mock curious voice.

"Oh that's probably this girl I know," he said in a blasé tone, pressing some buttons on the phone. "She's new in town and isn't _really_ clumsy, but inanimate objects like to hit her. She can get violent though. She kicked me in the shin and I heard she elbowed a guy in the face. I steered clear of her once she was swinging around a limb of a tree like a baseball bat."

I hit his shoulder and he laughed as I just further proved his point. He brought our entwined hands to my knee and started to squeeze just where I was deathly ticklish. I shrieked and tried to jerk away from him, but I was never very strong when under the control of efficient tickling hands. He finally stopped his attack and as I let out a few more laughs, I heard a familiar shutter sound. Looking up, I came face to face with the back of his phone. He turned it around and I was greeted with my own profile in mid-laugh.

"Whaddya think?" he asked.

"For caller ID purposes, I presume?"

"Yes indeed."

"Hmm," I pretended to consider the picture for a few seconds. "I approve."

"Good." He grinned, tucking away his phone, and kept his eyes on mine. The sound of a car pulling up to the driveway made his grin falter and he blinked once, then stood up from the couch, pulling me with him. We walked to the front door, and I bundled the blanket in my arms.

"I'll call you when we get back."

"You better," he said with a sad smile.

I stretched up on my toes and left a soft lingering kiss on his lips, effectively shaping them into a genuine smile. "Bye," I whispered.

"Bye Emma," he whispered back, opening the front door for me. I hopped down the steps and walked to the car, slipping into the front seat. I looked up and saw Embry leaning against the side of the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. As Leah backed out of the driveway, I gave a small wave through the windshield, and he sent one back. I kept my eyes on him until trees blocked my view and I couldn't see him anymore.

I sighed and turned back to the front, wrapping my arms around the blanket. His blanket. Our blanket. He said he would be with me with this, and I wasn't about to just make it mine. It was ours.

"Are you stealing things now, Emma?" Leah asked from beside me. She was looking down at our blanket with an arched brow. "Charlie's the chief of police in Forks, this would not bode well for you."

"Nope, this was given to me freely," I said, the heat starting in my ears.

"Oh yeah," Seth said from the back seat, leaning forward to see, "One of Anne's blankets. That'll come in handy."

"She made one for you that quick?" Leah asked, surprised.

"Um, no. This one was Embry's. He gave it to me." By now I could feel the heat all across my face and I fake scratched my head in an attempt to move my hair and cover what was most definitely a blush.

"Oh, that was nice of him." Leah dropped the subject lightly, and I silently thanked her. Maybe I would reconsider throwing out the ice cream idea.

OOO

It was dark when we made it back to the apartment. We had just dropped off Seth at his dorm and were carrying our things up the steps. My bag was slung over my shoulder, and our blanket was held tightly to my chest, keeping it from getting any sort of dirt from the ground below. The apartment was cold from us not having the heat on all weekend, and I shivered as I sat on the heaven couch, wrapping Anne Call's beautiful fiber work around me. Leah didn't even have a goosebump on her as she threw her stuff into her room and came out to the kitchen.

"I'm making Rice-a-Roni, you want some?" she called from behind the stove.

"Sure. I think there's some chicken breasts in the fridge that I haven't used if you want to put some in it."

"Okay," she said, and I could hear the rattle of the rice in the cardboard box as it hit the counter. "You cold or something? You look like a burrito."

I supposed I did look like one. I was curled up on the heaven couch, blanket wrapped entirely around me, the only opening being at my head.

"Yes! Unlike some people I know, I don't have a normal body temperature of 105!" was my muffled cry. I waited for the sarcastic comeback, but instead heard nothing but a quiet, "he didn't."

"What?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, disregarding my own confusion, her voice even.

"I'm like the only one who ever gets cold around here! You and Seth and even Jordan have thick skin or something I swear. Is the furnace even on?"

"No, sorry. I guess I didn't notice." She sounded strangely relieved and I heard the whoosh of the furnace being lit.

"Thank you." I said sweetly. Suddenly, my phone vibrated against my hip and I jumped a little before pulling it out and seeing Jordan's name on the small screen.

"Jordan!" I answered, "Hey, how was your break?"

"Oh it was fine. Are you guys home then?"

"Yeah," I grinned and sat up in my blanket burrito. "We're back from La Push, Seth's at his dorm. Leah's cookin' us some Rice-a-Roni as we speak."

"Mmm sounds good. I'm lookin' at some frozen dinners-"

"What?! No, you are not going to eat one of those abominations. It's not real food."

"It's Lean Cuisine, those are supposed to be good, right?"

"I wouldn't know, I refuse to eat them. Step away from the freezer Jordan! Step away!"

"Fine! Fine. So what do you suggest? I don't get paid until Thursday and all I have is some pasta sauce but no pasta, corn bread muffin mix, and condiments. Everything else is pretty much snack stuff. I have no _food _food besides these so-called abominations."

"Well, hold on a minute." I stood up from the couch, unraveling the burrito shell, and into the kitchen where Leah was stirring the ingredients to the Rice-a-Roni. I looked over her shoulder at the amount in the pan and the amount of chicken we had, earning a look from Leah.

"What, am I missing something?" she asked.

"Bring the corn bread mix. You're eating here, we have enough," I said into the phone, then turned to Leah, "Would you be okay with that?"

She looked like a deer caught in headlights, and Jordan was speaking in my ear, trying to object, but I just shushed him and asked again. "Would you be okay with Jordan eating here? He has no food. He'll bring corn bread."

Leah blinked and went back to stirring the rice mix. Her neck flushed slightly as she finally answered in an even tone, "Yeah, that's fine."

I fought the grin trying to make its way onto my face and backed out of the kitchen, bringing my attention back to Jordan. "The muffins shouldn't take long, you can just bring the mix here and use our oven while we're waiting for the rice. There's chicken too. You won't get all that from Lean Cuisine."

"Emma-"

"If you leave now, we won't be waiting forever for your muffins, so move! We'll see you in a bit," I ordered and snapped my phone shut.

"Emma," this time Leah was calling me with caution. "What are you doing?"

"I am simply helping out a friend who unfortunately spends more of his money on iTunes than on a reliable food source." I said, bringing my phone back up to my ear. "And now I am calling Embry, as I said I would."

Embry answered on the first ring impressively, and after assuring him the trip had been safe and worry free, I clued him in on our dinner plans.

"He's coming for dinner?" he asked, and I could detect a bit of jealousy in his tone.

"Calm down cave man. He is a very good friend of mine, and he's been over before. I will not let him survive off of stupid Lean Cuisine."

"But those are good!"

"What?! You eat those?!"

"Only for a snack sometimes, but they're good!"

"No. No more. You eat an orange as a snack, some chips and salsa, cookies, cereal, you do not eat processed unnatural frozen meals as a snack. Or as anything else."

"Is that all cave woman?" I could hear the grin in his voice.

"Yes that is all!" I shout-laughed. "And shut up!"

His rumbling laugh wasn't the same over the phone, but I smiled at the sound of it. A quiet knock at the door told me our guest had arrived.

"Embry, our muffins just got here, so I'm gonna let you go for now. Call back later, 'kay?"

"Count on it."

"I will."

We said our goodbyes and I pulled the door open to see a nervous looking Jordan, corn muffin mix in hand. I pulled him in and started to recite the lines from Beauty and the Beast that led up to _Be Our Guest, _complete with a bad French accent.

"It is with deepest pride, and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight." I giggled at his still nervous face and continued the horrid accent. I took Spanish. "But you cannot relax and pull up a chair because you need to make muffins. Zis way!" I pointed him into the kitchen, which was also towards Leah. I saw him make an anxious swallow and walk past me towards the cupboards, asking me where our measuring cups were.

I pulled up my own chair and relaxed, ready to enjoy watching my two friends make dinner.

A/N: Sort of a cliffie, what happens next just might be in someone else's POV. Yay? Nay? More? Snore? Please stop rhyming? Will do.

**I didn't want to do this, but I just need to know that someone wants this to continue, so the next chapter will go up once Found has 10 reviews. I'm wincing at my own request here. **

**I'd love to hear from you! Anything!**


	12. Strange and Beautiful

A/N: I apologize for the wait, this should have been out a while ago. Shout out to SunnyZim, who's been such a sweetheart for getting the word out for this story! Thank you everyone for their reviews! I love reading them!

I did research for this chapter. I am such a nerd sometimes.

**Chapter title is by Aqualung. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**(Holy mackerel…it's Jordan.) **

**Strange and Beautiful**

Jordan POV

_I am going to kill Emma._

_First I'll hug her senseless, but then I am going to kill Emma._

Emma had just ushered me inside the apartment and I knew something was up when she started quoting _Beauty and the Beast_. Leah was cutting what looked like pieces of chicken into a pan while another pan next to it was covered. It smelled delicious. I glanced up at Leah, hoping for the thousandth time that she would look back at me, but it still didn't happen.

She looks delicious…Gah!

I shook my head of impure thoughts and rushed into the kitchen on the pretense of finding measuring tools. I'm no master chef, but I can follow directions on a box.

"Far left cupboard," Emma called from her lounging spot at the kitchen table, one chair brought in front of her where she rested her feet, some big blanket wrapped around her.

Huh, that's new…

I followed her orders to the left most cupboard and found stacks of plates and bowls.

"Uh, I think you meant a different cupboard, Em."

"Oh, sorry," she giggled. _Giggled._ "I meant far left drawer."

I pulled out the far left drawer and found dishtowels folded and stacked neatly inside. I gave her a look that I hoped delivered the 'WTF?!' I was thinking, but she just looked as innocent and as comfortable as ever.

Before I could verbally give her my thoughts, someone else beat me to it.

"Who the hell are you? Cooking stuff's in the far _right_ drawer," Leah spat at her friend, forcibly pulling out the drawer right next to the stove where she was standing, which proved to be home to the measuring cups and spoons. "You _put_ them there because you said it was more convenient to have them by the cooking _place._"

Emma's stared a cool eye at Leah, a sly grin tugging up one side of her mouth. "Brain fart. Sorry."

Leah's head rolled like she had also rolled her eyes.

Though the short squabble had ended, I was in a foreign kitchen and decided to tread carefully. I shut the drawer with the dishtowels softly and crossed the linoleum floor to the one that was still open with my desired measuring utensils. I picked out the ones I needed, a large part of my brain recognizing that this was the closest I had been within proximity to Leah. Mere inches. Sweet Mother of God.

She was saying something.

"What?" my voice cracked and I had to clear my throat. "Sorry, what?"

"I asked what you were making." She threw more pieces of chicken into the pan.

"Oh, uh...corn bread."

She gave a small nod, still watching the chicken. "What does the oven need to be at?" Her hand rested on the middle knob of the stove for preheating the oven, awaiting my answer, and still not looking at me.

"U-um," I picked up the muffin mix box and skimmed the directions. "Four hundred." She turned the knob to the appropriate temperature, then went back to tending the chicken.

"So Jordan," Emma practically hollered from her viewing spot. "What did you do over the weekend?"

I was thankful for the help in conversation, but really, she could've picked a better topic.

"Oh I just, uh...hung around. It was really quiet around here. Got some reading done." _Made direct contact with your roommate, paced just about every inch of my apartment while she joked with me about your sleeping habits, and looked back over those texts about fifty times. _

"Well that's good." Emma nodded, then kept nodding in the subsequent quiet. The only sound was the sputtering of meat sizzling in a pan as Leah stirred around the pieces of chicken.

"Yep." I measured everything into a large bowl and searched the counter for mixing spoons.

"By the microwave." Leah's soft voice came from beside me, eyes still trained on the chicken, her hair was in front of her shoulders, shielding most of her face from view. I reached over and grabbed a big wooden spoon, and when I started mixing, I noticed Leah had pulled her curtain of hair behind her ear, revealing her deep russet skin.

"Thanks," I muttered. Both for the spoon and for giving me a clearer view.

_What is wrong with me…_

A mechanical buzzing broke the calm and Emma jumped to her feet, grabbing her phone off the table. A weird smile crept up her cheeks before she answered sweetly, "Hello again." Whoever it was made her eyes roll and she raked a hand through her hair. "Really? You're really asking me this?" Emma grabbed her blanket and retired to her bedroom, out of earshot from the kitchen.

"That was weird," I said out loud, not registering that someone might answer me.

"That was Embry."

My head whipped to the side at Leah, but when she still didn't shift her gaze from her cooking, I went back to mixing. "Emery?"

"Embry. With a 'b'."

"Who's Embry?" I asked, arching a brow at the weird name.

Leah let out a long sigh. "Emma's boyfriend." My spoon stopped mixing. "Or not really boyfriend, but for all intents and purposes, Embry is Emma's boyfriend."

Now I was really confused. Emma had a boyfriend? Not that I minded, but I thought we were pretty good friends, that she would have told me if she had started dating someone.

Leah softly snorted, and her lips were battling to hide a smile.

_Please smile, please smile, please smile…_

"Em and Em." She muttered, and a small laugh came out of her, making me instinctively start to grin.

"What?"

"Em and Em. Emma and Embry. Like the candy, M&M's. They've gotten so much crap for it. It's probably what the phone call's about."

She was still fighting a smile, and I was still grinning, but I was feeling like I just walked in after a punch line and missed the whole joke. How long had Emma been dating this Embry guy that they've already gotten 'so much crap' for a silly nickname?

"Wow, um…" I took a breath, and my lips froze on the verge of some question word like 'who' or 'what' or 'when' but I didn't know which one to start with.

"He's from my home town, but they've sort of known each other for a while. It just sparked over break."

"Oh. Hmm." I tapped the spoon on the end of the bowl and started to pour the batter into a brownie pan. Muffins, bars, it's all the same. "So how was break, other than dealing with the overactive sleeper?" I grinned, remembering and reminding her of the text-off we had.

Leah's lips twitched just the slightest bit before a crease started to form in between her brows. "It was fine. Quiet." She stirred the chicken slowly. "So you don't celebrate Thanksgiving?" And my question was deterred.

"Well, yeah, my family does." I said, curious to where this was going. The corn bread was ready to be baked, and I didn't know how to make her move, much less want her to, but I needed to open the oven. "Uh, this is ready so…" I trailed off, holding the pan in my hands and hoping she'd catch my meaning. She glanced at the brownie pan filled with yellow goop and set down her spoon, pulling open the oven and stepping aside.

I carefully slid the pan onto the oven rack and shut it, checking my watch to time when I should take it out. We had ten minutes.

"So why didn't you go home?" Leah picked up her spoon again and uncovered the Rice-a-Roni, peering into the pan.

"Thanksgiving in Canada is earlier, at the beginning of October." I said, turning around and leaning back against the counter. "I couldn't miss classes, so I stayed here then. After three years in the states it's been almost like I'm not missing it 'cause it doesn't happen here until November."

Leah covered the rice and turned off the burner for the chicken. She started to face me, then stopped, staring at the counter. I was frozen in place. "Could you move for a sec?"

I was now getting a full view of her face, not just the side, and at the closest I had ever been to her. _God, she's beautiful. _She was still looking down, but I was blatantly staring at her, not moving at all.

"I need to get a lid," she said and pointed at the lower cupboards I was leaning against. I blinked and quickly shoved off from the counter to stand in the middle of the kitchen, watching as she fished out the lid to cover the chicken. She then turned around and leaned against the counter, right where I had been seconds before.

"So if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving with your family, what have you done every American Thanksgiving? You never went home with anybody?"

"No, I always felt weird about that." I backed up until I was leaning against the counter opposite her, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I considered it a few times from the guys I live with, but it's more of a family holiday and I didn't want to impose." Other than them, it was mostly girls who would invite me home anyways and I can't say I was ever comfortable with that. Oh the many times a girl I barely knew would offer her hospitality Thanksgiving weekend.

Leah nodded and folded her arms across her chest, her gaze trained somewhere near my feet. I wondered what her Thanksgiving was like, remembering how Emma had mentioned that Seth and Leah's tribe- or town…community?- doesn't celebrate the holiday, but still has a big get-together.

Emma's voice rose from her room, "Claire, no! Please don't call us that, okay? Can you do that for me?" She came stomping out to the kitchen and glared at Leah, who was now covering her mouth with a fist, and I could tell by the top of her cheeks that she was smiling.

"Claire, sweetie, that's wonderful that they're your favorite candy, but it's not nice to call people names." Emma wiped a hand down her face and then pulled at her hair. "Well, that's how it makes me feel when you say that." She kept her voice patient, but the look on her face was anything but.

"Who's Claire?" I asked looking between the two of them.

"Claire's five," Leah muttered. I looked back to Emma, who looked like she was ready to throw the phone at the wall.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it, hun." Emma said sweetly into the phone, though her foot was madly tapping the floor. Her head snapped up to look at Leah, her brow furrowed, then smoothed out and a smile spread across her face. "Leah," she said, holding her phone out to her, "Embry wants to talk to you about the whale."

Leah sighed and her features darkened as she took the phone and went into the living room.

"What now?" Leah must have absorbed Emma's earlier impatience. She rubbed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, listening to whatever Embry was saying.

"I saw a whale!" Emma was jumping up and down in front of me, taking me out of my one-sided staring contest. "Twice! We were out at the beach and the cliffs and I could see the fluke! The whole town is all worried about it though because I guess they aren't supposed to be that far in or something, but isn't that cool?"

"And I assume you saw this whale with a certain… Embry?" The name was still weird to me and I hoped I said it right. My head cocked to the side, waiting for her reply.

Emma's face froze with her current smile, but her eyes didn't maintain it. She seemed at a loss for a quick comeback.

"You have a boyfriend now? When did that happen?" I tilted my head to the other side.

As soon as the dreaded b-word left my mouth, her whole face dropped and going along with her many mood swings today, she sent me an lethal glare.

"No, I do not have a boyfriend. I am, however, dating someone. Recently. If you must know."

"What kind of a name is Embry?"

Her eyes narrowed into slits. To anyone else this might be a warning sign to back off, but I knew I had her cornered and it was quite enjoyable. I am such a bad friend sometimes.

"What kind of a dipshit spends more money on music than on food to stay alive?" On the last word she leaned in threateningly, like she was willing to make Jordan and "alive" never coexist again.

"Touché." I really had no comeback. My budgeting skills are horrible.

Emma was appeased and relaxed her stance, then started to whisper, "So what were you guys talking about?"

"Why are we whispering?" I whispered back.

"Because," she whisper yelled at me and rolled her eyes. "She might hear that your dream came true and you finally got up close and personal with her, and that is just a weird thing to overhear."

_That confirms it. She knows. Dammit._

Emma looked over her shoulder at Leah, who was facing away from us talking on the phone, and proceeded to whisper at me. "So quick, tell me what happened!"

_And she staged this. Should I kill her first, then hug her senseless?_

"So you saw a whale?" I asked in a normal voice. I have limits, and one of them is girly gossip. Not happening.

Emma's shoulders slumped and she lightly punched my arm, but backed off to a comfortable distance. "Yes, but I don't know which one. What kinds of whales are usually in the Pacific Northwest?"

"Orcas. You're sure you saw a fluke?"

"Well, it was more of a glimmer, like a fin or…" the excitement seemed to drain from my friend's eyes. "You think it was something else?"

"I would understand why the people of La Push would be worried if something other than an orca was swimming along their shores."

At that moment, Leah walked into the kitchen and tossed Emma her phone.

"Why are you so intent on throwing things at me?"

"Because you catch them," Leah answered with her back turned to us, mixing in the chicken with the Rice-a-Roni.

"See Emma, just don't catch things and they'll stop flying at you." I couldn't help but chuckle at her expense.

"No, then she just won't stop throwing it at me _until_ I catch it." Emma shoved her phone in her pocket and crossed her arms across her chest. She could look tough, but I knew better. In mere minutes she would be smiling and happy again. Hopefully.

"When's the corn bread done?" Leah asked, putting the rice and chicken concoction into a serving bowl. I checked my watch and cursed under my breath.

"Two minutes ago." Before I could do so much as step forward, Leah had set down the bowl of Rice-a-Roni and threw open a lower cupboard, pulling a red mit onto her hand. She snatched the corn bread out of the oven and dropped it on the stove with a clang.

"Is that done?" she asked, inspecting the steaming mound.

Emma walked next to her and grabbed a toothpick, sticking it in the middle and pulling it out.

_A toothpick? How do they come up with these things?_

Apparently it was sufficient, because she smiled and clapped happily. "Yep! It's perfect! We can let it cool for a few minutes and start on everything else." She sped to the far left cupboard and brought down three plates.

_Yep, definitely staged. _

"Jordan, can you grab the water pitcher from the fridge?" Emma asked, grabbing the silverware.

Upon opening the refrigerator door, I realized what I had been missing. Fresh produce. My stomach ached for food just looking at it.

I grabbed the heavy pitcher and set it on the table, not knowing what to do next. Emma was setting the table and Leah had set down the rice and glasses. I turned around the chair Emma had been using as a footrest and sat, hoping they weren't territorial about seating places. Girls could get that way sometimes.

At the same time, both girls sat on either side of me, and it was only then that I realized I had sat in the middle. Emma looked happy as can be, while Leah was a bit stiff and still kept her eyes downcast. She served herself and stuck a piece of chicken and I took that as my signal to start eating, tearing my eyes away from her lips as they wrapped around the fork. This brought my eyes back to what my stomach was aching for and I greedily took a heaping bite.

"Wow," I said with a mouthful of rice, "this is really good!"

"See, I told you." Emma was basking in her victory over the Lean Cuisine. The likeness of the way she said the common phrase to the way Chip did in _Beauty and the Beast_ did not escape my notice either. She had made me watch it several times, claiming it was a masterpiece and multiple viewings were mandatory. Now I'm sure I could recite the film by heart, which I've found also gives me insight as to when Emma is up to something.

"You can't take any credit, you didn't even cook."

"Fine. Even though I tore you away from the artificial synthetic thing you called a meal and you now know better for it, I won't take any credit." Sarcasm dripped off her words.

"Good. Leah, this is really good, thanks for… letting me eat it."

_Dear Lord…'thanks for letting me eat it'?_

Leah was unaffected. "It's from a box. Sing your praises to Rice-a-Roni."

"Rice-a-Roni didn't put in the chicken."

"That was Emma's suggestion."

"Emma didn't physically do anything for this meal."

"She bought the Rice-a-Roni."

Emma's fork clattered to her plate. "Oh for heaven's sakes Leah, just take the freaking compliment!"

Leah just sighed and stabbed another piece of chicken, quickly shoving it in her mouth and pulling out the fork with a metallic scrape against her teeth. Emma just stared at her until she did the same, and I was surrounded by quietly fuming female carnivores.

"I think the corn bread's ready to eat." I said hurriedly and stood up from the table.

Now this was something I was proud of. Homemade corn bread. Granted, it was from a box, but I used an oven. That gets me something, right?

I cut out the pieces and quickly set them all on a plate before they crumbled away, and brought them back to the table.

Each girl wordlessly grabbed a piece and continued eating silently. I was watching Emma who was glaring at Leah who was staring at her plate.

"So classes start again tomorrow." I said, shaking my head both at the sadness of that statement and my own horrible ice-breaking. "That sucks."

Leah scoffed and finally looked up slightly, but it was just towards Emma. "Yeah I was really getting used to watching you and Embry not ogle each other."

Emma scoffed back and shook her head in defiance, ready to rebuke her, but never actually got any words out.

"Is that like some sort of Quileute name? Embry?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Leah snorted before Emma could answer. "Hell no."

Emma glared a warning, but it was ignored because Leah wasn't looking at anyone tonight.

"His mom got it from a soap opera character." Leah's shoulders were shaking, and I wished I could hear what her genuine laugh sounded like.

"Poor guy," I chuckled. 

Leah held in any chuckle of her own I would've liked to hear and gave a small sigh.

"Oh Embry. Always good for a laugh," she said, making her voice a little gruffer than normal. The words sounded vaguely familiar.

"I see you have been educated in the ways of Disney's 'greatest film'," I said, using finger quotes to quote our currently silent friend.

Emma had thought my dreams had come true when I was just alone with Leah. But nothing brought Disney-esque celebration music to mind like the moment when Leah's eyes finally met mine and she smiled. It might have been blinding. Or hypnotizing. Or magical. But at the moment, I couldn't put an adjective to just how beautiful it was. My dream, or at least part of it, was happening right now. She was smiling at me. _With_ me. Genuinely happy about something that I said, that we connected with.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Thank you! I am not the only one who thinks her obsession with that ridiculous movie is ludicrous!" she ended with a forceful point at Emma.

"I know!" I laughed, reveling in this revelation. "So much of it is annoying and completely unrealistic."

"How can you say that?" Emma defended her all-time favorite movie. "Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. They got Oscars, Jordan. It's a work of art!"

"Fine, it's historical. Jerry Orbach as Lumiere is quality, but really? You want me to admire Belle and her whiny little voice? She asks questions to the freaking horse like he's going to answer. Belle may read books, but that doesn't mean she's not dumb in other areas."

"Belle gives me a headache," Leah rubbing her temples as if the character were presently here among us.

"Belle is an empowered woman of her own time!" Emma challenged Leah. "I would've thought you of all people would appreciate that."

"And what did she do?" Leah lifted her head and gave Emma a look. "She went and got married to a prince. Now she's a princess in her 'own time' which means she has no say in anything, she's just there to look pretty. Empowered my ass-"

"She taught the him how to _love_!"

"She taught him how not to be a douche!"

"Ha! There! So you see? He respects her enough to-"

"To let her down nicely when all her plans are refuted, then gives her some new shiny sparkly thing."

"And how do you know this? The movie ends right when they're finally together, it's open ended!"

"It's inevitable! They're royalty!"

"By circumstance!"

"Oh, right, by magic." Leah's eyes rolled.

"No! By true love! Belle came to love the beast for who he was, not _what _he was."

"He was like a giant pet, when he turned into a semi-attractive man with girl hair, it was an added perk." Leah got more serious with her reasoning as she went on, all the playful banter was gone. "She fell in love with the eyes of the painting. Not the beast. The painting was of him when he was human and she only became romantically infatuated with him when he transformed back and got a good look at his nice human eyes."

"They're the same person!"

"You call a snooty prince and a big furry thing with fangs that battles the surrounding wildlife the same person?"

"Yes! They have the same heart, the same mind, the same soul, the same ability to love and be loved in return!"

"So they're equal? Belle loves each part of him equally? The beast will always be a part of him, but what is she always going to want? The pretty face. She can't love them equally, it isn't plausible!"

"It's Disney! It was made to show children the time-old lesson of not judging a book by its cover, to love a person for what's inside not what's outside."

"And they did a poor job because Belle isn't advertised in her little blue country dress with her books to show her smarts. She is _always_ in her frilly yellow gown with her princess tiara and long gloves to keep her hands from getting dirty. She just follows all the archetypal 'heroines' that turn into pretty little wives who do nothing but save face for their royal husbands."

Emma now looked hurt by the turn this conversation had taken, the character she had grown up admiring being stripped of anything righteous.

"Why are you so bitter about this?" she asked softly.

Leah's passionate demeanor wiped from her features, and it was like she slipped on a mask. One that I had gotten to know quite well, only tonight had I seen it removed. But it was back.

"I am _bitter_ about this because it's the truth." She hissed, and started to tremble in anger. She turned her fierce look to me, our previous connection forgotten. "And don't even get me started on Pocahontas."

_Fuck._

The blood drained from my face and my jaw snapped shut. So she heard about that. There's no chance for me after all. I'm doomed.

"I'm done." Leah threw her silverware onto her plate and left the table, clattering the dishes into the sink.

She passed us without a glance and headed towards the front door, pulling on her running shoes. "Jordan, thank you for bringing the cornbread. You can take the leftovers home from the Rice-a-Roni. God knows you'll need it." And she was gone.

The door slammed shut and it was horribly silent for several moments until Emma breathed "Dammit, Leah."

There was no way to smoothly acknowledge what had just happened and move on, so I didn't. I brought my elbows up on the table and put my face in my hands.

Things were going well, we were making conversation, she smiled at me.

_So close…and now, so far away._

What had I been thinking to even consider that things could be that easy?

It was too good to be true. This would take time. Lots of time.

"Jordan," Emma started, but I really didn't want to talk about it. I held up a hand to stop her and stood with my dishes, bringing them to the sink.

"I'm sor-"

"We can do a trade off and you guys can keep the corn bread. Do you have something I can put the rice in?"

A tupperware container was set in front of me and I emptied the bowl of leftover Rice-a-Roni into it, not satisfied until every grain of rice was transferred.

"I shouldn't have called her bitter, that was just asking for it." Emma was leaning against the sink, both hands plunged into her hair. "I'm sorry I ruined that for you, it could have gone a lot better had not _Beauty and the Beast_ been ripped to shreds before my very eyes."

I did feel sorry for her. I knew _Beauty and the Beast _was considered a classic and I admired the publicity it got for the music. Emma's defenses were amicable and in normal circumstances would have made perfect sense.

Where I was simply put off by the way the film was made, Leah delved so much deeper into the heart and meaning and effect of it. But the conclusions she came to could only be triggered in the mind of someone who didn't believe in things like happy endings or true love at all. She disregarded them at all costs and went straight to something she could criticize.

And that was going to be a hard thing to change.

Especially when she was told something I thought had been kept in confidence.

"She knows, doesn't she." I didn't even make it a question, I already knew the answer. "I gather you've known for a while now, so how long has she?"

Emma didn't answer. She was chewing on her thumb nail, shoulders hunched and looking at the floor.

"Em?"

Her thumb dropped from her mouth and she sighed tiredly, briefly closing her eyes, then opened them to stare at the floor again.

"You remember when I played the Elgar?"

I watched her in confusion. The day they were having issues? I assumed they had talked it out, everything seemed fine afterwards, but was I more involved in it than I thought I was? She told her _then_?

"There was a misunderstanding and we had a fight and things got really shaky and in a moment of weakness it came out." She was using her hands to speak, and it looked like she had just reenacted a vomiting sequence.

"So she was mad at you and the only thing you can think of to calm her down is 'oh and by the way, Jordan likes you'? You come to me before you go and tell her that Emma! Hell, for any other girl I wouldn't care, but we both know this is different. You spew that out to Leah and she is laughing in my face. Do you know how hard it's going to be to even talk to her now? I might as well just give her the gun to shoot me first."

Emma whipped her head around to face me and gave me an angry glower. "That is where you're wrong." Her nostrils flared and instead of alerting me to her anger, it only fed mine.

"And how is that," I seethed.

"Because it was _after_ I told her that she started to get this lighter side to her. It was _after_ that she text-flirted with you, and it was _after_ that you carried on a complete conversation that came from both sides and you were enjoying it. She was too until I wrecked it, and I'm sorry. She knew and she was _not_ laughing in your face, and you should have _no_ problem talking to her." Damnit she was making sense. "How blind are you?"

I rolled my eyes and started to walk away, but Emma jumped in front of me. "Jordan, listen to me. I can't speak for Leah, but-"

"Then don't."

"I won't! But just hear me out and stop being so dramatic about this. Please." She held up her hands as if to stop me if I moved again, so I waved her on to continue.

"You cannot stop trying with her. Just keep…" she gestured wildly with her hands, "coming to dinner, or… saying 'hey' to her on campus or… making fun of me with her, you guys seem to like that."

I raised an eyebrow at her try at humor. It was a good try, but not the time for it. She noticed and thankfully turned serious again.

"You just … can't give up because now both of you know. It's not middle school, the world isn't against you because she made one crack about the Pocahontas thing. If anything, _that_ is something you can build off of and bring it up. Ask her what she really thinks about the movie, I'm sure you'll be entertained or at the least well-informed on how to handle all things Leah. Or some things Leah. Just don't let this effect how you work, because I can see it happening and you're both my friends and I swear to God if you become the king of awkward I will take that gun you speak of and put it where the sun don't shine."

She huffed a few hard breaths through her nose, which I matched, and kept a hard gaze on me.

"Are we clear?" she asked, her voice acidic. Finally, her anger had an effect on me and I relented, relaxing my shoulders.

"Fine. We're clear." I folded my arms over my chest to keep what dignity I had left after that scolding.

"Good." She leaned away, having leaned in to drive her point home. She glanced at the clock and I followed suit, seeing that it was only 7pm. The night kept coming earlier and earlier these days.

"She's gonna be on her run for a while. Helps her blow off steam." Emma looked at me with a hopeful look in her eyes. "Do you want to stay?"

The fact was, my roommates were boring. They were composition students but they took it so seriously most of the time that it was never any fun. Emma was no composition student, but she allowed herself to have fun and was genuine enough to just be my friend. I liked hanging out with her. Not to mention that when I came over, more than likely, Leah would be here. Tonight would be different, but I could suck it up. I am a man after all.

"Sure." I reached around Emma and grabbed a piece of corn bread, stuffing half of it in my mouth.

Emma smiled and thankfully didn't jump or clap, just squeezed my arm a little. "Thank you." She said softly, and I gave her a nod despite the anxiety I knew I was about to endure.

"You want to pick a movie or just shoot the breeze?" I asked around a mouthful, readying myself for anything.

"I'm in the mood for some Kung Fu Panda right about now," she answered, tapping her chin like she was deeply pondering the idea. "Jack Black is as good as an upper sometimes."

"Kung Fu Panda it is," I sighed, finding the dvd and starting the movie, then realizing what she had just said.

"When have you had uppers?"

Emma just kicked my shoulder from her spot on the most comfortable couch known to man. "It's an expression. Hugs not drugs."

"Oh," I laughed, "I see. I'll be sure to check your medicine cabinet, then."

"Jordan!" she kicked me again, but I just kept laughing. "I do not take uppers!"

"Does Embry know about your addiction? Because that could cause some trouble in paradise."

Emma flung her head back and growled in frustration.

"Better yet, does he know you're watching a movie with another man?"

Her head came back up and made a face at me. "No. I told him you were a loser anyway, so he has nothing to worry about."

I brought a hand to my heart in mock despair. "That hurts, Em. That cut me deep."

She just turned to watch the movie. "Yeah, well, put some Neosporin on it."

She had wrapped that blanket around her again. It looked older, so I guessed she had had it for a while and I just didn't notice. It was really nice, amazing hand-done embroidery I could tell. I was going to ask where she got it when she laughed at something on the screen, and as I watched a giant panda faster the art of kung fu, I got pulled into what would now be dubbed as visual uppers.

I would wait for Leah, and we would try, try, and try again. Or at least I would.

I just hope the rolls won't be reversed and I'll get past the anxiety to look her in the eye.

I would.

I will.

God help me.

**A/N: So…thoughts? Questions, concerns? Reviews are like visual uppers :)**

**This story has now been added by europ92 to her imprint story community! What a pleasure!**

**And just to clarify, I love Beauty and the Beast. There are so many ways to make fun of it, but I love it all the same. I also do not own it. Or Rice-a-Roni. That was mentioned a lot in this chapter. **


	13. Volcano

**A/N: Hey readers, it's been a while. I got stuck on this one a few times, but it finally sorted itself out, so the only reason it took so long was bad writing on my part that I had to fix. It was a bit ridiculous. But now it's better, and I am pleased. Chapter title is by Damien Rice.**

**THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW or wikipedia BEFORE READING: Humphrey Bogart, the Italian Street Song (on profile), and Carmen Sandiego. **

**The youngsters might not know them, and if you don't, please learn about them. They're all amazing. **

**Anyway, we're back to Emma's POV.**

Volcano

Leah came home when the _Kung Fu Fighting _song played during the ending credits. Her hair was windswept and her clothes looked dirty, like she had run through the woods. I briefly thought of asking her just where she had gone, but realized this was Leah. That question would get me nowhere. Jordan's knee, which had been bouncing throughout the last hour, stopped its movements when he saw her, and we both waited for her to say something. She held his gaze for a few seconds, and then brought her eyes to me.

"Em, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I glanced at Jordan who looked the slightest bit hurt, but also like he had expected this.

"Hey, I'm about to head home anyways, so you don't have to move or anything," He said, standing up. "I have a morning class tomorrow and my sleep pattern is all off from the long weekend, so I should go." He shrugged on his jacket, and I stood up next to him.

"You sure?" I could tell he knew he wasn't exactly wanted here now by Leah, but I had hoped that perhaps she would've cooled down enough from the run to be in his presence. Perhaps he knew best, though.

"Yeah, I'm sure, it's been a long day." He rubbed the back of his neck and I'm sure he had several implications behind that statement.

"Oh okay, well, have a nice night then," I said, giving him an apologetic smile. He gave me a sad one in return and hugged my shoulders quickly before heading towards the door. I almost forgot his Tupperware of Rice-a-Roni.

"Wait, don't forget your rice!" I hurried it to him where he had stopped by the door. Both he and Leah were looking away from each other, only a few feet between them.

"Thanks," he said, taking it from me, "and thanks for the meal, Leah. I'll have to get a padlock to keep my roommates off of it." He grinned, raising the container between them.

Leah merely nodded in response.

"Well, goodnight. I'll see you guys around then?"

"Yep," I answered, seeing that Leah wasn't about to.

He waved with a short goodbye and then it was just me and my roommate.

I started with what I had done with Jordan. Straightforward apology.

"I'm sorry."

Leah met my remorseful look with an anguished one and sighed before moving over to the heaven couch and curling up on it. I followed her and sat by her feet, waiting for her to start.

After a few minutes, my neck got tired from looking to the side, waiting for her to react, so I positioned myself so I was facing her, my back against the armrest.

"Hey," I poked her leg, making her look up at me. "You said you wanted to talk."

She laid her head back down. "I did."

I somehow kept myself from rolling my eyes at that one. "So talk."

Leah closed her eyes. "I'm sorry I blew up at you," she said softly. "I know you love that movie."

"Yes, well…" I trailed off. I _did_ love _Beauty and the Beast_. It was a classic, and it had a history in my family. It was a part of me.

But I had acted rashly as well in that conversation.

"I'm sorry I called you bitter."

Leah kept her eyes closed but reached a hand towards me. "Truce?"

I fought a grin and shook her warm hand, sealing the deal. "Truce."

She kept her hold on my hand afterwards and turned her face into the cushions. "I don't think I can do it," she said, and it was so muffled against the couch, I almost didn't hear her.

"Do what?" I asked, and felt her grip on my fingers tighten.

She took a calming breath, though I could see by the way her lips pursed that it hadn't done much.

"Jordan. I don't think I can do it." Her voice sounded so defeated, out of hope. Whether it was the sense of anguish or sadness, something within me started boiling from the pit of my stomach to the tips of my fingers, and I just wanted to make it go away for her.

"Oh Leah," I breathed.

She shook her head the slightest bit and fully turned her head into the couch, letting go of my hand and bringing her own up against her heart, like she was holding something there, hiding it.

There were times that I would let her go, let her deal with whatever it was that bothered her, but this was not one of those times. She needed to know that she deserved someone like Jordan, and I think some part of her knew it too. I just needed to make every part of her know.

I got up from the couch and sat in front of her on the floor, resting my arms on the edge of the couch cushion. "You don't have to _do _anything, Leah."

She made a noise that questioned my statement, but kept her position; face in the couch, hands at her heart, breathing deeply. I might've thought she was asleep had she not acknowledged me.

"I don't know…" I braced myself for what I was about to say, hoping it wouldn't be going too far. "I don't know what Sam was like as a boyfriend," she tensed at the mention of him, but didn't give me any sign to stop. "Or if he was your only boyfriend, significant other, whatever. But I've never had one. Before… this year, there were a few guys that might've shown interest for God knows why, and when that happened I would freak out, not knowing what to do. Whether it was my mom or my sister, or my friends at the time, they would always give me the same advice. And I think it might help you here."

She made another noise, this time to make me continue.

I rested my chin on my arms, so we were within whispering distance. I didn't touch her, lest she offer an invitation to give her some form of physical comfort. "Let him pursue you," I said softly. "You don't need to _do_ anything."

She took a deep breath and I watched her back rise and fall with it.

"Except maybe grant him some eye contact, that might help," I said with a smile. She turned her head so she could look at me and brushed her hair away from her face.

"I wasn't really supposed to tell you about the Pocahontas thing," I muttered, looking down. "He was kinda pissed at me, actually. Now that he knows that you know…he sort of freaked out like a fourteen year old girl," I laughed, "but I think it had merit." I looked up into Leah's questioning eyes. "He really cares about you, Leah. He didn't want you to be uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if I ruined that for you at all."

I grinned a little at my next thought. "If I really did bring you into some 'soap opera shit' as you so aptly called it before."

She snorted and looked past me, the screen saver for the DVD player showing in the reflection of her eyes. "No, you're fine."

A crease formed in between her brows and she looked at me with a glint in her eyes I knew would not be good for me.

"So what happened to all those guys who uh…showed interest?" She was fighting a grin and arched an eyebrow, and seeing her do this sideways was a little funny, but I grimaced all the same at the mention of 'all those guys'.

"It really wasn't that many. Maybe like four. And they all turned out to be weird. Or immature. Or weird." I scrunched up my nose at the memory of 'trumpet boy'. A guy in knew from orchestra my sophomore year who was very good looking, but called me to no end and was excessively immature and excessively awkward to be with when he didn't have friends around him. We did not click, much to his dismay.

Leah let out a short chuckle. "You _would _attract the weird ones."

I sneered at her the best I could, but it was the truth, and it had never failed until recently.

"I don't know how in the world Embry came into the picture." I stared off into space, just thinking about him, and his band of friends that talked to me tonight. They remembered who I was immediately, and it made me happy to know they didn't forget me already, though I wasn't surprised because of the M&M bomb.

"I believe," Leah started, and she had that glint again, "it started _with_ a picture."

"You know what…" I started threateningly, and she had started chuckling before I could get anything in, so I just rolled my eyes at her. I wondered when I would ever hear her full-blown laugh like on the day I met her. I hoped it was soon.

"Leah?" I was more serious now, and she slowed her laughing, the smirk still on her face. "So will you look at him at least?"

She sighed and looked past me again.

"I know I said you didn't have to do anything, but I think it'll really help with the communication part. I mean it's common courtesy, come on," I joked, trying to bring light to the area of communication she seemed to have felt the least comfortable with tonight around Jordan.

"I'll see what I can do," she said, looking back at me, and I grinned in gratitude for each of my friends' sakes. If she gave him that, things might just go a little easier for the both of them.

"So what did you think of the corn bread?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Leah pursed her lips together and looked a little worried. "Um…."

"It was horrible, right?" I laughed. She rolled her eyes and smiled with me. "He was so focused on you it was completely clumpy and dry in places. I just ate it because I was angry. I sort of wished we hadn't traded," I said mournfully, thinking of our Rice-a-Roni under lock and key in Jordan's fridge.

"Ugh, God…" she closed her eyes and made a face. "I didn't want to say anything, I think I just ripped mine to pieces after my first bite."

I snickered with her, and then smiled widely when I registered what she said and I clapped my hands together in excitement.

"You didn't even insult his cooking! This is good! It's progress!" I hit my hands on the couch cushion at the end of each exclamation.

Leah's cheeks reddened the slightest bit and she tried to defend her nice behavior. "He just looked so proud, I couldn't completely shred him of his dignity."

Jordan may have looked very proud of his poor corn bread, but I felt as proud as a mother hearing her child just won a spelling bee. Not exactly the same situation, but I was just that happy.

OOO

The following week was nothing if not dismal. The days after Thanksgiving break were not agreeing with me, and the Seattle rain was not helping the situation whatsoever. I kept telling myself the school was worth it. It was also worth a pretty penny, but it was worth trudging through the rain day by day after all.

The only light each twenty-four hours would be when I was home and talking to Embry on the phone. I'd give him a call when I got home from work or class and we'd just chat, and it would be nice. We watched TV once. I told him to turn his channel to PBS so we could watch some random movie from the thirties that was on and comment on their horrible acting skills and dramatize the way they practically yelled their lines to each other. Embry was wary about it, specifically the 'watching PBS' part, but he caught on about five minutes into it when he realized I wasn't really watching the movie to _watch_ it, but to make conversation out of it.

"Why did everyone have these British accents back then? I mean it's set in Arizona. Why don't we still talk like that?" I asked him, thinking out loud.

"They probably had coaches or something, took away all their twang."

"Huh…" I nodded my head, thinking of getting a speaking coach so I could talk like the young Bette Davis on the screen. Then thought to better save my money for things like an education.

"What the hell is that? They call that getting shot?" Embry was disgusted by the poor action sequence (in his opinion). The typical, grab your chest, take two steps and fall limp to the ground was simply not good enough.

"I think this was a play first, they might be stage actors."

"He's not even scary, he's just got a five o'clock shadow, how is that supposed to make him an intimidating gangster?"

"He's got the gun and the crazy hair too."

"Irrelevant, he hasn't even done anything."

"He's Humphrey Bogart! Show some respect!"

"He's dead, right? May he rest in peace."

Bette Davis just confessed her love for the main guy in front of all the other characters. She had met him earlier that day.

"Psshh." I rolled my eyes at Bette. "These movies are so ridiculous. '_I love you, I truly do_, _kiss me please_'" I mimicked in a high voice.

"What?" Embry laughed at me.

"They may be in the middle of a stick up, but really? It's like all it took for people to say it back then was a crush, it's stupid."

Embry laughed again on the other end, and I thought I heard it kind of strained, so I took a mental note to not bring up people saying 'I love you' since it seemed to make him uncomfortable. We hadn't really gone over our feelings much, we both just sort of knew that we had them for each other and didn't discuss it. It was early in the relationship and I was fine with that for now.

The rest of the movie continued as such, making fun of the actors' shooting skills and line delivery, then we said goodnight and I wrapped our blanket around me and finished some music theory homework before I went to bed. Homework, which, days later, I received and found that I had done all of it wrong.

I stormed up to our apartment after a day of too much note taking and failing to get a practice room during the day at all. I would be rusty tomorrow. I had also taken home a few gallons of water, which were hanging on to my clothes and hair. It had been foggy in the morning, and I brilliantly did not check the forecast. If I had, I would have been prepared for the 'heavy showers' with an umbrella, or at least something with a hood.

So here I stood, throwing off my squelching shoes in a fit of pent up rage against the sky, and letting my bag clunk unceremoniously to the ground.

"Rough day, huh?" Leah was on her laptop on the heaven couch, an accounting book and a few papers spread out in front of her. She didn't even give me a second to answer as her phone went off and her attention was diverted.

I grumbled some not-so-nice words and stalked past her to the bathroom. I was cold, and wet, and just wanted to get under a steaming jet of water to pound the stress out of my shoulders.

Once the shower spurted to life and my freezing toes burned against the hot water that surrounded them, I did exactly as I had planned, and turned the shower head to the side so I could lean against the wall and let the water beat against my aching back. I let out a contented sigh and just stood there for a few minutes, letting my head fall forward.

"_Oooooh sweet mystery of life at last I've found thee..._" I started singing in a warbling tone. I was no Mario Lanza when it came to this song, but the water pressure was simply bliss. "_Oooooh at last I've found the meaning of it all…"_

I heard something outside the bathroom door, no doubt Leah, coming to gloat at my absurdness once I came out.

"I don't care if you're listening, I've had a shitty day and this shower is amazing!" I yelled, and then continued louder this time in defiance of Leah, squirting some shampoo in my hand as I went.

"_Aaaaaaall the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning…_" I may have over done it a bit; making the Italian Street Song sound like it was intended back in the thirties. Dramatic. With a little bitchy thrown in. I was ready for this day to end.

I scrubbed my scalp quickly, then rinsed my hair clean, finally feeling refreshed.

"_The idle hopes, and joy and burning tears that faaaall…"_

I scrubbed my face with a groan and shut off the shower, wrapping a towel around me, all the while hearing Leah's cackles on the other side of the door.

"_Foooooor 'tis love and love alone the world is seeking…"_

I grabbed my pile of rain-soaked clothes and wrenched open the door.

"_Aaaaand 'tis love and…love…" _I trailed off when my eyes went straight to the phone Leah was holding in the air.

She was biting her lip to try and keep it inside, but she was just barely stifling the ridiculous sounds coming from the sides of her mouth.

"It's just so good." She said in a high voice, containing herself as much as possible. "Don't you think Embry?"

My jaw dropped and I froze in horror. Leah I could take hearing that, but Embry…this was just killing me slowly.

"No." I said desperately, hoping against all hope that she was kidding, she was playing a trick on me. Tricky tricky Leah.

A crackling sound came from the phone and a faint rumbling chuckle filled the quiet air that wasn't being filled with sounds from Leah.

A distinctly familiar rumbling chuckle.

It was on speakerphone, and I couldn't take my eyes off of the stupid device. This was so horrifyingly embarrassing, I just froze and felt my stomach drop to the deepest depths possible.

It spoke…

"Uh…" he breathed an uncomfortable laugh, "Wow Emma, um…"

"No," I said again, and then heard myself chanting it. "No, no, no, no…"

I let go of the door handle, which my fingers had clamped around when I froze, and blindly made my way to my bedroom. Nothing was obstructing my view, I just didn't register anything that may or may not have been in front of me until I had shut my door and sat on my bed.

My towel was still wrapped around me, and drops of water were dripping off the ends of my hair onto my legs. Each drop went through the cold air surrounding me, hitting me with an icy splat and just made the day shittier.

Shitty day…gone worse.

I knew I could be weird sometimes, different maybe, original, genuine…weird. I've actually been surprised at how 'those guys' I had told Leah about did not mesh with me at all. You would think with the combined weirdness it would have worked with one of them.

But I couldn't just sit here and stew in the shittiness, then it'd be all over me. I jumped from the bed and spun around in a circle, looking for something to otherwise occupy my mind. I stopped at the dresser and ran to it, hastily throwing on some comfy clothes, then started pacing as my mind went into overdrive.

Embry is not weird. Embry can get a little juvenile when faced with a car from ten years in the future and an opportunity to drive it, but with anything else, Embry is not weird. It was wrong of me to even put his name and weird in the same sentence. I slapped a hand to my forehead just at the thought.

But now he knows and partly witnessed my 'genuine' antics and will think '_Oh dear God, she's crazy_' and then I won't be able to get to know him more because he won't want to keep doing…whatever it is we're doing, and I'll go back to going out once with guys who want to cheat off me in class or think I have no brains because I want to teach music but think I'm 'cute' or they're just way too into the whole J.R.R. Tolkein thing, and I'll have to watch Leah and Jordan eventually get together, because I would still help them out even though I would be going through hell and back because the most perfect guy for me that I've ever known will be embarrassed to even associate himself with me and-

"Leah, where's Emma? Lemme talk to her." Embry's voice was blaring from her phone, sounding like it was in a mega phone because it was on speaker, even though it was still outside my door.

"She's in her room, frickin' calm down and let her change." She was still smiling about it. I could hear it in her voice. The traitor.

"Leah."

"Fine! One sec," she said, and then knocked on my door. "Emma?"

I suppose I should respond. "Yeah," I muttered, turning a corner in my circuit of pacing.

"You decent?"

"Yeah."

The door opened and she held the phone out in front of her. "Embry wants to-"

She stopped and took in my pacing self and lowered the phone.

"Aw Shit."

"Yeah."

"Leah? What's going on?" Embry's megaphone voice was now blaring into my room freely and even though I knew he wasn't here and couldn't see me, it was like there was nowhere to hide from him.

"Emma's having a bit of a mental breakdown, she'll have to call you back," She said, and snapped her phone shut, ending the call.

"Yeah."

"Is that all you say now? Before it was just 'no'."

_Could_ I say more? No.

"Yeah."

I kept pacing and continuing the rant in my head about how this one stupid incident was going to ruin any chance I had at having a decent boyf-…significant other and-

"Frickin' A, Emma!"

My circuit was stopped short by Leah grabbing me by the arm. My feet kept going and the part of me that wasn't held by Leah swung to the floor.

"She lives. Brilliant."

I scrambled up and wrenched my arm from her grasp.

"What the crap Leah!" I shouted and she tilted her head back a fraction at the volume. "What the frickin' hell!"

_How did my voice get that high?_

"Calm down, you were gonna ruin the carpet."

"No!" I shouted, and then briefly pictured myself ranting and raving at her and being hysterical. Even in my imagination I didn't win. I would have to explain. My shoulders slumped and I held up a hand dejectedly, giving her the truth.

"Leah, I'm weird," I whispered, defeated.

She nodded her head, then said in a condescending tone, "Yes Emma, yes you are."

"No, you-you don't understand…I know that _you _know that. But…" I took in a deep breath and let it out with a 'aaarrrgh!' "There is a person…who you had on the phone…who did _not_ know that."

"Who, my mom?"

"Leah!"

Leah rolled her eyes and snorted at me. "He really doesn't give a shit if you sing in the shower, Emma."

"What?" I squeaked.

She groaned and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Emma, I'm going to ask you to do something, please…please comply."

I blinked and squeaked again. "Huh?"

"Please… do not become one of those girls who thinks that _one stupid thing_ will make the guy who's clearly already fallen for her jump ship for good."

"Wha-huh?" I stutter-squeaked. Did I rant that out loud? No, the only thing I was saying was 'yeah', she couldn't have known…

"Gaaaah!" Leah threw her hands in the air and they flopped to her sides as she made a face at me. "Everyone is _weird! _Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street as a child? That _Everybody Sleeps_ song can apply to everything- everybody sleeps, poops, wears ugly clothes, and does stupid shit."

I squinted at her, confused as to how this related at all to our previous topic, and she just groaned at me in response.

An annoying ringtone broke the conversation and Leah looked at her phone, then pointedly at me, and held it in the air between us, Embry's name flashing on the front screen.

"I'm not answering this."

"Why not?"

"Because you are."

The little techno song from the phone was coming to an end, and then it would just be a missed call.

"Answer it!" I screeched, but she just lifted a brow in challenge. I looked frantically from Leah to the phone. Leah, phone, Leah, phone, and she did nothing.

"Leah!" I wasn't sure why I was so adamant that Embry's call shouldn't be ignored, it just seemed completely rude and a wasted chance of communicating with him. I mean, he was _right there!_

When she still did nothing, I gave up and snatched the phone, flipping it open quickly enough to let it fly right back out of my hands.

"Shit!" I watched it fall to the ground and held my breath when it hit the floor, bouncing once, but surprisingly not closing and ending the call. After a few seconds of waiting for something to happen, the megaphone Embry was talking again. Leah had never taken it off speakerphone.

"Hello?…Leah?"

My fingernails had found themselves in between my teeth and I was about to bite off a whole digit while Leah gave me an expectant look. She pinched my arm, and I let out a squawk of pain, recoiling from her and sending a glare her way.

"Emma?" the phone said. "What's going on, are you okay?" He sounded angry. Or maybe tense. Concerned? Definitely angry.

I didn't answer right away, and Leah pointed at the phone mouthing 'deal with this!' at me, giving another pinch.

"Ow! Hi!" I squawked again. "Hi, yeah, I'm uh, I'm fine." My recovery was worse than the original man who was caught red handed.

"Leah?" He growled through the phone.

"What." She sounded bored.

"Leave."

"With pleasure." She sent me another look to resolve my case of preteen self-esteem and quickly left the room, shutting the door behind her.

I didn't look at the phone.

My fingernails were back between my teeth.

I could hear him breathing softly through the crazy telephone wavelengths that made it possible because of some miraculous satellite.

_Please… do not become one of those girls who thinks that one stupid thing will make the guy who's clearly already fallen for her jump ship for good._

Right.

"So I'm gonna… um…ask you to not say anything, just for a sec…" I waited for a response, then after about five whole seconds I realized he was following my request by not saying anything. I shook my head and took in a deep breath in preparation.

"Embry, I'm weird. And according to the ancient seventies commercials they put on Sesame Street, so are you." I closed my eyes and uttered a low "dammit".

_That did not come out the way I had planned. _

"Case and point. That's just the beginning. But I won't uh…bend to any will that would make me otherwise…If Clark Gable were a woman, I'd quote him in saying 'frankly, good sir, I don't give a damn', But Clark Gable is… was… not a woman. He was very much a man. Right. I'm off topic."

The pacing recommenced.

"I guess you could say I go by the words of Samuel Beckett, 'dance first, think later, it's the natural order of things'. But then, I don't dance much either…" I had run out of intellectual tidbits that would make me sound more sane and sophisticated, but any logical defenses I had were down and I really was going to ruin the carpet if I let this go on.

"Okay now say something!" I yelled at the ceiling, knowing at some point or other the sound would travel to the phone on the floor. I was no longer pacing, but just rocking from foot to foot, putting my fingernails back in my teeth. It's such a bad habit, but at times like these I couldn't stop them from finding each other. I had rocked to my right foot six times before the megaphone said anything.

"I hate Oreos."

I stared at the phone, bewildered by this random statement. Was he making fun of me?

"Excuse me?"

I heard a sigh that people normally give when they've had to say something about ten times in a row.

"I don't like Oreos. Never have."

Okay…so that's some semi-useful information…

"I also had a weird-ass haircut for most of my teen years. I won't deny that I liked it. And sorta miss it."

He had a weird-ass…haircut…

Why was he feeding me this random informa- oh! Okay, my turn.

"I used to be afraid of the basement in my house at night because I thought Abraham Lincoln's ghost was down there. I'd run up the stairs really fast when I turned off the lights." My voice was a little muffled by the fingers I still had in front of my mouth, but I could hear a bit of his rumbling chuckle and knew he had heard me right.

"Abe Lincoln? You were afraid of Honest Abe?"

"Yeah well, he had that bone disease or something that made him look creepy in photos they'd show in history class."

"Why would he be in your basement?"

"Because everyone loved him and I was the only one who thought he looked creepy!" In my mind, it made sense. "It's your turn."

"Oh, uhh…hmmm…. I really liked my ceramics class in high school?" He ended in a question like he was asking if it would count.

"How is that weird?"

"Because I'm a guy! And it's an art class!"

"So?"

"So I was really good at it!"

My eyebrows rose, thinking of Embry crouched over a pottery wheel. "Really?"

"Yes!" He seemed really affronted that I may have doubted him on this.

"Do you make anything anymore?"

"No, I mostly just work on cars and stuff with Quil like we did with Jake when he was still around."

"Why not?"

"Well, we've already got someone on the Rez that makes authentic Quileute pottery, I don't really need to."

My brows shot back down in confusion. "Need to? So you wouldn't make souvenirs, why stop?"

"Why not?"

"Fixing cars is manly and all, but if you want to make art pieces, Embry, it wouldn't make you a girl. Don't tell me you've succumbed to peer pressure."

"Emma, I'm really not that good."

I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone, turning off the speakerphone and bringing it to my ear. "That's what they all say, then after you die, your stuff is gonna be sold for millions of dollars."

"What? Emma-"

"Embry, having a creative outlet isn't weird. It's normal." Not to mention a very attractive characteristic that I greedily wanted to see in action. "Try again."

He was silent for a moment, then said proudly, "I am very afraid of bees. And I'm not even allergic."

"Bees?"

"Yes, bees! I got stung one too many times as a kid. They freak me out."

"What, did you kill their queen?"

"It's your turn." He grumbled, taking the embarrassment off of himself.

"Fine," I sighed. "I like honey on my scrambled eggs."

"What on your what?" he answered, sounding disgusted.

"I got some honey on my eggs once as a kid and I liked it, so I always put it on my scrambled eggs now."

Silence.

"It's good!"

"Yeah, okay." He said, clearly not believing me. "Hmm, oh! I used to think Carmen Sandiego was real. I wanted to meet her."

My face lit up with glee at the mention of one of my favorite shows as a little kid. "I loved Carmen Sandiego!" I said happily, and then started to sing the little theme song. "_Where- in the world- is- Carmen Sandiego_? Oh God, I so wanted her hat. That big ginormous red hat."

"You know she was the villain, right?"

"Yes, of course I know she was the villain. She was the best bad-ass girl villain ever."

"Good, just checking."

"So," I joked with him, "did you want to meet her to become one of her cronies or to whisk her away for your own devices?"

"Are you kidding? I wanted to arrest her, I would have been famous! Any woman I would see in a trench coat I would run up to them and accuse them in the name of the ACME Detective Agency."

"And how long did that last?" I chuckled, loving this absurd story of his.

"Until I followed a woman at the grocery store, got her drenched with a water gun and my mom gave me a talkin' to."

I snorted in the middle of laughing, picturing a little Embry accusing a poor woman just trying shop for groceries and soaking her in the bread isle.

"Did you just snort?" he asked, while laughing himself.

"Yes! I did!" I said proudly, adding it to my weird list. "I am no dainty fair maiden, I can burp too!"

"Oh?" He said and sounded excited at the prospect of me belching.

"Yes, but I always say 'excuse me' afterwards," I answered, and I could hear him start to chuckle again. "I wasn't raised by wolves."

A choking sound came from the earpiece of Leah's phone. "Embry?"

A few more coughs and a clearing of the throat later, "Yeah? I'm fine, just choked on some air there." He cleared his throat again. "My turn again?"

I narrowed my eyes at the carpet, if he was here, he would have gotten the full effect. "Yes. It is. Go forth and state your weirdness."

"Go forth? Have we gone back in time?"

"No we haven't. Although Carmen Sandiego _did_ go back in time once…" I tried to remember that one episode where they got a time machine. It was a long time ago, but I was pretty sure it happened.

"Yeah I think I remember that." I could hear the smile in his voice. I wanted to see it. I had gone a whopping six days without it right in front of me, in the flesh, face to face. We had changed months. It was now December, and getting colder and closer to my flight home and away from Embry every day. "I got one."

"Hmm?" Thoughts of the man I was speaking to were broken by his own voice. "Oh, right. Go forth."

"Well," he started, and I could hear the harsh sound of when you breathe against the mouthpiece of a phone, like he angled it away to prepare himself. "I bought a ticket?" He ended as a question and I didn't know how to answer.

"Whu-uhh… a ticket? What kind of ticket?"

"A plane ticket?" Again, with the questions. My brows came down and my lip pouted in confusion.

"You bought a plane ticket? Embry, unless you've never flown anywhere, I don't see how this can be added to your weird list."

"Well, technically, no, I haven't flown before, but that's not the essential part of this ticket." He was talking fast like he was nervous, and it was making _me_ nervous. I was smiling, so I was definitely nervous.

"So…what is the special ingredient to said ticket?" I asked, now with a bit of a giggle. I was really nervous. The atmosphere of our battle of the weirds had evaporated, and my wet head was getting heated from the cold by way of my now fast-pumping bloodstreams.

"Issforsufaz," he answered, finally not in the form of a question, but definitely not slow enough for me to comprehend.

"Uh, what?" I closed my eyes while I waited for him to repeat himself, somehow thinking that would help me better understand him.

"It's… it's for Sioux Falls." My eyes snapped back open. "I got a plane ticket. To Sioux Falls. South Dakota. Borders southern Minnesota."

"Y-yeah, I um…I know it- I know it does," I stuttered, running a hand through my still wet hair. "F- uh, for when?"

"For the fifteenth?" The questions were back.

"Of December?"

"Yeah?

I started nervous laughing again, but the way it came out made me sound like a crazy person who can't psychologically deal with something, so they start laughing about it. Then again, that might just be what was happening. By the sound of it, Embry had bought a ticket to be close to me during winter break, something that people do maybe when they've been dating for definitely more than a week. We had started on the baby steps; calling once a day to catch up, but the separation wasn't going as well as I had planned. The blanket was helping, but otherwise I just felt either sad or frustrated without him around. Having him close by during the holidays would be great, awesome even, but then it would disregard the whole baby steps thing. I wanted two very different things at the same time, and I didn't know which one to choose.

Before I could say anything about it, Embry started talking, still in a nervous speed. "Shit, Emma, I'm sorry, I just went and got the ticket on a whim, and Jake said I could stay with him, but you say the word if it's… too soon or...if you don't...I'm sorry." His voice sounded muffled like he had wiped his hand down his face, and I cringed, not wanting him stressed or embarrassed over this. It was actually sweet that he thought of it, and even more of a positive that he was giving me a say in whether he went. Thoughts of him not coming now made no sense. He bought the ticket. I wanted him there. He was coming.

"No, Embry, it's fine, just... unexpected, I guess." Embry made a groan at his whimsical actions and I had to work fast before he got all chivalrous and backed out on the pretense that it would make me uncomfortable. "I'm kind of excited to go home now," I said, closing my eyes and waiting for impact.

"You are?"

"Well yeah," I said, like it was obvious and rolled my eyes as I opened them. "I mean, usually it's pretty boring, just being bombarded by family and having awkward run-ins with people from high school, but I mean, now I know that Jake and Ness will be close by, and if you are too, then... it wouldn't be so bad." My inner bashful schoolgirl was coming out and I was kicking myself for not just saying I would be a hundred times happier if he even came to visit me at all let alone staying the whole winter break within a few hours' driving distance.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Hundred percent?"

"Yes."

"No doubt about it?"

"Embry! Stop! I'm sure, I'm… already looking forward to it."

He was quiet for a moment, and then asked in a serious voice, "Is that a weird list entry?"

"No! Emb-uuugh!" I stopped trying when I heard him chuckling at me. "I can only roll my eyes so many times in a day before I get dizzy you know," I grumbled.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, still laughing lightly, and I could hear the smile in his voice again. I just wanted to see it.

"Embry?" I started, feeling a blush creep up my neck and thankful that he wouldn't be able to see it.

"Emma?" He answered, and I could still hear the smile, the mirth caught in his features.

"Thank you," I said softly. "I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to know how to calm me down. So thanks." I was tracing lines and swirls on my knee with my finger, bashful fidgeting now kicking in.

"No problem," he said just as bashful, and I could picture his mirthful smirk turn into a sweet grin. "Maybe that's another one for the list."

I shook my head, though he wouldn't see that either. "No, that's not one for the weird list." It was sweet. Endearing. Wonderful. But not weird. "And the ticket isn't either, come to think of it."

"It's not?"

"No." I smiled, "It's not."

"So it's still my turn then?"

At that, I let out a laugh in earnest. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"Alright…. hmm oh! Okay, so when I was-" he stopped and I heard him utter a low oath. "Emma, Sam's calling me, I'm sorry I have to take it."

"Oh, that's fine, don't worry about it." I wouldn't admit that I actually wanted to stay on the phone with him until I saw him in Sioux Falls come the fifteenth, regardless of any ridiculous phone bills.

"I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I tried to sound cheerful, I really did. He waited a few more seconds, and for a second I thought he had already hung up.

"Bye," he breathed out, and I breathed in.

"Bye." I heard the click of the line being cut off and saw a light out of the corner of my eye, the phone telling me the call had ended. I stared at the screen sadly, officially cut off from Embry, and then smiled at the way the call had turned out.

He was coming.

I would see him at home, or close to it.

He'd be there.

Halle-frickin-lujiah.

I looked at the phone again, the somewhat unfamiliar phone that didn't belong to me. This was Leah's. Why was I using Leah's phone again?

I backtracked on the chain of events that brought me here, currently sitting on my bedroom floor in sweats with a cold, wet head, and Leah's phone. Sitting was after the pacing, which was after the clothes, which was after the momentary blindness, which was after the 'no' chant, which was after…the phone.

Leah may have been quite the bitch once, but I knew a better one. One that went by the name of Karma.

**A/N: A treat for you if you review: One of the ridiculous plot lines I thought of for this chapter. I scrapped it story-wise once I actually read it, but saved it because it was just that Ridiculous. If you review, you'll get a taste of my crazy brain workings! :P I know you guys are out there, stop being Bashful the dwarf and talk to me! I love it!**

**In recent news, Found is now part of 3 communities (what the crap, I'm baffled) here on FF; When Gravity Moves…, Pawprinted, and Howling at the Moon. They're all awesome imprint story communities, and you should all check them out and find more stories to love!**


	14. What If You

Hey wow guys, so **Found** has been nominated for the **Indie Twific Awards**!

Best Original Character WIP

Which I think is really cool, seeing as it's like picking out the indie bands of the fanfiction world.

The ones you love but aren't yet known to the world. (You can help with that by the way, spread the word!)

Voting ends on the **15****th****!** So show your love for these guys and rock the vote at **theindietwificawards(dot)com**!

I'm frickin' pumped!

Moving on, here is the next chapter. Title is by Joshua Radin.

**What If You**

Finals week.

It always amazed me how much I loved it so much more than Dead week- the week before finals week. Once the final was done, it would be done and in someone else's hands. There was nothing more you could do about it, and you were free from the class. No more.

With no regularly scheduled classes, the campus seemed to come under a huge calm. Every once in a while, you'd see people who looked like they haven't slept in days or were so hopped up on Red Bull and coffee that they'd shake just sitting still. I was one of the fortunate few who had a minimal amount to worry about, many of my finals being from my music classes, a lot of which came naturally for me. The Philosophy and Earth Science courses I had to take for gen-eds were the only ones I was worrying about. Anything before the midterms were a bit fuzzy and going over notes from September that looked completely unfamiliar didn't exactly help me along.

I was currently sitting on the floor against the heaven couch surrounded by flashcards. They each held all the different types of rocks that I had memorized way back when, but now constantly forgetting. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why I couldn't remember obsidian. Hadn't I learned this in eighth grade? I didn't want to do it again. But I was doing it again.

It'll be over soon. Just take the test on Tuesday and then it'll be over…

My mental reassurances were especially amusing to Leah when I would make faces and hand motions whenever I thought them, but said nothing out loud.

"What's she doing?" Seth whispered loudly to Leah. He was taking refuge at our kitchen table, claiming he needed 'peace and quiet', something he had been doing frequently in the past few days. Personally I think his roommate was a complete slob of a person that thought too highly of himself to admit the stench in their hall was because of his poor cleaning habits. I had been there once. I stayed outside the door, afraid I might need a biohazard mask to go any further.

"My best guess is studying, but I wouldn't put it against her if she was using that as a disguise for the curses she's really putting on us." Leah was having her fun again, wagging her knife around in explanation while making a sandwich.

"Us? I took no part in your speaker phone deal." This was true, but Seth had mentioned several times that he was sad he missed it. This was not lost on me.

"You're guilty by association," I hollered from my spot on the floor, still arranging flashcards. "Where do you think she learned that kind of trickery?"

Seth started to laugh as though thinking back on moments of his own pranking days, then realized his mishap and sobered noisily, clearing his throat and becoming quiet.

"That's what I thought," I hollered again and smiled at my victory.

"Okay, so what if…" Seth started, trying to barter his way out. "What if I went to that orchestra thing?"

"The symphony concert?" Of course, with the end of a semester comes the concert that the school symphony had been working towards for the past few months. I was excited only because I was always excited to perform with an orchestra on a lit stage in a big music hall. It made me feel important no matter how far back in the section I was seated. When the acoustics of the hall worked with the sounds the orchestra melded together, it was a beautiful thing, and I couldn't wait. Leah and Seth had never actually heard me play, and were at least curious to see a live orchestra performance, something neither of them had ever taken the time to do. I myself wouldn't be individually heard, but I'd be a part of the whole sound, and that always gave me a little to boast about. I was part of something that made works of art come to life and performances like these, though academic and common, never lost their animation for me.

"Yeah!" He seemed so triumphant now, like he had finally figured me out. It was a bit sad to know he hadn't.

"Seth, you're already going, you said you would weeks ago."

"I did?"

"Yes, you did." This was actually in a bartering act of my own. That day, Seth had been getting on Leah's nerves as any little brother should, but when she came storming out of her room complaining of a sticky 'f' key on her lap top, I knew she was about to explode. It _was_ Seth's fault, seeing as he had been using her laptop again while drinking a soda, and being the boy he is, spilled on the keyboard. I saved him in an act of kindness and claimed the fault of using her computer when I had forgotten my power cord in a classmate's apartment. She was still mad, but not as much as she could have been had Seth been revealed as the culprit. I wouldn't tell Leah on the grounds that he agreed to go to the concert and not fall asleep.

"Oh…Oh!"

_Now he gets it._

"That's right, I did say that," he said now exaggerating confidence. "When is it again?"

"Thursday night, seven thirty in the concert hall." Seth started repeating my answer slowly as if he were writing it down, and I turned around to see him typing into his phone. The sight was a bit curious seeing as the boy couldn't hold any amount of events or homework in a planner, let alone his own phone. He usually relied on other people for this kind of information. "Seth Clearwater, are you actually putting that into your calendar?"

Seth looked up and almost looked guilty in the way his hands froze. "Yes." I raised an eyebrow and he threw up his arms in dispute. "What! I can't hold my own schedule?" I glanced at Leah, and she was mimicking my bemused look at her brother, the sandwich she had just made half way up to her mouth.

"No," we chorused.

Seth merely grumbled under his breath and went back to typing the event back into his phone. When he was done, he set it on the table and said, "There. Done. Sent."

This just sent me into further bemusement. "Sent?"

Seth's eyes grew wide and he fumbled for an answer. "To my calendar. I sent it there. Now it's safely…in my calendar." He looked at me and Leah, and seeing that we hadn't changed our looks at him, suddenly became very interested in the textbook in front of him. "Right. So…gross national product…" I shook my head and went back to my rocks.

Seth could be weird sometimes.

That thought brought a smile to my face, thinking of the weird things I was accumulating into a list in my head since the initiation of the weird list with Embry. It was only two days ago and we had been adding to it every time we greeted each other on the phone. I had since learned that he used to have a fascination with frogs, to which I told him I used to have a fascination with dogs. Both were understandable childhood interests, but for some reason, he found it hilarious. I told him I'd never broken a bone, but had sprained my ankle four different times, and he said he couldn't remember how many times he's broken a bone. He wouldn't elaborate, but I guessed it was a lot. Thinking of Embry, the guy who looked indestructible along with all his friends from La Push, having any broken bones at all was a weird thought in and of itself, so it definitely belonged on the list.

"A-hah!" I did a little dance in my sitting position, having finally remembered obsidian along with all of the other rocks.

Now onto the layers of the atmosphere…

OOO

I was officially enjoying finals week. Monday's Earth Science final hadn't been a breeze, but I was confident I at least got the rocks right. Most of my music finals were challenging but thorough and I had a feeling I did well. Jordan and I both left the music theory final with smiles on our faces, so I was happy to have someone to share in my freedom from Dr. Russell and his quizzing ways. Philosophy was the one that stumped me, but I wasn't too worried- at least I'd never have to take it again. All the actual exams had passed and it was now Thursday afternoon, hours before the concert.

I had washed and ironed my concert attire- an elegant but simple black quarter length sleeved top with black dress pants and the only heels that I owned which were also black. I looked like I was going to a funeral by myself, but would eventually mesh together with the rest of the orchestra members. I was just glad I didn't have to wear a tux like all the guys did and sweat my way through the concert.

"So what are you guys playing again?" Leah was leaning against the doorway of the bathroom as I messed with my hair, trying to make it work with a curling iron.

"Stravinsky Symphony in Three Movements, a Vivaldi bassoon concerto, and Sibelius Symphony Number One," I said, letting a curl bounce from the curling iron, then grimaced at my poor curling skills. I don't even know why I tried this every time. I set the hot metal rod in the sink and brushed out the curl, twirling all my hair up into a twist in seconds. It was quick, would hold all night with a few bobby pins, and looked nice to boot.

"Yep. Still nothing." Leah had tried to catch on to my music knowledge, but couldn't quite remember all the names I did, not that I minded. I didn't expect her to reach my caliber of nerd-ness quite yet, but it was nice to know she was at least acknowledging it. I smiled at her and laughed a little, then turned around pointing at my head.

"How does it look?"

"It looks like hair, Emma."

I let my arm flop to my side and looked at her over my shoulder. "Is there anything loose or sticking out weird?"

Leah rolled her eyes and stepped forward, turning my head forward again. "Give me a bobby pin," she said, and I handed one back to her. I could feel her fingers fiddling with my hair, but no poking or pulling that harmed my scalp. "There. It should be pretty indestructible now. Shake your head once."

I shook it and nothing came loose but a few stray bangs that I flicked back with a finger. "Nicely done," I said, turning around and giving her a thankful smile.

Leah's lips twitched and held her chin up. "No problem."

"Now if you had only been there for my cello recital in high school, my hair wouldn't have gotten stuck in the pegs," I said, lightly touching my hair and still finding it to be held tight by Leah's master pinwork.

"What?" she chuckled at me.

"The pegs, the knobs that tune it, they end up right by my head when I'm playing and…well, if my hair's too loose, it can get caught. It's happened before and it was not a pleasant experience." I shuddered just thinking of the performance that kept me from moving my head at all for fear of ripping out a chunk of hair.

Leah just shook her head and walked out of the bathroom, asking me what time I had to be at the music hall.

"Um, Jordan said we had to be there to go over some parts with the conductor around five. Why?"

"It's quarter 'til."

I cursed under my breath and quickly changed into my concert black clothes I had laid out earlier. Just as I asked her for a ride, my phone rang. I answered without even looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" I said quickly.

"Well, hello to you too," came a familiar deep voice.

"Embry!" I stopped putting on one of my shoes and started to tilt to the side with the imbalance, thankfully just falling onto the heaven couch. "Hi!"

"Hey, so you have that uh, concert tonight, right?"

"Yeah," I said softly, trying another time to put on my shoe. He had said he had been working on stuff for the council on the reservation and wouldn't be able to make it out to Seattle before the fifteenth, when he flew out to Sioux Falls to stay with Jake. I had hoped maybe he could just come for the night once to hang out or maybe even come to the concert, but I didn't want to push it. I was sad he couldn't be here, but I couldn't really hold it against him. "I'm actually about to go for pre-concert stuff."

"Oh, well I won't keep you, but I did just want to say 'break a leg out there'." He sounded like he was grinning, and I thought I heard a car's engine roaring like it had just picked up speed.

"Well, I'm not exactly putting on a play but I'll take it I guess," I chuckled. "Are you driving?"

"Yeah, I'm just on my way somewhere." I could still hear the smile, and I tilted my head, grinning a bit myself.

"Okay, well drive safe, then."

"I will," he chuckled and I could hear the engine roar again. "So what do I say if 'break a leg' is wrong?"

Leah already had her coat on with car keys in hand, standing by the front door. I pulled on my own coat, threw on a scarf and grabbed my purse, all with the phone still at my ear.

"Well, it's not wrong, per se, I guess you could say 'play well'?" I really didn't know what the best encouragement phrase was for things like this.

"Alright then, play well," he said, still with the smile audible in his voice.

"You seem pretty happy," I hedged, following Leah to her car and slipping into the passenger seat. "Am I missing something?" We quickly got onto the main road, heading towards the music building where we had to pick up my cello. As I was waiting for Embry's response, Leah's phone rang. Her brows furrowed a bit as she looked at the screen, but answered it anyway, both of us now on our phones.

"No," Embry said cheerfully. "I'm just in a happy mood I guess." Meanwhile, Leah was having her own conversation with whoever called her.

"Yeah…Oh," she said, and pulled to the left, making a u-turn. I was not expecting this and flew into the side of the car with a little yelp of surprise.

"Emma?" Embry must've heard the yelp, but right now I was looking behind me at the music building that was getting smaller by the second.

"Leah we have to get my cello, I can't really play without it."

Leah just shook her head and kept driving. "Jordan put it in the van with all the percussion stuff. It's already there."

"Oh, well that was nice of him."

"He says no problem," she told me and then smirked at something he said.

_Cute…they both say 'no problem'…_

"Emma?" Embry's grinning voice brought me back to my own phone conversation. "What's going on over there?"

"I just have two awesome friends who deserve each other," I snickered and ignored the sharp look Leah sent my way before focusing again on the road and talking to Jordan.

"Yeah… yep…"

"Huh." Embry sounded like he was really contemplating my vague explanation. "Well, I'll let you go Em, I'm almost there."

"Okay, thanks for the well wishes, hopefully they'll help us out tonight."

"Sure," Leah drummed her fingers against the steering wheel.

"Hey anything to help out you messed up musicians," Embry chuckled at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Bye."

"Bye."

"Bye."

We ended the calls simultaneously and then the car was quiet. Leah was still tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to some unknown beat, the radio never having been turned on. Her face had darkened a little since we had gotten in the car, and I only knew one thing that could make that happen. The grin I had been sporting through my entire call with Embry widened as I watched her fidget.

Leah pulled up to the entrance of the Music Hall and pushed the break a little too hard, making me jerk forward and back into the seat.

"Thanks!" I said merrily, despite the slight whiplash I may have gotten, and hopped out of the car. "Get here at seven for good seats!"

She waved as I shut the door and drove off like she had somewhere to be. I knew she didn't. I watched her car turn onto the main road again, almost getting hit by a black sedan that was flying down the street like a bat out of hell. My heart jumped into my throat, but eased back down when I heard Leah's horn honk at the crazy driver with a one-fingered salute she stuck out her window. She could take care of herself alright.

OOO

Getting ready for a concert really doesn't take much, it just feels like it. We went over a few key places in the music with the conductor, then sat around for over an hour. I felt important whenever I wore these heels, so I walked around on the pretense of looking at the Music Hall, but really just liked the click clack sound and the height they gave me. I rarely got to dress up for anything, so concerts like these always gave me an excuse to pretty myself up, and I relished it while it lasted.

"Emma! I got food!" Jordan was walking towards me with what looked like a Chipotle bag. The last time I had one of those burritos, I couldn't stop eating it, then couldn't really do much else afterwards. Needless to say, I was wary of them.

"There's a bowl for you, the burrito didn't seem to sit with you too well before," he said, pulling out a fajita burrito bowl.

"Oh thank God," I chuckled, and gladly took the foil covered bowl, digging in to the Mexican cuisine.

"So," he started, ripping off the foil of his burrito and taking a bite. "Eeah am Feff ah cumim, rih?"

"Ugh, you're just as bad as Seth," I muttered. "Chew and swallow!"

He laughed but did as ordered as I took a fork full of my own food. "Leah and Seth are coming, right?"

"Mm-hmm." Pinto beans. It was the pinto beans that did it for me. Gotta love the pinto beans.

"Oh, that's cool," he said nodding, as if he didn't know this before.

"You were just on the phone with her. Didn't she tell you she was coming?"

Jordan just wobbled his head around and took another bite of burrito. I shook my head at him and stabbed some chicken and lettuce with my fork.

"Don't you shake your head at me like that!" He argued. "Tell me Emma, how do you fee knowing that you're playing in front of Ernie tonight, hmm?"

"Who?" I asked, picturing the Sesame Street character that loved taking baths with his rubber duckie.

"You know, your not-really-boyfriend."

That snapped me back to the present. "You mean Embry?" I said dryly.

"Yeah, Emery. He's coming, isn't he?" Jordan's innocent question just made the usually wonderful food in front of me not so appetizing. I put my fork in the bowl and recovered the foil, not able to eat anything anymore.

"No, he's not coming. He couldn't make it." My voice sounded so pitiful compared to just moments before. I plastered on a hasty smile to try and smooth it over.

"Oh. Did…did something happen?" Jordan asked hesitantly, and I knew this was making him uncomfortable. He wouldn't want to talk about this.

"No, nothing happened, he just couldn't make it here tonight. No big deal," I shrugged and kept the smile on my face. "I ate a bit beforehand, so I'm just gonna save this and put it by my stuff backstage," I raised my burrito bowl in explanation and walked back towards the stage area, leaving a confused Jordan.

"Yeah, okay," he said behind me, and I knew I was going to hear something about this later.

I hovered around the backstage area and avoided running into Jordan again, walking this way and that like I was on a mission to everywhere. Eventually I found myself in the women's bathroom, the one that was farther down a hallway that no one would use yet. I needed to stew.

First of all, why does it matter that he can't come? He's a busy guy on the reservation, and his many years as a community member in La Push didn't compare to the two weeks I had known him.

Second of all, I am officially a wuss if I completely loose my appetite at the single reminder that he couldn't come.

Third of all, this is just a stupid symphony concert. I've done so many of these. It almost doesn't matter. Not that many people come to these anyway. I was happy that Seth and Leah agreed to come, even if Seth did just because I had leverage, but I knew he would have otherwise. My finals were over, and this was the last thing to finalize my first semester here. I just had to get it over with. Play well and don't let the kink in my shoulder act up halfway through the performance.

_Just do this._

I was now full of some weird energy that needed to get out. I crumpled up a paper towel and threw it at the garbage can, but it unraveled quickly and just fluttered to the ground, leaving me unsatisfied. I searched the counters and found a bar of soap. It was right under a regular soap dispenser, so why it was even needed was beyond me. I grabbed it and left the bathroom, looking down the empty hallway. I faced the direction away from the stage and wound up like I was throwing a ball from third base to first, sending the soap away from me as hard as I could, watching it arc and spin until it hit the floor and bounced to a stop at the end. It had gone pretty far, and I was a little impressed with myself to tell the truth.

So I threw a bar of soap. I threw a bar of soap _far. _Not the best outlet for pent up frustration, but it did do me some good. I let out a satisfied breath and turned determinedly towards the stage area.

When I got backstage, everyone was getting their instruments out and heading out onto the stage. I took out my cello and bow and walked to the curtain edge with newfound purpose.

_Just do this. _

Before I walked out to warm up and tune, I caught Jordan looking out at the stage with one hand in his hair and the other wrapped on the back of his neck.

"Hey," I poked him in the stomach with my bow and he flinched, surprised. "Those tympanis aren't gonna tune themselves you know."

He looked at me briefly, then back at the stage through the gap of the curtains and the wall. The poor guy was losing it.

"Jordan." I said with a hard tone and he turned back to me. "Just play the music. Play it for _her_ if you must, just go out there and hit some drums."

He narrowed his eyes at me, then he seemed to come to his senses and muttered, "shut up," before walking out onto the stage and started tuning his beloved tympanis.

I followed him, but took my route to the cello section, finding my seat next to Amy. With the stage lights shining on us, I couldn't see the audience at all. The feeling of being spotlighted started to give me the confidence it always did when I was on a stage like this. I had a job to do. I got comfortable and warmed up, doing some scales, parts from the music, until the concertmaster stood up to call for the concert A from the principal oboist. We tuned and adjusted chairs and music stands, situating music and clothing. The conductor took the stage and everything stopped, then we started.

_Just do this._

_Just play._

OOO

The Stravinsky was like playing with sound and rhythm, time signatures changing and morphing, seemingly impossible harmonies taking place and making a whimsical and proud piece. It was like hearing puzzle pieces come together.

The Vivaldi was sweet and bright, the bassoonist was wonderful and proved just how much I could never and would never play any sort of woodwind instrument.

A short intermission allowed for us to stretch our legs and get a drink of water or go to the bathroom. I stayed backstage and chatted with Amy and Jordan on how the pieces had gone and our excitement for the Sibelius. It would be a long piece that brought you through every emotion possible; happy, tense, sorrowful, expectant, powerful, lovely, and wonderful. The cello part was especially fun and I couldn't wait to feel all those emotions flowing through me with the rush of playing on the stage with the rest of the orchestra.

Jordan had given me a few strange looks but I cut him off from saying anything by talking about the music. I was happy to see the lights flicker, calling everyone back for the second act.

The Sibelius was everything. It was easy to fall into the passion the music evoked and pour it into each note, each vibrato, each movement of the bow across the strings. It was romantic and dramatic and nostalgic, and I had to keep myself professional and suppress a grin trying to break free when we came to the ending melody, a triumphant and heartwarming wave that had traveled through troubles and battles and finally was making its way back to the homeland.

With the final pluck of the string, we waited for the conductor to lower his arms and the audience started their applause. I was smiling without reserve now, and me and Amy were giggling a bit as we stood with the rest of the orchestra, the applause continuing as the conductor pointed out soloists. I heard a yell that could only have come from Seth, and kept grinning, only able to see faint outlines of people, but not any of their faces with the lights shining in my face.

The high of the performance had greatly improved my mood, and backstage we were congratulating the soloists on our own time, and grinning to each other for a job well done. Some people were going out for drinks afterwards, but I kindly refused and packed up my cello, heading out to the front lobby with Jordan to see everyone that came.

"You think she liked it?" Jordan asked with his own grin covering his face.

I burst out laughing at his eager smile and the thought of someone _not_ liking that. We just made a masterpiece in real time and it was beautiful. Not even Leah could doubt that. The high of such a good performance was making me giddy and happy and the laughing didn't stop until I saw Leah, Seth, and the person standing next to them with a broad smile.

Embry towered over most of the people around him, save for Seth. He stood with his hands in his pockets, his bright smile gleaming in contrast to his dark skin. Just like the first night I met him, my feet moved of their own volition and with my own smile stretching from ear to ear, I quickly found myself drawn to him.

I pushed my cello case into Jordan's direction and heard a muffled retort, but all I saw was the person I wanted most to be here. I hadn't seen him in two weeks and didn't think I was going to see him for another week. But here he was. Right in front of me.

"You're here," I whispered in some sort of awe, my lips still stretched into a smile. His eyes locked into mine, and I saw my own emotions mirrored back to me; some sort of fantastic awe.

Someone's throat cleared and I blinked, broken out of my trance. "You… said you couldn't make it."

"That was kind of the point, Em," Seth chuckled somewhere to my left and I heard a resounding thwap, followed by a low curse.

Embry briefly glanced annoyed in Seth's direction, then his eyes cooled as they found mine again. "Surprise," he grinned.

Despite the future throat clearing I would be sure to hear and the heels I was wearing, I was moving fast across the slick lobby floor and he caught me around the waist just as I tried to jump up to reach him, lifting my feet off the ground and holding me close to him as my arms wound around his neck in a tight hug. I was surprised he could still breathe. I breathed in his musky scent, ocean breezes and windblown grass triggering in my mind. Once it was physically proven to my brain that he was here, the cloud of awe had cleared and I was suddenly wired.

"You're here!" I yelled, I squeezed him tighter in excitement. I could feel the chuckle rumbling its way through his chest and I pulled back to look at him as he let me back down to the ground. His arms hovered at my shoulders, sending a wonderful kind of warmth through me. "And you saw that!" I kept yelling, elatedly pointing behind me to the Music Hall and waving my hands in exclamation. "You heard that! And it was perfect in there! And you're _here!_"

"Yes, Emma, I think we've established that Embry is here," Leah drawled, and I whipped around to jokingly wave her away. I turned back to Embry, whose hand had slid down into mine, and I beamed up at him.

"So you were in the car…on your way here?"

Embry shared a glance with Seth behind me then nodded his head and smiled like he had when he confirmed to Jake that he took his car for a joy ride.

"Oh you pff!" I scolded, pushing at him lightly, not that it moved him at all. "That would have been nice to know! I threw soap!"

Embry tilted his head to the side, almost like a dog would, and just kept grinning. "You threw what?" My eyes went wide and I realized my mistake of blurting out a weird list entry when we were surrounded by people.

"Never mind I'll tell you later," I muttered quickly.

"Lookin' forward to it," he muttered back, still grinning. I wondered if his cheeks hurt by now.

When the inevitable second throat clearing came, I finally recognized that people were watching us. I took in Seth with his never-ending grin, Leah with a raised brow, and Jordan fiddling with my cello, a hand on his chest like he had conveniently just cleared his throat.

"Sorry, um, Jordan, this is Embry. Embry, this is my friend Jordan." They did the man thing and sized each other up before giving the noncommittal nod in greeting. "Jordan's in the percussion and gets to bang on drums all night."

Jordan sent a playful glare and pointed finger my way. "Hey, most nights I play more instruments than you do, don't hate on percussion."

While I was rolling my eyes at him, Seth was congratulating him with "Dude that was awesome!" and gave him a fist bump. Leah watched her brother and Jordan start to bond and had a bit of a scowl on her face, which morphed into a slight panic when Jordan asked her what she thought of the concert.

"I uh…I didn't like the frilly one," she said hesitantly.

"Oh poor Vivaldi," I joked and stuck out my lip in a pout. Jordan however was beaming with her answer.

"Yeah Vivaldi is like a pretty little walk in the park. Nothing interesting happens."

Leah laughed a bit and grinned in spite of herself and Jordan just about dropped my cello. I caught eyes with Seth and he looked like he had just gotten away with something. "So you like your surprise, eh?" he asked me and punched Embry in the shoulder, to which Embry swatted him away, annoyed.

"Yeah," I gave Seth a look mimicking his own. "I'm actually kinda glad I didn't know he was coming. Then I would have been freaking out like these two," I snickered, pointing to Leah and Jordan. Jordan flushed red and Leah's eyes widened before they both looked at me with equally hateful glares.

_Cute…they both give me the same glare…_

I let out a strangled laugh as it became less and less cute I and bit my cheek, seeing another normal moment for them ruined by me. Leah looked off in the opposite direction of everyone and left, muttering something about water.

Jordan watched her go and sighed before putting on a short smile. "I can put this with the percussion stuff again if you want, Em," he said, pointing to the cello in his hands. I gave him a short smile back and nodded.

"Just give her time, man. She's coming around."

All eyes went to Seth, who up until now, I had thought was unaware of the possible combination of Jordan and Leah. He said the words with such a serious demeanor that I rarely if ever saw from him. Then he straightened his stance, adding at least another inch to his height as he stepped closer to Jordan.

"But if you screw this up, don't think I won't come after you," he said in a low voice.

Jordan, however, didn't look at all afraid of Leah's younger but bigger brother. "You got yourself a deal," he said seriously, "But you still owe me thirty bucks."

Seth winced and rolled his eyes and as he reluctantly took out his wallet, the lighthearted Seth back in a flash.

I looked past the two most currently prominent boys in Leah's life and found her behind the crowd, wiping her mouth as she stood by a drinking fountain. She ran one hand through her hair and set the other at her hip, shaking her head once and seemingly staring at the wall in front of her. Her shoulders rose and fell with a slow deep breath, and she turned around, heading back towards our little group with quick strides.

Before she could reach us, a short little blonde that I've never seen before danced her way up to Jordan. Still counting his money that Seth gave to him in mostly fives and ones, Jordan took no notice of her as she proudly switched her Coach purse to her other arm.

"Hey Jordan," she said in a small, slightly nervous voice. Jordan was still joking with Seth about how he kept his bills as he put away his wallet. I raised my eyebrows at him when he looked up and his own pulled together, confused. I flitted my eyes to the little barbie girl next to him and he followed my eyes, jumping a bit when he saw how close to him she was. The girl just smiled even more brightly at him.

"That was a really amazing concert," she said, shifting her weight to one leg and brushing her hair from her face. Jordan glanced at me as if for help, and I shrugged. I didn't know who the heck she was.

"Yeah, it was pretty good." Jordan was trying to turn away from the girl, but she just shifted her weight again so she was more in his line of sight.

"I loved the last one you guys played, it was like an explosion!" She giggled, still trying to gain his attention.

"Are you kidding?" Leah appeared at Jordan's other side and he jumped again. "That wasn't an explosion. You want an explosion, you go for Shostakovich or something. The Russians know how to make a bang."

Jordan now had his eyes trained on his savior next to him. "You know Shostakovich?"

Leah nodded, pointing to me. "She plays it in the apartment when she's mad."

I made a face at her and moved closer to Embry, leaning on his tall frame while Jordan laughed at me. "You would, nerd."

"Hey, it's my substitute for heavy metal bands that ruin their vocal chords and play the same harsh guitar line over and over." It sounded logical in my head, but out loud, it really did make me sound like a nerd. "So yes, I would," I relented, lightly laughing with the only people who could get away with teasing me and classical music.

The blonde girl started giggling as well, trying to find an in with the group and Leah noticed. Looking around Jordan, she addressed the girl. "Sorry, who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Rachel Adams," she said airily, then put a manicured hand on Jordan's arm. "We had psychology together with Dr. Bryant this semester. Isn't that guy hilarious?"

Jordan smiled uncomfortably and tried to move away from her, and in turn, stood closer to Leah. "Yeah, he can be pretty funny." He positioned the cello in between himself and the intruder like a shield.

"Did you guys do a project or something?" Leah asked, looking between the eager girl and bothered boy.

"Um, no," Rachel Adams got a little smaller as she took in the formidable Leah. "We just…hung out in class, I guess." She looked to Jordan as if for confirmation, to which he hesitantly eyed the girl and shook his head.

"I'm really sorry, it was a huge class. I don't really remember..."

Rachel's smile faltered a bit and she glanced at Seth who had snorted and passed it off as a cough, hitting his chest with a fist afterwards. A bright smile stretched her face as she tried again. "Oh we were like the only ones who could name all the seven dwarves from memory, remember those weird little exercises he had us do?"

Jordan's uncomfortable stance only shifted more towards Leah. "Aahh…not really, no. I'd be lucky if I remembered enough to even pass the final, I'm not the best student in the early morning."

"You took psych in the morning?" Leah scoffed. "Well, figures you don't remember any of it."

Rachel Adams stood a little straighter and tried her little game once more. "Well sometimes there were doughnuts or something for us. Remember that one time Dr. Bryant brought coffee and even though it was decaf, everyone was waking up on their own 'cause they thought it was regular?"

Jordan looked a little pained by now. "If I liked coffee I might have. Sorry, uh, Rebecca?"

The blonde just touched his arm again and giggled, throwing her hair behind her shoulder and showing her pearly whites. "No, silly, it's Rachel!" Jordan pressed his lips together and tried to smile, but it just wasn't happening.

"Well Rachel," Leah said loudly, "It was nice to meet you, but he still doesn't know who you are." Rachel sent her an icy glare above her too-sweet smile, a smile that Leah returned, just as transparent. "Clearly."

Rachel's smile was fading into a scowl as she looked from the very uncomfortable Jordan to the ever-so-blunt Leah that were practically shoulder to shoulder by now. She attempted one last smile, but it was more of just a show of teeth. "I'm sorry, I thought for sure…" she trailed off, then finally seemed to realize she wasn't fooling anyone. "I'll see you guys around, then. Awesome job tonight." She gave Jordan's arm a small squeeze, then lazily let it slide off as she stepped away, finally.

We watched her waltz her way out the lobby doors as we stood in bewildered silence, wondering if that had indeed just happened. I had heard these sorts of incidents, proud pretty girls risking everything just to form a 'connection' with the most marketable guy on campus, but I had never actually seen it in action. It wasn't as funny as it was disturbing.

"What…" Jordan muttered, "_was_ that."

Leah scoffed and shook her head at him with an incredulous look. "Are you an idiot?"

"Huh?" Jordan whipped his head around and his eyes widened at the short distance between them. In a delayed reaction, he took one step back and scratched his head. "I mean, what?"

Leah stood rooted to the spot, unmoving despite how close they were, almost defiantly. She raised one slim, dark brow, and I saw Jordan swallow. "You seriously don't know what that was?"

Jordan stood with his mouth open for a moment, then collected himself, blinking a few times and looking away from her. "Well, I have a vague idea, yes, but I'd rather not venture into that…area…" His eyes roamed the floor of our little circle, and as he got more uncomfortable with the past few minutes' conversation, and searched the faces around him, landing on mine with a pleading look in his eyes. It was saying 'help me!' and I took pity on my friend's unfortunate circumstances.

"She reminds me of someone…" I started, not that she really did remind me of someone, but I was hoping it would start some sort of change in topic.

Stares. That's all the response I got.

"Well she does," I shrugged and mumbled a low, "sheesh." Embry let go of my hand to wrap it around my shoulders and I sunk into his side, sighing at the warmth.

"Well," Seth clapped his hands together, picking up on my attempt to move us along. "I say we do something."

"Oh really," Leah mumbled, rubbing one of her eyes like she was tired.

"Movie night?" I proposed, looking to everyone in to judge their response. Jordan and Leah didn't look very enthused with the idea, but they weren't refusing it either. "To celebrate the end of term. Movie night." I nodded my head once, sealing the deal.

Jordan sighed, and I think he was pretty thankful that something had finally brought attention away from himself. "Your place, then?"

"Unless you want to bestow upon us the company of Rob and Ashkan…" Jordan's roommates, though musical geniuses, tended to familiarize anyone close to them just how brilliant they were, modesty not being a strong trait in either of them. At first, it was pretty cool, seeing geniuses at work. By now it was just irritating.

Jordan rolled his eyes. "I'll spare you. I have to help with all the stuff they lugged over here. Including this beast," he joked, lifting my rented cello and putting the strap of the case over his shoulder. "I'll see you guys in a bit then." After giving us a nod of farewell, Jordan made his way back into the hall to help load the van with all the instruments they had transported. A hand ran through his hair as he walked, and he let it fall to his side with what looked like a tension-filled breath he had been waiting to let loose for a while.

"So I guess you guys want to drive together," Leah eyed Embry and I.

I suddenly became very aware of how much we were leaning on each other, and my spine jerked straight, my ears getting warm. "If, um, if that's okay with you?" I asked, moving my gaze from Leah to Embry, who I had to crane my neck for. Leah just waved me off with a mumbled approval and walked towards the doors, Seth following with a calculating look as he watched his sister fiddle with her keys. Embry and I followed a few paces behind, his having found mine again. Which I was fine with. It was my unconscious need to be as close to him as possible that was bothering me.

When we got outside, the chilly wet air wrapped around my feet and neck, and my teeth already started to chatter. I looked up to the night sky as we walked in the opposite direction of Leah and Seth. I had hoped maybe to see stars, but the sky was barely ever clear here. A dark blanket of clouds made the backdrop to the quiet night on campus, everything finally over and done with. A light wind bit at my ears and neck, and my shoulders hunched up in reflex. I took my hand from Embry's and made work of getting the five or so pins out of my hair, shaking it out and letting it fall to my shoulders, a slight smell of shampoo coming to my senses.

I hadn't realized we had stopped until I was done and saw Embry looking down at me with a deep emotion in his eyes, something I couldn't quite pinpoint, but it was definitely something. My now loose hair was fluttering slightly in the small wind that passed, and I tucked the strands behind my ears, the look in his eyes making me want to sink into him again. I repressed the urge and took a breath of the fresh night air around us, a smile stretching my lips upwards for some unknown reason.

"Hi," I said softly. I hadn't had a chance to actually greet him. I had freaked out when I saw him, then stuck by him with my friends, trying to act the part of someone who's been dating for only a few weeks. I had failed greatly, reveling in the feel of leaning onto Embry, being surrounded by his scent that made me want to push my nose into his chest. Fortunately for me, Jordan's lack of knowledge in how to handle a floozy took the attention off of a potential third throat clearing. I wondered if that should be a good or bad thing.

Embry never seemed to have stopped smiling the entire time since I first saw him in the lobby, and he was nowhere near stopping now, his eyes shining in the late night city lights. "Hi," he said just as soft as I had, his voice smooth and deep. "So you threw soap?"

"Nnngh," I groaned. "Long story. Well, not really. It's basically what it sounds like."

"So are we talking like ripping out a dispenser and throwing it to the floor, or just flinging the liquid stuff on a mirror-"

"I threw a bar of it down a hallway," I muttered, looking down at our feet and pulling my coat tighter around me. Embry shifted to my side, and the wind stopped, his body forming a protective shield from the cold air. "I guess I was…anxious…or something. Well, not anxious, that's not a good word. I wasn't nervous… I just…" I stopped, thinking of whether I should tell him I had been to the point of a frenzy because I didn't think he was coming. "I didn't…" I breathed through my nose, trying to calm my meandering thoughts enough to form a complete sentence.

"Maybe the surprise wasn't such a good idea," Embry was looking at our feet as well, but I brought my eyes up to meet his. The smile was gone. He felt guilty. I could see it. Nothing had happened save for the throwing of a bar of soap, and he felt guilty. This was ridiculous.

"No," I said, louder than anything either of us had said. "It was a good idea, I was very surprised. Very pleasantly surprised." He searched my face for any twitches or façades that told him otherwise, but I had none. I _was_ pleasantly surprised.

"I just keep effing things up, don't I?" He raked a hand through his hair and rested it on the back of his neck. "I can get really caught up in things pretty easily, and when it comes to you, I just start doing things on impulse. I got the flight, I surprised you here…the cliffs…"

"Embry," I shifted so I was directly in front of him, the wind catching my hair again. "None of those things were bad. I'm happy you surprised me, I'm really looking forward to winter break now… and I already told you my opinion of the cliffs." I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, but I held his gaze, standing by my statements without any blatant show of embarrassment.

Embry's eyes flitted down to my lips, his own parting as if to speak again, but he stopped, bringing his eyes back up to mine, questioning.

"I'm not one of those self-deprecating girls who can't take any gifts or surprises," I said, grinning. "I just don't get them that often, so they catch me off guard. I fully intend to enjoy any of them that you throw my way."

And surprise me he did. As soon as I finished my sentence, he had cleared the distance between us and his lips were on mine. Finally alone in the parking lot and away from anyone we knew or didn't know, all the emotions I felt once I saw him in the lobby; awe, happiness, excitement, contentment, I got to show him the way I wanted to. I gasped, quickly drawing my hands from the pockets of my coat to his tall shoulders, bringing myself closer to him. It wasn't like the first tentative and gentle kiss, and it wasn't like the goodbye kiss, fast and desperate. This was how it should be. Just happy to be with each other, and to show it. One of his hands cradled my head, fingers threaded through my hair let loose in the wind, while the other wrapped around my back drawing me closer to him. My own had traveled into his silky black hair, anchoring my lips against his in a slow sweet rhythm, so soft and warm, and I didn't want to stop.

But we were outside in the Seattle winter, and though I was warm enough in my current state surrounded by Embry's arms, scent, essence, it was not necessarily the best place to continue this. I brought my hand around to his jaw and slowly broke the kiss, leaning my forehead against his. His hot breath fanned my face, and when my breathing had more or less calmed, I opened my eyes and found his, shining brightly. Even in the glow of the streetlights, the dark hazel of his eyes drew me to him, and for a moment, I just studied them. There were stories behind those eyes that I wanted to know. I wanted to see how they changed with his every emotion. How he took in all that was around him, what would make them shine.

I smiled, giving him any forgiveness he was seeking, and he smiled back accepting it. I brought my hand from his jaw down to his chest and slowly backed away, returning to the world around us. "We need to go. Seth loves to tease me about you and if we're late, he'll never let it go."

Embry held back a laugh and drew me to his side as we continued down the aisle of cars. "Okay, so you threw a bar of soap. Is that part of the list then?" he asked.

I stuck my hands in my coat pockets again as I leaned into him. "Yeah. So it's your turn."

He pursed his lips in thought, then took out his keys. The tail lights of a familiar looking black sedan blinked as he pushed the button on the key chain.

"That's your car?" I said, pointing at what had almost side-swiped Leah's car earlier today.

"Well, it's actually Paul's but he's out of town this weekend, so-"

"What time did you get here?"

He looked off into space, like he was trying to remember. "I think a little before five, why?" My eyes were wide and my mouth was open, then the whole coincidence just seemed fitting and hilarious, and I started to laugh quietly.

"Nevermind, I already know what your next one is. You almost hit Leah today."

Embry looked confused at first, then recognition set in. "Shit, that was her?"

"Yeah," I snickered, patting his arm before moving to the passenger's side. "I won't tell her if she doesn't already know, but if she does, you're on your own." I heard a groan as I opened the door and slipped into the seat. The air in the car was as cold as the air outside, and small clouds formed in front of my face with each exhale. Embry slumped behind the wheel, grumbling to himself as he turned the ignition and all the dashboard lights came on. Chances are, Leah definitely knew it was him who almost ran into her, and if Jordan wasn't around, she'd let him have it. There was nothing I could do to ease the blow for him, so I grabbed his hand and held it in mine as we pulled out of the parking lot.

Christmas music came through the radio, complementing the lights that were strung on the city trees and bows strung across buildings. The holidays were coming up fast, which also meant going home. I looked up at Embry as he purposefully stayed at the speed limit now, and smiled to myself as I thought about him being there with me.

He parked the car with a sigh in front of our apartment and looked up the steps to the door that housed Leah, Seth, and according to the third car parked in front, Jordan. We were late.

**A/N: So? Yea or nay? Review!**

**And vote! I was warned to 'pimp out' Found for the Indie Twific Awards a while ago, but I don't really know how to do that. Plus the FF site wasn't cooperating with my computer, but if I only blamed it on technical difficulties, that would be lame. I take the fault. I'm a bad pimp. (that came out wrong). But voting ends on the 15****th**** I believe, and Found is under the 'Best Original Character WIP' category. Vote for Emma please? She'll play you a song ;)**

**Review, vote, read the other nominees, just have a grand old time here: ****theindietwificawards(dot)com **


	15. Complicated Shadows

**A/N: Well readers, Emma didn't get enough votes for the final round of The Indie Twific Awards. I'm not the best at being pushy, and have since learned my lesson. **_**BUT**_** I am still grateful to anyone that did vote and elated at the fact that Found was there at all! Thank you to whoever nominated this story! There are still a bunch of wonderful indie stories to be found and read, so I suggest you still go over to theindietwificawards(dot)com and check out the finalists!**

**Also, I've realized in the past few chapters I forgot a disclaimer. So let me assure you, I only own Emma and Jordan. The La Push gang is all SM. Sad day. **

**Chapter Title by Elvis Costello**

**Complicated Shadows**

I was crouched in front of our movie collection, searching the titles. Orders and requests were being shouted behind me, but I paid them no heed. I needed to find something that would work for everyone present. Nothing mushy, nothing really deep, just something that would take all focus away from the world around us and bring us all to a happy place. I had quickly changed into sweats and a t-shirt, getting ready to simply be at ease for the night.

Thus far, I was far from being at ease.

The three guys were all standing behind me, none of them taking a seat, not knowing where to go. There was a weird case of loyalties going around the room and no one knew who they should be with. Leah was at the kitchen counter with her computer, currently deleting emails from her inbox one by one, ignoring the bickering going on in the living room. Jordan would make quick glances her way, but would also give me those pleading eyes for me to help him all the while forming a friendly bond with Seth. Seth was aware of the tension between Jordan and Leah, probably more so from being alone in the apartment with them, but also was happy his friend from home was here, though most of his friend's attention was on his sister's best friend and roommate. Embry stood by me, catching the undercurrents from Leah to Jordan to Seth to me, looking curious but also giving me glances that asked if he should even act on them at all.

Why this all came down to my advice, my suggestion, my choice, my intervention was beyond me. I was never so much of a catalyst in these sorts of situations and it was currently giving me a headache. I honestly just wanted to go somewhere with Embry and add to our weird list and forget about everything else, but I felt responsible for the elephant in the room.

Jordan wanted to be with Leah. And she knew it.

And so did her brother.

And now, a friend from home, who had probably known her pre and post-Sam, had figured it out as well.

And she was ignoring everyone.

So everyone turned to me.

The three deep battling voices were mentioning movies that we didn't even own and several that were definitely guy movies that I did not want to sit through tonight. Still in my crouched position, I grumbled under my breath and grabbed my failsafe, quickly taking out the dvd and putting it in the player without so much as a word of agreement from the Three Amigos behind me.

"Wait, what did you just do?" Seth was the first to catch my quick movements. I turned around and gave them a sweet smile.

"I picked a movie. Now sit," I ordered, pointing to the heaven couch and loveseat we barely used (for who would ever forego the heaven couch?), but all I got were lifted brows in surprise. I rolled my eyes and started pushing at their ridiculously tall frames. "Embry sit on this end, Jordan sit on this end, Seth, you get the loveseat." I ignored Seth's whine about never getting the couch when we watched movies and grabbed the remote, sitting in between Embry and Jordan and starting Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"Really?" Jordan looked down at me with a sardonic grin, which I countered with a Leah-esque glare.

"Really."

"Fine, fine…" he rolled his eyes at me and settled into the cushions for some classic British comedy.

Embry was already starting to chuckle from the beginning credits, the story about a moose biting someone's sister making itself known in the made up subtitles. I leaned against his arm and smiled, almost reciting the familiar bizarre lines from this movie that never got old.

It was somewhere close to the man-eating bunny scene that I felt my eyes start to droop. Every once in a while I'd hear Seth say the lines in tandem with the actors on the screen, or feel someone shaking with quiet laughter on either side of me. Soon enough, it was all distant noise and once again I settled into Embry's warm side, sleep starting to take me.

_Images from the movie roamed in my subconscious and mixed with people and places that I knew. I was seeing the man-eating bunny scene from different viewpoints, through different people and places around the cave where the big monster was supposed to live. _

_I was one of the knights, and though they were ridiculous in the movie, the setting in my dream was serious, suspenseful, and I had to defeat this little white furry creature that was killing people. There was a sword in my hand, dragging on the ground with its weight, and my armor was weighing me down making it was difficult to stand up straight without falling over. Characters from the film with blurred faces were standing on the side, narrating my descent to the cave, exclaiming nonsense words._

_There was a rustle off to the right and I stopped, my heart beating loudly and my chainmail clinking, and I feared it would hear me. I could see its ears moving behind the mangled corpses it had already slain, until it burst into view, straight out in front of me. The little white rabbit had blood stains on its mouth and neck tainting any cuteness it might have had in the past. I tried to raise my sword, but it was too heavy, and the tip never left the ground despite my frantic attempts to lift it._

_The rabbit took slow hops towards me, and the jolly ruckus from the faceless characters got louder with its progress. Each hop seemed to make it bigger, its structure less bunny-like and more menacing, completely capable of attacking me. The ears shortened, and the legs stretched, its nose becoming more of a snout. And then it was no longer a rabbit._

_A wolf as big as a horse stared into me, the muzzle covered in blood, staining the bared teeth with red. I made one last attempt to lift my only weapon, but the weight of it only shifted me, pulling me to the ground. My voice was mute and I couldn't say anything, couldn't yell for help to the cowardly knights all watching. A low growl came from the towering creature in front of me as it stepped forward. Something coiled around my middle and I looked down to see it was an arm, connected to one of the bloody bodies scattered on the ground. As my eyes traveled up the form, my mouth opened in abject horror, seeing Embry covered in blood but looking defiantly past me to the wolf, using what looked like his last bit of strength to protect me._

_I turned back around and the bared teeth of the wolf gave me a scathing grin. It rocked backwards, its muscles coiling, then its growl intensified as it sprung towards me._

"No!"

The muffled yell strained on my ears and I opened my eyes to darkness and fabric. Breathing heavily, I could feel sheets and blankets tangling with my legs and the cool fabric of my pillow beneath my cheek. I stretched out a hand and found cold hard wall. Blinking rapidly, I tried to get my breathing back under control, pressing my face into my pillow. But the images were seared into my mind. This was supposed to be a happy night with friends, but instead, I had conked out and was dreaming of blood, giant wolves and a dying Embry. My pulse throbbed in my temples as I tried to wrench off my blankets, falling in an ungraceful heap on my floor. I staggered up and on unsteady and sleepy legs, rushed out of my room, searching. I needed a reason for the dream, or at least a reason to ease my mind about it.

Despite the short amount of dreaming I remembered, I must have been asleep for quite a while and missed anything that happened. Leah's door was closed, and all the lights were off in the apartment, making it pitch black. I tripped into the living room and quickly flicked on the lights, nearly jumping in fright when I saw a long form spread out under a blanket on the couch. I backed into the wall by the light switch and took deep breaths, squinting through the new light at Embry's calm face, peaceful in sleep, one arm hanging over the edge of the couch.

I let out a sharp exhale and closed my eyes, inwardly chastising my half-asleep irrational actions.

_Of course he was fine. Didn't know he'd be staying here, but there's no reason he would be… hurt or… whatever the hell that was._

I heard some soft rustling of fabric until it abruptly stopped.

"Emma… what's…"

My eyes shot open and I made a short gasp seeing Embry sitting up on the couch, watching me with sleep still in his eyes. He waited for another few seconds, and when I did nothing, he was suddenly awake, launching himself lithely over the back of the couch and right in front of me. His eyes searched mine for explanation, but I couldn't. It was too embarrassing, too weird, even for the list. I shook my head and rubbed one of my eyes.

"Nothing, go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up."

Embry stayed where he was, a comfortable few feet away, and sighed through his nose, telling me he wasn't going to dismiss my waking up in the wee hours of the morning so easily. I crossed one arm around my ribs and the other rested against it, the hand that rubbed my eye now cupping my chin. I looked up at him to see if he would let it go, but he only turned his head slightly urging me on, concern evident in his eyes that were still squinting a little from waking up so abruptly. But I didn't want to go on, so I looked away and ran a hand through my hair, holding it at the back of my neck. He reached out and pushed away some of the strands that fell into my eyes, silently telling me it was okay. It donned on me then how uncanny our nonverbal communication was.

I tried a grin at the thought, but it only turned into a grimace when my thoughts came back to why we were even communicating like this in the first place.

"It was just…ugh, it was nothing. What happened after I fell asleep?" I looked at his shoulder, trying to change the subject and not wanting to give in to his worried gaze and spill the details of the dream that was all kinds of bizarre and disturbing. I could still feel his eyes on me as he answered.

"We… watched the end of the movie. Leah gave a Tupperware of food to Jordan and went to bed, then before he left, he gave me the same sort of… talk that Seth gave him… Seth went home with the dvd, said he wanted to watch the special features. I brought you to your room and stayed here," he gestured to the couch behind him, the pillow and blanket awry from when he jumped off of it. "Leah said it was fine, something about Seth's dorm being unsanitary even for me."

My brows pulled together at all the out of place statements in what he just said.

"Leah gave Jordan food?"

Embry mirrored my expression of puzzlement. "Yeah, said he didn't know enough about nutrition. I think it was leftover lasagna."

"Huh." Maybe I was going about this Leah and Jordan thing all wrong. So far, it seemed the only thing she was willing to give him was food with a side of eye contact. And the best way to a man's heart…well, as far as Jordan was concerned, she was already there, so she didn't necessarily need to go through his stomach first. But she was softening up to him at least. He must've looked like the cat that caught the canary.

"So he got food, then…he gave you a… _talk_?" A guy gets a lasagna and suddenly he thinks he's all powerful?

"Well, I guess it was sort of a brotherly thing, on uh…on your behalf." He ran a hand forwards and backwards through his hair. "Basically he was protecting you. If I should ever become a complete idiot I'm to wait for his wrath."

My eyes had widened on his shoulder at the thought of Jordan doing such a 'brotherly thing' for me. I hadn't expected that at all. We'd grown really close as friends over the semester and I guess this just proved it. I suppose he was sort of a brother, not in the same way that Seth was, but I did love him in that sibling sort of platonic way. So many people missed out on the sort of person Jordan was when you get right down to it. Good looks be damned, he was a good soul.

Embry cleared his throat. "And I'll just tell you now that I'd welcome him to make my life a living hell if that ever happens."

My eyes shot to his at his very serious tone. "If _what_ ever happens?"

He looked pained as he tried to tell me without words, but it didn't register with me the depth of what he was trying to say. He sighed and his eyes danced between each of my own, readying me to hear what he needed me to. "If I ever… hurt you. I wouldn't expect any less of him to beat the shit out of me. Or at least make a good solid attempt."

I blinked a few times and looked away from him, trying to wrap my mind around this. Impulse was definitely his thing, evidence being the moment he chose to declare that kind of devotion. It was almost too good to be true with him, every time we were together, and I didn't know what to say. I started a few words, then stopped, taking a few breaths to make a reasonable response. Thankfully, I was spared.

"That's just so you know. You don't have to…I don't expect you… it's…aagh." His hands scrubbed his face, his fingers pushing at his eyes. He let out a frustrated sigh and peeked at me between his fingers. I couldn't help the small grin that moved my lips at the peekaboo-like action, though I was still confused. Why was he so frustrated?

He was standing right in front of the couch's back, and when he took one step back as his hands fell, he ran into its frame, startling him a bit. He held onto the back of the couch on either side of him and moved his jaw to the side, like he was making a decision. He hesitated before speaking again, then raised one hand as he said, "one minute." And he walked past me. I followed him with bewildered eyes as he walked up to Leah's door and knocked softly. When no noise came from within, he knocked again, a little louder. "Leah?"

_Why now, of all times, does he need to talk to Leah? If he was just basically showing his heart to me, then wouldn't this be more of a private conversation?_

A low groan that clearly communicated "go away" came from her room, and Embry's lips set in a firm line. He tried the door handle, but it was locked, so he knocked again. "Leah, open up."

_Is he angry?_

I could hear bed springs squeak and footsteps nearing the door. It swung open to reveal a very disgruntled Leah with hair askew and in shorts and a t-shirt. "What the hell," she growled at him, looking at the clock behind us. She then took in his determined face and my puzzled one, recognition slowly coming to her own. "Now?" she gave him an incredulous glare. "You…you pick _now _to do this?"

"Yes," he said simply, but firmly.

She looked past him to me, and I saw an emotion cross her face that reminded me of when she finally told me what Embry's name was. Defeat.

"Do you want to, um…" he faltered, looking anxious. Her eyes closed and she shook her head rigidly, taking a deep breath through her nose.

"No. You should do it." Her voice was low and quiet. Dismissive. "I'll… be gone for a while then." She stepped forward, bringing her door closed behind her.

Embry didn't seem to agree with that. "Leah-"

"Just do it." She snapped, looking fiercely up at him. Without another word, she passed both of us to the front door, not a step faltering with sleep. And not bothering to even put on shoes or a jacket.

"Leah," I tried to reason with her, "It's December, it's freezing outside."

She let out a humorless laugh and opened the door, the cold air bringing goosebumps to my skin. "Not to me." The door swung shut and everything was still. The clock on the wall said it was three forty in the morning. And Leah had just walked outside into the December weather in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt.

_She's going to get hypothermia or frostbite or…_

I set off towards the front door after my friend, but a warm hand found mine and held me back. I turned around to tell him off, but his eyes caught me. They were sad, but understanding, and then beseeching of me to let her go for whatever reason.

"She's right. She'll be fine."

"What?" I balked. "It's… You can't be serious, she's-"

"I am," he said. "I'm very serious. She won't get sick."

I looked down at our connected hands and shook my head. "What's going on?" I was not liking where this was going. Something was wrong.

Something wasn't right.

He never acted like this.

Either something was being kept from me, or…

_I knew it. Everything. It __**was**__ all too good to be true. _

I looked back into Embry's eyes, but they weren't shining. They were tortured.

"Emma," he breathed, his voice like honey still, and I felt my nose warm up with the tell-tale sign of tears on their way.

_He's not real, then. Or at least what I thought we had wasn't. It was a trick. It wasn't real. _

"I need you to listen to me, for just a little while… I'm so sorry, this shouldn't have gone on for so long…" He stepped towards me and I took in a shaky breath, unsure of everything that was happening, how everyone was acting. "Do you… want to sit down?"

I stood my ground, slightly moving my hand that was still in his. He loosened his grip and I broke our connection, wrapping both of my arms around my torso. A flash of pain crossed his face, and his breathing picked up with anxiety. "Emma, please… I need to tell you… you need to know…" He clenched the fist that had seconds ago been holding my hand and cursed under his breath, but there was no way I wouldn't have heard it, the silence in the apartment enough to hear a pin drop. "It's why everything seems so surreal, why it was like an instant and…and everything just seemed right and perfect and…dammit I have to start over again." He looked away and raked his hands through his short hair, making some of it stand on end.

"There's a story… a Quileute story, like a legend, but it's more historical to us, passed down through family. We all grew up just thinking of it like legends usually are, just explaining why things are the way they are, but it's not really true, it's all imagination. Good for bonfires." He wasn't watching for my reaction through any of this. His gaze was shifting back and forth, left and right over the space of air in front of him. "But you don't know the story. Shit." He grabbed his head in his hands and hunched forward, letting out a groan of frustration. When he straightened up and let his arms at his sides, he locked eyes with me.

"I'm just going to jump into this then, I can't… there's no good transition."

My mind went back to that day on the beach, when I was telling him he was my first kiss… "_I'm just going to start because there's no possible transition from that"…_

…"_This doesn't happen! In real life this doesn't happen Leah!"..._

_I guess I was right._

"Okay." Embry's voice brought me back to the present, back to his reason, back to explanations…

He set his shoulders back and took a deep breath, and he began. "Back, a long time ago, when our tribe was the only population around here, some force of nature helped the chief of the Quileutes to…change. Into an animal. And back again." He waited for a reaction, but I was unmoving, listening. I assumed this story of his held relevance, so I was listening, being patient with him. "It got passed down, to protect the people, so his descendents could change shape too and ward off any threat. From father to son. They were protectors."

The last word sounded like it was significant, but bittersweet, and my gaze shifted from his distant hazel eyes to his fisted hands.

He shook his head, coming back from wherever his mind had brought him.

"Anyway, for…years, decades, we didn't need protectors, there wasn't any threat."

He rolled his shoulders once, as if to get rid of tension in his muscles. The enormity of them caught me by surprise, I had never noticed just how strong Embry must be, but with his frame towering over mine I became an objective observer and something changed when I looked at him. Some part of me knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help but start to be afraid of what he could do. And we were alone in the apartment now.

"Then, there _was_ an enemy, but they were…reformed, I guess. But, nonetheless, it caused problems. They were there, and the one dormant part of our ancestry came alive again. And then… things were changing. People, friends were changing. No one knew but the elders, but they wouldn't tell us about it until we were a part of it." He was speaking quickly now, and he slowly became more rigid as his story went on, his eyes showing anger at the past, and I stilled, the slight fear rising in me. "And everything was the same as before. As the stories, everything was the same. And… better. The _power_ of it all is just… it was scary at first, but then it was easy to just take things in stride. We grew, we're strong as hell, we heal fast, we phase and can talk like…" he faltered, choosing another route. "We do what the chief could do. We're protectors."

That word, _protectors_, was a recurring theme and it didn't escape my notice that he had changed from saying 'they' to 'we'. I had been taught from a young age not to become involved in anything that had the makings of a cult-like group, and my instinctual response was to try to at least make some sense of the situation lest it get out of control. I was easily the weaker of the two of us, so for the moment, I played along as cautiously as I could.

"What… what are protectors… I mean… what do they…" I didn't want to use his terms, didn't want to seem like I believed him wholeheartedly. If I had to separate myself from this, then I would have to stay as unconnected as possible.

"Wolves."

At the unexpected word, my eyes widened in disbelief, my arms falling to my sides. Flashes from nightmares were now flying through my mind, bared teeth, raging eyes, bloody fur, and Embry…

"What?" I breathed.

Embry was assessing my reaction, watching my breathing start to pick up as he continued. "It has nothing to do with the myth, but somehow the term werewolf got… thrown around."

My mouth opened slightly in disbelief at where this had come. He was talking about wolves. Werewolves to be exact.

_How could he have known…_

"But we're more like shape shifters, since the first chief…the chief from the story…he chose to be a wolf. So now every protector of our people after him… we're the same."

The images from my dreams were battling with the one in front of me, but I knew it was impossible for them to be one and the same.

"There are some families that were directly descended from him. Now they have surnames, Uley, Black, Ateara..." he stared off into space for a moment, and while I noticed he hadn't said his own last name, I faintly remembered him telling me about some drama surrounding his father's identity.

"…Clearwater…"

My hands tightened into fists at my side. This was now getting personal. He knew how close I was to Seth and Leah. There was no way I could just ignore it.

"Emma," Embry stepped forward, and my I stiffened. Thankfully, he noticed and rocked back a step to where he was before. I briefly pictured him springing forward like the wolf in my dream, but he stayed where he was, almost unwillingly. "Most of the families that know about it, _have_ known about it, or they've grown up on the reservation, or they've heard the stories before. I didn't know how to tell you from a clean slate, none of the other guys ever had to start from the beginning… I don't even know what I'm doing now, but you've just gone so long without knowing and I felt like I was lying to you every day, but Leah…she kept pushing it back and telling me to wait, but I couldn't hold it in anymore." He was sounding more desperate now, not moving any closer like he had a rope pulling him back from where he wanted to be.

Where I had once undeniably wanted him to be.

But this had gone too far. I didn't care if I was being unreasonable. Some natural defense for my friend had given me courage against a man made of muscle and shut off my sense of patience.

And I'd have enough.

"If you're just going to blame Leah for whatever this is you're doing… I think you should leave." I couldn't look at his face while he said it, instead training my gaze at his chest.

"Wait, please, listen, there's more you need to know, Emma, you're a bigger part of this than you know," he said quickly, taking that step towards me again.

I turned my head away from him and could feel the heat on my face, the blood rushing to my cheeks as my eyes started to sting. I tried, but I couldn't handle this. I must have spoken in my sleep, something about the wolves, and he took it to his advantage. It was never real. Too good to be true. The crystalline bubble of where we had been only hours before popped and shattered. A lump the size of an apple was trying to make its way up my throat and my words came out forced.

"Please just go."

"Emma-"

"_Please._" I stopped breathing to mask what would soon be shaky breathing. Still looking away from him, I could hear his own anxiety as he took breaths to start speaking again, but never said a word. When I couldn't hold it in anymore, I took in a deep breath of air and swallowed, breathing through my nose and willing the tears to keep from falling, my shoulders to keep from shaking.

I felt the shifted weight on the floor, the breeze of movement, caught the lingering scent of him as his footsteps grew fainter. And heard the door open and close.

My hands flew to my mouth as I shook all over, the tears breaking through the dam and running down my cheeks over my fingers that pressed against my lips, trying to hold inside the agony of what I had just done.

OOO

**Seth POV**

I woke up to knocking. Loud knocking.

When I blinked my eyes open, the small TV we had in the room was still on, the featurette menu screen from Monty Python on display. I must've fallen asleep.

_BAM BAM BAM_

I looked to the side to see if Rob was hearing the same thing I was, but he never got back from wherever he went, his bed still unmade and empty.

_BAM BAM BAM BAM_

"Who is it?" I yelled at the ceiling, my still slightly slurred with sleep.

"Seth, open the door." Said a wavering voice, quiet compared to the banging that came before.

My legs swung from the bed and I stood up with a grunt, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes as I made my way to the door. I felt around for the door handle and finally opened it, intending to do so slowly, then was startled as the person threw it open the rest of the way, this time making me grunt in pain when it collided with my unprotected toe.

"..the fuck?"

"Seth, he's telling her." I looked up from inspecting my injured foot to see my sister wide eyed and fidgety, hair all over the place and barefoot, like she just got out of bed.

"What're you talking about…did you walk here?"

"He's _telling _her!" She all but shouted at me.

Still in sleep mode, my face scrunched up trying to figure out what she was saying. "…What?"

"Fucking Embry!" She pushed me back into the bookcase behind me, and I heard the crack of wood splitting behind my shoulder with the impact.

Okay. Now I'm awake.

"Fucking Embry what?" I growled at her, picking up the books that had fallen to the ground.

"He's telling Emma." Her voice cracked on the end, and I froze, a book half way to its shelf.

Leah's voice doesn't crack.

I sighed, resigned, and tossed the book the rest of the way. "It's about time."

"What?! No, it's too soon, she won't understand, she'll-"

"Leah, it's been too long already. It's the biggest freaking bush you can beat around and it's getting fucking hard to…why aren't you there?" She never said it, but I knew she wanted to be there when she found out. Emma may be Embry's imprint, but she had gained Leah's trust first as a friend.

I could count on one hand the number of people who could do that.

"I told him to do it."

The acid tone was back. Haven't heard that in a while.

"What? Leah, why-"

"Don't you fucking judge me." She started to blur around the edges and her once wide eyes were slits.

"C'mon." I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the door. She needed to get to the park fast, before she exploded in plain view of all the freaking cameras around these buildings.

"Stop it!" she tried to push me away again, but this time I was awake and braced against it.

So she was going to be difficult.

She was still trying to wrench her arm from my grip, and a low growl was coming from her.

Time for evasive actions.

I pulled her arms down to her sides, locking my arms around her torso as she flailed, trying to get out. My foot caught the edge of the door and it swung shut behind us as I carried my sister out of the dorm, wincing at the dent her foot made in the wall of the hallway. The stairs were difficult, but I dealt with the endless "fuck" comments and walked sideways to go faster. She was blurring every few steps now, and once I was out the door of the dorm, I started running down the streets, still trying to hold her still, to contain it until the last possible second. It was awkward, but every bit necessary. Her grunts of frustration became screeches and she threw me off balance a few times, trying to get free of the grip I had on her.

When I saw the tree line, I finally just threw her. She exploded in the air, the t-shirt and shorts she had on ripped to shreds, one of her back claws getting a good chunk out of my shoulder as she pushed off of me and bolted into the woods. A few growls and snaps of wood later, with vibrations of crashes that I could feel through the soles of my feet, and then there was a bark.

Or a yelp.

Whatever it was, it sent me running into the woods after her, stripping quickly and phasing once I was far enough in. She was remembering things, flashes were coming at me too fast to even hear what they were saying.

In their living room, Emma looked like shit, they were arguing.

Outside the apartment with Emma, arguing.

Talking to Embry at the house on the Rez, Emma was asleep against him.

Sitting at the table with Emma and Jordan, arguing.

Embry asking her something in their apartment, she left.

_Not yet…please not yet…just for a while…I __**hate**__ this…_

She rammed her head into a tall oak, making a dead branch tumble down from the high limb it was once attached to.

_Leah, she has to know._

The grey wolf before me spun around and I whined when I saw the red matted fur above her eye. The cut was healed already, but the blood that remained made it look like it hurt. She huffed at me and latched her teeth on to a young sycamore, tugging and pulling and growling until it was uprooted and she threw it against the oak. She panted and stared at the now useless baby tree, bits of bark and wood on her gums and teeth. Then she took a few steps away and flopped to the ground.

_I know._

I padded around softly and slowly couched down a few feet across from her, resting my nose down on my front paws.

_You look like a fucking dog when you do that._

I showed my teeth in a grin. _Well, you know I sort of am one. Might as well act the part._

She snorted and closed her eyes, then registered from my thoughts what she looked like. Her paw lifted to her ear, and she used the inside of her leg to try and wipe the blood off of her face.

_You kinda look like a do-_

_Shut up._

I growled playfully at her and shifted to the right so I could flop to my side, feet stretched out and head resting on the ground. Leah was concentrating on cleaning herself up, probably trying to distract her mind from what she knew was going on in her apartment as we sat here. From what I could see through the trees, the sky was starting to lighten up with the dawn, setting a blue hue on everything in the small forest.

_What time is it?_

_Four something I think._

_You woke me up at four something?!_

_Only because I was woken up before you. _

A flash of her memory showed again, Embry standing at her door with a confused and tired looking Emma standing behind him.

_Oh._

_Yeah._

We sat there for a while longer, letting thoughts meander to meaningless things that didn't connect to the conversation that would change so many dynamics when we saw our friend again. I made a big sigh, sending some dead leaves by my nose fluttering away from me. I looked at Leah again and let out some sort of barking laugh while sniggering in my head at her. She had really tried to get all the blood off, but most of what she had done was just smear it all the way down her nose, making the fur of her leg and the one side of her head a reddish pink.

She saw it through me again and growled, standing up.

_Dammit, I need clothes._

_You think they're done yet? _I pictured the two of them sitting on the couch, Embry explaining things with his hands while Emma watched him with a focused expression.

A metallic buzzing noise cut off her reply and both of us turned towards the direction we came from. It stopped, then started again, lasting a few seconds. Then again.

_Did you bring your phone out here?_

_Ah shit!_

I hopped up from the ground and took off towards the edge of the woods, looking for my pants that I threw off once I got in here. The buzzing got louder and I pinpointed the direction, skidding to a stop in front of a branch that they were hanging from by one of the legs. The phone was on the ground, buzzing and vibrating against the sticks beneath it, making a rattling sound. I phased back quickly and flipped open the phone while pulling my jeans free of the tree they'd caught on. "Hello?"

"Seth? She won't- she told me to leave- she won't hear it- I had to start from the beginning but sh-she thought I was trying to brainwash her or something and she told me to leave and-"

"Woah! What? Hold on man," I pulled on my jeans and searched the ground for my shirt while Leah trotted her way towards me still in wolf form, ears perked to hear the conversation. "She told you to leave?"

"She didn't know any of it, so I had to start with Taha Aki and I only got to where we started to phase and she told me to leave like I was a crazy person and she wouldn't even look at me and-"

"Wait a minute, okay, where are you now?" I pulled my shirt over my head and locked eyes with Leah, concern evident in her canine features.

"I'm…outside the apartment, across the street on the lawn. She doesn't even know about imprinting, what the fuck do I do?"

As I was grabbing my shoe, Leah's muzzle shoved into my side, smearing blood on my shirt. I looked up at her confused. "What?" She grabbed my shirt with her teeth and tugged, only tearing it a little, then stepped back and made a little jump of impatience. "Yeah, I know. You need clothes. But we've got a bit of a problem here," I added tersely, pointing to my phone.

"Is Leah with you?" Embry's frantic voice called from the ear piece.

"Sort of." I pulled on my shoes and she growled loudly, then made a short bark, definitely loud enough for Embry to hear. Then she tugged at my shirt again and nudged my shoulder where she had cut me before. When she stepped back, she shook her head in frustration and ran in a little circle, like that would make me understand. "Leah, if I get you clothes, I'd have to go to your apartment, which is where…Emma…is…"

"What!" Embry was yelling now. "What- What did- what did she say?"

I looked down at my torn and bloodied shirt, then back up at Leah, realization hitting my finally. "Em, stay where you are. I'm coming." I snapped the phone shut, and looked to my sister, giving her a nod of finality. She nodded back, then sat back on her hind legs, waiting. I set off running towards their apartment, hoping for all our sakes that her plan would work.

**A/N: Please don't hurt me. The next chapter is in the works, and should be coming soon enough. **

**Got a question for you guys…I set the rating at T, but I've dropped the f-bomb too many times to count…Are you okay with that? Or should I change the rating? I'm just making this realistic. Real people swear. Let me know.**

**Review!**


	16. Let Down

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title is by Radiohead.**

**And thus comes the solution to last chapter. I had to split it in two, it was just too much for one go, so 17's comin' soon. And I mean it. It's half written already.**

**Let Down**

_I felt the shifted weight on the floor, the breeze of movement, caught the lingering scent of him as his footsteps grew fainter. And heard the door open and close._

_My hands flew to my mouth as I shook all over, the tears breaking through the dam and running down my cheeks over my fingers that pressed against my lips, trying to hold inside the agony of what I had just done. _

OOO

A garbled noise was coming from somewhere in the room. It was full of pain and distress and anguish.

It was pitiful.

It was me.

My hands had left my mouth because I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. At some point I had sunk to the floor and was leaning against the back of the couch, knees drawn to my chest and my hands in my hair, holding my head. My lungs were sporadically working with each breath I tried to take, and though it didn't seem to help me get any oxygen, I started rocking. Maybe it was keeping my heart going, movement to keep the blood flowing like my body was trying to keep me alive.

I was the only sound, but somehow that was comforting. I started to wish there was something else I could focus on, but realized I would have just been kidding myself. There was no chance I could focus on anything else. I hadn't moved from where it happened. Maybe I was being masochistic, not moving, but if I went to my room, there would be too much to see; the picture, the blanket, movies, books, songs, stupid things that my head would correlate with him and I knew I would lose it.

There were several light tinging sounds outside the front door, our neighbors' wind chimes making unpredictable music that seemed to mock me. It was so sweet, so innocent and pure of a sound, that it made me want to march over there and throw them to the ground, stopping it altogether like the man who shot the songbird to make it shut up. I burrowed my head further into my knees and sighed a shuddering breath as the wind finally stopped, mercifully silencing the chimes, and everything else.

The stillness around me made me lose track of time and whether it was minutes or hours later, I was too exhausted to do anything else but shift to the ground onto my side and fall asleep.

OOO

"_Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong…"_

_Mrs. Pott's warbling voice serenaded the swirl of yellow and blue in the enormous ballroom. I was sitting in a corner, the cold marble floor not comfortable at all and I wanted to leave. This was someone else's story. It had its own happy ending that didn't belong to me. The cherubs painted on the ceiling were giving me the stink-eye, wanting me gone as well. The character appliances were dancing with the magic swirling duo, but then they were coming towards me. The candlestick Lumiere kept hopping onto my knee, then my shoulder, my head, singing loudly and I pushed further into the corner to get away from them._

"_Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…"_

"_No!" I shouted, covering my head with my arms as Lumiere kept jumping on me, his metal base sure to leave bruises when it was over. _

"_Beauty and…"_

I woke up to blink at the blue morning light that filtered in through the window, brightening everything, and I wanted it shut. As my body awakened more, it registered in my mind how cold I was laying on the floor in just a t-shirt and sweatpants against the couch, and I instinctively curled into myself more with a shiver, but tried to keep myself aligned to where my body heat had stayed on the carpet. I closed my eyes again and tried to block out the light and forget how my childhood favorite movie had turned into a bad dream, but three knocks coming from the apartment door made them open wide and my body stiffen in my curled up state.

That must've been what woke me up. I stared at the wall in front of me with wide eyes, blinking the sleep out of them as my heartbeat started to thud in my ears.

The knocks came again, louder this time, and my shivering increased from the cold and the fear of the unexpected noise combined.

"Emma, it's Seth. Open up?"

I hadn't thought of the prospect of someone finding me like this. I knew my vocal chords must work, but there was something holding me back from even opening my mouth, my teeth stuck together like they were glued. There was muttering on the other side of the door, then I heard my phone ringing from my room, and my eyes shifted slightly in its direction. But I still couldn't- or wouldn't- move. It my waking state, it was hard to distinguish if it was voluntary or involuntary of me to paralyze myself like this.

Four more knocks.

Silence, and seventeen heart beats.

Muttering again.

My phone playing through its ringtone. Twice.

Three hard knocks.

"Emma," he said loudly through the door now, and I hoped he wasn't waking up the neighbors. "Emma, you okay?" He sounded worried, and I thought I should say something, but the only part of me that was moving at all on its own were my eyes, shifting from one patch of wall to another, my will to speak being overpowered by something else.

The doorknob jiggled a few times, then there was more knocking. "Em, it's only me out here, I swear…just…let me know you're okay…throw something at the door, I dunno…"

So he was worried I thought he was tricking me into letting _him_ in. But that wasn't it at all. Even though Seth might've known about him this whole time, I somehow couldn't hold anything against him past the annoying quirks he had that made him who he was. He was like a brother to me now. I knew he wouldn't do something like that to me, but I couldn't justify why I wasn't communicating with him presently either. I hadn't made a sound yet, my voice caught in my throat whenever I made the attempt to even whisper, and my lips stayed closed like they had never been apart.

Three more knocks, loud, making me flinch the slightest bit.

"Emma, you're killin' me here…" He sounded so worried. Did he think something happened to me? I may not be in good shape, but I wasn't a danger to myself.

A thud against the door. I imagined he was resting his head against it.

Quiet.

Twenty-three heartbeats.

Fast footfalls echoed through the walls and got softer as they disappeared down the stairs outside. Then I was alone again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. Everything was still again. I took another slow breath and heard my own pulse slow down to its normal pace as it thudded in my temples.

But the peace was short lived.

"You better be absolutely sure about this, kid." The sleep-filled voice of Peter, our landlord, broke the silence as two pairs of feet trudged up the steps, one slow and tired and the other quick and impatient behind them.

"I am, she won't answer the door or her phone at all, I'm just worried something might be wrong."

The tired steps stopped before they even reached the landing.

"Son, it's four thirty in the morning."

"I _know_ that, but unless she took something, which I know she wouldn't have, something's wrong. She's not in the best…state to be alone."

"Oh?" Peter sounded more alert now, and I heard the jingle of keys as he searched for the right one, just as another voice joined in the mix.

"What the hell is going on out here?" The raspy voice of our downstairs neighbor called up to the men outside the door. Presumably just out of bed, she sounded more like a man than a woman.

"Nothing Mrs. Dahl," drawled Peter, still fiddling with his keys. "I'm sorry we woke you up, we just have to get in to help Miss Swenson."

"Oh Lord," Mrs. Dahl's voice rattled with disgust. "Is she on suicide watch or somethin'?" There was a heavy silence for a few moments, and I supposed there was a silent conversation going on, even the jingling keys had stopped. Finally, Mrs. Dahl found a way to excuse herself. "You young people are too dramatic for your own health these days-"

"That'll do Mrs. Dahl, you go back to bed now and get a few more hours' sleep, sorry for the noise," Peter dismissed his grousing tenant, the grinding of metal on metal jumpstarting my heartbeat as the right key finally pried apart the lock and the door opened, bringing with it the sharp cool air from outside.

I only heard the brushing of fabric as vibrations from footfalls traveled through the floor. Some juvenile thought process told me that if I couldn't see them, they couldn't see me, so I shut my eyes tight, shivering from the cold air. It was more than before, probably because of the underlying knowledge that I would be found like this after all. At least I wouldn't have to see their faces.

"Is she okay?" Peter's worried voice carried through the room and embarrassment slithered down my throat and burned in my stomach. I shifted minutely so that my back pressed more against the back of the couch, and my pulse throbbed against my ear drums as my breathing picked up. I tried to will myself away from here, away from their eyes, but reality was such a hard thing to escape from. It loved to show its ugly face at the most inopportune times.

"I'm just gonna pick you up, okay?" Seth's brotherly voice whispered as I felt him put one arm under my knees and the other behind my back. My joints were stiff from being immobile and tense for so long, protesting when they were moved and bent as he lifted me. When I was free of the abrasive carpet, the cool air from outside bit at my unprotected skin and any part of me that had seconds ago been warm, making me inhale sharply. But it didn't last long since the arms protectively brought me against a warm body and on instinct, I turned my face into it, greedily trying to absorb any heat it could give as my skin covered with goosebumps from the drastic change in temperature.

"Should I call a doctor?" Peter inquired to Seth again.

Seth softly set me down on the cushions of the heaven couch and I curled into myself again at the contact of the cold fabric, shivering now at the loss of heat. A heavy but soft material was draped over me then, and I felt it tucked in around me.

Turning back to Peter, Seth answered him finally, his tone serious and authoritative towards the older man. "She just needs to get warm and have someone here with her. My sister's her roommate, but she had to leave, told me to check on her… Thanks for letting me in, sir."

"Sure... she'll be okay? We've got extra blankets, comforters…"

"Thanks, but…" Seth sighed. "I'll let you know if we need anything."

"What about you? Do you need a doctor?"

"Wha?- _oh_," Seth laughed, but I knew what his laugh _should_ sound like; snickering, happy, and annoying. This was too smooth. Fake. "So it looks real, huh? Good to know." When he got no answer from Peter, he continued. "End of term prank me and my roommate cooked up for our RA. He'll be the one with the plastic knife from the Halloween shop."

Peter scoffed and I heard his keys jingle again. "Looks like that part of college never changes." The floor squeaked as he shifted his weight. "You take care of her, then. I'll make sure Mrs. Dahl doesn't go spreadin' gossip. As much as possible, that is."

"'Preciated it, sir."

The keys jingled once more, some footsteps, then the door clicked shut.

Still and quiet.

Fifteen heart beats.

A sigh.

"I know you're awake, Em. Are you still cold?"

My eyes opened slowly to see the blue-green fabric of the heaven couch, and I felt my forehead tighten. I didn't know how much I actually wanted him here.

"Here, I've done this before, it'll help." As strong as he was, Seth was very gentle in the way he set me upright on the couch, still cocooning me in the blanket, then sitting beside me with an arm across my shoulders. He was like a giant heating pad. I wished there were two of him for each side. As if reading my thoughts, he said, "I'll switch sides in a while, so you're thawed out evenly."

Unable to hold up my stiff neck anymore, I let it fall against Seth's shoulder and relaxed. And that was when I saw it.

One whole side of his shirt was covered in red, along with the opposite shoulder. There were rips and holes scattered on the fabric, though I noticed the red didn't match up with them, thankfully. But it didn't look fake either. An image from the dream that started all this only hours ago flashed in my mind and I almost choked.

"Ignore that for now, it's nothing to worry about. No one's hurt."

Right. I'll just ignore the bloodstained shirt two inches from my face.

"So when I was fourteen, I thought there was a cult in my school."

Wait.

Stop.

What?

I had no energy or drive to stop him, and I still couldn't bring myself to move or speak. I would have to deal with Seth's crazy antics for now. Maybe it was one of his ways of cheering someone up- utterly confusing them.

"…or at least, that's what we called it at the time. Either that or the La Push gang. Seemed appropriate."

So I was in for story time again? La Push had seemed like such a nice little town. Like back home. They really had a gang?

I shivered once, and Seth pulled me closer, tucked the blanket in tighter around me, then started talking again like he never stopped.

"The way it started and all that is a whole other story, but for now, I'll just give you the run down."

Was it just me, or was there some déjà vu going on here?

"So these three guys, Sam, Jared, and Paul…

Wait. I know those names. I met their other halves.

"Yeah, you met 'em. But back in the day they were like…hall monitors gone bad, I think Jake called them once. All about _our land_ and _tribe pride_, taking things into their own hands like running criminals off the Rez, always keeping the peace, and the council was eating it all up like they could do no wrong. Sam Uley especially. It was like he owned them, and Paul and Jared were his followers. Hence the cult thing." Seth's voice took on a sour attitude towards people I knew he was pretty close to now, and one of them having completely changed his sister. I hoped it was just something that memories were cooking up.

"Anyway, they were doin' all that, but then they looking at some of us weird. Like Jake, Quil and…and Embry," I know he felt me stiffen, but he kept on, "they were like a combination of the stooges and the musketeers. Never any bad blood between them, and they stuck together since they were kids. I should know, they barely ever let me do anything with them. Two years younger and I'm unworthy…" Seth rolled his eyes and shook his head, the mean timbre of his voice now replaced with the playful bitterness of adolescence. "It… started with Embry actually. They kept bugging him all the time, like they were waiting for something to happen…"

I was becoming more and more uncomfortable with where this was going. I didn't want to hear about him. I just rid myself of him, I didn't need to know any more.

"Em, you need to know this. Just trust me?"

Trust Seth? I couldn't not, but…I also didn't want to. Not if we were treading into these waters. But I still wasn't moving, like the neurons just weren't making it to the right brain cells.

Seth's arm that was across my shoulders squeezed me to him lightly, and took my silence as a go-ahead.

"So Jake's family and mine have always been pretty close. The three guys wouldn't really let me hang out with them as the trio, but if it was just Jake, it was a good time. And I could tell if something was bugging him too. He wouldn't tell me about it, but I heard through my dad that something was weird with Embry. He was avoiding everyone; Jake, Quil, any and all of his friends. It was really weird."

So he had a past in his antics? That would have been nice to know.

"We have a pretty small school system, so the high school and the junior high are connected, same cafeteria in the middle. You could tell if someone was gone, especially one of the guys. Embry was out of school for a week, and I guess Jake and Quil could never get a hold of him, he was never home. When he finally came back, he looked… scared or something. Freaked out. And he wouldn't talk to anyone."

I tried to be indifferent to the story, I really did, but all I could feel was the knot in my stomach at the mention of _him_ being so closed off and afraid of something.

"And then it was exactly like with Jared and Paul. Neither of them liked Sam at all with the 'protectors' crap," my breath hitched at the word. "but all of a sudden, they miss school for a while, and they're following Sam like puppies. Like they joined a cult or something. And when Embry started hanging out with them he was lost to the rest of us."

My eyes tightened as grief filled his words, but it was a grief that was old, it wasn't current. He wasn't lost to the rest of them now. But then, what happened?

"Then Jake went with them too…"

But…Wait.

Seth withdrew his arm from my shoulders and used both hands to rub his eyes, a low sigh coming from behind his hands. "My dad…knew something about it. Jake had a friend back in Forks that kept trying to check up on him, you remember Bella?" My eyes tightened as I remembered the name, one of the names that Leah didn't want me to know about. "So her dad is Charlie, actually, and he and my dad were pretty tight."

Charlie…stepdad Charlie?

"My dad told him it was mono. That Bella shouldn't come down at all." He lowered his hands, fiddling with his fingers. After a muttered apology, he got up from the couch and sat on the other side of me, like he'd said he would. The side he left was cooler now that he left, but I was evening out with him on my other side now.

"And then I'm feeling like crap, not…sick, really, just…off. Had a growth spurt which was weird. I mean, I was fourteen, it was kinda early, you know? Thought I had a fever for a while, but it never went away. I was always hot, but not unhealthy, just didn't need a jacket when it was freezing outside. And Leah said the same thing, that she thought she was sick. My dad was having some heart trouble, so we kept it quiet, letting mom focus on him so she wouldn't be overwhelmed or anything."

I had never heard either of them talk so much about their family, about what it was like before. It was like the argument with Leah when I wouldn't dare say or do anything, since he was giving me this information freely. It seemed to upset him, talking about it, but he said I needed to know. It was different from when _he _said it; it wasn't attached to some hocus pocus tall tale that drove me up the wall. This was Seth's life. So I was listening.

"So we were trying to keep it on the down low. But Sam's gang was looking at me funny like they had to Embry and Jake, and Leah…she didn't want me anywhere near Sam, and a part of me understood, but it was just the way she said it, like she could _control_ me. I just snapped and yelled and exploded, and then… I was something else. I was angry and barely noticed that she did too. She exploded, and we were…ugh. A lot… happened that day, but my point is that we both…ah dammit." A shudder ran through him that I felt through the cushions of the couch.

"No one's kidding when they say it's hard to explain," he muttered to himself, then turned to me to look me straight in the eye. "Embry never lied to you, Emma. He can't." My eyes were wide as they were caught with his sad ones. "He hasn't even told his mom. At first she thought he was just in a rebellious stage or something, and every night he'd just take the yelling and whatever, but he didn't want her to know. Now I guess she's used to him being gone all the time, but she doesn't question him anymore. Sort of an impasse. They don't talk about it. You were the first person he ever tried to tell and when you didn't believe him…well, right now he's kinda losing it."

Embry never lied?

…"_We do what the chief could do. We're protectors."…_

…_"There are some families that were directly descended from him… Uley, Black, Ateara"_

…"_Clearwater…"_

…"_Wolves."…_

"Look, right now, what you need to know is that Embry didn't lie to you at all. He didn't even get to the part where you come in."

What is he talking about now? How much of this are they going to put me through?

"Leah…she was becoming herself again, and a lot of it was because of you. She had a friend who wasn't involved with the pack or La Push, or Sam."

The pack…the pack of _wolves_…

"She was seeing herself as a person. Not a genetic anomaly or a freak of nature."

Wait. Just wait.

"She knew you would have to find out from Embry, but she kept stalling it, saying that you shouldn't know yet. But it was really for her own selfish reasons that you were kept out of the loop. So for a very long, and I imagine, very painful time… he didn't tell you."

…"…_I don't even know what I'm doing now, but you've just gone so long without knowing and I felt like I was lying to you every day, but Leah…she kept pushing it back and telling me to wait, but I couldn't hold it in anymore."…_

But…that means…

"There's more you need to know, but… it's not my place to tell you. Leah, though… she's waiting for us. For you. She's ready."

And he was done. Waiting for me to respond.

Leah…?

… "_There is a lot of small town drama that I'm sure you can relate to, and I don't want anyone else getting involved in it"…_

… _Telling me she knew I would leave…_

…"_You don't know what will happen. You don't know me. I'm not a good person. I'm as good as a monster to you"…_

…"_If La Push changes how you look at me"…_

Leah was protecting herself. Embry didn't lie. It was the beginning of Seth's story. I wasn't manipulated, he wasn't blaming Leah, he was trying to help me understand.

So now I was in another world, or at least mine had changed. I was a part of something else. Something that I threw out the door like it was insane and wrong.

But it wasn't.

He wasn't.

I swallowed and though I had been returning Seth's gaze this whole time, mine faltered as it blurred, double images showing up in the bottom of my vision as the reality I thought wasn't possible was finally showing its face, but after it was needed.

Hopefully it wasn't too late.

My lips parted painfully, being stuck together for so long made them sting once they were free. I took in a shaky breath, and my will power finally won over the paralysis as I forced the word out of me.

"Where?"

OOO

The drive to the park was short. A few miles, a few minutes, and we were already parked. I gripped the bundle of clothes in my hand; jeans, a t-shirt, a bra and underwear. Seth wouldn't touch Leah's top drawer, let alone her dresser.

I was warmer now, the car's heater and the extra layers I had put on helping that fact, but my joints were still wobbly. I had only gotten maybe an hour of sleep on the floor of the apartment, plus the three or so before that. But something about being outside in the light of the dawn, about to see the truth, had my eyes and brain alert and awake.

"You ready?"

Seth's voice drew me from my thoughts and I nodded, unbuckling my seatbelt and stepping out of Leah's car that we had taken here. I held the clothes against my stomach, wrapping my arms around them to keep warm from the morning mist. The slam of Seth's car door seemed to echo against the tree line before us.

Without another word, I started forward, Seth right behind me, supporting me. He was letting me do this at my own pace, something I was very thankful for.

Halfway across the expanse of grass, light spots started to appear. At first I thought it was paper, but when I looked again, it was fabric. When I was finally walking over the pieces I picked one up, running my thumb over the screen printing of what used to be a t-shirt. I glanced back to Seth but he only smirked and shrugged. I stared at the shred of fabric in my hand again, comparing it to the ones on the ground. If they were all put together, I would have recognized it. It was Leah's shirt, the one she was wearing when she left. My heart kickstarted into a faster gear and I let the fabric fall to the ground with the rest of them.

The complete knowledge of what I would soon be involved in was not yet known to me. The shreds of Leah's clothes brought some pieces together like a puzzle in my head, but there was still so much missing. As Seth said, there were things that only Embry or Leah could tell me, so when we finally came under the shadows of the first trees, I stepped into the forest purely on faith. I'd just have to trust that the rest of the pieces would fit into place in time.

We walked slowly, my wobbly legs sometimes running into rogue roots or invisible holes that made me shoot out an arm for balance, making sure to keep one against me holding Leah's clothes. Seth was always there to help, but I waved him off. The wet air was clinging to my hair and when I sniffed or wiped my nose with my hand, my face felt clammy. Despite that, there was a fire that was running in my veins, urging me forward with each step towards the truth. Towards what was kept from me. Towards what I was now a part of.

"See that big oak over to the right? With the smaller one against it?" Seth asked from behind me. Sure enough, about fifty yards to the right was a giant oak with a younger tree that looked like it had been ripped from its trunk lying at its roots. When I nodded, he said softly, "She's over there."

I turned around and saw a worried look on his usually jovial face. Resolve thudded through me with each breath of the morning air, and I tightened my hold on the clothes we had brought for her. Faster than I had been going before, I made my way through the trees, registering Seth's silence behind me, letting me go. When I came to the oak, I was panting slightly, scanning the forest around me for a sign of Leah. What I saw first was the splash of dark red against the oak's trunk, and it made my stomach turn. Seth told me no one was hurt, but the red was still glistening. It was recent, and something had to be bleeding.

My hand reached towards it, hoping to find that it wasn't still warm, but a short whine behind me made me jerk away and spin, almost stumbling to the ground at what was now before me. It was several things from my imagination come to life. But not how I had ever expected it.

A giant gray wolf stood facing me, its height easily twice the amount of a normal wolf. Its silver fur was sparkling with dew drops, like my hair, the misty air making its mark. My breath made a small cloud in the cold between us, and I tried to control it when I took in the red that stained the entire right side of its head, and part of its leg.

It stood still in my silent examination, waiting for me to take in all of it. A feathery tail swished silently behind it, and its broad chest expanded with each breath. I noticed the claws that gripped the earth beneath its feet, and the long muzzle that inevitably held deadly fangs meant for ripping something apart, but I wasn't scared of them. In spite of every deadly and inhuman feature, my lungs caught in an awkward gasp when I recognized the eyes. Or at least, I thought I did. They were dark, almost black, and too intelligent and knowing in the way they held my eyes in a locked stare. They sloped so gracefully into its facial structure that I knew it was undeniably female.

I looked again to where the fur was the reddest, just above its eye, and though there wasn't any cut that I could see, the amount of blood that stained the fur and made it stand on end in little spikes still worried me. But unlike the tree, I had no desire to investigate where it came from or how recent it was. As if in protest, my feet were locked to the ground beneath them and my hands were holding the clothes to me in a vice grip.

My heart made a lurch when it finally shifted its eyes from my face and looked down at my hands. When it looked back up to me, I could have sworn a muscle twitched just above its eye, like if it had an eyebrow, it would have been quirked up in question.

And it was all too familiar.

One of its ears twitched towards where I had come from through the trees, and as if to solidify the possibility into fact, its graceful eyes rolled.

It wasn't funny, and I had no idea why I was doing it, but laughing seemed the only reasonable thing to do. It started as a little hiccup, then quickly rolled into guffaws. I had heard it was some sort of mental defense mechanism, that when something traumatic or stressful happens, the brain can mistake the messages it was getting and the outcome was the opposite of what's supposed to happen. So I was laughing.

Pretty hard, mind you.

My grip on the clothes I was holding started to slacken, and pretty soon they tumbled to the ground out of my grasp, my arms loosely wrapping around my stomach that was aching with laughter so hard I wasn't really making any noise except for the gasps of air I needed in between to breathe.

There were tears at the corners of my eyes, and my cheeks were aching with the amount of smiling they were doing that went along with the laughing, pushing up to my eyes and making them squint so I could barely see a thing what with the tears. But I could comprehend enough of my surroundings to see the giant shape of the familiar wolf shift towards me, and I gasped in a huge gust of air, no longer laughing, simply gasping for oxygen. My smiling loosened and I covered my hand with my mouth, muffling the wheezing sounds my throat was making. I staggered backwards, away from it, and then unsurprisingly tripped on a root of the big oak behind me, falling in a heap on my butt as I kept gasping, now turned away from the clothes I had dropped and the wolf I had dropped them in front of.

My voice seemed to stretch through every breath I let out, and I sounded like I was moaning after each inhale shakily made its way to my lungs. My legs were bent around me and I swayed to the side, holding my weight up with the hand that wasn't already covering the source of all these awful sounds.

A wave of something- it wasn't heat or wind, but it was just something- rippled through the air and then a ruffling sound could barely be heard through my horrid breathing. The arm that was holding me up was shaking against the ground, protesting to the amount of mass it had to hold steady with the meager strength it had, and when the ruffling and every other sound around me stopped, so did I. It could only be done for a second or two before I wheezed in another breath and started again, but I could tell that it was just so _still_.

My eyes were wide while I waited, surprisingly dry with the exception of the left over laughing tears. They had stopped when I started gasping.

I think I was in shock.

Without the sound of them to warn me, Leah's bare feet came into my line of vision, and I sounded like a whining dog, a high pitched wheezing coming out of me every time I exhaled. Then I saw her knees, clad in the jeans I brought here, bending so that she squatted in front of me, and the rest of her came into view. The shoulder of the t-shirt I grabbed out of her dresser was stained with red and the right side of her face had only smudges of it around the edges, like she had tried to wipe it off without a mirror.

No, that was exactly what she did.

My eyes quickly followed the red to her brow, where I expected most of it to be, but the only thing there was a small pink line that looked like a week-old cut that had almost healed. My supporting arm shook again and finally gave out, just as she reached out like a flash and grabbed my shoulders, keeping me upright.

"Hey, Em," She whispered, and tried to smile at me, but it didn't stick.

I could only wheeze back at her, staring at her shoulder where she had wiped off the blood.

"Emma," she ducked her head to catch my eyes, and it worked. It was so strange, seeing her eyes now, the way they sat perfectly above her high cheek bones, and how her brows sloped above them so gracefully. _Gracefully. _I was seeing them now, but I was also seeing them surrounded by silver fur that flowed up to soft tipped ears. But that wasn't what she was now. She was Leah now.

Was she Leah _then_?

Yes…no, she wasn't. She was…she _was_, but…

"You gave me a pretty solid argument a while ago," she said softly, and I thought I heard her voice waver a bit. "And I know you'll know what I'm talking about. So…" she stopped to swallow. "…I need to know if you still stand by what you said. If you still believe it?"

My wheezing was slowing down and I felt like I hadn't blinked in a long time. My mind wasn't catching up with real time just yet and I wasn't completely comprehending what she wanted from me.

"I may not be a snooty prince, but I can be one hell of a beast, Em. You just saw it."

Beast? No…it was big, but I couldn't call it that. Couldn't call _her_ that, but there was something that wasn't sitting right. I was almost okay with all of this, but…

A movement just past her shoulder caught my eye and there was Seth, standing a listening distance away with his hands in his pockets, watching our exchange with an eagerness he was trying to reign in by shifting noiselessly from foot to foot.

They matched now, brother and sister, with their bloodstained shirts.

And then it all seemed to click together at once.

Leah's eyes widened in front of me, and she jumped out of the way just before I vomited onto the ground where she sat a millisecond ago. My poor stomach had taken too much; first the blood, then the laughing, then the gasping, and then the blood again, but the reality of what had really happened, that this was so very real just brought it to the brink and I was heaving.

Like any good friend, Leah was behind me, holding my hair from my face and lightly rubbing my back as I tried to brace myself with both hands on the ground, the contents of my stomach emptying onto the forest floor. Tears were streaming from my eyes as I spit out the last of the bile, my breathing now more of a pant, though still shaky coming in and out. I raised a shaking hand to wipe my mouth and turned away from the putrid smell.

"You okay?" Leah whispered close to me, and I nodded, blinking and now fully coherent. I sat there, staring at the ground, getting my regular breathing pattern back for a minute or so, gathering the strength from wherever it was left to go on with this.

I could feel the heat of her on my left side, and even though we weren't touching, it couldn't strike me as odd anymore, the heat.

Her runs, when she could take care of herself. She can't be harmed, I knew this now. Not physically. She would heal just like the cut above her eye. She was a marvel. They all were.

She waited probably a whole five minutes as I just sat there, registering everything, letting it settle, and I'd never been more grateful as a friend for it. I needed to go over every conversation, every argument that I could remember, parts that I didn't understand but seemed like they had a double meaning. Comments that weren't funny or didn't make sense to me, why they would have made her so upset or bothered. Then my thoughts turned to someone else, someone just as important that I had the same dilemma with, and my empty stomach seemed to turn into itself.

When my butt was finally numb on the cold ground, I turned to face her, and looking a bit surprised, she looked up from her bare feet that her hands were holding. My mind took a sharp turn when my eyes went down to her feet.

"I forgot shoes," I whispered.

"Yeah," she shrugged, "but you remembered underwear, makes up for it." She smirked and it elicited a small laugh from me, though it was short-lived and my mind finally went back on course. I wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve and looked down at the grass and leaves between us.

"So… he wasn't lying, then…"

"No," she murmured, then sighed and grabbed the hems of her jeans in her hands. "Emma, can you answer my question?"

I looked up then, and saw a very tired, very anxious, and very dirty Leah. And even with all that, she was still gorgeous. Figures.

My lips quirked up on one side at the thought and I shook my head. "Leah, you're not a beast."

"That's not what I mean."

"Fine, you're not _the_ beast either."

"I'm not talking about the movie."

"I'm not either."

"Emma-"

"Leah," I interrupted, since she wasn't listening. "I'm not. Going. Anywhere." Her eyes bored into mine looking for weak links in what she was probably thinking was a chain of lies. But I was done with lies. Lies and me were no more, no matter where they came from. "There was another argument, you may remember," I bored my eyes right back. "I made a promise. And I have every intention of keeping it. If the pile of puke behind me isn't _proof_ enough that I believe you guys," I looked up at Seth, then back to his stubborn sister, "then I don't know what is, but it's not going to help anything if _you_ don't believe _me._"

For the first time since I got in this damned forest there were tears in my eyes for the right reasons.

"I love you guys like f-family and nothing is going to change that." I sniffed and struggled with keeping my voice level. "Not even this." I held in a sob, sick of gasping and hating the way it made me look helpless, so I stood up quickly but wobbled a bit with my numb muscles, and Leah was right there, holding me up again. I wouldn't look either of them in the eye. I knew now, and it may have made things easier for them, easier between us, but there was something unrelated to that fact that was making me hate myself.

"You need to see him," Leah said, her voice forcing its way into me, and it was like she cleaved the edge of me with a hammer just right, splitting me in two. My throat rasped with the sob it had built up and by now I knew I had cried too much for one morning, but it just wouldn't stop. There was so much I knew now, so much that had me wanting to sink into the ground and suffocate for what I had done.

I was the beast.

I was the monster that ruined things, good things, wonderful things, beautiful people.

Every time I so much as blinked, all I could see was his tortured face, eyes filled with a pain so deep it only brought more tears to me now.

_I don't deserve him._

"What?" Leah's grip on me loosened, as if something surprised her.

I must've said that out loud.

"Emma, stop it. Yes you do, you know you do, don't be stupid."

My head shook and my face crumpled. "No, I don't," I confessed, and the wheezing started again, slower than before, and each breath dragged.

"Emma!" She was angry now.

"No," I pushed out of her grasp and stumbled through the trees, my feet trying to move faster than my legs would allow. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat, but it was too hard. My lungs pulled again, but nothing came.

My legs went limp and the trees swirled.

Someone yelled my name.

Then everything went black.

**A/N: I just puffed my cheeks out with a big gust of air. Sounded something like this…Hooophhhhhh.**

**I truly am sorry if this took a lot longer than you all expected. I didn't think it would take as long as it did, honestly. There was a lot of book research I had to do to make the back stories real, and a good fraction of that is shown in the next chapter as well, which, let me assure you, will go up this week. **

**Last chap had an embarrassing number of reviews, so I hope I'm still going in the right direction with this. **

**Give me insight to your minds! I only know my own. ;)**


	17. Sun It Rises

**A/N: I wanted this to go out on Saturday, I really did, but FF was having some technical glitches, and got in the way of my plans. **

**But here it is! I really hope you like this chapter, I'm taking everything into account here. **

**Chapter title is by Fleet Foxes.**

**And as always, I do not own Twilight.**

**Onward!**

**Sun It Rises**

"…think we need to- wait, Leah, she's breathing, right?"

"Yes. She just fainted, she's over-stressed."

"But… well, in the apartment- she was just frozen together, like rigor mortis or something."

"Seth, rigor mortis is what happens to a corpse."

"Whatever, what if there's something else wrong?"

"No, she's fine…physically. We just need to get her home so we can put her in bed. I think she was having a nightmare before…"

OOO

"…just sleeping, Embry. I didn't _do_ anything to her."

"She looks too pale."

"Well, she's white. It happens sometimes."

"Leah-"

"There's nothing wrong with her. She went into shock and it took a lot out of her, so now she's sleeping."

"Her breathing…why does it…"

"Yeah. She'll need water when she wakes up…"

OOO

"…you want somethin' to eat? Leah's cooking."

"No'm fine."

"You want to -"

"Seth. I'm fine."

"I was gonna say 'you want to crash on the couch' but I guess I got my answer."

"Yeah. Just-"

"S'okay man. Nevermind…"

OOO

"… so sorry…"

OOO

I was awake, but not really. I didn't want to be. I kept my eyes shut, my brows pulling together in concentration, trying to pull my consciousness back into sleep, but my mind was awake and it was unavoidable now. I breathed in deeper and winced when the air seemed to slice all the way from my nose down to my throat. Swallowing just made it worse and I winced again, blinking my eyes open and starting to stretch my muscles. It was hard to do since I felt swaddled like…ah, I was still in my jeans. Lovely.

My orientation told me I was on my side and the first thing to clear in my vision was my alarm clock. The green numbers said it was almost ten thirty, and by the light that was filling the room, it must've still been the morning. The second thing I noticed was a glass of water sitting on my side table, and it was like seeing an oasis in the desert. I started to shift myself towards the edge of the bed and reached out a hand towards the water, but stopped short when I realized I wasn't alone.

Halfway down the bed, a shock of jet black hair was resting at the edge of the mattress on top of two crossed arms, and my eyes followed them to what used to be a person sitting up in my desk chair, but was now a hunched over Embry, fast asleep.

_Oh Embry. What did I do to you?_

I waited a few more seconds, seeing if he would wake up, but when all I saw was the slow rise and fall of his shoulders, I breathed a sigh of relief. Like I was moving in slow motion, I propped myself up enough to reach for the water again, and grasped the glass with weak fingers, my reflexes feeling sloppy from sleep. I watched Embry's sleeping form warily, but he still didn't show any signs of waking up, so I brought the glass to my lips and started to drink. The water must have been sitting there for a while because it was lukewarm and felt weird against my tongue, but it did wonders to my throat, and I chugged it down in a matter of seconds.

The sound of the glass clunking back onto the table made me shift my eyes to Embry again, but he didn't stir. I settled back into my pillows and planned on just watching him sleep. It may have been a stalker-like move, but if I had the chance to see him at his most peaceful state, I wasn't going to waste it. I didn't know how it would be between us when we were both conscious again.

He had laid everything out for me to take and I had thrown it back in his face. There was no way there couldn't be animosity for that. Beast that I am.

But now that he was here, and right next to me, it was like it never happened. Nothing stupid had been done and we were never separated. It could all have been a bad dream.

_Stop it, Emma. _

But, of course, I knew better, so I relished it while it was here, this peace between us, and took the chance to study him. He was so strong in every aspect, and just the look of him gave me a sense of security whether it was the solidity of each muscled arm, the curve of his back, the turn of his jaw…even the tranquility in his features as he slept. I wondered why he had chosen me. He was too good for me.

_I don't deserve him._

The thought made me cringe, and even thinking about the pitiful state I had been in before was embarrassing in and of itself.

While I had been watching him, my arm had unconsciously moved so that it laid down next to me, and my fingers were inches from his hair. For a whole minute I laid there, staring at my hand that was itching to just touch him. It was just so tempting. I watched his breathing again, and when it didn't change from its rhythmic rise and fall, I lifted just my fingers. The tips of them brushed the black ends that stood out towards me and I stopped, waiting again for him to wake up, but he still didn't. I moved my fingers deeper then and did nothing but watch the silky strands run along my skin before they settled back into place with each pass.

I had run my fingers through his hair before, but it hadn't been when I was particularly paying attention to it, seeing as I had been focusing on… other things. Now I was completely enamored. I combed my finger tips through the black mess, lightly touching his scalp in lazy but methodical strokes. I imagined it was soothing for the both of us, and then one of the rises of his back stayed longer before falling again with what I could only call a contented sigh, but thought nothing of it. I was so concentrated on watching his locks move with each stroke of my fingers, savoring the feel of it to keep in my memory. When his head rolled slightly on his arms, I went on almost absentmindedly, never taking my eyes off of what I was doing. I had moved my ministrations down around his neck when I stopped and froze.

My hand was still frozen in mid-stroke, fingertips immobile and stuck to his hair like magnets while deep hazel eyes watched me curiously. My lips parted to explain, but I couldn't even make a sound, though some part of me knew that if I did, it wouldn't be the right one anyways.

For the first time since I woke up, thoughts started to fly through my head about why he was here in the first place, specifically here at my bedside. Had he been watching me sleep like I had him? Was he waiting for me to wake up so he could question me? He didn't look angry, but he didn't look sad either. He looked…happy? His eyes were laced with sleep and they weren't open all the way, but I could still detect a bit of shine in them, and that didn't seem right. The last words I had said to him were to leave. He shouldn't be able to pardon me so easily. I definitely shouldn't even have the right to play with his hair.

At that thought, I pulled back my hand like I had been burned and crossed by arms, caging my wandering hands to my sides.

"Sorry," I whispered and looked down at the comforter. He was making me feel guilty and he hadn't even done anything yet.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him raise his head enough to shake it in a silent 'no', and I could feel his gaze on me still.

"Feels nice," he said softly.

I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice, even just above a whisper it still rolled through the space between us like warm honey and both soothed and jumpstarted my heart at the same time. My head shook against the pillow and I could feel the frown start to form when I met his eyes again and sighed. I couldn't hold his gaze for long though, and awkwardly looked everywhere that wasn't him.

"No, I mean I'm sorry I didn't…I wasn't…"

"No, don't do that," Embry slid off of the chair onto his knees and knelt right in front of me, though it didn't change his height much from before because he was so tall. He was close enough now that I could feel the heat of him on my face and my arms, and his eyes lingered on them for a moment as I kept them firmly crossed against me.

"What?" My frown deepened and I blinked. "Don't do what?"

His hands moved around him like he didn't know where to put them and finally settled with the same position he had them in before, crossed on the edge of the mattress in front of him. "Don't apologize."

A few confused and silent beats later I whispered, "But I should."

"No," he shook his head. "You shouldn't, it wasn't-"

"Yes, I should." I said, my voice raising to regular speaking volume.

"Emma, it didn't-"

"I should, and you shouldn't be so forgiving. I was horrible to you, Embry-"

"Emma, no," he shook his head again, but before he could start again, I kept going.

"You can't be so self-sacrificing to not even be angry at all, just-"

"Angry?" his eyes widened and he let out a humorless laugh. "You think I should be angry? With you?"

Did I? I stayed quiet and didn't answer, but he took my silence as the affirmative and leaned in closer to me.

"Emma, there is _no reason_ that I should be angry with you. You did what you thought was the right thing to do, and I don't blame you and I'm not angry for it." His eyes danced between each of mine and I still saw the pain there, the hurt that I caused. I didn't like seeing it. If I couldn't apologize then how would that ever go away?

I stared back disbelieving, and he sighed and lowered his gaze to the comforter like I had moments before, and I noticed a slight turn of his head towards the blanket he gave me that was folded at the foot of my bed. He brought his hands up to cover his face in a groan and raked his fingers through his hair to the back of his head, which dropped down so it rested between his elbows. I couldn't see his face now, and his voice sounded altered coming out from beneath his arms. "If you really want to apologize, you can, but I won't accept it, it wasn't your fault."

This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He shouldn't be blaming himself for this since it wasn't his fault either. I couldn't blame Leah, not after what she had showed me, and the same went for Seth. If anything, they had both helped enormously in my irrational state. I could blame nondescript things like genetics and fate and dead people, but that would get me nowhere.

So now, if Embry wouldn't let me blame myself, the fault would be nobody's. It happened, but it was over. He was back. We were back. We could put this back together.

My arms unlocked and I lifted my hand to his hair again, this time smoothing it down until I covered one of his hands with mine, and like it was the most natural thing in the world, he twisted his wrist so he held my hand in his. His head lifted from in between his arms, but his eyes were still looking down, watching the pad of his thumb move across my knuckles. He was scared, I could tell. Scared of what I might do now, how long this would last. He was stalling.

I slowly sat up on the bed, letting my legs off of the edge of the mattress so they hung beside him to the right, and pulled his hand in my lap. I gave his fingers a squeeze while I put my free hand into his hair like before, combing my fingers through the locks of black satin with calming, soothing strokes.

My feet didn't quite touch the floor from the height of the bed, but even as he knelt next to me, I only had to lean down a little to place a soft kiss at his hairline as my fingertips trailed down to the nape of his neck and played with his hair again. I could feel us both physically relax and I just stayed there for a moment, my nose pressed in his hair breathing him in, my lips resting on his skin, my eyes closed and comforted. We had done this before, just drinking each other in and not really doing anything but being, but I needed him to know that I forgave _him_ since he somehow thought it was _his_ fault and wasn't letting it go.

It wasn't his fault. Selfless boy.

I urged his head up the slightest bit so my forehead rested against his, but he still kept his eyes down.

"Embry," I whispered, and the dark orbs closed, blocking me from seeing them.

"You saw Leah?" His voice was only a whisper, and I knew the real question he was asking. He was done stalling.

"Yes."

He pulled back and looked up into my eyes, our faces only inches apart, and he was searching for something in me, waiting for a bigger reaction. But I had already gone into shock and puked once, so I could by no means be surprised beyond belief anymore. I smiled a little and hoped to send him the message that I was fine now, that he didn't need to worry about it, but the look in his eyes didn't change.

"So what, um…" he took a breath to say something else, but each time he just let it out without any words. He finally sighed quickly and ground out, "What do you know…now…"

_Oh._

I had forgotten there would be more.

I blinked and looked down, starting to collect from my mind what I could tell him I knew, and then tried to make room for more. I blinked again when my eyes caught the positions we were still in. He was still on his knees. It couldn't have been comfortable.

"Emma?" He sounded nervous, probably because I wasn't saying anything. I nodded silently and set my feet on the ground, then slid off the mattress and onto the floor next to him with my back against the bed and my legs crossed pretzel-style. He turned around and slid down next to me with one of his legs propped up and the other stretched out on the floor in front of us. I could still feel him watching me anxiously, so I took his hand and held it in both of mine, tracing his veins with my fingertips to relax us both. I felt his muscles loosen from their tense state, but he was still watching me, waiting.

I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and started.

"I know…what you told me, about the protectors, the history…" I let him take my hand so it was in both of his now, and he flipped it over to study my palm. It was comforting and I wondered how he knew it. "And Seth told me about how it started with you guys, how it… he said it freaked you out?" I ended it as a question and looked up at him because I wasn't really sure. Seth gave me his point of view, but I wanted to know what really happened.

Embry nodded and laughed, surprising me. At my confused look scoffed. "Well, wouldn't you be? You're living your life, happy as can be, and all of a sudden bonfire legends become reality and you're a part of them?" My eyebrows rose in comprehension and he smiled, some of the shine coming back to his eyes. "It freaked all of us out. You'd never expect to grow as tall as we did and get so much muscle without some sort of steroids." He laughed again, but it wasn't lighthearted, then stared out in front of us, looking into his memories. "Then it just took _one thing_ to set you off and the change was complete. Sam's little group had been watching me for a while, like they were each taking turns on some sort of surveillance, waiting for me to do something. I was on my way home from helping my mom unload some stuff at the store, and they were following me down the road. Thankfully I was only halfway home and there was just trees, 'cause all they did was ask me how I was doing, and I just…" he winced and shook his head. He cut off his experience at the same moment that Seth had, not going further, and I figured now that I was in this for good, I had the right to know.

"You just…what?"

Embry shrugged, his eyes trained on his foot. "I phased." He sighed as a haunted look crossed his features.

"What's it like?" I asked, trying to communicate that he didn't need to beat around the bush anymore. He frowned as his eyes shifted to mine, and I was telling him I was okay with whatever he would tell me, that I could deal if he could.

"Well, you know how we're really hot?" he asked, and I smirked at his wording, lifting an eyebrow. He smiled again and rolled his eyes, laughing a little.

"Well yes," I answered with humor in my voice and laughed softly with him. "I know quite well, thank you." We shared a few quick glances that resulted in more smiles and light laughter, and it was nice, peaceful. When it finally got out of our system, I raised my hand that he wasn't holding and pressed it to his forehead. "I know what you mean though." I tried to gauge the intense heat under his skin, but I was no med student. He just felt hot. "What's your temperature run?"

"About a hundred 'n eight or nine. Normally."

I froze and my eyes must've been wider than ever because he started smiling again and gently took my hand from his forehead.

"Don't worry, that's healthy for us. It's just part of the deal."

I sucked in my bottom lip and nodded. It was the only thing I could think of doing.

His face calmed and he was serious again, but still with a ghost of a smirk on his lips. "Which brings me to what you asked, what it's like… You want to know the first phase or what it's like now?"

I pouted my lips in thought, then nodded my answer to him. "Both," I said, and it was the truth.

"Okay." he moved his jaw to the side like he did this morning, and I wondered if it was something he did often when he was thinking hard about something. "At first…it's like you just…explode," he said, and I nodded, remembering that Seth had said the same thing. "It's like this fire rips down your back and all your bones stretch into weird positions, but the freakiest part… for me at least… was the fur. That's what felt like the explosion, like every inch of your skin just combusts and then…" he sighed and shook his head, like even he didn't believe it. "And then you're standing on all fours, growling down at these guys who look like the wait is over and whatever it was they were watching for finally happened. And you're growling _down_ because you're taller than them."

He looked at me then, apprehension in his eyes. "What did Seth say about, um…about once we've phased? Did he get that far?"

I shook my head, but readied myself for something else I would have to take in stride.

"It's weird, I'm just warning you. It might be beyond the list…" he watched as I smirked at the mention of our list, then nodded, waiting for him. "We can hear each other…through our heads, like a… collective or something…only when we're phased though, but still…"

I took a deep breath as I tried to keep my eyes at a normal size this time. So they could hear each other's thoughts when they turn canine…yeah, no big deal.

"It's easier to just call it the pack plural, but… that's one of the weirdest parts I think. It's helpful, don't get me wrong, but there are some things you just don't need to see, you know?" He let out a short laugh as he faced forward again, and the haunted look came back. I squeezed his fingers that had stopped rubbing my hand, and he looked up at me.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, and his brows pulled together as if in pain. He looked away again and I could see what was going on inside his head. He was wondering if he should tell me. And if he had no problem telling me about the pack mind-reading thing, then this must be something that was a lot bigger, or went a lot deeper. He was quiet for a few minutes, and I waited for him, resting my head against his shoulder.

Beyond my bedroom door I could hear voices off and on; one deep and good-humored, one feminine but straightforward, Seth and Leah. It wasn't a conversation that I could hear, but I had a good guess what they were talking about. I remembered being all hysterical and trying to get away from them in the woods, but after that it was just snippets of things I heard. I wondered how they got me home and in bed without me even knowing or waking up. I must've been completely exhausted.

Besides the muffled tones from out in the living room, it was very quiet, and I was about to give up and just fall asleep on him when he finally spoke.

"Do you remember when you first came to La Push?"

I opened my eyes, not remembering closing them, and lifted my head to look at him. It was almost the opposite of when I had seen him for the first time, when he was elated beyond belief and eyes shining; now he was tired, worn down and aching.

"Yeah, I remember." How could I not? That was one of the single most perfect moments of my life so far and it wasn't something I would forget. A smile tugged at my lips with the memory. "We went to the beach, and- oh!" I sat up straighter at the realization. "That was one of you wasn't it? That bark howl thing? I got all freaked out and we went back to the house?" I was so proud of myself for figuring it out, but my excitement didn't get the reception I had anticipated. Embry's smile didn't reach his eyes when he nodded, then pursed his lips and looked down again.

"Yeah, that was Sam." He said the name with a weird sort of bitterness, and though I had met him and he seemed very nice, the amount of bad things Sam was being connected to lately was making my liking of him a little iffy. "He was the first to phase, so he's the Alpha, what he says goes. You were only gonna be there for the weekend, so he didn't think I should just spill the beans right away. Brady did that and Marian wouldn't speak to him for about a month, and every night with him in your head was like running through thick mud, his thoughts wouldn't be anything productive, just moping."

He seemed annoyed at the younger boy's past troubles that had weighed them all down, and it left an ugly scowl on his face.

"Anyway," he sighed, "do you remember what happened before that?"

_Before that?_

I frowned at the question, not seeming to remember anything else _happening_ before we left the beach. "We… talked?"

Embry's eyes didn't move from the space of floor in front of him, and the scowl was still there. "Do you remember what we talked _about_?"

I sighed in aggravation despite the way his expression was breaking me. "Embry, we talked about a lot of things that night."

"Right, sorry." He shifted his jaw again. "We talked about family. Our families."

And like someone snapped their fingers, everything stopped.

There were no voices in the living room, no wind chimes outside, nothing.

I knew Embry didn't know who his father was. I also knew that there had been some speculation about it being someone he knew, possibly a friend's father. But that was it. He hadn't wanted to dwell on it at the time, so I never ventured further than that.

"You remember?" he muttered, running his thumb along my pinky finger. I nodded once, hoping he could see it in his peripheral vision, and I guessed he did since his lips pressed together in a hard line. "Okay…so…you know how I told you about the families from the chief? The ones that have the genes?" I nodded again and he pulled both his legs up, crossing them pretzel-style like mine. "Anyone who phases has the genes of either Levi Uley, Ephraim Black, or Quil Ateara. They were the last pack, just the three of them." He let go of my hand and wrung his own together, and I couldn't help but feel a little rejected in spite of what he was sharing with me. I didn't bring my hand away from him, instead just settling for his knee, making small circles on it with my thumb. But he didn't start talking again.

Okay. So this was going to be hard.

But if he was under the impression that he wouldn't talk until I stopped touching him, he had another thing coming. I understood that this was a tender subject, but he wasn't going to be alone in it anymore if I had anything to say about it. I was in this now, and I wasn't going to stand for some selfless degrading crap that he thought he was due for.

I took my hand from his knee and hooked my arm through his, then started to pry apart his fingers that were threatening to compress each other into rock. Once a few were free, he let them all go limp and I grabbed both of his hands in mine. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, so as long as I was in his grasp, he wouldn't be able to hurt himself either.

"Embry," I said softly, and his brows knitted together more. "It's not going to change anything." Not with me.

He finally looked at me then, and it was like before when he was waiting for another reaction. But I could only give him the truth.

"It's not," I said with more force behind my words. He searched my face a while longer, and I held my ground. He swallowed and sighed, then looked down again. When he spoke, it was just over a whisper.

"My mom… she's from the Makah tribe, she's not Quileute. So when I showed the signs…" his hands tightened minutely around mine in his lap. "I had to get the gene from someone and the only guys it could have been were married before I was born."

I let out a long slow breath.

"There's no way to know for sure, but everyone been hoping it's Sam's dad, I guess he didn't have the best track record."

His jaw tensed and he kept his eyes forward, and something in his expression was sending this uncomfortable wave of hurt that ran through my fingertips and tightened my chest.

"Your mom doesn't know," I blurted out before I could stop myself, and as my eyes widened at my stupid words, his snapped up to mine, surprised. "I'm sorry- Seth- he just said you hadn't told her about the wolf thing- I didn't…shit." I bit my lip, hard, and tried to think of a way to take the words out of the air and stuff them back down my throat, but his hands started to shake and he let go of mine like I had shocked him. "Embry…" I turned the rest of my body to him, but…no words. Nothing I could say.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to have a dozen people in your head knowing you're a love child, _hopefully_ because the Alpha's father was unfaithful?" The bitterness was seeping out of him now, and it stopped me short. I stayed still and quiet and heat flooded to my face, my ears, my shoulders. Why was this so humiliating for _me_ when it was Embry we were talking about?

_Because I can't empathize with this __**at all**__ and I have no idea what to do._

"No," I croaked.

His intense gaze softened a little, but his nostrils flared when he breathed through his nose.

"I was the fourth one to phase. There were a lot after me, and every time someone new came… it was all over their heads whenever they looked at me, even if it was a stray thought, it was still a _thought_ and anyone in their wolf form could hear it.

"Besides a bunch of pack brothers… and sister…" He glanced briefly at the bedroom door and his next words came out fast. "My mom's all the family I've got, and I love her, and she never talked about who my dad was, and I grew up not really caring, but if she knew that I knew now and how many other people did…" he looked down again, and his eyes roamed over every surface of my floor but me. "I can't do that to her. I won't."

Of course he wouldn't.

And Seth had even told me he didn't want her to know. That they don't talk about it now. An impasse.

"I understand," I said hesitantly, and he took in a deep breath. "I mean, I understand why. I know I can't…I come from a very close knit family, so I don't know what that would be like just having your mom, but…" I watched him shift his jaw and I stopped, not able to sputter out any more words. This was supposed to work, we were getting this together and then we'd be happy again. But I could see him trying to decide if he should have told me or not and that hurt like a punch to the gut.

I slouched and wiped my nose on my wrist so I wouldn't have to sniff and give myself away.

"It still doesn't change anything." I muttered through the silence, and I knew he heard me. "I understand that it's hard, but…" I stopped to swallowed the lump in my throat. "…but it's not going to change you, it doesn't change who you are to me."

He didn't answer and was still stewing in what I imagined he had kept bottled inside for a long time. Did he think this was a mistake, that I would be gossiping girl and judge him for it? The thought of him blocking me out anymore was like ice down my spine, and I forgot my cover and sniffed.

The second I saw his arms move, I grabbed him and pulled myself into his lap, gripping him around his neck with enough force to choke a normal person, but just enough to keep Embry _here. _As if on instinct, his arms came around me, and we were holding onto each other for dear life. And that may well have been the truth, that we were each others' life preservers, and once we finally got a hold of each other it was safe. He sighed deeply into my shoulder, and I held his head there, like he had for me so many times. There was no one he could have shared this with before. Not his friends, they all knew and were in his head all the time. Not his mom, he didn't want her to feel ashamed of herself after all this time. I was his first outlet, and he needed to know I wouldn't abuse that or lord it over him.

"Let's just be clear," I said into his shirt in a tight voice, since the lump was still there, "I'm not getting emotional right now because I pity you or because you have a sad story to tell." My ribs protested against the grip of his arms with the harsh breath I took in, but I ignored it. "I just don't want you to doubt me…or us…this…please."

He moved his hands to my shoulders and I could feel his heartbeat speeding up in tandem with mine, and his breathing got quicker while mine was sporadic with the lump still there. I was holding onto him with a death grip and only when he tugged lightly on my arms did I start to let go of him. No sooner had I seen a glimpse of his eyes flash to mine that I registered he was kissing me. The lump left my throat and traded places with my heart when his lips pressed urgently against mine, and I kissed him back with just as much fervor. I didn't even question it when his tongue only skimmed my bottom lip, and I met it with mine. The shock of tasting how sweet he was sent ripples through me and I pressed back, each of us battling in a game of give and take. It was new and it was frightening, and it was explosive, but it was wonderful, and right, and perfect, and it sealed the deal. This was the utter opposite of doubt.

My hands were plunged into his hair as we moved together, but again, I wasn't paying attention to it like I had earlier. I was too caught up in the way he tilted his head to kiss me deeper, and how his hands got caught in my hair and gripped my waist to bring us closer together. He pulled away once to breathe, but I was back with a force, and he didn't protest in the least. I hoped this wasn't taking advantage him, kissing him like this after such a sensitive subject, but then he did something with his tongue that made my eyes roll back a little, and the thought was gone.

I don't know how long it went on, no one seriously measures these things, but at some point we broke apart gasping like we had been underwater and had finally reached the surface.

"So…I'm in this for good…for…" I started to say, then lost my train of thought when he ducked his head and his warm breath tickled the skin of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"You're in this for good…" Embry prompted me, murmuring against my throat with a kiss, and I let out a sigh that normally would have embarrassed me to the point of internal combustion, but now it just…felt…

_Damn it all._

"Wawawait, don't…I need to tell you and you're…" his nose nuzzled me behind my ear, "distracting…"

Embry smiled against my skin and it set off a million sparks inside of me in anticipation to see it. "Sorry… What do you need to tell me?" he grazed his lips across my cheek and rested them just at the corner of my mouth. Such a tease.

I caught his lips and gave him one long sweet kiss that said more than my words could, then finally pulled away enough to think and make full sentences. Brushing down his disarrayed hair, I smiled at my handiwork; I could really mess the stuff up. He grinned back at me and leaned blissfully against the bed behind him. I just stared at him for a moment and loved the way his eyes were gleaming now, void of any haunted looks or scowls.

I rested my hand on his cheek and was soothed by the warmth of him.

_My supernatural boyfriend. _

_Boyfriend!_

I could think it without being super cautious of it and embrace it now. Nothing needed to be said or discussed; that make out session said quite enough to get my vote.

_Right. Back to the matter at hand._

"I need to tell you that you can trust me with this, all of it and anything that comes with it."

With a smile still in his eyes, he shifted his jaw to the side.

"No!" I grabbed his chin and shifted it back. "None of that! Stop thinking too hard!"

He lifted an eyebrow at me and started to grin, then pried my fingers from his chin to lace them in his. His grin faded to a calm contented expression and he spoke with pure belief.

"I know I can trust you. I just didn't know how to."

"And now?"

_Shining. My boyfriend's eyes are shining!_

"Now I do."

My smile widened and I squeezed his hand. "So?"

His head cocked to the side and he watched me curiously. "So… what do you want to know?"

What did I want to know? Everything! But I guessed one thing at a time is best. Baby steps... maybe it would work better than last time.

_Embry… boyfriend…mmm…_

I blew the air out of my cheeks in thought and started looking around us for inspiration to a good question. My eyes landed on his chest. Well, his shirt. It had a hole by the seam across the shoulder, and Leah's shredded t-shirt out on the park lawn came to mind. "Hmmm…so when you phase…and you 'explode'…what happens to your clothes?"

Embry grimaced. "They also… explode."

"Really?" I winced at that mental picture.

He nodded. "First few weeks or so it's hard to control. Most of my clothes got ruined. Shoes too." He smirked. "Jake almost ran out completely, kept busting up every pair of shoes Billy threw at him." He snorted, presumably at the memory.

"We're all pretty much calmed down now. Even the younger guys have a few years under their belts, so no one's at a loss for clothing anymore." He saw the question in my eyes, and made an awkward swing of his head. "We have to strip, before we phase. Kim made this ankle thing so we can roll up or pants or whatever and tie them to our leg, and they'll stay. It's pretty useful, I guess."

Strip, as in… "But…Leah…" I hedged.

"Yeah, that was weird for a long time. Especially with Sam there… but she's got her own story to tell, so I won't really go into it. I'll let her tell you on her own time."

I nodded, thinking about how that conversation would go, how I should approach her about it. There was so much more that I wanted to cover, to get specifics on. What were they protecting against? Can they phase whenever they want? How much power did Sam have as an Alpha? How many people had I met that were actually protectors? Did they all look like Leah when they phased into wolves? I thought about what Seth had told me, how she was becoming herself again and it was because of me. Then another part of that conversation started to nag at me.

… "_He didn't even get to the part where you come in"…_

"Where I come in…" I whispered, only afterwards realizing I said it out loud when Embry cocked his head again.

I looked up to him, and like it was coming out of someone else's mouth, said, "Where do I come in?"

Embry didn't answer right away, instead just started to look over me, eyes dancing across my face but always coming back to my eyes.

"Embry?"

I saw his jaw twitch to the side, only to be snapped into place a second later. "Where you come in… " he said, as if to himself.

"You said I was a bigger part… more than I knew."

He was preparing himself. It was something important, obviously very much so from the way his breaths got more deliberate. A deciding factor.

"You remember what I told you, about the first protectors?"

I inhaled slowly and got ready for it.

"Yes."

He took a minute to collect his thoughts, then grabbed my hands in his as if for reinforcements.

"Well, Something else happened with them, the first protectors, the first wolves. Something that's hard to find happening anywhere else. Once they phased… mother nature, or the spirits, fate, whatever… it gave them a push in the right direction. To the right person." His determined eyes locked with mine and I was like a deer caught in headlights.

"When they first saw the one they were meant for, the one they were supposed to be with, that they were perfect for, it was like a… a beacon or something. They couldn't resist it. That person was meant for them and made for them in every way, and some divine power was just helping them along like it was magic and you met your soul mate and you knew it." His voice got softer and more passionate as he spoke, sparking something within me that was alive and jumping, like a central furnace finally being turned on years after it was installed.

"So that got passed down too… to us now… it happened to a bunch of the guys, and with the mind-reading deal we could all see it and feel it and it's like the ground is ripped out from under you and all you can think of is her and all you want to do is make her happy, and be with her and love her with everything you have in you." He was leaning towards me a little, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands massaging my still ones as he held them, and every time he said 'her' something sparked in his eyes. And did he say love?

"They called it imprinting. The universe found you your other half and you didn't even have to look for them, and once it happened, there was no going back." He blinked once and looked down, and I breathed in, unaware until now that I had been holding my breath. He went on.

"It was always with the eyes," he whispered, and his own moved back and forth between mine. "One look into her eyes and it was done. You were caught. I saw it happen so many times. And I waited, watching them all find the world in someone they either knew or hadn't even known existed, but in the end it didn't matter. They were brought together, finally, and they couldn't deny the pull, the need… the love they felt. You can't escape a thing like that."

He said love again.

Snippets of memories from the past few months were flying to the forefront of my mind, things I had never thought to notice before.

…" _Plus, you're a girl he hasn't met… He's sorta into a love-at-first-sight philosophy."…_

… _Seth only greeting me with a long stare the first time I met him…"Guess I'm not your true love after all, Seth"…_

My mouth popped open in a silent question, but there was nothing I could say.

_Breathe. In, out. In, out._

"It's too powerful no matter how hard you try to get away from it, even when you think you already have a good life, it doesn't compare to one with her in it with you. You literally can't live without her."

… _Leah telling me about Sam…_

… "_I can't be mad at them though, because it wasn't in their power to stop it. It just happened like fucking destiny and there wasn't anything I could do"…_

"We didn't really know if it would happen to all of us, we thought only a few would imprint, but then one by one…I couldn't help but pity them and envy them at the same time, I mean they were so whipped and devoted it was sick sometimes just to watch it. But…it was like they were complete. There wasn't a guessing game in their future at all, they knew they would always be together. For a while I guess I waited, I didn't want to pursue anyone in case I _did_ imprint because once you met the one you're meant for it's undeniable how much you need each other." He smiled sadly then, and it just made me want to hold him and kiss him again and make it go away.

"So I waited, but when nothing happened… I sort of gave up and thought I just wasn't going to. For all the other guys it happened in at least the first year or so of when they first phased, so when two years passed, then three…I went on a few dates but nothing ever happened. I mean, there was attraction, but nothing after that. And now it's been four years…" His thumb rubbed the back of my hand softly. "I told you the truth when I said you were my first kiss."

I bit my lip just thinking about the kiss we shared not a moment ago. I was the only one he had ever done that with. He had so many opportunities, but I was still the first. The warmth that was jumping in me was spreading now, inevitably making my ears burn with the blush it was creating.

"And then out of thin air, Seth sent home some pictures."

…"_there was one that I might have snuck from the pile and took home"…_

…"_I don't know what it was about seeing you, well, I guess I do"…_

"But it wasn't like I had seen it, it didn't happen like normal. It wasn't immediate and life altering and crazy emotions all running haywire. I honestly didn't even think it could be happening, I didn't…" he sighed, "I didn't think I was supposed to feel it, because you weren't really there." His hands tightened around mine and I looked down at them, reeling at what he was telling me. What he had tried to tell me before I had ungratefully thrown him out of the apartment however many hours ago.

"But every day, I saw you again, and it was like it was a drug, and I couldn't _not_ see you, even if it wasn't really you. I tried to get away from it, to just put it away or not see it, but I couldn't…function, and soon enough, everyone was noticing it. And they _knew_ I had given up on imprinting and they thought it was just the appeal or something and didn't say anything if I was thinking about it when I was phased. No one understood why… or how… it wasn't supposed to happen like that, but… it did. I found you, or you found me. Either way."

The strong feelings I felt…for a picture…

_This was more than just a weird attraction to the image of a stranger. _

_This was something else. _

_I needed to see those shining eyes and mirthful smile or I would break. Or maybe, I would break when I saw them. Either way, I was going to see them. I couldn't take it any longer…_

And now I was staring into them. They were so very real.

"It was slow at first, but it grew, and then you came…and it was… _more_…than anything that I had seen happen to anyone before me or anything I had ever felt and it screwed up any logic I had and all my stupid impulses took over, but somehow I went along acting like it was normal. I had to tone it down, or tried to." His eyes were intense, with some emotion that I couldn't place, but I could see that it was gnawing at him. "Guess the normal bit didn't really work… we're both kinda weird after all…" He smiled and it was like the first ray of sunshine in the morning. My mouth was still open, but now it was because I was stunned. If I was understanding all of this, we were _meant_ to be together.

_As soul mates?_

_I just got okay with calling him my boyfriend._

_And he said 'love' so many times…_

"I had to remember that you had a life, even if it was connected to this so much already with Seth and Leah."

More memories were running amuck through my head, and I shut my eyes and shook my head, trying to manage them all.

… _Leah's defeated smile as she nodded to the picture on her shelf. "That's Embry Call"…_

…"_She knew you would have to find out from Embry, but she kept stalling it… So for a very long, and I imagine, very painful time…"…_

"So…I'm…" I opened my eyes when I couldn't think of any more to say. It just wouldn't come out, the words wouldn't form.

"Emma, you're the one I'm meant for, the one they I'm supposed to be with, that I was made for in every way. I've been stuck in a rut for years and now that we've found each other I couldn't leave you if I tried."

I blinked once. Twice. Three four five times.

_All this time… it was real? There was a reason? _

"I-I…" I stuttered, but that was all that came out, my mouth was so dry. "I need water," I breathed and started to get up.

"Wait, what, Emma…" Embry got up with me but he was talking too fast, or he wasn't saying enough words. Either way he let me extract my hands from his when I stood up, and I grabbed the glass that was still on the side table. He followed me to the door, still making nonsense words.

"Em, hold on- what- wait-"

I opened the door and sped across the hall to the bathroom, setting the glass under the faucet and watching the water start to fill it.

"Hey, what's uh…happening?" I heard Seth's happy but curious voice out in the living room.

"I don't…Emma? Whuh… what, um…" Embry kept on with his nervous talking, but I couldn't answer him yet.

As soon as the glass was full, I shut off the faucet and started to chug the water. I could feel it slide all the way to my stomach and I felt it slosh around when it got there. I drank it all and set the glass on the counter, then turned to face Embry. He stood stock still with a worried expression and a million questions stuck in him, I could tell. But I still had no words yet, I felt like I was waking up all over again.

I turned the faucet back on and bent over the sink, splashing my face with water. A bunch of my hair got wet, but I wasn't really concerned with that, and when my hands gripped the edge of the counter and I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked surprised, but there was something new in my eyes, some life that hadn't been there before. My hair looked wild from being half splashed with water and like everything else lately, it brought back a memory.

…"_And your hair is flying everywhere up here, but it brings out the jade green in your eyes, right around the brown that puts me in a trance"…_

Even then? All the way back then?

I pushed off the counter and turned to see Embry, his worried expression now one of complete torment. Because I wasn't saying anything, I wasn't reciprocating.

_He said love…_

I heard some whispered bickering, then the front door opened and closed and it was so quiet.

"Emma, I'm sorry, I just… you needed to know…" he looked like he was going to fall to pieces right in front of me, so I closed my eyes to stop it. I didn't want to see him like that, it wasn't right.

_He loves me?_

"Whatever you need me to be, I'll be. I'll do whatever, go any pace or…whatever you want, if you need space…just say something?" he pleaded, I could hear it in his voice.

Everything else, it seemed, I had been able to accept. I threw him out, then accepted that he hadn't lied. I saw Leah, then accepted that it was reality. I took him back and accepted him, and anything else that came with him. I could handle all the supernatural pieces to the puzzle. All but this one.

_He loves me._

_There is no 'he loves me not'. It's written in everything he does, everything he's ever done for me, with me, said to me. _

_He __**loves **__me._

_He __**has**__ loved me. _

_He loves __**me.**_

I opened my eyes and pleaded back to him. "It's real?"

His tense shoulders dropped a little. "It's real."

I stepped forward and slowly raised my hand and placed it on his chest like I needed physical evidence that he was here. He shivered when I touched him and I watched his chest expand with each pained breath he took.

"Everything?" I whispered.

"Everything."

"You're not making this up?"

"No."

It was catching up with me and my words came out in a rush. "So everything I've felt that I thought wasn't normal, that I was crazy about a picture of you before I even met you and that I wanted you more than I should… and everyone in La Push was looking at me all smiley because-"

"Because I love you more than life itself," he said ardently, and he was shaking with the force of his own words.

I stopped breathing.

_He said it._

_He said it out loud._

So why wasn't I breathing?

Shouldn't I be jumping and laughing and smiling in utter happiness?

"Emma," he covered my hand with his, and I gasped in a lungful of air. "I can't make it stop, and I won't take it back, but I can do whatever you want me to. I don't want you to force anything, you don't have to say it back if it's not there."

My vision blurred and my face started to crumble before him. I so wanted to be able to say it back to him, but I couldn't. I didn't know how to love like that. And was killing me, ripping me from the inside out.

He wiped my cheeks of the tears that spilled with the tenderest of touches and when I started to hiccup and tremble, he brought me to his chest, holding my head against his shoulder and letting me drench his shirt. I knew what it was this time, the way he held me so close to him and rubbed my back, the look in his eyes and the gentle care he had with me. It was love. It always had been out of love. Love for _me_.

But I couldn't say it back.

Could I?

"Lilacs…" he whispered close to my ear, and I whimpered into his shoulder.

_Prairie grass in the wind, ocean spray, maples in the fall._

Was this what I thought of him? The natural world taking place of this person, this man who says he loves me more than life? That couldn't be it.

…_strong arms, shining eyes, playing with his hair, and a kiss… that kiss…_

It was the furnace, the living fire that was ignited when he said, "_you met your soul mate and you knew it"._ Maybe I had known it all this time and just pushed it aside, but he confirmed it and I was lit. I was meant for him. And he was meant for me. I was alive inside in a way I had never been before and it was showing through my own eyes when I saw my reflection. Everything in me was pointing towards it. I didn't know how to love like that simply because I hadn't before Embry.

_But now…now I do. _

I hadn't known I was doing it, but I was, and it had been the same for him. It was slow at first, but then it grew, and then I saw him. And it was _more_. And I couldn't take it if I was alone in it and tried to get rid of him when I thought he wasn't real. And it hurt so much when I wasn't saying it because I was lying when I was denying it and every bit of me knew it. I was going against it and _that_ was what was ripping me apart.

I started to cry harder because of my realization and gripped his shirt in my hands so he wouldn't disappear. Not now, not ever, not that I finally knew it myself.

Embry tried to shift his head so he could see me, but I was holding onto him too hard. "Emma, what's wrong?"

And then my tears weren't sad anymore. They were happy. I was crying freaking happy tears, and I was smiling. "Nothing!" My voice cracked from the crying, but I wasn't distressed.

I was free!

Free to feel this love for him that I had been aching to for so long, but I held it back because the world had drilled into me that it wasn't possible to love so soon, to feel this way about someone, to have a reason for why I needed him with me and to know him like no one else did. He could morph into a wolf, listen to his friends' thoughts, he kept his mother out of harm's way, and he protected his people from danger. And on top of all of that he _loved_ me.

_And I love him._

"What- Emma, what can I do?"

"Nothing!" I laughed. "Nothing's wrong!"

"Then…why are you laughing?" He sounded so guarded, like he was afraid I'd explode an second from now.

I pulled away from him enough to wipe my eyes frantically so I could see him, and he was watching me warily but I could see the hope in his eyes when he saw my smile. "I'm laughing," I sniffled, and it was gross, but I rambled on, "because I think it's what I do when I get overwhelmed. I smile when I'm nervous, too. Did you know that?"

"Yeah, I did." He started to smile, but it was confused, and it was just so endearing. So of course, I just kept smiling with a few stray giggles.

I was giddy.

And it was because this was a moment that every girl thinks about and wonders when and how it's going to happen. And it was happening!

"Embry," I sniffed again, and it was still gross, but I still didn't care. "I didn't- I haven't known it for a long time, but today, what happened in there," I nodded to my bedroom door behind him, "and here," I gripped his arms and smiled at how strong I knew they were and how well I fit in them. "It just made me see that we're too weird to be normal." I laughed again and wiped away a few more tears when a true smile spread across his face. "And what's really weird, is I think I love you too… a lot… and I have for a while, and-"

Anything I might have said that just proclaimed more of me to him was stopped when he kissed me. It wasn't make out worthy like before, but still, there was just so much…_love_ in it that I could barely kiss him back because I was still crying and laughing and trying to hold onto him.

"Are you sure?" he asked when he pulled back just enough to speak. "Just because- You don't have to-"

"I am very very sure," I nodded fervently, and sniffed grossly again.

He smiled and looked at me in awe like he was seeing the sun for the first time, then gave me a slow sweet kiss that sent a few more happy tears down my cheeks. "We are so damn weird," he muttered with the euphoric smile still there, and could feel myself mirroring him with the same one pushing up my cheeks.

"Yes. We are," I laugh-cried. "And don't you forget it."

He laughed with me and hugged me to his chest. "I don't think that's possible."

**A/N: "Well, the wolf's out of the bag now." –Embry in New Moon. **

**It only took them seventeen chapters, but hey, some things take time. So how did I do? Hit or miss? Last chapter majority said they were sold with the vomit. Which made sense, but also made me laugh after the first few "I loved it when she threw up!"s.**

**This chapter went through a lot, put a lot out there but still leaves some holes (which I intend to fill). I love to hear what you all think of the story, so please let me know!**


	18. Sun It Rises Leah POV

**A/N: I keep thinking ahead with this story, which is a good thing, but is harmful to focusing on the present chapter. So, if anyone is wondering, I am not near done with these guys! I have a bunch of awesome ideas floating around in my head that are just waiting to be used, and they just distracted me for a while, along with other normal life things. It's been a long...erm…time, but oh so productive. **

**So without further ado, here is the next chapter.**

**Sun It Rises (Leah POV)**

Emma scared me.

Maybe it was just the utter humanity that came from her when she finally figured it all out. Vomit of all things. I guess I understood, since I probably looked like I had been attacked with a crow bar. Emma was human after all; she didn't morph into anything else, hadn't seen anyone get half their body crushed by a pair of concrete arms and certainly hadn't ripped any of that concrete to shreds with her teeth afterwards, hadn't ever given in to animal instinct and attacked a deer for food by ripping the meat off its bones. Emma was a mostly normal small town Midwestern girl whose life would have gone on peacefully. Had she not met me.

There was a battle that was taking place somewhere between my stomach and my jugular over whether I should be happy for her or guilty as hell for her meeting Embry. In the forest, when she got that wild look in her eyes and her heartbeat stuttered a few times, I started to get a little panicked. She just kept going away from us and eventually I think she choked on her own spit in her throat from all the crying and gasping and finally just fainted. That was what scared me. When I got to her on the ground she was completely limp, and not like when I saw her carried up the stairs fast asleep; she wasn't breathing.

Like any nurse's daughter, I knew how to clear an airway and tilted her head back, thankfully hearing the intake of air to her lungs. She was still gone from the world for the moment, but at least her body knew how to stay alive and her heart beat was back to normal. What Seth said about her being so paralyzed in the apartment scared me even more, for the sole reason that if I had stayed and told her about everything with Embry, she might be in a better state right now.

I watched my feet as we walked, making sure to step on the soft ground and avoiding sticks and rocks that might stab at my unprotected feet. Honestly, I was a little peeved that she brought everything but shoes, but that fault could also lie on my brother for not even thinking of it. Sure, if something got impaled in my foot I would heal, but not right away. I would take a while and still hurt like hell, and for this reason I was shooting Seth several glares every few paces.

But he barely recognized them. It was bittersweet to watch him carefully maneuver the girl in his arms through the labyrinth of trees, his hold on her protective. It wasn't weird at all like he might have feelings for her, it was just what he never had the chance to do before, so he was taking the role of a 'big brother' very seriously while Embry was MIA. I could never give him that luxury, even if he was bigger than me now. I had grown into someone who didn't need to be cared for, especially by a younger brother who was under my rank in the pack. I had my one weak moment at home after Thanksgiving, but for now, that was as far as I would go if – heaven forbid – I ever went down that road again.

In a matter of a few very silent minutes, we were at the car, and Seth told me which pocket he had my keys in. I pulled them out, avoiding my unconscious friend so as not to wake her, when she took in a rattling breath that a doctor might be able to hear with a stethoscope, but both of us heard it just fine without one. Seth and I locked eyes, then looked back to Emma, waiting for it to happen again. It did.

I hurried around them to open the back door, and Seth swiftly and carefully slipped into the back seat with Emma still in his arms. I hopped in behind the wheel and cranked up the heat despite the warmth that she was getting from Seth already. Better safe than sorry. We couldn't get sick from gasping our lungs out or coming out in the winter morning air in only jeans and a sweatshirt, but Emma certainly could.

On the drive back to the apartment, I glanced back at them every few minutes, fretful caretaker that I pretend to be. Seth had his head against the headrest with his eyes closed, his brow pinched in stress. The only thing that I knew brought that look to him was when he had to bring up the past, more specifically, Dad. Which meant he either told Emma or withheld it and was letting it fester. I'd have to talk to him about that later.

Emma's state hadn't changed much, her human body still recuperating in the best way it knew how. The poor girl hadn't seen any of this coming, and I didn't blame her for shutting down. Hopefully when this all got sorted out, she'd still have someone who loved her like only an imprint should, a brother who took his post very seriously, and a friend…that could be one hundred percent honest with her, and vice versa. It has yet to come, but one can always hope.

When I pulled up in front of the apartment, Seth was quick to step out with a still unconscious Emma in his arms. I glanced around the area and listened for anyone nearby, but every heartbeat went to the steady rhythm of sleep. And the one person who should be awake and in the area right now had failed to show. He said he was on the lawn across the street, but his scent was faint. He had left a while ago.

_Stupid imprint inferiority complex. This was not the time to pull an Edward Cullen and leave it all behind. _

If he had phased at all, I wouldn't have known, and that bugged me. The whole time I was waiting, it was freakishly quiet until Seth brought Emma. Not that there weren't other times I was the only one of us in wolf form, but in lieu of all the recent events, some part of me was expecting to hear someone so I could let them know what's going on with Embry. But Seth had been with Emma, and Jake was probably sleeping, regardless of the time being two hours later in South Dakota, the lazy bum.

With a grumble in the general direction of Embry's lingering scent, I led the way up the steps. I stopped when Seth halted to rip apart a newspaper with his feet right outside the door of Mrs. What's-her-name. With a hard look that I had only seen him use a few times in his life, he just shrugged a little and said he'd tell me later.

_So I have someone else to be pissed at. Wonderful._

Once I opened the door, Seth started towards the couch, but I waved him towards the bedrooms. Emma wasn't going to wake up any time soon, might as well put her in an actual bed. I pulled the blankets back and Seth laid her down, but seemed a little weird about being in her room. He was good about just staying in the living room or kitchen when he came over and probably hadn't even been in here before, bless his heart. He said he would call Embry and left me to tuck her in. He didn't know how to do this yet, didn't need to know anyway. When he imprints I'm sure instinct would take over in a situation like this and he'd know exactly what to do, but for now, he was gratefully handing her off to me.

I knew sometimes she thought she was mothering me with all her worrying, but honestly, I felt like I was taking care of _her_ more often than not. It was a little odd for me to think of her as a child to care for, but it was close enough and I was glad to do it. She was my friend after all. Emma may have given me the 'best' title, but what I had were pack brothers, an alpha, family and her; if she wanted me to call her my 'best friend', then whatever. But honestly, I was just fine giving her the original term.

I settled her living, breathing, but completely limp form under the covers so she would at least be comfortable when she woke up. I noticed the slight wheeze in her breathing, and was thankful that it had gotten better once she got out of the cold air. She'd really worn herself out. Her sleeping face looked peaceful, but I knew she'd want to rip out her throat when she woke up.

Her cheeks didn't have much color, and I hoped that she wasn't getting sick already. It would be partly my fault if she did. I brought the back of my hand to her forehead, then both her cheeks, and breathed a sigh of relief when a flush of pink spread across her cheekbones. I tucked the blankets further up to her chin and stood up, grimacing at the time her alarm clock said it was. Already just past six. I started to run my hand through my hair but stopped when I felt it all clumped together and sticky.

_Oh that's right. I must look like I came out of a horror film. _

I gave her one last look, and since she definitely wasn't going to get up and leave, I left her to sleep and shut the door behind me. When I came out, Seth was already on the phone with the missing guest of honor. With my acute hearing, I didn't have to be right next to him to hear the whole conversation, so I leaned against the doorframe to the hallway and listened in.

"…_She saw Leah? Now? Today? This morning?...__**Now**__?_"

"Look, it was Leah's idea, not mine. Eventually she came around, but-"

"_What do you mean eventually?_"

"Well, she had this panic attack thing, some laughing crying deal, then she threw up and-"

"_She threw up? Why? What did you do?_"

"Embry," Seth rubbed his eyes. "Just get over here. She's sleeping, but she believes you now, okay? You can come out from hiding or whatever it is you're-"

"_She's sleeping?_"

"Yeah, she sort of fainted afterwards, so-"

"_She faint-... she's unconscious?_"

I knew Seth could be a pesky person to deal with, but even he can only take so much.

"Look man, just let me finish a damn sent-"

Three hard knocks on the door sent my brother into mad ravings under his breath that would not have made Mom proud. He threw the phone on the couch and in a few quick strides made it to the door and opened it with a glare to the person behind it. Embry wasted no time in barreling into the apartment and heading towards the back rooms, but I blocked his way.

"Hold on a minute, Embry."

"Leah, move."

_Imprints. They never see reason first. Always jumping to conclusions._

"She's not on her deathbed, she's just resting after some emotional trauma. Don't freak out and don't wake her up."

Embry tried to get past me to Emma's door but I blocked him again and raised my eyebrows to make the requirements of this visit clear.

"Leah, you can't seriously just keep me out of-"

"Hell yes I can if I think it's necessary," I growled. "She's important to all of us, I know you may be different, but you're not the only one that cares about her wellbeing, dammit."

His frantic eyes cooled off a bit at my scolding and he stopped trying to get around me.

"Good, now I'm going to let you in, but-"

"Leah, shut up and open the door."

_No patience_ _whatsoever_.

I made sure he saw me roll my eyes and quietly opened Emma's door to see her in much the same position I had left her. Embry followed me into the room, but for some reason, didn't go straight to her like I thought he would. He stayed by the door next to me. I looked between the sleeping Emma and the still Embry, trying to find something I must obviously be missing. And then I saw it.

It was that look, that face; the one that Sam wore after everything, the one that Edward Cullen had when his daughter was killing his wife from the inside out. Some sort of shame and remorse on top of a desperate guilt that would eat away at them, and now Embry wore it.

"She's fine." I said softly. "Just tired." It was probably killing him now that our minds weren't connected anymore, the one time he would undoubtedly want to see what had happened to bring the one he loved to this point.

"Tired? What did she- What did you do?" his voice was rising to a normal level, and I shushed him to keep quiet.

"Keep your voice down. And she's just sleeping, Embry. I didn't _do_ anything to her." Physically, that is. There were other things I might take the fault for, but ultimately this was her own mind's undoing.

"_I don't deserve him" _she had said. Bullshit I say. I had hoped at one time that maybe I could just have a normal friend that was a normal girl and we could be normal roommates and maybe, _maybe _sort out normal guy stuff together at a normal pace, but… now I wouldn't trust anyone but her imprint to take care of her like she needed to be. Of course she deserves him.

Embry stared at her with the guilty face again and I could tell he was going to pick apart everything that might look off about her. "She looks too pale."

_Whaddya know. I'm psychic._

I rolled my eyes. "Well, she's white. It happens sometimes."

"Leah…" he gave me a reproachful look but I didn't budge.

_Imprint fury doesn't work on me, sorry_.

"There's nothing wrong with her. She went into shock and it took a lot out of her, so now she's sleeping." A bit of an understatement, but the less pressure he put on himself, the better this would turn out for all of us.

"Her breathing…why does it…" So he heard it too. I wondered if she'd sound like Mrs. What's-her-name from downstairs when she woke up. Hopefully not.

"Yeah. She'll need water when she wakes up," I stopped and we both watched Emma move her head slightly to the side, her heartbeat still steady with sleep. "She wasn't very nice to her throat."

Embry turned for the first time to look at me and he was doing it again, jumping to conclusions. I could see it. "What- why? From…from what?"

_He really does owe me something for this._

"She saw me in wolf form and at first she was reacting like anyone would, looked scared out of her mind, but that might be because of this," I pointed to my bloody hair and he blanched, probably just noticing it because of his earlier preoccupation. "Don't worry, it was self inflicted, I was angry."

Embry looked back at Emma, thankfully taking his scanning eyes off of my hairline and the huge amount of blood that was probably dried there by now. My shirt was already getting stiff on the shoulder I had wiped it on, and it just reminded me how much I wanted a shower. But this needed to happen first.

"When she got there, Seth was saying she was being the polar opposite of when Bella found out, from what we know through Jake anyways, and I rolled my eyes or something. She freaking laughed," I chuckled in spite of the situation. "Like some coping mechanism I dunno, but she was just about on hysterics. But once I moved, then she was gasping like with an asthma attack or…maybe it was just anxiety, panic, one of those." She had scared me then too. For that brief time she had seen me as a wolf, I wondered if she could ever look at me when I was a human being again.

"I phased back and she calmed down, but she was breathing with her voice, and it sounded like it hurt." Both of us winced as we heard her inhale with the wheezing sound again. "When she finally saw me and Seth in front of her, I think it might have been too much for her, and she threw up."

Embry swallowed and the look was back. Damn burning man look.

"It's probably better than it could have been, Embry. Plus we were both pretty gory looking, it's understandable." I didn't meet his eyes when he looked back at my head. Nothing says pathetic like a self inflicted head wound.

_I really need to take a shower._

"She let it sit for a while, then she was okay…but then she wasn't." I pressed my lips in a hard line just thinking of her stupid line.

"She fainted?" Embry asked.

"Yeah," I sighed and looked at him. "Right after she started gasping for air again, which was right after I told her she needed to see you."

He grimaced and looked down.

"Embry, she thinks she doesn't deserve you."

"What?" he whispered confused and appalled.

"It's what she said," I shrugged, and then pushed him further into the room. "Show her otherwise."

Embry stumbled forward, never taking his eyes off of Emma, but turned his head towards me with a question on his lips. I stopped him before it came out.

"She's my friend, Embry, and you're her freaking soul mate. You and I both know what she deserves more than she does herself." He stayed where he was, so I gave him another verbal shove. "Show her."

Like he was approaching Sleeping Beauty herself, he swallowed and slowly made it towards the bed, bringing her desk chair around to sit beside her. There wasn't another word that needed to be said, so I let them have their peace and stepped back out into the hallway. I started to shut the door, but stopped with just a few inches to spare when I saw movement. Embry had brought his hand up to cup Emma's cheek, and his thumb stroked the skin there. She breathed in deep and leaned into his hand, adjusting herself so she was closer to him, even in sleep. It was like out of a movie or a book, some perfect love story that was coming to life in front of me and I couldn't help but watch.

A noise behind me woke me from my daze and I shut the door, only to turn around and find Seth looking too melancholy for his usual happy demeanor. Not at the door, though… at me. He knew what I was doing, watching that; mourning it, wanting it, missing that kind of affection. I kept my face stoic and stepped around him to the bathroom, locking the door behind me before he said anything. I didn't look in the mirror because I didn't want to see what might be showing itself there. I turned on the shower and set it to boiling, wanting to feel the burn to make these thoughts go away. I wanted to be numb again, when I didn't have to care about stuff like this, when I wasn't jealous of…

_Holy shit._

I tripped out of my jeans when I thought the green little word. I was _jealous_ of them? It was such a seemingly insignificant word, but I didn't need the magnitude of its effects right now. I couldn't look at them when this all got sorted out and have this underlying jealousy in me, it would ruin any genuine happiness I had for Emma. And Embry. Emma and Embry. One of many picture perfect couples I'll have to endure spending my time with.

When I stepped under the torrent of scalding water, it was a shock to my system, and I could feel my skin turn pink with the intensity of it. I gritted my teeth and let it burn, wincing when it finally hit my scalp and started to turn the water red around my feet, the blood rinsing out of my hair. I washed my hair twice and scrubbed my face clean with a wash cloth and I might as well have taken off a layer of skin, but I heal fast. No harm done – that would show anyways.

I stood there under the water and blinked away the droplets that hung from my eyelashes, looking down at this body that should never have become like this. It was toned like I worked for it, slender like I ate (or didn't eat) for it, but otherwise, it was useless. Vital parts of me weren't working, and I didn't know if they ever would again. Not that I wanted anything right this very second, but it was just the principle of not being able, not having that essential possibility that every woman thinks about. A shell of a person that couldn't amount to anyone worthwhile wouldn't seriously benefit anyone's life.

Without my consent, my thoughts strayed to Jordan, this boy who thought he was falling for me. No, he was falling for the shell. There wasn't enough of me to go by, that I knew, for anyone to truly know who I was unless they knew me before. But it was like he was trying some psychological experiment, making me familiar with him bit by bit until I would magically open up my soul and let him in. But that couldn't – and shouldn't – ever happen. He was too innocent, he didn't deserve to be put through something like that when he _did _have the choice, when his destiny _wasn't_ branded with someone else's- he was free to live life without any supernatural consequences or road blocks.

I knew he was holding back with me. Whether it was with Emma's help or his own intuition, he knew not to approach me head on, to wait for me to come to him, like wild animal or something. Like if he came too close I would attack. Or defend?

_Dammit, why can't I just live my life without a fucking complex?_

I kicked the tile wall and grunted in pain, knowing I had probably broken my toe. My hands gripped wall and the shower curtain as I stood on one foot and gritted my teeth, muttering profanities and waiting for the pain to go away. There was nothing you could do for a broken toe anyway. It would hurt for a while, but it wouldn't last as long as it would for a human. When it got down to a dull throb and only sent pain throughout my foot when I stretched it, I gingerly set it down on the floor of the shower and shut off the water.

Pulling away the shower curtain finally gave me breathable air, and it felt cold when it filled my lungs. I grabbed a towel and quickly went to drying my hair, checking it every once in a while to see if any pink came out, but I had washed and rinsed enough so all the blood was gone. My fingers felt around above my eye, but it was smooth. Not even a scratch. I did this all without even glancing at the mirror, not with a concrete reason, just a feeling that told me to steer clear of it. With a towel wrapped around me, I grabbed my dirty clothes and was met with a blast of cool air when I opened the door, and the steam crept out around the doorframe and disappeared into the hallway. I turned on the fan and went to my room, but not before I was, of course, interrupted.

"Leah, you want something to eat?" I heard Seth say from the kitchen, the sound of scraping metal evidence that he was trying to quietly take out a pot or pan.

"Seth, do not touch my kitchen if you value your fingers. I'll be out in a minute."

A louder clang of metal met my ears with mutterings of "no freaking trust" carrying through the apartment.

While I was getting dressed, I heard Seth attempt to communicate with Embry and keep the peace between them, but he just metaphorically pushed Seth out of the room to leave him alone. I was getting pretty tired of all this drama and overprotective angst. A single girl can only take so much. That is, if I even qualified as a girl anymore. I'd look like I did four years ago for as long as I phased, and I'd heard too many times the whispered "nice rack" comments from idiots on campus. Young and female, so maybe that counts.

When I came out to the living room, Seth was lying on the couch on his back, flinging a hair tie he had found up in the air, then catching it, then stretching it back and flinging it at the ceiling again. When I walked past the couch, I caught the damned thing on its way back down and shot it at his face.

"Agh! What the hell! My eye!"

I rolled my eyes and stalked into the kitchen, ignoring the dull pain in my foot. "Shut up. You'll heal."

Seth groaned sat up so I could see him above the back of the couch. He tried to blink his eye open, but it was only resulting in a half squint that scrunched up one side of his face. "I think you damaged my retina."

"Wrong part of the eye." I grabbed a box from the cabinet and looked at the directions, listing in my head what else I'd need.

"Well you damaged something!"

I looked up from the box and glared at him. "Seth. Shut up." I cast a meaningful glance towards the bedrooms, and he sighed dramatically, flopping back onto the couch. Meanwhile, I was following instructions and adding ingredients, and several minutes later it was all done on my part and it would just be a waiting game for it to cook through.

"Smells good." Seth sat up again and watched me clean up, then cocked his head at something.

_I swear it's like he's trying to become a dog in any way possible. He's embraced it too much and pretty soon-_

"Rice-a-Roni?" he asked, and I registered now that he was eyeing the box that was still sitting by the stove.

"Yes," I said tersely. "What's the problem?"

Seth looked at me with a peculiar look in his eye. "Leah, it's six in the morning. And you're making Rice-a-Roni?"

"Yes, I am," I snapped back before I even comprehended what he meant. Why _was_ I making Rice-a-Roni in the morning?

Seth's injured eye seemed to be healing, as his face had relaxed but he kept blinking. He looked from the box to me, then back and forth again like he was calculating something. He bit the inside of his cheek and I knew he was about to say something he knew I wouldn't like.

"What?" I snapped.

"You just haven't made it in a while," he shrugged, starting to turn away.

"And how would you know this?"

Seth rolled his eyes, and then looked at me with a face that said _Really?_

"You seriously monitor what I cook?"

"Hey," he held up his hands, "it's not my fault you go through your grocery list when you're running."

"So help me…" I picked up a knife that was lying by the stove and held it in threat to him.

"What? I can't help it!" he started to shout defensively, and I fisted the knife's handle, bringing the end of it down to the counter while my other hand pointed to the bedrooms.

"Quiet."

Seth's lips went into a hard line and he looked away again, this time shaking his head and flopping back onto the couch. My grip on the knife handle loosened, and I sighed in relief; both for the fact that the knife was still intact, and that I hadn't eventually thrown it at my brother.

I let myself zone out and gave up watching the rice. It was almost as exciting as watching water boil, but didn't quite make the cut, so I ended up leaning against the counter beside the stove with my arms grossed and my eyes unfocused but angled towards the floor. It was just a little feeling, but something was weird here, almost like déjà vu, but I'm pretty sure something like reuniting your unconscious friend with her werewolf boyfriend wasn't something that happened twice to a person. That, and I'm also pretty sure that déjà vu is just a trick the mind plays on itself, most of the time not even being true.

A distant techno song distracted me from my thoughts, and realizing it was someone's phone ringing from Emma's room, I pushed off the counter and planned to run in to stop it. But I skidded to a stop when the song ended abruptly and Embry came out of the room with a phone to his ear, closing the door behind him.

"Nothing's wrong, Claire, we're both fine."

A soft little voice answered him with a sniff. "_You sure?_"

"Yes I'm sure," he looked up at me and sighed. "What's up, squirt?"

"_Stop calling me squirt,_" she mumbled, then sniffed again.

Embry's lips twitched, then frowned with concern for the little tyke. "Claire, what's wrong?"

Another sniff and a rustle came through the phone, her little voice starting to squeak with tears. "_Quil said…that you and…and Emma were having p-problems_."

Embry rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "We were, but we're working them out. Why are you crying, squirt?"

She missed the endearment this time and blubbered on. "_Quil…he came over this morning and h-hugged me a lot and… and he looked really sad and…and it scared me…"_

Embry's brows furrowed in confusion. "What scared you?"

She mumbled something too quiet and garbled for either of us to understand, and Embry's frown deepened. "Couldn't hear you, Claire, could you say it again for me?" he asked patiently.

Claire sniffed again into the phone and I wondered why kids were so hygienically obtuse when it came to snot. The trembling breath afterwards threw the thought away though, and I was frowning with Embry with concern of my own. "_When old Quil was… was sick he…Quil did the same thing…and he looked sad…_" Embry's eyes shot to mine and my comprehension was mirrored on him. "_Is…is Emma sick?...Is she going away like him?"_

"No," Embry breathed, "No, she's not sick, she's just sleeping right now, it's early."

"_But that's what they said about Old Quil! They said he was s-sleeping!"_

I shook my head in disbelief at his lack of sense and watched his eyes widen as he fumbled for words. "No, Claire, Emma is fine, she's just resting right now and she'll wake up once she's slept for a while. I promise."

There was silence on the other end, and finally, a sniff. "_Really?_" she asked timidly.

"Yes, really," he sighed and closed his eyes, glad that _that_ misunderstanding with the six-year-old blew over.

"_So you'll still be Em 'n Em?" _she squeaked, and Embry opened his eyes only to roll them, but kept his annoyance hidden from the fragile girl while I barely withheld a smirk.

He looked at me with a glare, and I frowned when that déjà vu feeling came back. "Yes, we'll still be Em 'n Em."

"_Okay,_" she sniffed, "_I think I'm better now_."

"That's good," he said, clearly relieved, "now go and tell Quil what I told you, okay?"

"_Okay!_" she squeaked, now excited about finding her 'bestest friend ever' and giving him this vital information. Sometimes it amazes me how much that kid can change moods when Quil is involved. "_Bye Embry!_"

"Bye squirt," he smirked and ended the call. He looked at his phone for a moment, then back up at me, lifting the phone to the space between us. "If anyone else calls, just tell them…um…"

"Don't worry about it," I said, taking the phone from him. The last thing he needed was a pack of nosy brothers all trying to ask him what was going on while Emma sat there unconscious. He gave a wry smile and ducked his head, moving back into the room, the door closing quietly behind him.

"Here," Seth was still lying on the couch, but had his hand reaching out towards me expectantly. "I'll take the calls." I set the phone in his hand and went back to the rice, thankful that it was ready to serve. In the middle of dishing some of it onto a plate, I glanced down at the oven, half expecting something to be in there. But it wasn't turned on. I cocked my head and set down my plate, cracking open the oven just to make sure, and then shut it with a frown when I saw that there was in fact nothing in there.

_What is going on with my brain?_

I shook my head as if to get everything back into place, then finished dishing my rice and brought it to the table. "Rice is done," I muttered, and Seth was on his feet, gliding into the kitchen with serving spoon already in hand by the time I brought the fork to my mouth. He started eating standing up and moaned like he hadn't eaten in days and was given fresh bread. I arched an eyebrow and watched him fall ungracefully into the chair across from me, stuffing his face like the glutton he is. For the same unknown reason that I opened the oven, I glanced to my right at the empty chair at the end of the table and chewed my next bite slowly. I heard the clank of silverware hitting a plate and glanced up at Seth who was giving me the same weird look as when he mentioned the Rice-a-Roni.

"Whup?" I grumbled through a mouthful of rice.

Seth swallowed and narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed as well and narrowed my eyes back at him. "Am I _okay?_"

He didn't budge. "Yes."

I tilted my head like I was actually considering his question. "Would you be?"

Seth's eyes went back to their normal size, but his brow furrowed above them. "Whaddyoumean?" he asked, scooping more rice into his mouth.

I held back as much acid as I could. "Seth, I just saw my best friend _vomit_ in front of me because she saw me in the form of a giant gory wolf for the first time, and then had to hand her off, unconscious, to her boyfriend who's going to make her life a whole lot more complicated that it would have been otherwise."

"Otherwise?"

"Yes, otherwise as in, if she never got involved in this whole thing in the first place."

Seth stopped chewing and pointed his fork at me. "Don't regret bringing Emma into this, she's good for all of us, 'especially you." He held my gaze and I knew he wouldn't move it until I did. He was right anyway. It would be wrong of me to regret it, and now I could feel less guilty about lying to her all the time about seemingly insignificant things; running alone, never being cold, my ridiculously high metabolism, strength, quick healing…all explained and accounted for.

Seth dropped his fork back down to his plate and shoveled another heaping bite into the bottomless pit that is his mouth. "Befibes," he chewed, "fee's your beffrem, righ?" He swallowed and waited for an answer, but I didn't give one. "You said so yourself, just now. That's a weird thing to regret."

Regardless of the disgusting habits of my younger brother, I had grown up with him and with that came the ability to understand him when he was eating, and I knew that he had just called me out. I _had_ just called Emma my best friend without even thinking about it. I sighed and took my own heaping bite of rice and looked over at the empty chair again, trying to think of _why _I was looking at the chair.

"Is it something else, though?" my brother asked quietly, my brooding mood making him tread lightly.

"Hmm?"

"Is there something wrong with the chair or…my God…you see dead people, don't you?"

I whipped around to face him with an incredulous look. "Seth, what the hell?"

He was fighting a grin at his little joke, and a snort made its way out. "Sorry," he muttered, his shoulders shaking.

I made an annoyed noise at him and went back to my Rice-a-Roni. But I wasn't really that hungry and was mainly just pushing it around and patting it down with my fork. He hit something with the chair, though. I didn't know what was so enthralling about it, or the oven, or the way Embry had glared at me before with Claire on the phone and it was beyond frustrating. I let my fork fall on my plate and stood up quickly from the table, practically throwing the plate in the sink, the clanging sound filling the kitchen, and I stopped.

It was freaking déjà vu.

This _had_ all happened before…sort of.

Just with different people.

I looked back at the table to a bemused Seth, and looked at the empty chair again, this time visualizing someone there. Someone taller than me with dark hair, scruff, a weird accent, and…oh.

I turned back around to hide the surprise on my face. Or was it fear? Trepidation? Who knows. I didn't like it, and I wouldn't let my brother of all people see it, so I busied myself with washing my plate and rinsing all the rice down the disposal. When I had turned the water off, the look was still on my face, I could feel it. So I just stayed there, looking at the empty sink.

"Leah?"

I half turned my head in response to my name, but thought better of it and faced the wall again.

"Hey, was there…_is_ there something else?"

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips at my brother's stupid sibling intuition that showed itself at all the wrong times. He started to say something again, but was cut off my Embry's phone ringing in the living room. There was a moment where he didn't move, then the chair scraped against the floor and a second later, I heard him talking to Jared. I let out a gust of air I didn't know I was holding and stepped back from the sink, leaning over with my hands on the counter, creating some form of stability in the situation.

It was unexpected, and it was foreign, and-

_**He's**__ foreign…_

I shook my head at my inner girl and tried to get myself back into my normal mindset. But it wasn't working. That night he came, that horrible, embarrassing night he came to eat Rice-a-Roni and bake disgusting corn bread in the oven and watch Emma dissuade Claire from calling she and Embry 'M&M' and sit in the chair next to me and smile like…

My nails tapped against the sink as I started to get more irritated at myself.

I needed a distraction.

"Alright, look, I don't wanna go over this like twenty times, is everyone there, can you just put me on speaker phone or something?" Seth's voice traveled from the living room.

"_Pretty much,_" Jared's tired voice said. There was a crackling noise like someone was handling the phone, then the voice sounded like it was echoing. "_Can you hear me?"_

"Yeah, wait a second…Leah!" he hollered, and I stood up straight at his idiotic memory. Rounding the kitchen, I walked swiftly into the living room and pointed for the _third time_ at the bedrooms.

"Quiet."

Comprehension dawned on him and his face fell. "Shit, sorry…um, you wanna help me out here?" he waved the phone in front of him.

I rolled my eyes and muttered 'fine', then sunk into the couch next to him.

Apparently, a few of the younger guys were on patrol and all started howling at the same time in the wee hours of the morning. Embry hadn't been able to contain it anymore and ran for a long time until he found a tree line, stripped, and phased, breaking more trees than I did. It was hard to read what had happened since he had a mantra of _Please just go _and flying images running through his head too fast for them to make sense, but the heartbreak was undeniable and they all knew something was wrong.

One of the kids got a hold of their sanity enough to phase back and get Quil, who was able to calm Embry down enough to figure out what happened. He didn't know where he was, he was in agony, and he left Emma because she wanted him to, but being apart from her so forcefully was killing him. They tried to reason with him, but he was all about Emma's wishes and didn't want to go back if she still didn't want him there. Irrational, unreasonable, and adamant. All signs pointed to an imprinted werewolf in distress.

While he had wallowed in some other forest nearby, we had been trying to put Emma back together, so we gave him our side. Seth tried to ease her into the situation more with his story and then brought her to see me. She reacted like a normal person should, albeit scaring me into the likes of a worried mother. They got Embry back into shape and when he was half way back to the apartment, Seth called him, and now he's here and Emma is still sleeping.

"Wait," I held up a hand to no one in particular and listened to the sounds around us. Seth did too and a small grin formed on his lips when we both heard the slow heartbeats and breathing rhythms through the wall. "They're both sleeping."

"_Oh…so sweet," _a girl cooed in the background.

I was about to let her have it but Seth waved his hand and stopped me, thankfully.

"Hey, uh, how's Claire doing?" Seth asked the crowd of people that somehow came out of this little device he held in his hand.

"_She's fine, why?_" Quil sounded suspicious, always protective of the little girl he cared the world for.

"Nothing anymore, she just called a while ago and was a little upset…made some assumptions that little kids do, but she's fine now, right?"

"_She called you? She's six, how did she call you?"_

"Hey, heck if I know," Seth shrugged. "Technology's gettin' to the young'uns first I guess."

"_Wait…is that why she meant…oh no…" _Quil groaned.

"_What?" _several people questioned him.

"_She said Emma was sleeping and Embry promised she would wake up soon. She thought of Old Quil didn't she?"_

"Yeah," I said sadly, remembering the little sniffling voice.

"_Well she's fine now from what I could see. Thanks for telling me, though."_

"Yeah, no prob," Seth muttered. I was resting my chin in my hand, my elbow on my knee, and it wobbled as my eyelids started to get heavy. Seth noticed. "Hey, guys, we haven't really slept ourselves, so I think we're gonna go now."

A murmur of voices bid our farewell and Seth snapped the phone shut. He yawned like a lion, tossing the phone to the floor and raked his fingers through his hair. "If you don't move, I'm taking your bed," he grumbled.

I scoffed tiredly and pushed his head away, only causing him to fall onto the couch and immediately making himself comfortable. I pushed my hair back away from my eyes and stood, stretching out my arms and back with a lion-esque yawn of my own. I had gotten so used to regular sleeping habits over the years that staying up at all hours of the night was not being kind to me. I walked to Emma's door and slowly opened it just a sliver. Emma was just as she was before, but Embry had leant over on the edge of the bed, head resting on his crossed arms and back rising and falling in sleep.

Now that I saw it, it was actually kind of sweet.

My thoughts went back to what I had been stressing about before, and something tightened in my chest, heat traveling up the sides of my neck to my ears, and it was uncomfortable. I needed a distraction again. I looked one last time at the sleeping duo and zeroed in on the noise still coming from Emma's throat. She'd need water whenever she chose to wake up.

Determined to let this mission occupy my mind, I went back to the kitchen and filled a glass with the filtered water from the pitcher in the fridge, then came back to her room. As quietly as I could, I padded across the floor and set the glass on her night stand, and high tailed it out of there, gently closing the door behind me.

Sleep was next.

I could do sleep.

Sleep was oblivion.

Without even shutting my door, I stumbled to my bed and fell onto the mattress.

OOO

Sleep did not stay.

It came, it went, it lingered, but it didn't stay.

It was annoying.

I tried one last time to fall asleep, to let everything leave my mind so I could recuperate, but I woke up not ten minutes later judging by my alarm clock.

What was even more annoying was right when I woke up, I knew I had had a dream, but I couldn't remember any of it. The only thing that gave me any inclination of it was that my fingers would grasp at the air and I could have sworn I had been holding someone's hand…

With a tired groan, I sat up at the edge of the mattress and pulled my hair back, twisting it at my neck. This was so stupid. Why couldn't the world just let me sleep?!

When I was little and couldn't sleep, my mom had always given me tea or warm milk. It worked for a while, but never really helped. I'd go to my dad and ask him for something to do since lying around awake with more liquid in me that would eventually make me have to pee wasn't working. He was a night owl and had a thing for crosswords, and he would let me help him figure out the words even though I didn't know what most of them were. Eventually I wouldn't be able to read the words anymore and he would send me off to bed. My mind would be worked out and tired and I'd actually be able to sleep.

That tradition ended when he died. I was never good at crosswords by myself, and trying them without him was hopeless. It was the only thing that had ever helped, and since then, I've resorted to watching horrible late night TV, though it just occupied my mind more than lulled me to sleep. I might have done that now, but I couldn't stand morning shows, plus Seth was out by the TV, and I didn't want to wake him up.

Frustrated, I stood up from the bed and went to the living room anyway, just to see if there was something I could clean or organize, just to use up my brain. I straitened the table, pushed in chairs, nudged the love seat into place and alphabetized Emma's books. All in five minutes.

I watched Seth sleeping peacefully, mouth agape and snoring slightly with his limbs sprawled over the edges of the couch.

_Of course he can sleep like a baby at a time like this. _

I flipped him the bird just for spite and slumped into the love seat, staring at the rectangle of light that angled in through the window and onto the carpet. Of all the days to show up, the sun had to be all precious and cliché and make its appearance today. I was without quality mind-numbing TV or anything else to bide the time, so instead, I watched the rectangle. Specks of dust floated above it, wafting in the air currents with their light weight, but then they would disappear once out of the illuminating rays. I'd follow them with my eyes, watching them dance and swirl probably just from the pressure changes of my breathing from however many yards away. I tested it, holding my breath for ten seconds, then breathing in deeply, and focused on how all the swirling specks would go crazy like a gust of wind picking up fallen leaves in some movie.

It was mesmerizing, but it also made me wonder about the air quality in here.

Hours might have gone by that I watched those specks, not even thinking of anything, just watching them. The rectangle had shifted across the floor and was getting shorter as the morning wore on, and despite the clock I knew was on the wall somewhere beside me, I tried to gauge the hour by the angle of the rectangle. I guessed around ten in the morning.

I was off by twenty minutes, not too shabby.

The eternal quiet that had taken over the apartment was broken then by some rustling fabric and an accelerating heart beat. Emma was awake.

Then so was Embry.

I listened to their awkward morning greetings which consisted of arguing and leant my head back in impatience of it all. Not wanting to sit through this by myself, I kicked Seth's arm to wake him up, but he didn't even move. I kicked him again.

Nothing.

I growled at the absurdity that is my brother and leant forward, grabbing his ear and pulling it up until his leg twitched and he was suddenly awake, lifting up his head with a whiny groan to ease the pain.

"Ow, get off, freaking- aaahahaaoww!"

I let go and slumped back into the loveseat, turning my glare to the sunny rectangle again. Seth was rubbing his ear and feeling around it like there was a piece of it missing or something, then back-handed my knee.

"What the crap, I'm up, and why was that necessary?"

"They're awake," I grumbled, staring at the dancing specks, "and I'm not sitting through this awkward sap fest alone. Plus we need to know what she knows so we know what to cover later.'

"So we know she knows we know what?" he mumbled confusedly, and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "It better be the afternoon."

"It's ten-thirty."

"Are you serious?" he glared at me with a "WTF" look on his face. "I thought she was supposed to sleep for the whole day?"

"I never said that, it's not like we gave her medication or anything. She slept for a few hours anyway, and woke up on her own, so that's good."

Seth scoffed. "_That's good,_" he mimicked me and then looked around towards the room mumbling something about revenge.

"Hey Seth?" I asked softly, still staring intently at the dancing specks of dust.

"What?" he answered, his voice still low with sleep.

"When you came over here before… what did you tell her?"

"When you were waiting at the park, you mean?"

I nodded.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Seth run his hands through his hair and over his face, and then rested his elbows on his knees, his fingers interlocked.

"Just um… I guess what it all looked like through my eyes at the time, gave her a perspective on things. Embry didn't really know what he was doing and just sort of threw the stories at her. I just thought if she heard about someone she knew instead of some old dead guys it wouldn't be that unbelievable."

I hummed a response and frowned at the rectangle that was getting smaller. "How much does she know about… did you tell her how it started?"

"I didn't say anything about the Cullens or the other vampires, just the fever thing we both had and then when we phased for the first time."

My head spun to look at him in shock. "You told her about dad?"

Seth blinked then his eyes opened wide. "No! No, just that he had heart problems back then. I think I just said we exploded or something, then switched it back to Embry and she was all ears."

"Oh," I breathed, calming down. There was a time and place for letting anyone know about what happened that night and today was not one of them. "She knows he had a heart attack, but…that's all I'm really comfortable with right now, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled, looking down. He hated the subject just about as much as I did.

I listened to the conversation through the wall behind me, start up again. Something about families.

Seth and I watched the ground and each other as we heard a new side of Embry that we never knew. He must've forgotten we were even here to speak so freely about something like the whole business with his mom and the pack, though it did sound like it was difficult to let out, even to Emma. And of course she's only as understanding as she can be, so I waited with bated breath for whatever happened next.

Of course.

I grimaced and rolled my eyes when it was clear through these thin walls that they were making out, even Seth looked uncomfortable, but we couldn't even look at each other or make convincing conversation.

A part of me was glad they were finally getting some of that frustration out of them, but really, it could have been done when there weren't super-hearing shape shifters in the next room. I started drumming with my fingers one of the angry classical pieces that Emma liked to listen to when she was mad, just to pass the time and feel like less of an eaves-dropper. Seth was mumbling something with his hands over his ears, then started drumming his fingers against his head and was humming some song of his own.

_Is this payback for something? Did I upset the universe or why am I being put through this?_

Finally, it stopped, and they covered the basics of being a werewolf, but Emma just skipped right to the whole point of it all and yet again, she wasn't ready for it. When she flew out the door with a fumbling Embry after her, Seth tried to lighten the mood, but I doubt Embry even thought of answering him.

"Look, let's just go, okay? When they kiss and make up I think I might puke. I already almost vomited in my mouth." I whispered to Seth.

"Geez, Debbie Downer much?" he scowled at me and looked back at the hallway.

I stood up and grabbed his ear. "Do not make me pull you out the door."

"Aah," he stood by the pull of his ear and winced. "Fine, whatever, just quit trying to rip my ear off!"

I let go of him and took one last look at the sliver of Emma I could see through the bathroom doorway, water splashes on her shirt and wide scared eyes. "C'mon."

Seth followed me out the door and down the steps to the car and I threw him the keys.

"Where to?" he asked, slipping in behind the wheel. I got into the passenger side and shut the door with a bit too much force. "Just drive somewhere, they'll call when they're done," I muttered, putting my phone in my pocket and staring out the windshield. He drove out of the city and started taking random exits, just driving through the metro area of the Seattle, and we would be until the two lovebirds finally decided they deserved each other and cleared it all up.

Then they'd be attached at the hip.

And until the same thing happened to Seth, he was all I'd have.

_I'm happy for them. Glad. Delighted. Pleased. Thrilled. _

Seth drove on and I lifted my elbow to rest against the window ledge, resting my head in my hand as I watched the scenery fly by.

_And jealous._

I hated it, but it was true.

On this most happy of many happy days for my two friends, I let one envious tear fall for myself.

OOO

**A/N: Probably not what you were expecting, but I know some part of all of you were itching to know what happened while Emma was conked out, right? It's the first time I've gone full-out Leah mode, so I'm curious about your response, as always, but especially now. Review and let me know!**

**p.s. Can we break 100? I think we can… ;) **


	19. You Never Know

**A/N: The only things you need to know are 1) I don't own Twilight, 2) the chapter title is by Wilco, and 3) NOVA is a program usually found on PBS that's either about science or history, but if you have a brain like me that loves to input information, once you start watching it... you **_**can't STOP!**_** However, if you check it out and abhor NOVA, then it's just not your cup o' tea, I guess, which would be sad. **

**That is all. **

**Read on.**

**You Never Know**

"How can you not like blueberries? They're blueberries!"

I was back on my bed, but this time I had company. Once I had gotten all the crying and laughing out of my system I had enough composure to reconvene the make out session I had started earlier with Embry. We ended up back in my room and almost toppled over when we collided with the side of my bed. There was no question that I loved him, that I was _in_ love with him, but he had after all been my first kiss only weeks ago, and though going further than just this blissful kissing might have been something other couples do once the 'L' word is out there, my brain kicked into gear once we fell onto the mattress. The mere idea of me being on a bed with a guy, no matter that it was Embry, had stopped me in my tracks and stilled my hands from gripping his hair.

Of course, Embry noticed and probably knew why I was immediately hesitant, then started spewing off apologies, and I had to physically cover his mouth with my hands to shut him up.

We had agreed to at least try to go at a somewhat normal pace since the heat of the moment had rolled over both of our thought processes. So I was now lying on my bed looking into his flabbergasted look at my addition to our weird list, this time in person with his arms wrapped around me, his thumb making small circles on my lower back while I played with his hair.

"Yes, I know they're blueberries. That's why I don't eat them, they taste like mush. I don't get the hype."

Embry's mouth hung open and he looked like I just told him food itself no longer existed, and I snorted a laugh.

"Look at it this way," I offered, "You can always eat mine if you're around when I have some."

His mouth shut and his lips pressed together with his eyes narrowed, making a comical contemplative look that made me try to hold back another snort. "Question," he stated. I raised my eyebrows in answer. "So I eat some blueberries…" he paused for dramatic effect and I waved him on. "Would I still get to kiss you afterwards?"

This time I full out cackled.

"It's a legitimate question!" he insisted.

"Embry," I got out before falling into laughing again. The look on his face was just too precious, like a puppy being told to stay behind when everyone went for a ride in the car. A squeeze at my ribs made me gasp and flinch to get away from him but he just pulled me closer so I was flush up against him, and my laughter subsided to a wry grin to match his.

"Yes, it is a legitimate question, and yes, you could still kiss me when you eat them." I bit my lip in a smile just thinking about it. When I let it free he took no time in stealing a short but sweet kiss. I smiled against his lips and started chuckling again.

"What?" he muttered, sounding a bit offended.

"You were really scared there for a second weren't you?" I giggled. His hand came to rest on my ribs again in threat of tickling me and my eyes went wide. "Don't you dare."

His eyes darkened and the grin remained. "I wouldn't joke about something like that," he said in a lower voice than before. His thumb moved dangerously close to the underwire of my bra and my face flushed with heat while my heartbeat stopped and then sped up. It was difficult for the needy part of my brain to accept the logical part, but right now I wasn't ready for his movements to go any further. Swallowing, I let my hand drift down his arm.

"I know, sorry," I said, and covered his hand with mine, apologizing both for teasing him and stopping him. He looked to our hands and sighed, wrapping his arm around my back again. When he met my eyes I could see the apology there before I even needed to hear it and kissed him to stop it. "I love you," I mumbled against his lips, then kissed him again.

"Love you," he whispered back, then hugged me closer to him, tucking my head under his chin. He took a deep breath into my hair and loosened his grip, but kept both hands behind me like before. "So, you blueberry hater," he accused, and I snickered feeling the vibrations of his voice through his neck. "It's my turn then?"

"Mhmm," I grinned.

He looked past me, his mind searching for his next entry before finding me again and smiling. "I'm a werewolf."

"What? No, that doesn't count!" I hit his arm and scowled up at him. "Stay on track, geez…"

"What do you mean? That's pretty weird if I do say so myself."

"Well, yes, but…UGH!" I rolled my eyes. "That would take me like, twenty weird things to catch up with you."

"To catch up with me?"

I really didn't want to have to do this, but he just wasn't seeing the significance of the level of weirdness here, and to explain it would certainly cause some mumbling and blushing and awkward attempts to speak. But it had to be done for this to go anywhere.

"Because," I tried, "the whole point of… of _starting_ the list was because the…" I sighed and started the mumbling earlier than planned. "Because I was freaking out about..stupid…shower…freaking normal…"

"Emma, wait," Embry's voice sounded surprisingly articulate compared to my mutterings. "Say that again?"

I groaned and closed my eyes, burying head into his chest. "The reason this whole weird list thing started was because it was making us equal, we both had weird things about us that could go back and forth to make it more even between us. Throwing out some huge complicated supernatural shpiel about yourself does not make it even. It throws the list off balance and I have nothing to counter that."

He was quiet for a moment, but I could feel him running his hands through my hair. "I beg to differ," he said finally.

"Oh pfft," I pouted. "How so?"

"Well, first…what would you call us?"

My brows furrowed at the question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean are we dating? Are we just a boyfriend and girlfriend couple?"

I pushed back to look at him, wondering how on earth he could ever think that. "No, we're not that, it's…I dunno, we're…I love you, but why are you asking me this?"

Embry smiled and pushed my long bangs from my forehead. "Just makin' sure. So you agree… we're more than that?"

I looked into his dark hazel eyes, starting to see where he was going with this, but not liking that he had to go this route. "Much more than that."

His expression warmed at my answer, then fell into a blank look that I didn't know what to make of. "And how long have we known each other?"

If it was possible, I was feeling a bit hurt. To think we had gone through all we had in the past twenty four hours just for him to question it all had my chest constricting strangely. "Th-thanksgiving," I said, my voice just above a whisper.

"Which was only about two weeks ago," he said, eyebrows raised, making his point.

"But…what… I thought… what…" I was spouting out words that didn't make sense. Why was he doing this?

Embry finally registered my stricken expression and immediately looked concerned, then panicked. "Emma, that's not- shit, that's not- I wasn't- I was just pointing out- 'cause it's weird in that span of time- but the imprinting…" he stopped rambling and pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me and speaking into my hair. "Emma, I swear, I'll never doubt this, us. I can't. I'm just saying that anyone who doesn't know… would think it was weird."

My nose was pressed into his shirt and the musky smell of him plus the grip he had on me, though almost too tight, was enough to stop my horrible train of thought that had been dragging along a large cargo of doubt. Embry brought both of his hands to the sides of my face and I felt his gaze pierce my eyes to my very soul. "I love you, Emma, and I'll never stop. I just found you, there's no way in hell I could ever let you go because of what other people think." I had to close my eyes to let that settle and brand it to everything I knew, burn it to every memory. When I opened my eyes, his intense gaze hadn't changed. I didn't know what to say, so I mustered up a smile and nodded, never taking my eyes off of his to convey my return of his statement. No matter if people thought we were rushed or "too young to be in love," I would still love him to no end.

I had no intention of expecting him to propose or anything, I knew it would come at some point down the line, but I couldn't help but imagine being bound to him like that. Walking down to the aisle to his smiling face, saying our vows, the rings, dancing, waving goodbye to family…

_Family._

_My family._

_My family has no knowledge of Embry._

_And he's coming to Sioux Falls for winter break._

_Oh dear Lord._

"Emma," Embry brushed his fingers through my hair, his voice still concerned. "You've got a weird look on your face, what're you thinking about?"

"My parents," I blurted out. They were nowhere near here, but I started to get a sick nervous feeling all the same.

"What about your parents?" he asked, a bit of trepidation in his voice.

"Weird," I started blurting again. "We're weird, to them it'll be weird…no…more than weird…" I looked up at him, my eyes wide. "I-I… they…and you…" My breathing was speeding up with anxiety and my eyes were moving so fast between his it was almost like the room was spinning.

"Hey, hey, calm down and breathe for a second, okay?" He said, rubbing my arm up to my shoulder and down again. I closed my blurting mouth and took a few deep breaths through my nose, my eyes roaming anything that was directly in front of me, as if it had an answer to the problem. If it would even be a problem. Please God, don't make it a problem. "Em?"

I had to do this, but I couldn't look at him and say it at the same time.

"My parents are good people, don't get me wrong…but they're both from small towns where things don't really change, and it's like certain things are just expected-" I broke off when the lump was forming in my throat, and I swallowed it down.

"Oh?" Embry breathed, and the tone of it nearly broke me in two.

"There'll be questions that we won't have the 'expected'," I spit out the word, "answer for."

Silence spread between us, and I kept my eyes unblinking at the collar of his shirt.

"Answers like what?" Embry asked, his voice firmer than before.

I thought of the time my sister brought home her first serious boyfriend and the interrogation he went through. At the time I was glad I wasn't dating anyone because I was cringing just hearing it. I knew the direction they would go with every answer he gave them.

"Where are you going to school?" I lifted my eyes and found his dark hazel gems, looking right back at me, a focused expression in them, though he said nothing.

"Are you working?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"How did you two meet?"

His eyes tightened slightly, but he still said nothing.

"Do you have family you're spending the holidays with?"

His jaw shifted to the side, and I hated what I knew would happen, what I knew they would inadvertently get to.

"They're going to ask about the reservation and growing up there, but more importantly what your, um…what your…faith is…"

His eyes grew confused and I hated this even more.

"I grew up in a very church-centered community. I've never known my parents to be prejudiced, but then again, they kind of live in a bubble…" I trailed off knowing in my head that they wouldn't just question him, they would question me. My mom would undoubtedly come to ridiculous conclusions and I would get a head ache from all the countering I would have to do with her overactive thinking.

I took a deliberate breath and placed my hand on his chest, just over his heart. "There's no going back for me. You're it." His hand covered mine and I felt a warmth cover the cold that had been creeping up my spine. "It just might be hard to convince them of that." My voice was quiet and I wanted to go back five minutes ago when I wasn't worrying about this. "They would definitely think that it was weird."

Embry rubbed the back on my hand with his thumb and his focused expression never wavered. Meanwhile, I was hopelessly biting on my lip to keep myself from completely freaking out.

"Emma," he said in a soft yet deliberate tone, "I honestly mean them no disrespect, but I really don't care."

My jaw slackened and I'm sure I looked pretty gobsmacked. "Huh?"

He sighed and his eyes softened. "I know they're your parents and I know you love them, but they're not going to scare me away." I looked down at our hands, his large warm one holding mine, his russet skin in dark contrasting against my pale white. "I'm not saying I won't be scared at _all_, it'll be my first meet the parents experience and we have some unusual circumstances to go with it." He ended with a hint of a smile in his voice, but I couldn't reciprocate.

"And you're just…fine and dandy with it all?" I smarted at him and looked away, then blushed profusely in embarrassment. He didn't deserve that.

"What? Emma, no…Emma… Em, look at me," he let go of my hand to put his finger under my chin until I was eye to eye with him. "I'm scared as hell, for all I know, your dad owns a shotgun-" he stopped and narrowed his eyes. "Your dad owns a shotgun, doesn't he…"

"For pheasant hunting," I mumbled.

Embry's eyes widened and his hand fell limp between us. "Well, shit…" he rolled onto his back and blinked at the ceiling a few times then rolled back, his eyes still just as wide. "You see this?" he said, pointing to his own face, "This is fear. Your dad owns a firearm. He won't like me just because I'm your boyfriend _period_ let alone the other stuff." A scared smile stretched his face uncomfortably, and I found myself grimacing along with him.

"Oh yeah…"

Embry groaned and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me with him as he rolled onto his back. "So basically I'm screwed." He grumbled.

"_We're_ screwed," I corrected, muttering into his side.

"Are you kidding? You'll be the victim, and I'll the crazy guy from Washington trying to steal their daughter away from them."

"You're assuming I'm gonna get off scott-free for even entering such a relationship," I deadpanned. "And you know what happens when you assume."

"Right. I'm already an ass, wouldn't want to make you one too."

"Huh?" I lifted my head to look at him. "You're not an ass."

"You're biased. I'm a guy, and therefore an ass." He caught my disbelieving look and rolled his eyes. "It's true. Not all the time, but I think every guy's inherited the ass-like gene. We've all got the capability of being quite ass, and there will be a time that you will call me an ass-"

"Alright, enough with the 'ass', okay?"

"-and it will be true. I'm not denying it. I'm not perfect. My time will come."

"And what, you'll be happy that I actually called you one?"

"You think I'll be happy when you think I'm an ass?"

"Embry."

"I just gave you a secret to the male make-up and you mock me? We're not unfeeling robots, Em," His tone had turned to completely sarcastic joking, and I resisted the urge to hit him.

"Woah…" he said then, looking at me like I had just grown another eye.

"What?"

"You and Leah got really close, then."

I lifted a brow and waited for an explanation.

"You can do the glare. It's creepy. Unless…"

I waited again, now more confused than amused. I knew the glare he was talking about. Leah must have really rubbed off on me, but Embry wasn't making the most sense. He took my head in his hands and moved my hair around like he was looking for something. Honestly, it was really relaxing and I forgot he was acting strangely for a moment.

"No, no scars…"

_What?_

"Maybe she just got in through your ear," he turned my head so he was looking into my ear canal, and I had a confused smile on my face. I knew he wasn't crazy, he was just being weird. "Leah, get out of my girlfriend! First the eye roll and now this? I won't have it!"

I sputtered out a snort and rolled my eyes.

"I mean it! Pack your glaring little bags and take a hike!" he said, his voice lifting, trying to hold back a laugh. "She's my girl, and I'm not comfortable with you here during our alone time!"

I was shaking with silent little laughs, my cheeks stuck in a wide grin. I turned to him with a look that said _I-love-you-but-what-the-crap?_

He was chuckling at his own comedic expertise. "I don't know what the hell that was," he spit out.

Just because I could, I swatted him on the chest and kept smiling to myself when he flinched and made a whiny "Ow," though I doubt he could even feel it.

"Violence is never the answer, Emma. It's a deflection."

I rolled my eyes and shot him a look.

"Hey, I was a good student, okay? There's a lot of stuff I still remember."

"Yeah? Were you one of those bad-ass guys that put on the 'doesn't give a crap' front but really went home and watched NOVA?"

Embry just grinned.

"What?"

"Who's saying 'ass' now?" he snickered.

"I swear when it's necessary. 'Bad-ass' doesn't count," I said, daring him to argue.

"Bad-ass _is_ pretty much a compliment…" he muttered. _How had we gotten this off topic?_

"You know, you're just as bad with the deflection thing or whatever it is," I said, now serious and calmed down. He sobered up and sighed briefly.

"I s'pose you're right… sorry."

I shrugged. "I don't know if there's even anything else we can do, actually. You're afraid of my dad, and-"

"Hell yes I am afraid of your dad."

"-and I'm afraid of my mom." I let that sit for a moment for him to absorb. "The expectations deal is mostly going to be coming from her. She's going to question everything I do and everything I say now, and my patience only stretches so far. I might snap."

"Snap? Like how?" he asked, confused.

"It's happened before," I sighed and grimaced slightly. "I think I'm the only true introvert in my family and if you give me enough things to bottle up, pretty soon I'll explode or break down."

"That doesn't sound healthy."

I let out a humorless laugh. "It's not."

Embry took a deep breath and gave me a calculating look. "So what happened before?"

"I broke down. But I exploded too. I guess a little of both."

"What happened, though? Something tells me I should know about this," he said, concerned. Sometimes he really was too perceptive for his own good. I had given the condensed version to Leah, but I knew I'd have to revisit everything for him.

This was the one thing he didn't know about me, the notch in my life's timeline that ended up bringing me to him. I sighed for the umpteenth time today. "Sometimes I just want to forget everything that happened before this semester, all but the fact that all of it brought me here, brought me to you." When I heard my words again in my head I scrunched up my nose. "I got really cheeseball there, huh?"

Embry scrunched up his nose to mimic me. "Only if you think so…I'd be fine hearing that every day, to be honest. Like a morning ritual sort of thing," he said, smirking.

"And we have a _Mr._ Cheeseball as well, what a treat." I teased him, and he feigned a hurt look. I gave him a soft laugh, then remembered what I was about to do. My grin fading, I rolled onto my back and took one of his hands in mine, slowly fiddling with his fingers while I looked up at the ceiling. I half expected him to roll himself closer to me with my movement, but just like before, he was perceptive of my thoughts and let me prepare for letting him in on one of the most difficult times in my life so far. He stayed right where he was with the exception of his hand, which rested at my stomach as I felt all the callouses he had from working on cars and equipment and the sort.

"I was kind of stupid," I said, my tone turning detached, my mind going back in time to a much different me. Embry's still hand moved to hold one of mine, and I shook my head. "More naïve, I guess. Either way, I wasn't really thinking about what was going on around me. Strong friendships blinded me to quite a few people's true natures, and… after…ugh," I closed my eyes and almost flinched at the feelings that were coming back. "I've never seriously told this story to anyone, sorry." I blushed in frustration and collecting myself, I opened my eyes again to the ceiling, focusing on Embry's thumb running patterns over the back of my hand.

"Okay, so, I was friends with these girls, we were sort of inseparable all through freshman and sophomore year, well, until the end, but…nevermind. I mean, I'll get to that, but the point is, we were close. The kind of close where you don't really bother to get close with anyone else because we had each other, and… stupid thinking. I don't know how I thought that was at all logical. It was like we locked everyone out." My eyes tightened as I really thought through how thoughtless, and heartless, I could have been back then. To not even try to let anyone else into our group was idiotic, a recipe for disaster.

"I guess I had some people I knew that were friendly to me, but I never called them friends. I was really selective of that, we all were." It almost hurt me to verbalize the state I had brought myself to as a human being. It wasn't something I had been brought up to be. I threw out all my life lessons the moment I thought there was something better. "There were four of us," I said, needing to clarify for some reason, as if the number would even affect my part in the story.

"I came home once to an empty apartment, and thought it was just that they were all busy so they hadn't called me or anything. None of them answered a call or text, and I started to get worried because… well, three college girls out at night wasn't the best thing even on campus. I gave them until two in the morning before I'd call campus security, and they all waltzed through the door right then. No explanation, no apology for not calling, they all just said goodnight and went off to bed.

"I mean, I hoped it was just a fluke, like maybe it was_ my _phone that wasn't working or… they thought I was working on something and were just being considerate…who knows. Like I said, I was stupid." I shook my head slightly and stared steadfastly at the ceiling. "The next few days, I started to get paranoid, like people were watching me, or staring at me, but…I wasn't paranoid. They _were_ looking at me. A lot of these people I didn't even know personally, and I didn't get why everyone was staring. I mean… it's not like I didn't have any self worth, I just didn't get why all of a sudden, all these people were giving me looks."

I clenched my jaw for a moment and exhaled sharply. "I hadn't seen it because I was stuck in this mentality where there was never any bad blood between us, but over time, they were trying to distance themselves from me. Branching out or whatever, like I was too boring, and I just took it as if they were giving me space. And you know," I laughed humorlessly, "girls can be ruthless."

Embry's fingers tightened around mine, but still let me lay and vent.

"Apparently they had been trying it for a while, and I was oblivious. Ignorance is bliss, they say, and really, it was bliss for me. Everything was fine, I was happy, I had good friends," my voice wavered at the end, emotions starting to take over. "Basically they started a rumor that I had slept with one of my professors, which somehow explained why I was the only one who was getting a higher grade than everyone else. He _is _younger looking, and we _were _on good terms, but that was because I _respected _him for his knowledge and he knew I was academically up for a challenge. I wasn't the only student who got along well with him like that, but my roommates took that and skewed it as much as possible. I didn't know that they started it, so when I came home confused and mad and crying and no one was home, I didn't assume anything. They were just gone for…whatever reason," I snarled bitterly.

"When they got home, they were all tipsy and stumbled around the apartment and I asked who drove them home. There was no friend or designated driver. They drove home drunk off their asses and kept talking about how fun it was. I was honestly pissed with everything going on and then the possibility of each of them getting killed sent me over the edge and I started harping on them about how much they drank and how stupid it was to not get a ride from someone, but…" I swallowed and shut my eyes, clamping them shut.

"They brought up the rumor for why they shouldn't have to listen to me and didn't even think of helping me. I thought out of everyone I knew, they would be the ones to trust me and help me sort out how to deal with it, but they just… they called me a whore and kicked me out," my voice cracked and tears finally slid down into my hair at my temples. I opened my eyes to see a blurry ceiling, my vision clearing once I blinked a few times. "They really did their research on me and used everything to their advantage to make it look as true as possible. No one believed me and I had no one to go to because I had alienated myself so well before, so asking for a place to stay for three more months would have been a moot point. I ended up living with my mom's cousin's family that lived in the area, if a half hour commute counted as 'in the area'.

My breathing got heavier as the memory of the break down brought back a shadow of the pain and loneliness that I had felt then. And in a moment of panic, my eyes snapped open and I turned my head to see Embry trying to conceal his angry emotions, but he wasn't succeeding. "Embry," I pleaded, and when his eyes came up to mine the anger was gone, a panic of his own probably given from me there instead. "You know I'm not, that I haven't…I wasn't lying, you were my first _kiss_, that's all I've… I mean, today-"

"I know," was all he said, an encouraging smile gracing his lips that eased my heart of the panic that had taken over. "And I never thought you did. Lie, that is. We were both sort of screwed up and I could tell we were in the same boat. And even if it was otherwise, it wouldn't change anyth-"

"But it's not," I said sternly, not even wanting him to even think it. "It's not otherwise."

Embry looked into my stubborn gaze and shrugged. "What's passed is in the past. For anything else, Emma, it wouldn't change anything."

I studied him for a moment silently, letting his words break through my stubbornness that I just needed to make him see who I was and who I wasn't. He was saying he just cares about who I _am_.

_How much more profound can you get, Embry Call?_

Like I had before, I just nodded in acceptance of the trust he was giving me, and he gave an almost pained smile in return.

"So you lived with your mom's cousin…"

I blinked and got back into where I was in the story. "My mom's cousin's family, which included three kids under the age of 12. They were nice enough to give me the basement and hire an actual babysitter so I could study or practice. Cello," I clarified, having not even mentioned it in the whole story, but knowing that it had been my escape from the world and people and thoughts surrounding me at the time. "What do you call someone who's your mom's cousin?" I rambled, this knew problem distracting me. Would she be my aunt? I don't know what to call her."

"I dunno…pick one, I guess," Embry shrugged, and sounded like he was trying to figure it out as well.

"I'm just going to call her my aunt for word purposes then. Otherwise 'my mom's cousin' is too many syllables."

Embry breathed a laugh next to me, and the change in mood alerted me to just how sidetracked I kept getting.

"Right. So. My aunt…she kept trying to subtly get the reason out of me for why I wasn't living with anyone on campus, but it was too big of a bet she'd tell my parents about it before I got a chance to, so I never told them. As for school, I didn't even know if the professor got wind of it, but he never showed any inclination to me that he did, thankfully. But the idea of… I just… I couldn't stay there. I couldn't… I didn't have anyone there anymore and I was miserable and no one once vouched for my character or… I didn't…I didn't let anyone really know me outside of my roommates, so no one questioned the rumor because they never knew me. They could never have known otherwise. " I sniffed, and Embry took that as his cue to finally move, slipping an arm around my shoulders and turning me towards him. I was such a pathetic mess, it was a wonder he didn't roll his eyes at how many times I'd already let tears fall today.

"I told my parents what happened when I went home for the summer. Of course, they believed me, but they didn't believe that nobody _else_ did. Thought the melodramatic girl in me had finally shown herself and I was using it as an excuse for being insecure. I tried to explain it, but they couldn't understand why their own daughter would shut herself off from people like that so when everything went to hell, she had absolutely no one to lean on but family. They still don't understand, but they let me go with it.

"I sent out applications for schools on the coasts, needing get as far away from there as possible. I knew absolutely no one in Washington, and the school fit what I wanted, so it was a perfect fit…for me. My mom had a fit, saying it was too far away, and since I didn't know anyone, it was too dangerous or something stupid like that, just going into hyperactive empty nest syndrome." I rolled my eyes and tried to wipe the wet tear tracks off of my cheeks. "We haven't been on the best of terms since that decision was made, so that's sort of why I freaked out when I put you in the reunion image in my head. It was just an overload of…possible scenarios…"

Embry rested his lips at my hairline and his breath blew into my hair. "So if we waited a few days or a week after we get there to do the introductions, you think you'd be up for it?"

My eyes opened wide and I looked up at him in surprise. I had never thought of actually _waiting_ for him meet my parents. For some reason, I had horrible idea that everything would happen at once.

_This is why he's good for me. He thinks when I don't._

"Uh, yeah… yeah that would help… a lot."

Embry smiled and shifted his jaw just the tiniest bit to the side.

"I saw that. What is it?" I asked, watching his teeth realign to a teasing grin.

"You were really scared there for a second weren't you?"

I narrowed my eyes at his use of my previous words when we were still in a touchy subject. "Too soon?" he asked with a grimace. My silence was enough of an answer, so he nodded and winced, muttering, "Yep, too soon."

_And other times I can see why I'm good for him, like when I think and he doesn't._

My eyes rolled but were hard to open again after I blinked, emotional and physical fatigue making my eyelids heavier than they were before.

"Do you want to sleep?" Embry murmured, his low voice like the beginnings of a sleeping pill.

I gave him a little smile with my eyes fighting to stay open. "You're better than a psychiatrist."

He chuckled lightly and combed my hair from my face. "Better than a psychiatrist? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean," I closed my eyes, giving up the battle. "I've had all this crap that I've just needed to tell… so I could sort it out once it was out in the open and all that. I've never been to one, but I'm gonna guess that that's what usually happens in one of those psychiatrist sessions, right? Or is it a psychologist? I can never get those two right."

Soft rumbling chuckles filled my ears and I smiled bigger.

"You know they say not to go to bed angry, or that when you've resolved a problem or gotten something off your chest you can sleep better?"

"I think I've heard that somewhere," Embry said softly, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

"On NOVA after school, right?" I joked, and I peeked an eye open to see him rolling his. I giggled and closed my eyes again, getting comfortable in his arms. "I just wasn't tired until I told you about the U of M and we figured out the introduction thing. And now I can sleep at night."

"You do realize it's only noon, right?"

"Shh!" I shushed him and pushed at his shoulder, not that it moved much. "I'm sleeping peacefully."

"Oh, well in that case…" he trailed off and as I waited for him to finish, I fell deeper into slumber surrounded by the warmth of him, but catching the faintest of whispers to my ears.

"They didn't deserve you. And I don't deserve you. But I'll do whatever I can to be what you deserve."

**A/N: Does this explain? Got a little more insight into Emma's head? I know a bunch of you were longing for the Jordan/Leah interactions, and they will come (oh they will come!) but I needed to get back to M&M first. Let me know what you think about anything in this here chapter, I would love to hear your thoughts!**

**And it's shorter than those as of late, I know. I apologize for the wait, I know it was quite a while, the suggestion of getting to 100 had nothing to do with it though, and I assure you, it was only school and its awesome time draining abilities. Updates might not be as quick as they were over the summer for this reason, but I'll be doing my best to get them done! **

**Now, Review! **


	20. New Heat

**A/N: Oh hey, long time no post. School can be a bugger. **

**I didn't know exactly how a portion of this chapter should be formatted, so if you get confused:**

_Italics are memory, in the past like a flashback,_

_**bold italics are thoughts in the memory,**_

and regular is just regular first person.

**Some interesting POV's for you this chapter, which I hope you like. I know it took a while, and there's nothing to blame but the lack of hours I have free to think and write. But let me tell you, nothing gives a girl encouragement like reviews and story/favorite alerts filling up her inbox. Love. It. **

**I'm taking a bunch of leaps and bounds with this chapter, so I just hope you guys stay with me. Hold onto your monitors, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.**

**(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It is not nor will it ever be mine.)**

**Chapter title is by Stardeath and White Dwarfs.**

**New Heat**

It's one thing to watch the one you love sleep peacefully. It's another to be their pillow in the process.

Emma really did fall right asleep once she got everything off of her mind. I just wished I could have done the same thing before she became the unconscious girl currently curled into my side. I had this brilliant idea that I would give her a bit of time to digest the whole wolf thing before I let her know about the vampires, but her reasoning about being able to sleep was getting to me, and now I couldn't.

Sleep, that is.

I'd have to nix my stupid excuse for a plan and just get everything out there once and for all…once she was awake again.

Emma is my life, and I love her beyond words, but she's also quite human and imperfect. What could be an angelic sight of her sleeping against me was actually more cute and funny. In her sleep, she had shifted so her face was pressed into my chest, and once she really went under, a spot started on my shirt right at the corner of her slightly open mouth.

She was drooling in her sleep.

And I loved her even more for it.

Don't get me wrong, I know she's not a slob or a tomboy or anything, but just the little things like when she started batting the pinecones off the cliff or actually responded to my lame jokes during a more serious moment let me know that we could be real with each other. No tries for perfection in this relationship. Especially not when there's a weird list involved.

I smiled to myself just thinking about the fact that so much of the things we bonded over had nothing to do with each other. It was like a giant inside joke that was just between us, never ending because we were always adding to it.

I bent my head to leave a kiss on her hair, smiling when I heard her sigh in her sleep.

_You can't taste the brilliance of blueberries, beautiful, but I wouldn't have you any other way._

OOO

"_Stooopppiiitttt…"_ a voice close to me was groaning and drawing out the words with annoyance. There were some fiddling noises, but I wasn't coherently interested enough to think about it. "Be silent, stupid phone…" the voice groaned again.

My brows furrowed, but my eyelids were nowhere near lifting. The things felt like they were held down with weights.

There was a noise of something falling to the floor and then more than one piece of it bouncing to a stop, and I quickly inhaled at the sound, startled, while the voice next to me grumbled. I stretched my arms and realized they were surrounding something, and it was comfortable, so I brought it closer to me.

"No, 's too hot," it said, and pushed against me.

I somehow got the strength to open my eyes, and all I saw was a mass of dark brown hair that looked soft to the touch. Smelled good too.

"'mbry… you're too hot."

I smirked in my sleepy state, and realizing it was in fact Emma in my waking arms, hugged her closer despite her protests.

"Embry," she whined in her own sleepy state, fruitlessly pushing against my chest again. I chuckled tiredly and didn't budge. She groaned again and let her face press into my chest like when she had fallen asleep, and when she spoke again, her voice was muffled by my shirt. "Can I get heat stroke from this?"

"Hope not, 'cause you're stuck," I murmured, my voice thick with sleep.

Emma sighed and gave up and we stayed like that for a few more minutes, but just when I was falling into sleep again, she started squirming.

"Embry, it's too hot," she pushed at me. I protested with a whiny noise and she proceeded to worm her way out of my grasp. The bed moved as she sat up and blew out a breath, then I felt her fingers in my hair. "I'm sweaty and grimy and gross, so I'm gonna take a shower. You can still sleep, though."

"How can I sleep when you just told me you'd be in the shower?" I mumbled against the pillow, though my joke didn't carry much umph as my eyelids started to act like weights again.

"Funny," she said dryly, and I grumbled something back. Emma's fingers kept massaging my scalp, which wasn't helping my ability to communicate, and I inhaled deeply into her pillows.

_Mmmm…Lilacs._

"You can sleep, Embry," she whispered close to me.

"Hmm?" I was aware of that, but I had hoped we could both be awake so I could explain the whole vampire deal. She needed to know about it. I was the one here who knew everything anyway, what good would it be if I was asleep?

"Fine, you _need_ to sleep," she said, this time more commanding. "I keep waking you up, you need to reboot."

I grunted something to the effect of "oh, hmm…" distracted by the work her fingers were doing to my hair. Soon after, I went under again.

OOO

It wasn't the best round of sleep cycles I've ever had, but it did some rebooting. Nothing compared to when Emma was with me. When I woke up for about the seventh time, I knew I wouldn't get any more sleep than that, so I decided it was time to get up. I stretched out my limbs and yawned, rubbing my eyes as I sat up and looked around me. The light coming in through the window was angled a lot more than it had been when I was awake before, so I figured it must be afternoon.

_Geez, how long did I sleep? If it even counts as that._

A glance at Emma's alarm clock told me it was about three thirty, and my eyebrows lifted. I didn't even remember any dreams, but I hadn't thought it had been enough to fill three hours. Apparently so.

Sounds of the TV in the living room caught my attention, and I scrubbed my face with my hands and cleared my throat as I stood with cracking joints, then shuffled out the door.

The sight in the living room made me stop and grin. Emma was sitting on the couch watching a rerun of Starsky & Hutch and eating something out of a bowl, focused on the show. I treaded lightly across the floor, knowing she wouldn't be able to hear me, and crept up behind the couch. When I was right behind her, I leant forward so I was next to her ear but out of her peripheral vision, holding in laughter at how oblivious she was.

"Frosted Flakes?" I said loudly, and she shrieked and jumped a few inches in the air, a few flakes flying with her, along with some milk that spilled onto her jeans. I couldn't hold in the snort of laughter anymore, watching her look around frantically before settling on me, hand over her heart and eyes wide in surprise. When she saw me laughing, her face relaxed into a playful grimace and she rolled her eyes.

"You dork," she muttered and went back to watching Starsky & Hutch, purposefully ignoring me.

"Aw, come on," I amended, climbing over the back of the couch to sit next to her. "You gotta admit, that was pretty good. You jumped like a foot in the air," I said with a chuckle.

Emma put a spoonful of cereal in her mouth and kept her eyes forward. "Em," I nudged her once, but she didn't acknowledge me, chewing her cereal with a scowl. I continued to watch her eat, my eyes never straying from her face, waiting for her to break. At one point, she looked up and towards me, but not at me, and sighed, setting the bowl on the coffee table before looking directly at me expectantly.

I had intended on bugging her a bit more about her momentary flight and my brilliant sneaking skills, but once I saw her so close to me, both of us awake, alert and attentive…all I could think was that I get her. I get to be with this woman. And she wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with her.

And all that came out of my mouth was a happy sort of awe-filled whisper. "Hey."

Emma's features softened, picking up on the change in my tone and she smiled warmly. "Hey," she whispered back, then turned so she was leaning her side against the couch, facing me. "Sleep well?"

I shrugged, turning to face her as well. "I slept."

Her brows lowered. "But not well?"

I shrugged again. "More like a lot of little power naps."

She eyed me critically and leaned her head against the couch. "Do I need to be your psychiatrist?" she said with a smirk.

"I thought I was _better _than a psychiatrist?" I smirked back at her.

"Same difference," she waved away the comment and looked at me expectantly. I chuckled at her eagerness, then sobered because she was right. I'd never rest easy until I knew that she was well informed about the world around her.

"So you're okay with all the wolf stuff? It's a lot."

"Yeah, it is," her eyes lowered to her hands and she grabbed one of my own, letting her fingers slip through mine, and looked back up with a reassuring smile. "It's still kind of hard to grasp, you know? Like when it's New Years and all of a sudden you have to keep reminding yourself that the year changed. I know it, but it hasn't completely hit me yet."

_Well geez, I just have _perfect_ timing, then, don't I? _

_Shit. _

"If there were more to it, though, more to the story of the how and why of it…would you want to know?"

"Uhm…" her brows lowered again and I could tell she was being a bit cautious. "_Is_ there…more?"

I sighed and squeezed her hand that was entwined in mine. "Well, there was a reason they called us protectors. We had to protect our people from _something_…" I trailed off, but her face was blank. "Emma, we have enemies."

Her mouth opened to make a small 'o' and her confused expression turned worried, then determined. She muted the TV then looked me in the eye.

"Okay…lemme have it."

I couldn't help but smile at the willingness she had to jump right into all of this.

"Well," I sighed again and turned to face forward because I knew I'd be talking with my hands. Well, hand, considering Emma now held one of mine in a vice grip. I kept my eyes on her as I spoke though, so I could see whether I should stop and let her digest or keep going. "In the Quileute legends, they called them the Cold Ones…"

OOO

I figured there would be some reluctance on Emma's part to accept it, but surprisingly, she had been almost perfectly fine with the whole dramatic complicated story that surrounded the Cullens and Bella Swan and the rest of the vampire population. That is, until she realized the Renesmee that caused the uproar several years back was the same as the Ness that she had met and became friends with.

"Wait," Emma said, her fingers at her temples and her head bowed in concentration. "So, Ness… isn't _human?_"

I cringed at the vulnerable tone in her voice. I could tell when she was in La Push that she was impressed with Ness, maybe a little amazed, but I also knew Emma. She freaked out whenever she had to face the whole pack and all the girls, and Rachel told me later that she stood up for Ness when one of the newer girls was talking about her. If Emma had the heart to do that for Ness after just meeting her, I guessed that she at least identified with her because she thought they were both new to the scene, but this new development left Emma out of the loop again.

"Well, she sort of is, just… not completely," I offered lamely.

Emma's hands moved from the sides of her head to cover her face and she shook her head once. Her shoulders rose and fell with a fast gust of air, then she ran her hands through her hair and sat up, a defeated look on her features.

"Brilliant," she muttered under her breath.

"What's brilliant?" I asked, hesitant.

She looked surprised, probably forgetting I had the hearing capability of a canine, then sighed and looked away and laughed humorlessly. "I just… feel very inadequate right now," she ended softly, and it hurt to hear those words coming from her. She could never be inadequate. No one was requiring her to be anyone but herself, least of all me.

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"Be-_cause_ I-" she cut off and huffed. "You can all go off gallivanting being _wolves_, and everyone else, all the… all the other imprint girlfriends already know everything and live close by and the _one_ person that I can relate to is now a superhuman half vampire." Her shoulders slumped and she looked blankly in front of her.

I knew she was being irrational, but I don't think she did. "That's not really fair, Em. Ness is just as much the girl you know now as she was before." I stopped to think about that and make sure it was true. "Well, actually, she might have grown some, but anyways, that doesn't change who she is. She's still Ness, you know?"

"But-"

"_And,_" I stopped her, and she pressed her lips together in a pout. "I have it under good authority that someone's very excited to have a friend to hang out with over winter break that isn't a relative, boyfriend, or supernatural being ready to jump out and protect her from the real world." I let that hover in the air for a bit and watched as Emma went from pouting to knitting her brows.

"What if I _wanted_ to jump out and protect her from the real world?" Emma defended lamely.

"Then you would get hit by a car and that would make me sad," I deadpanned.

She made a face, but smiled a little as she looked away.

"Emma," I sighed and pulled her arm gently towards me. She came the rest of the way and ended up sitting across my lap with her head under my chin, but she was very limp. "You aren't inadequate," I said softly, resting my cheek against the top of her head and wrapping my arms around her waist.

"You're kinda biased," she mumbled and started fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"I know several people who would agree with me."

Emma sighed against me. "I know, it's just... I need to get this out of my system and just _be_ for a minute. I think I need a little recovery time."

_I guess I understand that- enough, at least. _

"Whatever you need," I said against her hair.

The TV's sound was turned back on, and we settled into the couch so we were both lying down, Emma's back against my chest and my arm still slung around her waist. Neither of us were really watching the shows, more of just…being, like she had said. Every so often she would shift and lean into me more or pull my arm tighter around her, and I'd find some way to answer and let her know I was right here with her, not goin' anywhere. A kiss at her temple, holding her hand, whatever I could think of.

Some guys might call this going soft, but obviously they've never been in a relationship quite as awesome as this one. And this sense of protectiveness was anything but girly. Maybe it was the imprint thing, but it was pretty fierce, and nothing made me feel like more of a man than being with Emma and knowing I could protect her. Loving someone is a pretty serious job. It has its pros and cons, but the pros… oh the pros…

My head went back to this morning and the blissful make out time.

_Gotta love the pros._

When about an hour had passed, Emma turned to face me and smiled.

"Thanks," she said softly and leaned her head onto my shoulder. "I needed that. But I'm good now."

"Yeah?" I slowly stroked her back and she smiled wider, nodding.

"Yeah," she whispered and craned her neck to give me a short chaste kiss. Or so she thought.

Before she could pull away, I turned her closer to me and deepened it, molding my lips to hers. She made a little gasp, then I felt her smiling through the kiss and she pressed back.

_Guess she likes the pros too…_

I had one hand in her soft hair and one at her hip, my fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt to feel the soft skin of her curves. I knew for now not to go any further north, but being able to feel the smooth expanse of her back and hold her close was just fine considering what she was doing to me. One of her hands was roaming through my hair, occasionally pulling at it when she pushed closer, and the other was at the base of my neck, her short nails gently raking against my skin and sending shivers down my spine. I don't know how I had gone without her for so long, this felt amazing.

After a few minutes, her grip on my hair loosened and her kisses shortened, so I slowed down and took her lead, pulling away only to rest my forehead against hers. Her eyes were closed and her eyelashes fanned out dark against her fair cheekbones, and I wondered how it was possible for her to always be such a vision.

"I could get used to this," Emma whispered, still breathing heavily, and opened her eyes.

_God, you're beautiful. _

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Me too…although I think a certain roommate might protest a bit."

"Pfft. Roommate, shroommate," she mumbled. "She'll adjust." A small smirk turned her lips up until it was in a big happy grin she was trying to hide.

"What?" I asked, brushing her bottom lip with my thumb.

She laughed a little and tilted her head up to give me a full view of her happy mood.

"I'm just really rooting for Jordan."

OOO

**Jordan POV**

So it wasn't completely homemade, but it was delectable even so. I mean, the cheese and the sauce and herbs and the noodles…the lasagna wasn't even staying together on the plate. There was just so much lasagna goodness in it that when it was finally heated it was a very large mound of red and orange and white deliciousness just begging to be stuffed in someone's mouth.

There's something to be said about a meal made in an oven. It amps up the flavor and glory of it all tenfold, and this time gave me a sense of nostalgia. My mother had countless times tried to make an authentic Italian lasagna, but something always went wrong and after a few bites, she'd relent and tell us we didn't have to eat it and laugh like it was inevitable anyway. She caved when my dad brought home one of those frozen premade ones and it was the best thing we ever had.

I found myself staring off into space while chewing the scrumptious stuff, remembering the moment this particular piece was presented to me. Embry had just carted Emma to her own bed, who slept through most of the movie anyway. Seth was reciting some of the lines while the credits were rolling and I was cracking up putting in the ones I knew best, trying to ignore the fact that Leah hadn't joined us in the living room the entire night. Not that she was obligated to or anything, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't supremely bummed.

Then a miracle happened.

"_Uh, hey…" a light voice said from behind me and cleared their throat. I turned my head to see Leah tightly gripping a rectangular Tupperware container, eyes shifting from me to Seth, who just looked on with an expectant expression._

_In a delayed reaction, I stood up hastily from the couch, nearly knocking into her. _

"_Sorry," I muttered, taking a step back creating what I guessed was a comfortable distance for her. I scratched the back of my neck and glanced from the container in her hands to the frown she was now sporting. _

"_Lasagna," she said, lifting the container. "Figured you could use some food with actual nutritional value." _

"_This is for me?" I said, overdoing the surprise. "I mean, if this is going to be a tradition now, I'm coming here way more often," I joked, my laugh nervous. _

"_What? Waitaminute!" Seth pointed an accusing finger at the both of us, then directly at his sister, looking quite hurt to be honest. "This has happened before? You've willingly given away your food before?"_

_Leah sighed testily beside me. "Here." She shoved the container into my gut, effectively eliciting a startled "oof!" from me while my hands fumbled for a grip of the container. My fingers skimmed hers, and I tried not to react to the quick flinch she made to stop the contact, crossing her arms as if to prohibit any more finger touching. _

_Just then, Embry emerged from the bedroom hallway, raking a hand through his hair while he yawned so big I thought his jaw might break. When his quest for oxygen was done, he blinked and took in the state of a disgruntled Seth, closed off Leah and, well, me. I don't really know if there's a way to explain the many ways my brain was telling me to act in front of the girl who not only had effectively gathered all of my affection but also just gave me some of her cooking, so I was pretty much giving him a blank stare. _

_Embry was a good guy, I could give him that, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it caught me off guard to see just how sickly sweet he and Emma were together, like they had known each other for years. This, I knew, was not the case, and at first it rubbed me the wrong way to see them so close and cuddly, the small touches and smiles of affection just a bit much for me. I had glanced over at Seth a few times during the movie, expecting to see him roll his eyes along with me, but he was too caught up in the TV screen to even notice. Not that I expected much more from him. When he was focused, he was _focused_. So I sat through the length of the movie trying to ignore the warm fluffy feelings that were being exchanged between the happy couple next to me. _

"_You goin'?" Embry asked me, eyeing the container in my hands. _

"_Oh, uh…" I looked at my watch to see it was nearing 1 am. I didn't have to be anywhere in the morning, but there wasn't much else I could do now that the movie was over and my buffer for Leah had a visit from the sand man already. "Yeah, I guess I should maybe get going." _

_Embry nodded and gave a slight wave. "Nice to meet you, man. Maybe we'll see you around."_

_I nodded back, but couldn't help feeling like I was being dismissed. I got the fact that these guys all grew up together, but that meant they knew him pretty well- well enough to not even question his motives with Emma. I wasn't her brother, but I felt like one at that moment, needing to protect the virtue of such a close friend who just happened to be a very sweet Midwestern girl who to my knowledge had been dating this guy for just over two weeks. Seth had done just the same thing to me earlier about Leah, but Emma wasn't the same with him. Seth wasn't going to be the one to do it, and Leah, though a force of nature, wasn't a guy. I needed to be the one to do it. _

_Taking a deep breath of preparation for this thing to go down, I first had to thank Leah for the gift she shoved into me. _

"_Thanks for the lasagna, I'm… sure it's awesome," was my brilliant statement of gratitude._

_Leah's deep brown eyes met mine and in that instant, I was caught. Before I could effectively lose all tact and move in closer to her, her lips lifted into a forced smile and she looked away. _

_I made my own quick smile and got ready to address the man of the hour. Now, with the idea of confronting him in mind, he seemed to get bigger. I mean, I was built, I worked out, but he could probably pummel me to the ground if he wanted to. _

_Swallowing down that thought, I cleared my throat and lifted my head in Embry's direction. "Hey, so ah… Looks like you and Emma are pretty, uh…pretty close, then?"_

_His eyes narrowed and he stood straighter, making me feel like I was being stared down by an angry Doberman._

"_Look," I raised my hands, the lasagna sliding in the Tupperware. "I'm just the only person here who hasn't known you forever or happens to make dreamy eyes whenever your name is mentioned." Embry shifted his shoulders and looked away for a second, then back to me with a bit more color in his cheeks, though not without the Doberman stare. I cleared my throat again. "That being said, I will not hold back from beating the shit out of you if you do anything to her," I nodded towards the bedrooms, not moving my glare from his. "Emma is a close and important friend of mine, and she's one of a kind. I don't pry, but I do care, and I know she's been hurt in the past by something or someone." I lowered my hands and kept his stare, backing off a little. "I'm trusting you for now, but if you do anything that makes her run to me or Seth or Leah…It won't matter how nice you are right now, man, you'll have it comin'." I waited for any sign that he would back out, but none came. "Just, uh… thought we should make that clear."_

_The Doberman turned into more of a reliable yet formidable Labrador (in my opinion) and nodded his agreement. "I'll hold you to that," he said, some crazy tense emotions coming off of him._

"_Good," was all I said, then turned to leave, but stopped when I saw the vision beside me._

_Leah was blatantly staring at me, eyes wide and face slack with surprise, not even changing once I was staring back. My mouth opened and closed like a fish, not knowing what to say to such a spectacle._

_**Something I said?**_

_Seth cleared his throat from behind me, and Leah blinked out of her stare to look at him questioningly, then the mask went back into place. Every one of her features got tighter and more deliberately held together in a fierce hold, even her stance straightened and she took a step back from me. None of it really hurt though, since I noticed right away the flush that moved from her neck to her cheeks and the tips of her ears. I held back a smile from seeing something so naturally beautiful in her despite the mask and turned back to Embry and Seth, waving goodbye. _

"_Uh, and Leah," I said hesitantly, getting a thrill out of calling her by name, and she snapped her eyes to mine again. "Thanks again for the food. My nutrition stats will definitely be improved." With a grin in place, I started for the door again but was stopped for a second time, now by a voice._

"_It's microwavable." _

_I spun on my heel to face her and lifted the container of lasagna in question. Had she been expecting me to actually use an oven to reheat this?_

_Leah eyed the plastic box I held in the air and gestured in its general direction. "The container. It's microwavable. The lasagna's better when it's heated covered in the microwave, otherwise it'll get really dry."_

_**First you save my sorry self from crazy psycho-psychology girl and now you're saving me from unsavory food preparation? **_

_**I'm yours.**_

"_Oh. Right. Well…good to know." _

_She nodded, then almost too fast for me to catch it, made direct eye contact with me and there was some emotion there, but... she looked away and walked back to the bedrooms before I could figure it out. Instead I just watched her walk lithely across the carpeted floor, raven hair blowing lightly in the wind of her movement. The door that closed behind her took me by surprise and I blinked, realizing I hadn't even gotten to wish her a good night, or whatever it was I would be allowed to do now that we were on better terms._

_**Damn. I am just failing miserably. **_

_I let out a breath that I had apparently been holding and looked up to see two sets of eyes watching me expectantly. I shifted my feet slightly, getting a little intimidated by the staring, and finally Seth snorted and waved his hand. _

"_G'night, man."_

_I mumbled "g'night" back and got the hell out of there, the cool blast of night air clearing my head enough to get home._

And now I'm stabbing the last piece of the poor culinary creation in front of me because I really, truly was an idiot, and it's just astounding how much managed to ruin on my own. I savored the final bit of happiness and sat back in my chair, tapping my fork against the edge of my plate. When I stood up to bring the plate to the sink, I kept tapping, eventually finding a spoon to hold in the other hand and started trying out different syncopations in the metal sink like a steel drum. I was getting pretty lost in it until Rob, one of my roommates, stuck his head into the kitchen and knocked on the wall a few times.

"Jordan, you mind?" he said, pointing his thumb back towards his room with annoyed look on his face.

My hands froze, holding the fork and spoon in the air in front of me.

"'Preciate it!" Rob hollered over his shoulder, already heading back to his room, where I knew he would stay all day and request quiet for his work. The dude has a complex or something, I swear. It's just not right.

When he was out of sight I furiously beat the utensils still in my hands at the air towards where he was standing just to get the aggravation out and show what I really thought of his genius. It was times like these that made me seriously reconsidering my living arrangements.

With that out of my system, I tossed the fork and spoon into the sink. The clanging sounds they made against the plate and Tupperware already in there was only mildly satisfying, seeing as it only reminded me that I needed to clean them. But with that came an idea.

With newfound determination, I washed the Tupperware container until it was spotless, leaving the other dishes I used in the sink and still dirty. Grabbing my jacket and my keys, I headed out the door, container in hand.

OOO

I was a block away from their apartment, walking so I had more time to go over lines in my head for when she answered the door. And if she didn't, then I had several exit strategies (if she wasn't there, then that would only leave Emma and the Doberman, and I was not about to get in the middle of that). I hunched my shoulders against the cold and stuck my hands in my pockets as I strolled and thought, the Tupperware tucked under my arm.

Someone's laugh made me involuntarily draw my eyes up to see some guy walking towards me, shaking his head. He was watching the ground, walking with long strides that made it look as if he was gliding across the pavement. His face was young, but the lines of it were cut so sharp that for a second I would have guessed he was an animation, because really, no one looks that good. His hair was dark and cropped short, and he was wearing what looked like an old air force jacket. He was still laughing to himself, and my eyes got caught on his teeth. His very perfectly lined, perfectly white, perfectly proportioned teeth that when revealed in a smile seemed like more of something monstrous than something striking.

A part of my head knew that it was weird to be staring at some random guy on the street, gawking at his teeth, but I was too caught by the sight of it, like I was watching him come towards me in slow motion.

And then quick as lightning, he caught me staring and I wanted to move to the other side of the street because of it. A chill ran up my spine and I looked away from cold black eyes that questioned me. I wanted nothing to do with any of it, so I disregarded the speed my pulse had decided to accelerate to and stared straight ahead, ignoring him as the distance between us got shorter and shorter. My stomach turned a little when his coat brushed my sleeve, and I heard his laugh just as he passed me; a low, patronizing, malicious breathy laugh that made my hair stand on end.

With quicker breaths and eyes darting to everything in front of me, I quickened my pace to Emma and Leah's and readjusted the container more firmly under my arm. Something about him just made me paranoid and freaked out. As I waited for a car to turn at the last street, I took my chances and tried to slyly look behind me, first seeing the street to my side, then the edge of the sidewalk, and finally the path it made behind me.

Empty.

My arms tensed and I spun around, looking, but there was literally _no one else_ on the sidewalk for blocks.

_Okay…creepy._

Something bumped my arm and I flinched away from whatever it was, the Tupperware tumbling to the ground in the process.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear," an elderly woman gazed up at me with old eyes, cataracts clouding her vision. "All of my depth is a bit off, you know," she chuckled with a paper thin voice and I wondered what she was doing by herself out in the cold. "Eyes aren't what they used to be, I'm afraid." She smiled and picked up her walker again to trudge down the walk way past me. I looked after her, making sure I wasn't just imagining things, but there still wasn't anyone behind me now besides her.

Shaking my head to snap out of it, I bent down to retrieve the container and tucked it back under my arm, doing a cursory glance around me for good measure. I crossed the final street, then quickly got up the stairs and rapped on the door, now more intent on the prospect of someone letting me in than the whole line reciting charade with the stupid plastic container under my arm.

I heard Emma's voice come close to the door, and she must have seen me through the peephole because then I heard my name and the door opened. Emma's smile was welcoming until she gathered the hostility and edginess that was coming from me, and the smile fell.

"Hey, um…you okay?" she asked, now worried.

"Yeah," I drew out the word uncertainly and started bouncing on my feet. "You mind if I come in for a sec?"

Emma's brows went down in confusion, but still held the worry there and she opened the door more for me to walk through. I went quickly to the kitchen counter and set down the Tupperware, then turned at the sound of the door closing. Once Emma slid the lock into place, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"U-um," she stuttered, "Leah's not here…yet. She's out with Seth, I think," Emma said, still watching me with her hand at the door she just closed.

I nodded and looked around not really seeing anything, then was startled when Embry suddenly stood up from the couch. I hadn't even seen him there before.

"Jordan, is something going on?"Emma stepped closer to me with a hand slightly raised, like I might erupt if not treated carefully.

"Hm?" I gave her my full attention, eyes wide. "No, nothing's wrong. Just uh…" I turned around and lifted the Tupperware, "returning this." Emma saw the container and nodded, but still wasn't satisfied when she looked back at me again. Embry looked between us and shrugged, then picked up a glass from the coffee table and walked towards me, I assumed to get to the kitchen. But when he got closer, he slowed and I could have sworn his nostrils flared and he stood up straighter.

_Weird moment of the hour number two._

I switched to looking at Emma, but she was watching Embry with the same worried look she had had on me moments ago. By now, I needed out, but I didn't want to go outside again, I was still a bit paranoid about that.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I blurted, and Emma's surprise changed her features quickly. She nodded and pointed down the hall, and I took no time in moving, practically running through the apartment. With the door shut behind me, I turned the tap for the cold water and just let it run for a few seconds, watching it. This wasn't a splash the water on your face situation, it just seemed like the right thing to do, and I didn't have to pee, so I didn't know what else to do in here. So I leaned my shoulder against the door and watched the water, a hand either running through my hair or pinching the bridge of my nose when I realized what I was doing might be considered strange behavior.

After a few minutes of still not knowing what the heck was wrong with me, I shut the water off and left the bathroom, ready to get out of here and maybe just walk off the paranoia on my way home. I heard the conversation coming from the kitchen as I got nearer.

"…got the scent stuck to him, he could have just brushed by one."

"You didn't see him when he came in, all twitchy. They guy is freaked out, and we all know what kind of thing can do that to a person."

"What, you think he spoke to one?"

"Maybe, might've threatened him…"

I was watching the ground in front of me and didn't even register the person standing in front of me until I full on collided with her and I went careening into someone else while she grabbed hold of the counter.

I muttered an apology as I straightened up, then cursed when I realized I had collided with Leah and fell onto Seth. I didn't even think before the words came out of my mouth.

"Where'd you guys come from?" I asked, looking between the two of them, perplexed. I hadn't even heard the door open or anything.

"I think the question is where did _you _come from?" Seth said in a voice that meant nothing but business and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What? Just now? I was in the bathroom." I pointed my thumb behind me to the hallway. I looked around and found three very similar facial expressions, each filled with frustration, disgust and pity all rolled up into one. Weird.

"Before that," Seth demanded.

_Am I dreaming? Am I still asleep, is that why I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone?_

I backed up a step on instinct and looked for an outlet. Behind all of them was Emma, who was watching us warily, chewing on her thumb nail. She was clearly agitated by the situation, but was doing nothing to stop it. Yet again, weird.

"I came from my apartment," I said slowly, choosing my words carefully and trying to keep an eye on all of them at once.

"Did you stop anywhere? Talk to anyone?" Embry stepped slightly in front of Emma, and I watched confused as she rolled her eyes and moved so she could see me again.

I eyed them all questioningly, but when none of them budged, I couldn't handle it anymore. "Wait, what the hell? All I did was return your Tupperware and you're asking me about my recent whereabouts like I committed a freaking crime." My voice rose at the end and my shoulders started to tense up, frustration finally making its presence. My eyes were focused on Embry since he asked the question, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see the shorter of the three tense up just as I did.

Leah's soft voice mulled into the now tension filled exchange, though her eyes weren't focused, just looking down in front of her. "Embry, he doesn't know anythi-"

"He's got to know something," Embry interrupted her, and I glared at him for it.

"No, he's not even-" Leah stopped and struggled to find words before giving her head a quick shake. "He's not connected to any of this, there's no way one of them would even go to him for anything."

_One of 'them'?_

"One of what?" I interjected, and all eyes but Leah's went to me. Hers closed and her breathing started to pick up speed.

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"No, there is no way he smells like a leech for no fucking reason," Embry seethed, disregarding her once again, and Emma frowned and stepped into the conversation.

"Woah-kay guys, let's calm down for a second, alright ?" She turned to me with a beseeching look in her eyes. "Jordan," she sighed, "did you meet with anyone before you came here?"

I watched her plead with me silently, and catching the trace amount of fear in her expression, I gathered this was actually something to be concerned about.

"No," I huffed, and cut a glance at Embry who looked like he was torn between being grateful and irritated.

Emma sighed again and wrung her hands. "So you just came straight here, no stops or bumping into anyone?"

When she mentioned 'bumping' I hesitated. The low menacing laugh from the sidewalk came to mind, and then the disappearing creeper dude that went along with it.

"Jordan?" Emma was watching me think, and now looked more afraid than she did before.

_Not a good sign._

"Some guy brushed by me on the sidewalk?" I ended as a question.

Emma shot a glance beside her to Leah, then back to me. "Anything you remember about him?" she asked, now more hurried.

I shifted my feet and looked at the semi circle of people surrounding me looking curious and apprehensive like they didn't even know who I was. Embry I would expect this from, but Seth and Leah? Whatever this was, it was serious, and the thought of the guy from the sidewalk having anything to do with it was not making me feel any better about answering them, but what else could I do?

"Tall guy with an air force jacket…dark hair…uhmmm," I scratched my head like it would help me remember, and was a little surprised when it actually did. "Pretty pale…he was laughing about something, and his teeth…" I trailed off thinking about the guy's crazy dental work that made me want to make a mad dash in the other direction. "They looked more like…I dunno, not regular teeth," I finished lamely, looking towards the floor and not seeing their reactions as I tried to picture him in my head.

"Anything else?" Emma's voice barely stayed steady, and the actual fear behind it made me look up. There was no doubt in the way her hands shook as she wrung them or the wide eyes or the breath she was holding in; she was terrified of whoever this guy was.

"Nothing any more definitive than that, no, but…do you know who he is? Should _I_ know who he is?" I asked, taking a tentative step towards her, but she was then engulfed by Embry since he pulled her back towards him, securely wrapping his arms around her. He was giving me a warning look, and shot him one back that said '_Deal with it'_.

_I'm not trying to get at your girlfriend, dipshit, I just want answers if she's got 'em._

A snort came from beside me and I turned to see Seth fighting a smirk. In front of me, Emma was biting her lip, and Embry was pissed.

"I just said that out loud?"

Emma raised her chin and nodded once.

"Right," I nodded, then looked her in the eye. "So do you have any?"

"Look," Seth said, stepping forward, "This guy has been bugging me and Leah and we're pretty sure he's crazy racist or something, so we're just a little on edge." His eyes flickered to the area that I knew Leah stood, then back to mine, making it very hard for me to believe him.

"So there's a white supremacist out there…" I narrowed my eyes at him, "and you think that because he _brushed past me_…" I stopped to emphasize the stupidity of the lie, "that I'm in some way involved?"

"What? No," Emma shook her head immediately, then caught herself and stumbled over her own tongue to cover it up. "I m-mean, well, you-you were uh…it's n-not, it's sort of, um…"

"It's sort of bullshit is what it is," I shot at her, crossing my arms over my chest.

She slumped and pleaded with me again. "Jordan, you don't understand-"

"Bingo," I touched my nose and pointed to her, "We're finally on to something. So what don't I understand?"

Emma pressed her lips together and looked down. "It's…not my place. To tell you, it's- I can't."

"Okay," I nodded, "So whose is it?" Emma only looked up at me, then back down to the floor. I watched as Embry and Seth both glanced in the direction of the one person I had hoped the responsibility wouldn't fall on. With my shoulders on the verge of slumping, I turned to face her and any hope at all that I'd be granted answers was lost to me by her posture alone. Her arms were crossed at her chest like mine, but her hands were balled into tight fists. Her only acknowledgement was to raise her eyes to my shoulder, then she looked away.

_Right. And now I feel like a wad of shit. _

Sometimes I wonder if loyalty is taken too far. I knew Emma would stand by Leah before she stood by me, but the overall rejection from the group as a whole was a big thing to swallow. Seth and I were pretty close as far as friends go, and he as good as gave me his blessing to go after his sister. But now in a time of what seemed to be a crisis of some sort, I was completely left in the dark?

Unable to look any of them in the eye after that dismissal, I took a step back and sort of waved, but it was a sad attempt and more of flailing my hand once in their direction.

"Guess I'll take my leave, then," I muttered, and headed towards the door, once again anxious to get out of this damned apartment and the stupid tricks it likes to play on me.

My hand was on the door handle pulling it open when the whispering started, so I hastily stepped outside, and pulled it to close behind me. The whispering got more heated, and then just before the door closed I heard a crunch and a shriek. My hand stopped the door in time for me to step back in and see what made the noise.

Seth was hunched over, holding his nose while blood dripped through his fingers onto the floor. Right in front of him was Leah, her posture tensed, fist clenched at her side, and shoulders rising with deep furious breaths. I simply stared as Seth messed with his nose and straightened up, wiping the blood off of his face with the collar of his t-shirt, calm as ever. Like his sister didn't just punch him in the face.

Leah, on the other hand, whirled at the sound of the door hitting the wall, eyes on fire and now on me.

"What? You want to know? You want to _understand_?" she sneered.

I just stared.

_What…what…what…is going on?_

"Well do you?"

"Leah," Emma's small voice was barely over a whisper.

Leah turned around and held one finger in front of her friend. "Don't." When Emma tried again, Leah held up her hand, higher this time. "Just. Don't." Then she whirled back to me, eyes on fire and black hair swaying with the movement. "You can close the door," she practically barked.

But again, I just stared.

She laughed then, but I could hear the pain in it. Her face screwed into a few different emotions until she finally settled with one of her masks, but it fell, like she couldn't hold it up anymore.

"What, now you're afraid?"

And I saw her then. She was scared. And she was hurting, and defeated and resolved. And I hated that this was how it had to happen, for her to let me really see her, loving and loathing the moment at the same time. In truth, I was definitely scared of what might happen, of what might be revealed and what she thought of me, just to name a few. But I was petrified of the thought of her running, specifically, away from me. I had this picture in my head of me coming to her rescue and holding her in my arms and protecting her from whatever was keeping her so closed up, and though I knew it was a far cry from that ever happening, my arms ached just thinking of it, and seeing her so broken from across the room didn't help either.

She had kept me at a distance, all locked doors and no windows for me to see what was going on in her mind. And now I had a chance to get in, I wasn't about to pass it up.

To answer her question, I swallowed and stepped into the apartment, shutting the door behind me.

**A/N: Don't shoot! But if you must, do it in the form of a review. Please, **_**please**_** let me know what you think! I really truly want to know. **


	21. Ghost Life

**A/N: This was supposed to go out a long time ago. And for that I apologize. I know some of you have been dying to know what's happening, so I'll let you read. **

**Chapter title is by Bowerbirds.**

**Read on.**

**Ghost Life**

**Leah POV**

"Guess I'll take my leave, then," Jordan muttered and turned from us to the front door. I didn't watch him, I knew he was hurt. He pretty much gave up when he found out they were leaving it up to me to tell him anything, and I wasn't about to contradict that. Emma had told me that I didn't actually have to _do_ anything regarding him, that things would fall into place if they were meant to. Well, things were definitely falling. More like imploding.

"Leah," Seth said softly across from me, "you-"

"You'll keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you," I hissed at him.

He sighed shook his head. "Look, this is a situation where maybe if you'd just-"

"I _said_," I held back a snarl and tightened my hands into fists. "You will keep. Your mouth. Shut."

"And let him go out and get eaten?"

"He can't know. He's not an imprint."

"Yeah?" he scoffed, "Well you had me fooled."

A small gasp came from Emma beside me, and I narrowed my eyes at my brother. I watched him keep a steady gaze with such a statement, one that breached the walls I had put up around any warm feelings whatsoever to ward off both Seth and Jacob, and with the guilty wavering in that gaze, he knew he had taken it one step too far. And it I wasn't about to tolerate it.

Without another moment's hesitation, my fist flew into his nose, making him stumble backwards a few steps. My blood was pumping now, and my muscles were tense and ready for another attack, regardless of who threw the first punch. Any moment now Seth could straighten up and fight back, not that he ever had enough pure rage in him to, but I couldn't deny the part of me that wished he would. I craved the adrenaline that was distracting me, and a fight would be perfect right now.

But before Seth could even do anything more than curse under his breath as he realigned his nose, a loud thump drew my attention away from my brother and right to Jordan, who was now standing in our open doorway, alarmed.

"What?" I growled, my mouth taking off with a mind of its own while the need to fight with someone was clawing its way out. "You want to know? You want to _understand_?" I was only hearing what I was saying, none of it had passed through a filter before it came out, but I was on a roll now. Something was propelling me forward and I needed to stay angry and in charge. The response I got was a mere blink of his eyes, and it only pushed me to practically yell at him, "Well do you?"

"Leah," Emma's small voice came from beside me, and no matter that she could probably see me start to unravel, there was no stopping me now. They want me to tell him, so I'll tell him. I spun around and stopped her, twice, from getting into the middle of it and went back to staring down Jordan, who might as well have been a deaf blind mute with all the show of recognition he was making.

I had spent the afternoon driving random routes around Seattle with Seth, letting him use up all the gas as we went until Emma finally texted me asking where we went. When we got back, I could smell it right away; vampire, right here in our apartment. And it just had to come from the one person I hoped would stay as uninvolved as possible so I wouldn't have to deal with him.

Apparently the universe had other plans.

His lack of response was frustrating and I needed something he was doing wrong to throw at him. I felt the faintest breeze against my arm come from the open doorway and snapped at him to close it. It was a weak attack, but there wasn't anything else that I could effectively blame him for.

And he still did nothing.

I considered waltzing right over to him and punching _him _as well just to wake him up, but thought better of it considering _his_ nose wouldn't heal right up in five minutes.

Again with the dysfunctional filter, I heard a weird sort of laugh sound before realizing I was the one who made it. I was out of things to make it clear that I had a handle on the situation, and it was becoming clearer by the moment that I was no longer protected by any sort of wall or mask. Unreserved, uninhibited, uncovered, and unthinking Leah was out for the all the world to see. I was done for.

In a last ditch attempt to keep up my one-sided argument, I decided to accuse him of the only thing I could think of.

"What, now you're afraid?" I scoffed at him, but I had none of my edge left. It almost sounded like a plea coming from me now. I _wanted_ him to be afraid. I _wanted_ him to step back through that doorway and make it all better by leaving. I _wanted_…

But of course, reality doesn't ever give you what you _want_.

Something lit a fire in his eyes and he woke up, determinedly stepping into the apartment and shutting the door behind him.

I sighed, defeated, and looked away from him, at the same time feeling a soft touch on my arm. Turning, but not meeting her eyes, I saw it was Emma shifting her gaze from where I knew Jordan was standing, then back to me. I didn't exactly know what she was asking, but I had no guard left and I wouldn't be able to do this on my own. I didn't move, but Emma seemed to get the idea because she gave my arm a squeeze and stepped back.

I looked back to Jordan, who was watching the exchange with a furrowed brow. He shifted his weight and opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him before he could say a word.

"I'm not like you," I blurted.

Jordan froze for a moment at my sudden declaration, then blinked and shifted his feet again apprehensively.

"I mean," I sighed tiredly and gestured to myself, Seth and Embry, "_we're_…not like you. Emma is," I said dismissively, and she scoffed a laugh behind me.

Jordan looked back and forth between each of us, then shook his head, his brows furrowed, "So…this _is_ a race thing?"

"Technically," Seth said behind me, and the trepidation in his voice made me turn around. He was watching me nervously as he spoke. "Yeah, it kind of is. But there's more to it." His eyes were asking me too many questions at a time. He was confused, and worried, and anxious, but there was nothing I could do to give him an adequate response. A minute ago I attacked him for even suggesting what I was about to do, of course he would think I was losing it.

I turned away from my brother and swallowed. This was it, the moment of truth. My breath sped up and I licked my lips, preparing myself for the reaction, trying the right wording in my head.

_We're werewolves_

_I'm a werewolf_

_Shape-shifters_

_We phase into wolves_

_We're the good guys_

_We protect our people_

_We fight vampires_

None of it even sounded real. My breathing started to get faster as option after option seemed just as ridiculous as the next.

_I'm a protector_

_I'm genetically made to kill monsters_

_Like the one who bumped into you_

I felt a streak of fire ripple up my back just at the thought of the leech that I could still smell on him, and had to close my eyes and concentrate on calming down.

"W-Wait," Jordan's loud yet nervous voice made me open my eyes again and watch him fumble over his words. "You d- you don't need to…tell me," he shook his head, "You don't need to."

_What the hell?_

"What?" I hissed.

He breathed in and out slowly, never moving his gaze from mine. "You don't need to tell me," he said smoothly this time.

My eyes narrowed and I took one step forward. "No, you can't do that." I took another step.

"You don't get to harp on all of us for information, then just _change your mind_," I sneered, "because you got uncomfortable and couldn't handle it."

Jordan's brows furrowed, then his entire face went slack, eyes wide.

"No! No that's not it! I just…aagh," he grimaced and brought a hand up to his hair, pulling on it. Seeing that I was still fuming, his eyes closed and he rubbed his face with both hands, mumbling into them. "Okay," he held a finger up as if he were making a point, but kept his eyes closed. "I just meant, that I've come to the realization that you shouldn't…_have _to tell me something that's obviously…um…"

I felt myself start to calm down as he peeked one eye open. When he saw me in a much less hostile state, he relaxed a bit and let his arms fall.

"Look, I just…" he stopped and ran a hand through his hair, watching me closely. "I want you to trust me."

Now my own brows furrowed down and I felt my back straighten.

_Trust him?_

"If and when that happens," he went on, "then I'd feel better about you telling me… whatever it is I need to know… about you," he finished quietly and swallowed.

I exhaled heavily and shook my head at all the flip flopping that was going on. I didn't like how things were getting more and more out of my control, but if his only angle was to get me to _trust_ him then I guess he was being considerate.

The air in the room was static and silent. Uncomfortable.

"Thank you," I whispered, though I doubt he heard it.

"Someone go home with him," I said at a louder volume, then made a beeline for my bedroom, shutting the door behind me securely and letting out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding so tightly. I waited until I heard the front door shut before I let go of the doorknob, the quiet murmurs of Emma and Embry making their way to my ears.

"That was…interesting."

"Embry."

"What?"

Emma sighed and didn't speak for a few moments, then there was the sound of a short kiss and Emma whispering "don't eavesdrop."

There was no audible answer but one minute later, her soft footsteps zeroed in on my bedroom door, and I watched it, waiting as she shifted her weight and took a deep breath before slowly turning the knob. I stood in the middle of the room and I watched her cautious gaze go from my empty bed to empty desk chair and finally opened the door wide enough to see me, her eyes wide and calculating. She slowly stepped in and shut the door behind her with a soft click, and even though I knew someone was on the other side of that door, the click was satisfying and I felt a sort of security in the room compared to the bared feeling out there only minutes before.

"Leah," she said, taking a step forward. "I don't know if you want me to say anything or ask anything, so I'm not going to. But I'm _here_."

I watched her feet as they finally stopped in front of me. She lightly touched my arm and nodded her head towards my bed.

"C'mon, let's sit down for a while, 'kay?"

"How do you expect me to do this?" The words were out of my mouth before I even registered the thought of them. Emma's shocked face flushed and she looked away, then tugged on my arm.

"Let's just sit down first-"

"Emma," I shook my arm out of her grasp and barely held back a growl. "How? And don't give me any of that 'you don't have to do anything' crap. It doesn't work here. It's not going to."

"What do you want me to say?" She asked, looking up at me with a defeated expression. "That you can't? That it isn't worth it?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I want you to say," I said tensely.

"Well I'm not going to," she said with a growl all her own, "because I would be lying and I won't do that to you."

"Stop being so damn noble and be rational for once with this!" I started to shake and clenched my fists at my sides to keep calm.

"I'm not the one who almost told him out there! You did that all on your own!"

"Because you let me! You all let me!"

"And look what it got you, Leah! You heard what he said, he's giving you time to trust him-"

"I don't want to trust him!"

Emma stopped, her shoulders rising and falling from our shouting match and narrowed her eyes at me.

"What do you mean you don-"

"Emma," I sighed and ran my hands quickly through my hair. "You cannot make me trust people. Please. Stop trying to help me."

I fully expected her to step back, well up in tears and leave the room, but she surprised me. With a fire in her eyes, she crossed her arms in front of her and blew her bangs out of her eyes with a huff.

"I don't believe you."

I groaned and fisted my hands again. "You don't have to! Just stop!"

"No! This is bullshit and you know it! You're just not used to being scared!"

I scoffed. "Stop trying to be a shrink and _back off!_ You can't help me and make it all better no matter how close you think we are," I said harshly, my tone turning into a growl. "Stop trying to fix me and push me into things and into _people_ and just let me live my life the way I have been because it's been going _just fine_ for me up until you started sticking your fingers in it and prodding around. Just _stop!" _

Emma's eyes were wet now, but somehow she was still holding her ground, the fire still in her gaze.

"Fine," she hissed back at me, "Whatever you want to do, that's fine. I have no power against what you do anyways."

"Good," I said calmly. "Now why are you still here?"

Her hard gaze never wavered, and I wondered if this was the same girl who moved in with me just a few months ago.

"You want me to leave?"

"I- Yes. I do." I hesitated and she caught it, her fierce eyes searching both of mine closely.

"You sure about that?"

I exhaled sharply and felt my fingernails dig into my palms. I would not let her take control of this.

"Stop it," I said just above a whisper.

Emma's forceful expression softened a fraction but she said nothing, still watching me fume.

"If you think I'm just some sort of dam that's going to crack and burst you've got another thing coming."

"And what would that thing be?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"What?" Now I was just frustrated.

"I think you're one hell of a dam. You've held yourself up pretty well."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, just wanting this conversation to be over. "Emma-"

"But recently," she went on, "there's been a flood of stuff that's going to break you if you don't let something out."

My head shook and I kept my eyes closed. "Stop trying to fix this, Emma. There isn't anything about me that you-"

"Nothing I can relate to, right? Just because I'm not you doesn't mean I don't have my own horror stories I have to deal with."

I opened my eyes and waited for an elaboration, but she just shrugged.

"If you really want to know, I'll tell you another time. But right now, my focus is on you."

"And why is that?" I said in a huff.

Emma sighed and her hard expression softened a bit more.

"I would've thought that was obvious. You keep this up and you're a ticking bomb, Leah."

I laughed. It wasn't funny. "I've been a ticking bomb ever since I sprouted fur and a tail. I dealt with it then and I can deal with it now. So please. Just. _Leave_."

Emma's brows drew together. "I'm really supposed to believe that?" she said, incredulous.

"Stop it!" I finally yelled. "You can't just make it all better with some pretty words and a smile, this is real life, Emma! How many times do I have to scream it at you for you to _listen_?!"

"I've heard you loud and clear that you don't want help," she shouted back at me, "Is that what you want to hear? That you're broken and unfixable and untrusting and distant and unworthy of anything and anyone? That's the person you want to be forever?"

My lips curled back in anger and I stepped closer to her. "Don't you ever think you know a thing about me. You've known about my world, my life, what I really am and what I've really been through for how long? One day. One. Goddamn. Day."

Streaks of red crept up Emma's neck in embarrassment, fear finally flashing in her eyes. She kept her rigid stance, but I needed her gone. She couldn't do anything for me, and I was tired of going along with her meddling. It was always one step forward and ten steps back.

"Do not push me," I growled at her.

"I'm not," she said just above a whisper, then hurriedly covered her mouth as her eyes opened wide in shock. "I said that out loud," she muttered into her fingers.

I stepped back slowly from her and waited as she watched me, her hand slowly leaving her mouth and moving to the collar of her shirt, fiddling with the fabric there nervously.

"I'll be the judge of that," I said calmly, not enjoying the way her expression tried to mask the hurt, but ultimately deeming it necessary. I set my jaw and put up the mask, never intending to ever take it down again.

Emma wrung her hands as her glassy looked over me. What looked like defeat turned down her features, and she nodded, looking down and quickly wiping under her eyes.

"So what are you going to do?" she asked the floor, her voice small and quiet.

"What I need to."

By the way her shoulders tensed I knew she didn't miss the finality and lack of information in that statement. "Okay," she whispered, nodding once. "This may sound weird to you," she said, brows pulled together and still looking at the floor, "but you're my friend, and I care about you, and I wouldn't do anything that I thought would…hurt you." She quickly wiped under her eyes again and sighed shakily. "I guess I was wrong, since…all of this happened. And you're right, I really haven't even known about…you… about all of it… for very long. So…" she trailed off, stepping back and lifting her head, but only enough to see just past my elbow. "I'm sorry," she said softly, then we simply stood in silence. I was glad that she finally grasped what she did and didn't know, but there was nothing more that I wanted to say, and apparently nothing that she could say either.

When it seemed like we would be here forever before either of us moved, a loud beeping noise cut through the air. I pulled out my phone and saw the text from Seth:

_**No trails near Jordan's. On my way back. **_

With a sigh I looked up only to see Emma with her eyes glued to my phone. She noticed my halt in movement and looked up at me with a question in her eyes before quickly looking away again.

"Jordan's fine," I said sharply, "and Seth's coming back."

Emma finally met my eyes and loosened up her tense shoulders. "So it's gone?"

"No," I said just as sharply. She opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "It left. That doesn't mean it's gone."

Her mouth snapped shut and I almost felt bad for being so short with her. Almost.

Quickly looking around the room, I realized that this wasn't the place I wanted to be. What was once secure was now too enclosed, suffocating and small and I needed to get out and away from everything I had let happen from the moment I started yelling at Jordan. I needed fresh air.

Not even addressing her, I walked past Emma and threw open my bedroom door, stalking into the living room. One glance at Embry, sitting on the couch practically twiddling his thumbs, let me know that he was listening to the whole thing. Not that I had expected otherwise, but it just fueled my need to get out.

"I'll be outside," I announced just loud enough for Emma to hear and quickly pulled the apartment door shut behind me. With the grace and balance that only my genes can give, I hopped up on the railing of the stairs and then again to the roof, barely making a sound. I made my way over to the end of the apartment complex furthest from where my hurt and confused friend was probably running into the arms of the man that loved her and he would console and reassure her like any good imprint should.

Match made in heaven.

Looking out over the small amount of the city that could be seen from our rooftop, I let myself be vulnerable. My shoulders fell and I let my eyes close, sighing this time in exhaustion. I was so tired. Of everything. Of trying to be one of those people down there in the shops and the streets, driving in their cars with simple worries like getting somewhere on time, making sure their clothes matched, or picking out what to eat for dinner. I on the other hand had been dealt a cruel hand and I was up on a roof, worrying about werewolves and vampires and the safety of my friends' lives.

My breath whooshed out of me involuntarily shaking me whole, and I could feel my body try to fold into itself. My shoulders turned in and my arms felt limp, ready to cross and wrap around my waist. Instead, I put my hands in my hair and pulled, wincing at the sting but reveling in the distraction, even if it was short.

The air left me again, and I sagged with it, my fingers losing strength and moving to hold my head in my hands. I could feel the sting behind my eyes, but I was through trying to be the sensitive Leah again. My breathing evened out and I conjured images of why I was doing this, why I couldn't be her. People I was saving, relationhips I wasn't killing, people I wouldn't be affecting and leeches I'd have that much more vigor to kill. Because they started this. They started everything.

_I hate you, __I hate you, __I hate you, __I hate you..._

The Cullens, the pack, Sam, Jake, Dad, Emily, Mom, Bella Swan, Renesmee...they never had to go through this.

_I hate you, __I hate you, __I hate you, __I hate you..._

Smiling Emma, beaming Embry, perky Seth, cautious Jordan... they shouldn't _have _to go through this.

_I hate you, __I hate you, __I **hate** you, __I **hate** you..._

The vampire brushing past Jordan and _laughing..._was _putting _me through this.

"_I **hate** you, __I **hate** you, __I **hate** you..."_

I could hear myself whispering frantically and barely recognized that I was now on my knees and warm wet tracks trailed my cheeks from my closed eyes. I couldn't be certain just who I was hating, but whatever it was, I was letting it know now.

I shook with a sob and let my hands fall from my hair to the ground. The damned tears fell faster and my hands formed into fists as my mantra grew.

"I **_hate_** you, I **_hate_** you, I **_HATE_** you!" one fist pounded the ground, but that was all I had. For all the super powers I was born with, I was out of strength and I fell forward weakly, letting my head fall into my arms. I gave one last cry of frustration and felt the fight within me just holding on by a few tenacious threads.

I let myself cower and shake as I realized who I hated. It was the girl that was trying to come back, reenter the world of the living. She had a bright smile and a positive outlook on life. And hope. She was promising and full of love and humor, and she was teasing me. Lying to me. She couldn't come out. It wasn't safe for her anymore.

But she was determined. She always had been. And she kept pushing each time the coast looked clear enough to step forward, to dismantle another wall.

I never should have kept her with me, never should have let in any encouragement to egg her on. She was destructive in her innocence.

She was smiling at me now, proud that finally let myself succumb to my emotions, and hope in her eyes that I would finally let her out.

_No._

_I hate you._

Still stubborn, her hopeful face mixed with the boy's, with Jordan's. Maybe in some alternate universe they would find each other, but not while I was here. The girl and I, we couldn't coexist. She could trust him, in time. _She _could.

My eyes had dried and the tracks of saline made my face stiff, all the tears having evaporated from my warm skin.

Blinking open my eyes to the cityscape before me, I could almost feel the walls I had once built up around myself increase tenfold. I was impenetrable. I would deal with the leech that was trying to play games with us, and I would never let my guard down again.

The girl, she was just a shadow. Someone I once was, who could never live in my world. She would be crushed and obliterated by her own innocent hand. She caused too much trouble in the lives of the ones I was made to protect, the ones that I care about, not her. The more separated from danger I could keep them, the more that they could go on with their lives.

_It's my job._

I felt the footsteps through the vibrations of the roof before I heard them, and I sat up, sitting on my feet as I kept my eyes on the city.

The warm presence of my brother finally came next to me, and he sat without a word. I could feel his eyes on me once or twice, but I never responded or looked back at him. Sounds of the city breezed below us and the sun started to dip into the horizon, making the sky change from a soft gray to a dull violet, the errie static of dusk closing the last chapter of the day. When the street lights flickered on and pools of light covered the ground, I broke the silence.

"You should go with them," I said softly, and out of the corner of my eye saw him looking at me with confusion. "With Embry and Emma. You should go see the Cullens."

Seth let out a humorless laugh and shook his head. "And spend my break around a bunch of lovey dovey couples? Yeah, that would be fun."

I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath. I never liked the idea of it, but I didn't want to be dragging him everywhere if he was meant for something greater.

"It's some place new, out of Washington." I braced myself in the stark silence. "Who knows, you might even imprint."

Seth stilled next to me and looked far off into the trees. "What makes you think I even want that?"

I sighed and broke my staring contest with the street, turning to my brother disbelieving. It couldn't be helped that we could hear each other's thoughts when we phased. He was jealous of them, all the imprinted couples. And now he was jealous of Embry since he had been one of the last to hold out so long without having his destiny chosen for him. Seth was even more alone in his own loneliness, despite whatever form of company his sad excuse for a sister could provide. He was happy for them. He couldn't _not_ be happy for them because of his kind nature, but he did envy that deep connection they had.

Seth caught my gaze, then looked away guiltily.

"You can't fight the world for me, Seth," I said, still watching him try to ignore the subject. "Your life is _yours._ Not 'your life according to your sister'."

He looked at me then, this time almost angry. "And what about yours?"

"What about mine?" I sighed, annoyed. I could see the futile argument coming from a mile away.

"Don't be such a hypocrite," he said harshly. "I heard you up here."

But I had reinforced walls and a wrought iron mask that kept me stoic, no matter the response he was hoping to garner from me.

"Who do you hate so much?" he asked, trying to chip away at the surface, but it was no good. I was solid.

I shook my head and looked back to the city. "No one."

"Bullshit," he growled. I held back a scowl underneath the mask. One too many people were trying to call me out on things today.

"Stop it, Seth," I sighed again, just as annoyed as before. "You can't hate anyone that doesn't exist."

His brows pulled together and he didn't let up his gaze, like he was hoping at some point x-ray vision would kick in and he could at least see inside if chipping away wasn't working.

But the walls held strong.

"You should go with them," I said again, and I could see him start to relax, perhaps in defeat. He kept his eyes on me for another long moment before looking down and finally back to the trees.

"Maybe," he whispered, and I hoped he meant it. I couldn't deny him happiness if there was a possibility of him finding it elsewhere. As much as the selfish bit of me wanted to use him as a life line, that wouldn't be fair to him. He deserved to know what being in love was like, whether he imprinted or not. He was young and full of love and energy that shouldn't be tethered by his sister to keep him from living.

I looked over at my brother, realizing what he had been sacrificing just by staying with me all this time. And all this time it had been for _her. _The girl that didn't exist, the sister that was no more. I had to stop the trail of destruction she was making, and as much as it pained me to do it, I had to let him go.

* * *

**A/N: So, some readers came a knockin' asking when the heck the next chapter would come out, and a few times I was sure that it would be soon, then I'd let it sit and come back and it would be really not that great. I rewrote this a lot, mainly because I wanted to get it right. Quality above quantity, you know? Let me know what you think? I'd be awfully happy if I could hear your thoughts. :) **

**I can't promise any sort of rhythm for getting chapters out, but I can tell you I'm not abandoning the story. Sometimes real life is distracting or more important and most often unexpected. I treasure every new person who's got an alert on **_**Found**_** and wants to read more, and all you readers who have stuck with me from the beginning. We're still going!**


	22. Heartbeats

**The lateness of this chapter has much to do with academics and other life things. They may have included some fic binging which I will have recommendations for at the end author's note. **

**Note about last chapter: Leah's…ugh. I don't blame you if you didn't like the last chapter and wanted to hit her upside the head. She's a frickin' handful and at this point in her story, I am very annoyed with her. Sad that she's so dern stubborn, but she's like the character in a movie that makes a choice they think is great but you're cringing and going "stupid idea, very bad, do you even have a brain?" But she's Leah, and I'm me, and… I would not have done what she did, and I doubt would any of you would either. But Leah would. She told me so. (In a very non-schizophrenic kind of way.) Just needed to make that clear. Apologies for any typos or weird sentences this chapter. **

**I would also like to point out just for kicks that each of the chapter title songs has a link on my profile if you're curious and wanna hear 'em. **

**This one is by Jose Gonzalez.**

**And now, back to Emma. **

**Heartbeats**

**Emma POV**

Leah scared me.

I wondered if she was recognizing just how she was acting within such a short frame of time. She was over the top and in constant anger and now was completely absent.

When she fled the apartment, I stood in shock in the small bedroom, not knowing what to do with myself. I didn't even know what I was feeling, if I should cry or ask for a hug or yell. Embry quietly walked into the room and stopped just short of me, likely just as unsure what the next course of action was.

The yelling…had helped, even if it was short. Leah may be a werewolf, but that didn't mean she wasn't human first, or human _now_ moreover. When she was trying to drill into me that she couldn't be fixed I was trying to get across to her that it was very possible if she just looked at the pieces and the tools she was made up of that she could do it herself.

Of course, in hindsight, I could have said it more eloquently than coming across as such a people pleaser trying to make everyone happy with rainbows and sunshine. Definitely not what I was going for.

"Em," Embry called me out of my haze and back to the present. "She didn't go far, she's on the roof."

I briefly glanced up at the ceiling as if I could catch a glimpse of her, but looked away since that wasn't possible. And in front of me stood my... Embry.

After all of this…everything, that had happened within the last 48 hours, I was at a bit of an overload. Everything had changed; some for the better and some for worse, and some flipped completely on its head and spun around, evolving into something completely unknown. One thing I knew was the same. The hazel eyes in front of me, drawing me in and holding me just like they had from the very beginning. They looked worried and anxious, and I locked onto them like a lifeline.

"Is it always like this?" I asked, my voice soft with fatigue. "This… tension, and everything changing, and not knowing… anything?" I finished lamely.

Embry sighed and his nervous eyes turned understanding. He smiled sadly and shook his head.

"Only at first…or when you're alone in it."

I blinked and took in more of what surrounded the hazel anchors, seeing the man that had waited for so long and now had finally found… me. It still felt so surreal. And while I was brought into the picture, chaos ensued and I took my place proudly, throwing in my two cents to help solve the puzzle and save the day. And what could have been an adventurous dream come true turned into a horrific nightmare when one of the pivotal roles went off the map and off the charts. And I was ashamed to even think that if I could wake up from it all before everything happened, my world will have gone back to normal.

But the man before me was so real. And so right. So much better than normal.

My head hurt.

Just as I closed my eyes, warm hands enclosed mine and I gravitated towards the source, leaning forward until my forehead met Embry's chest. I still held onto his hands at our sides, and he let me lean on him, bury my face in him.

I took tiny steps toward him still, getting closer, maybe I could get close enough and hide from everything. And with each step it would bring us just a centimeter to the right, then to the left, and soon his cheek rested on my head and we swayed to the smallest silent music, like you would a child. My hands left his only to slip my arms behind his back and grip the fabric of his t-shirt while I buried my nose in his scent.

It was like he was reading my mind and took to his best arrangement; one hand in my hair and the other holding me close and warm, his arm draped across my back protectively, securely. And I felt guilty for it.

"It's not fair," I mumbled, the swaying never stopping.

"Not much is," he answered, his voice deep above me. "But what specifically?"

I sighed and sagged more into him. "Leah," I said just above a whisper, just her name as my entire explanation. Nothing was fair for her, and though it wasn't as if I could help it, I felt guilty for having so much of what she didn't just for the simple fact that it wasn't anything that I could give. Embry sighed above me and didn't contradict, stroked my hair once and continued to hold us together.

OOO

A short while later, Seth came home and he and Embry muttered in low tones to each other. I let the sounds swirl and reverberate around me, not paying attention to them as I stared off into space from my spot on the couch. A quick movement of Embry's head made me lift my eyes, and both Seth and Embry were looking up at the north end of the ceiling. At the roof. Embry and I looked back to Seth questioningly, but he just shook his head and shrugged.

"I dunno," he muttered, running a hand through his short hair. "She'll cool off in a while hopefully." He walked tiredly into the living room and fell onto the couch next to me, rubbing his eyes with a groan before letting his arms fall to his sides. He looked so old compared to his normally jovial eighteen year old self. I reached for his hand and gave it a small squeeze, not sure what for. Surely there wasn't any sort of reassurance I could give him. His fingers twitched in a lame attempt to squeeze back and one look at his face showed him already falling asleep as he sat. I smiled sadly, happy that he was finally getting some form of peace.

OOO

While Seth slept, I asked Embry questions about the vampire.

"But how do you know it was after us?"

Embry sighed and rand a hand through his hair. "I wouldn't say it's 'after us', more of trying to send us a message of sorts. There's no reason that one of them would casually brush up against a human unless they knew what they were doing. Jordan was coming here. It knew who he was, that he was friends with us. It knew we would smell its scent, that me, Seth, and Leah would know. Seth couldn't get a trace on it, so for now we can only keep our eyes and ears open."

I contemplated that and felt some of the tension in my shoulders melt away, but the way he explained the vampire confused me. "You keep saying _it…_"

Embry's mouth twisted from a grin to a grimace. "Habit," he muttered. At my confused glance, he elaborated. "We're made to kill monsters, Emma. Not people. Since we've gotten to know the Cullens, we tried to hold back on, uh… dehumanizing them so much, but this whole thing is just bringing me back to the old routine."

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. "So this kind of thing was routine before?"

Embry shrugged and leaned back into the kitchen chair he was sitting in. "I guess it was. The last year or so has been a bit of a dry spell where lee-" he cut off and rolled his eyes. "Where _vampires_ are concerned. It's been nice, not being on constant watch, but we also had nothing else to do. Living on the Rez just went back to being bleak and boring with the occasional patrol thrown in there a few times a week. That is until you saw your _whale_."

"You make this seem like it was _fun_," I hedged, watching him closely, "like it was recreation, chasing after vampires that could kill you with one strike and risking your life every day." My hands flew about in exasperation and flopped down to the table between us.

Embry pursed his lips and looked right back at me. His mouth moved like he was about to deny it, but ended up just blowing out a puff of air.

"Yeah," he sighed. "It sort of is."

My jaw practically dropped to the floor at the despondent look on his face, no doubt thinking of all the _fun_ he could be having putting his life on the line.

"You can't be serious," I said, incredulous, but he just shrugged with a guilty grin. "You're serious…" I nodded, looking away, now pretty appalled at the whole idea.

"Emma, you have to understand," Embry tugged on my hand and I looked back up at him. "Most of us were just high school teenagers in a boring little town when the Cullens came and all hell broke loose. Yeah, it was scary, but it gave us a sense of purpose. Something to be proud of. And you can't even imagine what it's like to just run… and the chase is just…" he shook his head and looked wistfully past me, his eyes going into the past.

"No, obviously I can't." My voice was harsher than I had planned and Embry snapped his gaze to me again, sighing.

"It's not like we don't take it seriously. It's like…" he looked around the room for some source of inspiration, and seemed to have found something, because then he said, "It's like you playing the cello!"

My jaw dropped a second time and I'm sure it was the one of the most flabbergasted faces I've ever made.

"What?" I squeaked.

"Well do you think it's fun? To play, I mean?"

I thought for a beat, narrowing my eyes at him. "Yeah, I guess."

"But you take it seriously too, so you can keep it up and not mess up when you're tested for it, right?" He was watching me, waiting like he already knew my answer would prove his point.

"Yes," I said a bit testily, "but that doesn't make it the same thing as chasing after vampires."

"No, it doesn't," he shook his head, smiling, "but it's the same _idea_. Metaphor."

I shook my head right back. "No. No, it is not the same _idea_. I cannot _die_ from playing the cello."

"You never know," he joked, making me scoff in return. "But really, Em, we're all alive and accounted for."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes with my free hand. "The fact that you actually have to tell me that does not help."

Embry must have sensed my shift to the actual subject of my stress, and instead of carrying on the banter, a more serious tone then colored his voice.

"Yeah…well…"

My elbow rested on the table and I rested my head against the heel of my hand, looking helplessly at the man across from me who had my other hand securely in his.

"I don't like your job," I practically whispered across the table. Embry's eyes looked down to our joined hands, turning them over as if he were examining the dark russet against fair white. I watched him, noticing the slight wince in his features. "Now that I've been informed," I said sardonically and laughed without humor, "honestly, there's a big part of me that doesn't even want you to go outside! Not if there's a…_vampire_ out there." Saying the actual word "vampire" was still foreign to me, and it seemed to spit out of my mouth while the greedy need of keeping Embry from doing what he was meant for left a bitter taste on my tongue.

"Does that make me clingy?" I asked pitifully.

Embry chuckled under his breath and shook his head, still looking at our joined hands. "I dunno," he muttered. "Isn't that like a curse word with, um…" he snapped his fingers a few times, his brow screwed into concentration as he searched his brain for the right word. He finally just grumbled and gave up, muttering, a weak voice. "…with… dating… people? Couples? God, that's weird."

That got an eyebrow rise from me, effectively lightening the mood enough to smirk about it.

"Weird," I said dryly, "Yes, quite."

He looked up at me then, smirking and shaking his head again.

"Man, am I cut out for this or what?" he laughed, but there was a pain in his eyes that betrayed the sound.

"Probably not," I said quietly, hoping that my understanding was visible underneath all the uncertainties. "I'm definitely not, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself once I'm even away from you now. It's a weird feeling… good, but kind of unstable."

Embry nodded and pulled at my hand.

"Why are you sitting over there, again?" he asked, giving me a challenging look from across the table. I pulled back, my smirk growing, regardless.

"Because I didn't want to be one of those mushy girls who can't be more than two feet away from their guy without panicking like they just left the base playing tag."

Embry's smile grew and he pulled at my hand again, making me lean over the table as my arm extended.

"And how's that workin' out for you?"

"Not sure," I said, standing up. "My plan seems to be backfiring." I made my way around the table and Embry pulled me onto his lap, pushing his nose into my shoulder as his arms slipped around my waist. My hands rested on top of his and heaved a sigh, simply just because the feeling of being held like this was… assurance. Relief. Truth.

"I used to hate my job," Embry said from behind me, and I turned my head slightly so I could see him. "I mean at first, I loved it, embraced it and all… but there have definitely been a lot of 'why me?' days. Especially before the big showdown over Ness happened. If it wasn't for Sam keeping me back on the Rez there was a big chance I could be in Jake's pack now."

_That's news to me._ "What do you mean?"

Embry shrugged. "When Jake split off I wanted to go with him, but there was no way I could have gone against the Alpha. He technically _was _one, so it worked out for him. And Sam knew I wanted to, pack plural and all. Quil too, but he was staying for Claire. So when Seth and Leah took off after Jake, Sam kept me at home because he didn't want to lose any more of the pack. I didn't have anyone to stay for, not like the guys that had imprinted. I probably would have left otherwise."

"Hmm," I turned so I was facing him properly, "You think you would have gone with Jake afterwards, or gone to school with Seth and Leah?"

Embry took a moment to think about his answer, then shrugged again.

"Beats me. Probably would've been cool to travel with Jake I guess, but that house is filled with immortal couples with crazy vampire bonds." He shivered for effect. And I laughed inwardly because we definitely had a weird _werewolf _bond. "Going to school… would have been different. No idea what I would have studied… _But,_" he smiled. "Just goes to show I would have met you anyways, you can't doubt the ways of the imprint."

I smiled despite the way I knew my eyes narrowed at him. "What does that mean?"

Embry tightened his hold on me and looked right into my eyes. "It means that even if I left the main pack for Jake's, I probably would have met you at some point over by your home town where the Cullens are now, or here at school with Seth and Leah. And even though I didn't do either of those, I still managed to find you… in a roundabout sort of way," his eyes smiled at me, pulling me into him, and I let myself be pulled.

"That's a nice thought," I whispered, just before he pulled my lips all the way to his. A sweet, gentle kiss let the hectic thoughts momentarily leave my mind and I let the meant-to-be idea of us start to reinforce the things I was still unsure about or was waiting to wake up from. But even so, the idea of his job as a protector, as a werewolf, as a fighter of _vampires_, left me anxious.

"Your job still scares me," I said quietly as I rested my forehead on his, my eyes still closed. "I'm still scared for you… for all of you."

"I know," he answered, slowly stroking my back between my shoulder blades. "You're not alone in that. All we can really do about it is ask you to trust us."

_Assurance. Relief. Truth. _

I gave a small nod. "Okay," I mumbled, ashamed that I couldn't do that yet, that I was still so anxious and scared for them.

"It's alright if you don't yet, you're a newbie after all," he joked, making me sit up and give him a look of disdain.

"I can leave," I joked back, pointing back to the chair across the table.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," he countered, making a show of locking his arms around my waist.

I gave up with trying and leaned back against him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Emprisonment, Embry? That's no way to treat a lady."

"Hm," he hummed against my hair, "the lady seems to be comfortable enough with her predicament."

"Well the lady's crazy," I said closing my eyes. "She thinks she's fallen for a werewolf. Who would believe that?"

"The werewolf would," he answered with certainty, and I breathed a laugh.

_I love this. _

_I love __**him**_**. **

_I love that I can love him… _

_Okay, who's the mushy girl now?_

We sat there and joked around some more, and I learned more of the details that went along with the story of Bella Swan. The girl could really mess up a supernatural world, and I had mixed feelings on whether or not I actually desired to meet her. The only description that I had of what vampires were like came from werewolves, their nemisis, so I guessed that they would be different than the picture Embry, Seth or Leah had painted for me. I wondered if you could really tell how different the vampires were from humans, if it was anything like meeting a werewolf. The three of them had never seemed that different from anyone else besides the body heat thing. And their amount of muscles. And height. Well, at least among the men.

Thinking about it just brought back the memories from earlier in the day, and my mood went south, thinking of the girl on the roof.

"Embry?" I said softly, looking up at the ceiling.

He hummed against me in response.

"Do you think Seth meant it?"

Embry was silent for a moment, then quietly asked, "Meant what?"

"If, um..." I sighed, wondering if I was bringing up a pointless subject, "well, could Leah imprint?"

After a moment, he shrugged and I felt his head shake. "I have no idea."

I huffed, frustrated that it was indeed pointless to try and even figure it out. I didn't want my hope to override everything like it had before. Hope would only get me so far, and ultimately would bring Leah nowhere.

"Tricky," I muttered to myself, and Embry hummed again in question. I shook my head and dismissed it, stealing a glance at the couch where Seth let out a small snore.

OOO

Seth slept until just before dusk, immediately heading out the door and onto the roof once he woke up. Embry and I took to the couch and waited, staring blankly at the TV that was playing holiday reruns of old sitcoms, neither of us registering any of the stories they told. I couldn't hear anything from the roof, but once or twice, Embry would glance at the ceiling again, no doubt from something that one of them said or did that only his superhuman ears could catch. And each time, his features would grow more worried, troubled. I never asked what was happening, not wanting to stick my fingers in anything else, but that didn't change the fact that it was eating away at me that something bothered Embry and I had no way of finding out unless they told me freely.

It was dark by the time Seth came back in, slowly followed by Leah who only spared me a glance with a tighter, more solid mask than I had ever seen her wear before. It was like looking at a robot, one who passed her eyes over everyone before fluidly making her way across the room and shutting the bedroom door behind her.

I would let her be tonight. I had spoken to her enough with such results that my mouth tasted grossly of my foot.

With my mouth open in an unspoken question, I looked to Seth. He stood with his shoulders hunched, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, and brows furrowed as his eyes took in the door his sister just disappeared behind. He met my stare and didn't have to say anything, not a shrug or a shake of the head. He was defeated.

He looked at Embry and pursed his lips, sighing and looking away to the ground, muttering something that sounded like "the fifteenth?" but I couldn't be sure if I heard right.

Embry watched him continue to look at the ground, then glanced at me before nodding to Seth. "Yeah, the fifteenth."

I could feel the confusion show on my face as they spoke with no context for me to follow.

"Right," Seth muttered, "I'll head back then."

He left with a wave and a fake smile, and I was really wondering what I had done to this family that neither of them were acting themselves anymore.

My lips opened and closed, searching for words as I sunk into the couch.

"Seth's coming with us," Embry said from beside me, and I looked to him in surprise.

"With us…"

"To Sioux Falls."

I blinked.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Um…why?" I asked tentatively. "I mean, not that that's bad, but…"

Embry took a moment to answer, most likely editing his answer without giving me the too much information.

"He'll get a change in scenery and get to see the Cullens. He got along with them the best besides Jake, and he hasn't seen them in a while."

He held my gaze and even though I could tell he was holding a lot back, we both understood that that was all the answer I was going to get. And I was okay with that. I gave him a small smile and sunk into the heaven couch against his side.

Embry started flipping through the channels, each showcasing every type of holiday hype possible. Neither of us were tired enough to sleep since we had both napped earlier in the day, and everything following that had emotionally and mentally drained me, and I suspected Embry as well. Leah had locked herself in her room (if there was anything left of her anymore), and Seth had gone back to his dorm, so for the time being there wasn't anything we could do but sit and watch bad TV. I made a pizza I had found in the freezer and smirked when I took two pieces and Embry took the other 6 for himself.

The man would eat anything as long as there were several servings.

Except Oreos, of course.

OOO

Several shows later, we were in the same position that we were earlier in the day, Embry laying behind me with his arm across my waist, my back against his chest. I glanced at the clock on the wall and blinked in slight surprise to see that it was just past one in the morning. My eyes were dry from mindlessly watching the TV and I stretched out my legs and arms, apologizing to Embry when I elbowed his face accidentally. The slight comic relief lifted the still atmosphere of the apartment and we both laughed quietly, settling back into the couch.

I turned myself so I faced him and frowned when I saw his eyes looked tired, his eyelids just barely staying open even half way.

"You're falling asleep," I stated as a fact.

"So're you," he grunted, his voice low and coarse.

"So we should go to bed."

"Probably."

Neither of us moved. At some point my eyes closed.

"Is tomorrow Sunday?"

Embry mumbled something that could've been either a yes or no.

"I think tomorrow's Sunday…no _today _is Sunday, it's after midnight… I have to work on Sundays…crap, I have to _wake up_ on Sundays…"

When there was no response from him, I said his name just to see if he was asleep. "Embry?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to get up for work… and make people happy by making them poisonous coffee drinks."

He grunted again and shifted so he held me closer. I must not have been communicating my desire to sleep on an actual bed clear enough, since all I was getting from him were grunts and sounds that could have meant anything. And even though I definitely could have easily fallen asleep here on the heaven couch with him, the thought of cool sheets and a mattress and pillow had me pushing against Embry's loose hold on me. He mumbled something but didn't put up as much of a fight as I thought he would, resulting in me pushing myself away hard enough to fall off the couch with a yelp. My limbs flailed, trying to regain my balance.

Embry rolled to look over the edge of the couch with a confused smile.

"What did you do?" he asked slowly, taking in my disoriented attempt at sitting upright again.

"Shush," I grumbled, giving him a look and bracing myself on the couch as I stood up. "I'm going to bed."

He responded by flopping back onto the couch and rubbing his eyes, mumbling something I couldn't make out. I couldn't hold back a small chuckle at him, he was acting more like my whiny eight year old cousin than the twenty-one year old I knew him to be.

"Well geez, if you're that helpless, you can just sleep out here," I said dryly. Embry blinked his eyes open in surprise of my sudden quip, and at the sight of them, I deflated and was suddenly nervous and stuttering. "I'd… I'd like it you, um, came with me…though…instead…" I mumbled, brushing my hair behind my ear.

And without so much of an answer, he got up from the couch and stood next to me.

"Okay," he smiled, pulling me into his side and planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I smiled and blushed, realizing that I had basically just asked him to sleep with me. Well, not _sleep_ with me…

Suddenly, I was looking at his chest and imagining it without a shirt. I could only imagine what sort of build he was hiding under that cotton, and what it would feel like…I had to blink and look away.

_Cue ears burning in embarrassment._

"What?" Embry chuckled next to me, watching me turn the shade of a tomato.

I shook my head and scratched the back of my head, blocking his view of my face with my arm. "Nothing. Let's go to bed."

"But you're all…" he stopped and struggled for the right word, motioning to my face with a grin, "flushed, like you're embarrassed about something…" He stopped and his grin widened. "You were thinking naughty thoughts about me, weren't you?"

"What?!"I jumped away from him as if shocked, and could feel the flush in my cheeks spread throughout my entire torso. "N-no," I sputtered out, the nervous smile now plastered across my face. "No, that's not- No. Nevermind. I'm going to bed."

"Ha! You were!" he laughed, a surprised and elated sort of look on his face.

I rolled my eyes and shot him a look, walking away from him towards the bedrooms. I supposed I shouldn't have any reason to be ashamed of thinking about him like that, now that we were… together… but I couldn't help the heat creeping up my neck and the horrible feeling of embarrassment for being called out on it. That was just not something I ever did, openly ogling someone. Definitely not deemed acceptable in my upbringing either.

"Emma," he tried to sound pleading as he followed me into my room, shutting the door behind him while I rifled through my dresser for pajamas. "C'mon, I was just teasing," he tried again, but his grin was huge and he was still laughing softly.

I steeled a nondescript happy-ish expression and ordered him to turn around. He thankfully obeyed and ran his hand through his short black hair. I pulled off my jeans and traded them for some pajama pants, and was trying to quickly change shirts when he spoke up, this time back to normal and non- teasing.

"If it makes you feel any better… the, um, feeling's mutual, I mean…"

And that was when I got stuck. I stopped all motion at that enlightening piece of information as I was taking off the shirt I had worn that day, then proceeded to fling it off the rest of the way and grabbed the other shirt, trying in a frenzy to get it on. But my brain was in a frenzy of its own imagining Embry without a shirt, and then of him having those sorts of thoughts about me, and somehow in the midst of it, one of my arms had gone through the wrong hole and my head and arms were trapped in tight cotton. The glimpse of what I could see of the shirt showed that I had grabbed a tighter graphic tee instead of a loose one for bed in my haste. So instead of getting it on fluidly, I had somehow managed to get myself stuck with my head and one arm stuck in the shirt while the other was stuck above my head, my only covering being my bra and pajama pants.

I struggled with the infernal piece of clothing and must have made a noise to alert Embry.

"Wha- oh!"

I shrieked and turned away from him, struggling with one arm to grab an edge of the shirt to get it off of me.

"Do you… want some help?" Embry asked hesitantly, obviously trying to hold back a laugh.

"No!" I grumbled, wearing myself out by trying to make the fabric give, and now completely embarrassed. I groaned when my muscles started to tire and I hadn't gotten anywhere.

_Okay. This isn't really that bad. We've established that we love each other and that it's more than just physical attraction. It's not really that bad._

Sighing in defeat, I let out a lame, "help."

A moment later, I felt some small tugs on the shirt, then the traitor fabric was lifted from my face and slid up and off of my arms. I immediately pulled my arms down over my chest and turned to go back to my dresser, but bumped right into Embry. I couldn't look at him. He stepped out of the way, and I grabbed another t-shirt, carefully pulling it on with my back to him. I quickly went to the bed, pulling the covers back, but his light touch on my arm stopped me.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, and I closed my eyes, biting back the sting I could feel behind them. I was so sick of crying.

"No, I-I snapped, and I'm just being stupid-"

His hand moved from my arm to my shoulder as he moved closer, turning me towards him.

"I don't know-" I tried to say. "I don't know what I'm…"

_Thinking? Doing? Supposed to do? All of the above?_

"Emma, wow, no. I was being stupid out there, plain and simple."

I sighed tiredly and covered my face with my hands.

"In fact, this would be a prime example of me being an ass," he laughed dryly, and I joined him despite myself.

"Great. You ass," I muttered, swatting him in the stomach and crossing my arms over my chest as I looked up at him. There was pure apology in his eyes as he searched mine. I relented and leaned into his side, and he wrapped both of his arms around me, making me turn my face into his chest. It was becoming my new favorite spot. And in just that moment, my thoughts from before were affirmed, that it really wasn't that bad. I had just had a very difficult day and his lighthearted quip had just made me act rashly.

Without moving my face from his shirt, I tugged on it once and murmured, "I was thinking about you without a shirt on."

Embry stilled, and when I looked up at him, he had this funny bashful smile on his face that he was struggling to hide. Suddenly he let go of me and took a step back.

"Well, is that all?" His hands went to the hem of his shirt and my eyes widened and I grabbed his hands.

"What?! No, wait!"

He stood there, shirt already revealing a sliver of his toned stomach while my fingers were clamped down on his to stop it from rising any higher. His questioning eyes met my wide ones, and I was just paralyzed for about a minute.

In theory, he had technically seen me in a bra just moments ago, but that was different. That was sort of involuntary. I didn't want him to just… take his shirt off with a flourish for my feasting eyes. That seemed too… well, very not like me. I didn't _want _to start objectifying him right at the start. Some girls might think I'm crazy or way to sheltered, but his hot bod is not in the top reasons I love him. Some of those were unidentifiable due to supernaturalness, but it didn't feel right to make physicality such a big part of it. People are so nonchalant about it now and I'd be lying if I said it didn't strike a nerve every so often.

But then… I had another idea.

I loosened my grip on his hands.

"Do you usually wear a shirt to sleep in?" I asked him in all seriousness.

Embry blinked and his lips twitched, then made a small shake of his head.

"Okay," I muttered, biting my lip. "So then it would only be fair if I got to pull off _your _shirt then, wouldn't it?" I asked him, referring to him freeing me from the t-shirt trap.

Something flashed in his eyes then, and minus the small smile still on his lips, he was just as serious as I was, relaxing his hands and letting his shirt fall back down to cover his stomach, not having to even say anything. It was all in his look, and it made me have to swallow, and take deeper breaths.

I broke from his eyes to finger the edge of his shirt, but for some reason, that was not helping, and my hands shook.

_Okay, maybe this was not a good idea._

I found his eyes again, and gasped when I saw that he was closer than before. My eyes lowered to his lips and I let out a shuddering breath, somewhat shocked that things had gotten this intense that fast. But a second later, the thought was gone and we met like magnets; slow at first, but the pull tightened and then his lips were quickly capturing mine.

My hands tightened around the hem of his shirt when he cradled my head with his hands. His fingers slipped into my hair and mine slid around the edge of the fabric to the back, pulling my arms around him. My breathing was starting to speed up and when my hands rose up his back, the shirt came with it. My hands felt the smooth panes of his back and he shivered at my touch, wrapping one arm around my back to hold me closer, while I kept pushing up the shirt. It rode up just above his abs now and I could already feel the heat of his skin through my t-shirt, and _I _shivered.

His tongue swept my bottom lip, and I granted him entrance, sighing and lifting the shirt more at the same time. Embry shivered again and when I couldn't lift it anymore, he slowly pulled his arms through the sleeves, not breaking the kiss at all. The shirt now only hung around his neck and his arms brought me closer again while mine gripped his shoulders and moved to his neck. I broke the kiss to pull the shirt off of his head and drop it beside us on the floor, then I was looking right into his eyes again. They were darker, more unsaid things swimming in their depths. He brought his forehead down to mine and my eyes closed, running my nose against his.

Embry brushed his lips against mine and pulled me as close to him as I could get, and I gasped when nothing was separating our chests but what _I_ was wearing. I could feel every muscle he had, it seemed, and my hands slid from his shoulders to grip at his back and his neck, pulling us impossibly closer, reconnecting the kiss.

I wouldn't have believed it even a few days ago, but I think I actually _moaned_ into the kiss, and it set something off in both of us. Suddenly the pace quickened, and our breathing was harsher, small gasps in between kisses. My shirt was riding up around my ribs, and my legs were like jelly. I took one step forward to restabilize, and it just backfired when I wobbled a bit to the right, breaking the kiss so we both stood there, panting.

Embry halted, sliding ahand down to my hip.

Embry's eyes opened so close to mine that I had to lean back some to see him straight. We both had to steady our breathing and blink our way back to the present, back to the room we were in and I had to remember what my name was.

_It's…Emma. Right? Emma?_

_Right._

_Yes._

_Okay, good, got that down._

My shirt hung loose again and Embry's tight grip on me loosened as well, but our eyes never strayed. There was something tangible that had just happened, and it wasn't just that this time we kissed and Embry didn't have a shirt on. Well, that had partly to do with it. But it was something different. There was a level of intensity that we had up until now, and that had just been breached. We both stood there, one staring into the other, realizing and acknowledging because we both knew. I couldn't imagine if we couldn't have.

Without a word or breaking gaze, Embry cupped my cheek in his hand, softly stroking his thumb across my skin. Then he slowly leaned down to place a chaste kiss there, and my eyes almost fluttered closed. As he leaned back, his hands skimmed up to my back, allowing me to fall into him as he rubbed my back in the most calming way I've experienced yet. My hands rested against his chest and I fell into my spot, my forehead resting just above his heart while Embry brushed my hair back and rested his cheek against my hair.

I wondered if this was because of the imprinting, this intense feeling, this tangible energy between us, or if that was what everyone experienced when they were in love with someone. Something told me that it wasn't something common, I'd never before in my life heard of anything even comparing to his. It was unsettling just because it was the reality that I was part of something bigger, and at the same time it was utterly wonderful.

A feeling that was like a small, secret smile spread a sense of easiness throughout my entire self. I looked up at Embry, and by some miracle, it was reflected through his eyes right back to me. My inner preteen was bouncing with giddiness.

_Ohmigod, this is so meant to be!_

I pushed myself onto my toes and left a chaste kiss on the edge of his jaw, since I was only so tall, and slowly righted myself on the ground, keeping my gaze with his. We both started to grin, and then really smile, then my eyes pricked and I had to blink a bunch.

_No!_

_No more frickin' crying._

Embry, however, was an observant fellow and realized the unshed tears were going along with a bright smile, so they were happy ones. He picked up the shirt I had taken off of him and offered it to me as a makeshift handkerchief. Which I happily accepted and dried the tears that had sprung loose. And it smelled like him, and… I decided then that I was going to keep it since technically he gave it to me.

And if that was creepy then so be it. I'm a dang imprint, I'm allowed certain ramifications.

I clung to him then, following when he sat sown on the bed, but only watching as he flopped onto his back, his earlier tiredness catching up with him. He looked up at me and smiled, pushing my hair behind my shoulder and letting his arm drop to his side. When a blink of his lasted a few seconds, I knew it was time to finally turn in, and I told him so. He shrugged and moved towards the pillows and I left to use the bathroom.

On my way back, I passed by Leah's closed door, fighting the urge to just open it a sliver and peek in to see how she was doing. A stab of guilt rushed through my veins and I had to take a deep breath, remembering that I was taking a back seat now to everything Leah. I knew by the new walls she put up that something had gotten severely hurt inside, but I was just able to be here for her when she needed me. So for now, I just laid my palm against her door silently for a few seconds, it was the closest I would get to her for now.

When I made it back to my room, Embry was close to being completely unconscious lying down on top of the covers, his face buried in one of my pillows with his mouth only just slightly open.

With a half smirk, I turned off the light and crawled onto the bed and started to carefully pull the covers back on. To make sure I didn't wake him, I glanced at his sleeping form, and stopped. He was lying on his stomach, both arms stuffed under the pillow that half of his face was submerged in. I wondered if he would want or need the blankets, now that I knew he was naturally so much warmer than me already.

Or was it supernatural?

Sitting on top of the covers, I gently laid my hand on his back, simply feeling the heat that coursed through him, so much more when compared to my regular 98.6. Any part of me that wasn't near him felt the bite of the winter's cold air, even inside our furnished apartment, and I shivered as I sat next to him, apart from him.

Slowly maneuvering under the covers, I kept my eyes on him, hoping that maybe he would wake up and open his arms to me. But by the time I had pulled the blanket up to my chin, he was still fast asleep, his breaths deep and even. I turned on my side to face him, simply watching him sleep, and at first I felt a bit like a creeper, but just reminded myself that our circumstances were a bit different than anyone else's.

_We're weird after all, who's to say I can't watch my boyfriend sleep?_

Boyfriend.

Such a strange word. Embry is most definitely not a _boy._ Nor is he merely a friend. But to casually refer to Embry as my soul mate was even stranger. It was right, but it was strange. And yet, somehow I was thinking of this all objectively. Like when you really think of what milk is when you're drinking it, then push the thought out of your mind because it's milk. And it's good for you. And it's cold. And that's all you need to know.

I mentally shook myself out of making a metaphor for my relationship with Embry out of drinking a glass of milk and went back to studying his sleeping face like the creeper I am. I could just imagine him stirring awake only to see me so close to him, staring right at him. The nervous smile would take over my features and I'd hope he'd just humor me, and judging the way we had been the past few days, and tonight especially, he would. No doubt, he'd throw in a comment about my inability to look away from his dashing self and the banter would go on from there. I smiled at the thought.

But he was still sleeping, possibly completely unaware that I was right here, right next to him, wanting to be closer to him.

It seemed that was all I wanted now. To be forever attached to him; the "super-glue" kids refer to when they whine about going home. Come the day that we get physically separated, I will plead super-glue.

With the waning strength I had left from the day, I slowly pulled his arm closest to me out from under the pillow and wrapped it around me as I rolled closer to him. Once I let go of his arm, he shifted slightly and curled his arm around me more securely in his sleep. I found my place at his shoulder, whispering goodnight even though I was sure he was already out, but he murmured something back to me and he took in a deep breath once his nose was buried in my hair. It sounded like he was saying something in another language.

Just to see if he would say it again, I whispered, "Um…What?"

"Mmm…Haƈh awí," he mumbled.

"_Huchaway_?" I mouthed silently, not able to place it in any of the languages I knew of. Then I caught a glance of his russet skin next to my pale white and I could have slapped my forehead. It was Quileute. I smiled and bit my lip, for some reason thinking it ridiculously cute that he spoke in his native language when he was on the verge of sleep. It could have been anything, but even so, it warmed my heart a little, and I was able to fall asleep in Embry's arms not too long after.

**A/N: I'm not sure what I think about this chapter. I just finished it, and I like parts of it, some parts not. I'm wondering more of what you readers think, though… Penny for your thoughts?**

**Ah, the fic binge. Totally messed up my academics since I was reading so much ff as opposed to textbooks, but hindsight is 20/20. If you haven't already, I would suggest checking out these stories (they are not placed in any particular order, most are rated M, but for different reasons between them, fyi):**

Living Backwards by ciaobella27

Expectations and Other Moving Pieces by chrometurtle

Fault by ineedyoursway

Hit By Destiny by ocdmess

A Rough Start, and The Cannabean Betrothal by ItzMegan73

Inconceivable by AccioBourbon

Camarilla by Annilaia

Company Loves Misery by Angstgoddess003

River Dam, and Sanctuary by jennyfly (which you can find on adifferentforest . com)

And With Thee Fade Away by Derdriu oFaolain

Awake in the Infinite Cold by quothme

Pretendre Desir Amour by carmelinagunn

Sleepers, Awake by Feisty Y Beden


	23. Fine For Now

**A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters/plotlines therein. **

**Chapter title is by Grizzly Bear (link available on profile).**

**On with the read!**

Fine For Now

7:00 am

Waking up is hard. Especially when you'd rather stay in bed with your newfound love of your life than venture out into the damp cold of Seattle winter to open up a coffee shop that customers won't even enter for another three hours. While I battled with the alarm on my cell phone to stop the annoying techno music, my aforementioned newfound love just mumbled into the pillow and pulled me closer into his cage of an arm. I didn't mind one bit. That is, until the techno music went off again and I had to pinch his arm to make him let go.

"Sorry," I whispered and left a peck on his arm where I pinched him. "Had to be done."

Embry groaned and brought his hands to his face, rubbing the sleep out of them. "That… is hard to believe," he grumbled.

I left the room with a chuckle and a change of clothes under my arm, wondering why I had agreed to take such an early morning shift in the first place. It was still dark out.

8:00 am

"This shouldn't be so weird, should it?" I asked, biting on my bottom lip. We were parked in front of It's A Grind Coffee House, my place of employment, and I didn't want to get out of the car. "I mean, I shouldn't have separation anxiety or anything, it's not like…" I was going to say "_it's not like anything traumatic happened_" but that was debatable. And by the look on Embry's face, he was thinking the same thing.

"I could tell you it has to do with the imprinting, but I think I would be lying." He smirked at me, looking a bit mischievous albeit apologetic. But I really liked that idea better than me just being a wimp.

"Can't you just lie?"

"What?" He snorted at me.

"Can't you just tell me that…uh…" I was grasping at straws. "That… since you've imprinted on me and now that I actually know about it, there's some supernatural force that doesn't want me to go to work?"

Embry pulled in his lips trying not to smile at me, but I didn't care. I really did not like the idea of being away from him now that the moment was finally upon us.

"I could," he nodded, then shook his head, letting the smile go free. "But not with a straight face."

I rolled my eyes and slumped back against my seat, eyeing the storefront with contempt. "Can't I plead for my sanity?"

"Don't you mean 'plead insanity'?"

"No, because if I go in there and make coffee drinks for six hours straight for people I don't even know, after the weekend we just had…" I let out a sigh. "I will go _insane_." I looked down at my hands and tried not to feel so miniscule while my shape-shifting boyfriend and 2 best friends were on high alert for a _vampire_ in the area… while I made mochas.

"Hey," Embry's voice was softer as he reached for my hand. "You're safe, you know that, right? And me and Leah and Seth, we can protect ourselves."

_Yes, I know this. Because you can change into giant wolves with giant teeth and giant claws and have battles of epic proportions while I put on a smile for caffeine hungry strangers. _

_I might just be a little bitter about the whole situation._

"Besides, making money's always good, right?" He said with a smirk in his voice. "How else are you gonna get me my Christmas present?"

I scoffed and swatted away his hand, reaching for the door handle, but found myself being pulled back across the center console in one fluid movement. Embry's eyes were right in front of mine and he waited a beat, just looking, loosening his hold on my arm to a soft caress, then smirked again and kissed me. Short, sweet, and… a nice way to start the morning, if I said so myself. He pulled away and sat back behind the wheel.

"Better get in there. Don't want to be late, do you?" The smirk was ever-present.

I blinked, then looked away, then glared at him. Of course he would think distracting me would… distract me. Time to get snippy.

"No, I wouldn't want to be late. Have fun looking for vampires. If you get bored, you can always chew on a stick, it never fails when I give one to my dog back home."

He didn't bat an eyelash, smirk still in place. "And she's got attitude, too. Aren't I a lucky guy."

"I'm going now." I opened the door and got out before he could bite back. I stopped just outside the front door of the coffee house and looked back at him. He was still smiling at me, and without even moving, we were having a silent conversation through the windshield and the rain that started to sprinkle from the hazy sky above.

_I'd rather be with you._

_I know, but you'll be fine. We'll be fine._

_Please be safe._

_I know, I will._

9:00 am

"Someone's popular." My co-barista Lauren leaned against the front counter of the coffee house, eyeing my phone as I pulled it out for the umpteenth time this morning.

"Nope," I quickly typed a reply and put my phone back in my pocket. "It's just one person, and I don't mind."

"Obviously," she smirked. "You got yourself a man-friend, miss Emma? Besides Jordan, I mean."

I picked up a rag and started cleaning out one of the blenders. "Maybe."

"Someone you made dreamy eyes at when he dropped you off today?"

Cleaning blenders is serious business, needing complete concentration so that inquiring co-workers don't pull the answers out of your facial expressions. "Maybe," I repeated.

"Hmm," she mused, moving over to the sink so she was standing next to me. "I never pegged you for the 'sleepover' type, but from what I could see I can only guess it was well worth it."

Blender forgotten, my head snapped up to meet her smirk. "What- no! No! That's not even- no." I shook my head and felt the nervous smile take over. "He slept on the couch." Well, it wasn't a complete lie. He _had_ slept on the couch at first, but later it did _not _ go where her gutter of a mind went.

"Uh-huh," Lauren muttered disbelieving, and turned to help a customer with their order.

I kept cleaning a blender that was already spotless and blushed to myself, figuring the last thing I needed was the guy-gossip hungry Lauren to know about Embry. Then whispers from behind me made me frown and turn around. Jordan was holding back a smile while Lauren took her sweet time in getting his drink ready, whispering questions all the while. Jordan finally noticed me looking and interrupted the whispers. "Hey Emma."

"Hey," I said while looking between he and Lauren, who gave him his drink and kept her back turned to fiddle with the stacks of cups by the register.

"How's Embry?" he asked with mischief in his smile and I leered at him because at the sound of that name, Lauren twisted around with big eyes and a knowing smile.

"Embry? The guy from the reservation? Ohmigod thanksgiving totally sealed the deal didn't it? I knew it! And he was the one in the car! Dear Lord he is _fine_ like Abercrombie model status. Does he have the abs too?"

Jordan just took a sip of his coffee and tipped an imaginary hat to me, then strolled out over to one of the plush leather chairs like he hadn't just ruined my morning.

10:00 am

It was now the Sunday morning rush. Why they only had two of us working, I would never ask my manager since she was a bit of a witch sometimes. But on days like this, I wished they would at least give us one more person for this hour in particular. Thankfully, Lauren had to take a break from berating me about Embry since we were both busy taking orders and mixing lattes and coolers. My hair had long since rebelled and was falling out of my ponytail, despite the hat I was required to wear. I had worn a fleece today, since it was cold out, but I was now regretting it since I was sweating up a work out amongst all the steaming water and coffee and running back and forth.

I took a breather to look at the line waiting to order and groaned. It was too long for my patience this morning. One man stood off to the side, looking up at the menu as if he had never been here before. One part of me wanted him to stutter out his order then change his mind a million times so we could halt the nonstop traffic for a minute, while a stronger part of me wanted him to just spit out his order so we could get it over and done with. I sighed tiredly and grabbed one of the cups that Lauren had written the drink onto, making the hundredth peppermint mocha of the morning. I knew it was the holiday season, but the flavors were getting a bit too much for me. I wouldn't drink one of these things if you paid me a hundred bucks.

We had finally gotten to the end of the line and I threw a bunch of the mixing utensils in the sink while Lauren took the last order- the newbie. I wiped my brow with the back of my wrist and glanced out over the counter at all the people now sitting at tables, couples, sitting on the plush couches and… Jordan staring wide-eyed at me?

"_What_?" I mouthed to him, and watched his eyes shift to the newbie customer, then back to me. The guy had dark eyes and dark hair that framed around his face, his angular, pale, very pretty face. I blinked to stop looking at him and turned back to Jordan, whose own face had gone white. I did a double take between them, then felt my own blood drain from my cheeks and my stomach turn cold.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Lauren said on auto, then looked up at the evil thing in front of her, and gasped. He smiled, then leaned forward a little, and she leaned back, eyes trained on him.

"I am sorry, I have not been here before," he purred, some eastern European accent curling into his words. "What would you recommend?"

Lauren gaped, then smiled, then managed to get nothing out while her mouth worked silently. For all I knew he was hypnotizing her, seducing her with mind tricks or something else that would turn out equally horrible. Before he could say anything else, the bell above the door jingled and Embry walked in, his eyes heated and hands clenching at his sides. I looked at the man entrancing my friend and saw his face harden, his eyes darken. Lauren's smile started to fade and she inched herself backwards.

"Peppermint mocha!" I blurted. All eyes turned to me, and I found myself looking into onyx black orbs that were now smiling. "F-for the holidays, it's pretty popular right now."

"Thank you, that sounds lovely," he smiled at me, handing a card to Lauren. She fumbled with the register while I pushed my fear aside and made another damned peppermint mocha. There was Christmas music on the stereo, but I didn't hear it. There was chatter from the rest of the people in the coffee house, but I didn't hear it. I went on automatic, working with the machines and mixing in the right amounts of syrup, then covered the cup and put it on the end of the counter. I jumped when a pale hand quickly picked it up, skimming my fingers in doing so.

"H-have a nice day," I stuttered out and backed up unconsciously. He smiled, taking a moment to just look at me, then cocked his head to the side.

"Thank you, child." He held his drink in both hands and seemed to revel in the warmth for a moment. "I am sad your other friend is not here."

My mouth stayed shut, my teeth glued and unmoving while my heart sped up to the speed of a freight train.

He leaned forward just enough so only I would hear him. "She is quite the mystery," he whispered, smiling at me like he was a normal every-day human being. I knew better- and so did my feet, since they took another step backwards. "Good day," he said a normal volume, then turned and glided to the door. He passed Embry as if he weren't even there, though Embry looked stiff as a board until he was out the door. If you didn't know to look for it you wouldn't have seen his entire frame starting to vibrate like a tuning fork.

"Hey Lauren?" I asked her, snapping her out of the daze that he had put her in. She turned away from the front door, and blinked at me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna take my break now," I said, catching Embry's eyes that were burning a hole in my head.

"Oh, okay," she said airily, then noticed who was waiting for me. "Oh! Right! You go right ahead and have your break. And… I won't need anything from the storage closet for at least an hour, just so you know," she giggled and raised her eyebrows. I smiled half-heartedly and untied my apron, setting it on the counter.

Jordan and Embry were standing close together exchanging harsh whispers, an imposing pair standing right next to each other. I rushed over to them and grabbed both of their hands, dragging them outside. The cold air hit me with a chill and I immediately stood closer to Embry, but kept both of their hands clenched in mine.

"Did that just happen?" I asked, and got nothing in response. No one was sitting at the tables outside in the winter weather, but one lone coffee cup sat on the edge of one, steam still rising from the hole in the cap. Despite the warm hands that held mine, I could still feel the cold of his fingers when they touched mine and I let go of them. Both Embry and Jordan just watched me shake out my hands and grumble to myself, wiping off my fingers on my fleece, even though physically, they had nothing on them.

"Em," a warm hand touched my arm, hotter than hot, and I shrunk back.

"He didn't drink it," I pointed to the steaming cup and pushed my hair away from my face, then made some incoherent noise when I realized that that hand had touched those cold fingers and I just brought it to my face. Like I was letting him touch my face. Jordan saw the cup and tossed it in the garbage. Embry was standing in front of me, arms out peacefully like I was a wild animal, which made sense because I was making noises like one.

The…it… he was on my hands, and now he was on my face, and he was right there and I knew what he was, and he was talking to me, and he called me _child_, and he didn't drink the mocha because that's not what he drinks.

My mouth started to water and Embry was saying something, but I shook my head and sped past him to one of the street trash bins so the people in the coffee house wouldn't see. I closed my eyes and heaved, then heaved some more when instead of the bleach from a toilet bowl, days of garbage stewed up at me and made it worse. I groaned again and felt two hands help me stand, while another two hands pushed my hair back and gave me a napkin to wipe my mouth.

"Is there someone that can cover your shift for you?" one of them asked me, and I nodded, closing my eyes.

"I need to wash my hands," I mumbled. I took off my hat and let the cool air chill my scalp, making me shiver. Then I was inside and Jordan was talking to Lauren. I washed my hands and Embry took my hand and led me outside. Jordan was walking beside us.

Then Leah was there and she was getting out of her car. My eyes widened and I remembered what it had said.

"Leah," I whimpered and then she was looking at me. "It thinks you're a mystery." She looked at Embry and Jordan, then rushed around the car and pulled me to another trash bin just before my stomach unloaded again. It was good that she could tell, otherwise it'd be all over the street. The thought of it made me heave again, but nothing came out, just spit.

"Ugh," I groaned and wobbled on my feet, now thoroughly dehydrated. "At least we know what I'll do whenever something that's not supposed to be real surprises me… Leah, he touched my hand." My voice cracked and I was led back to the car.

11:00 am

"Look, it's already made contact with both Emma and Jordan, and if-" Embry was cut off by whoever was on the phone, and he was angry. "He's Emma's friend and he's too involved now to-"

A cup of ice chips was put into my hand and Leah sat next to me. "Think you can get that down?"

I nodded and tipped back the cup, the crunch of ice between my teeth like bulldozers in my head. Seth was "hanging out" with Jordan at his place, which meant he was basically keeping guard. Embry was still talking to the phone. I could hear whoever was talking but not what they were saying.

"They're as much a part of us as any of us and you're not going to do anything?" He snarled and listened and waited, then hung his head and rubbed his eyes. "Fine." He shut the phone and tossed it on the table.

"They can't take on Seattle for one vampire, Embry," Leah said from beside me, and I stopped my chomping at the word that made me cringe.

"Yeah, well… It was worth a shot."

I swallowed the ice and finally spoke. "What about tomorrow?"

"What _about_ tomorrow?" Leah countered.

"Well you may be super tough werewolves but you can't exactly get past airport security." They were both quiet, and I stood up. "I need to pack."

12:00 pm

Folding clothes is very therapeutic. First they're just a lump of fabric, then you fold them into neat rectangles. You put them into piles, first just to sort, then to figure out which ones to bring home for a month in the cold dry winter of the Midwest. All socks and underwear go home. Anything long-sleeved goes home. Anything warm goes home. Anything cool stays here. Throw in some t-shirts for boring days and pajamas and I'm set. I'll make it all fit, sort them into piles this time in the suitcase. Sit on it to make it shut, make sure I have a comfortable outfit left for flying, and now onto the carry-on, fitting what I need into my backpack.

Embry is sitting on my bed, watching me. He's waiting for something to happen, but I don't have many reactions left. I thought I was ready for all of this and okay with it all, but obviously I wasn't. I still felt the urge to shake my hand like there was something stuck to it whenever I thought of those cold fingers. I realized why Embry couldn't call him anything but an 'it'. I knew what he did, what he was, a vampire, and I couldn't think of him as a person when he stood in front of me smiling like we shared a secret. It didn't work.

But when I look at Embry, it works. It shouldn't though, realistically, and I feel like a hypocrite, then I feel a little sick inside for feeling like a hypocrite because that would mean I was in favor of the vampire, and that would be wrong. But then I think of Ness, and who her parents and her family are and I feel guilt. All around from every direction there's guilt. And I don't know which guilt is right for me to feel.

"Emma," Embry finally said something after too long of a silence between us, silence I instigated. I look up at him, exhausted, and he kneels down in front of me, my suitcase on the floor between us. We're on even ground now. "At the coffee place… you didn't need to go through that. I should have been there sooner… I'm so sorry."

I look away and start wrapping up the charger cord for my computer. "I did go through that, though, and at some point it was bound to happen."

"I knew there was a possibility, yes, and I didn't plan for it, I know. Not so soon, anyway. I messed up."

"Stop apologizing."

"What else am I supposed to do? What else _can _I do, Em? If I knew it was coming I would've stopped it, but I can't."

I sunk back onto my butt and groaned, holding my head at my temples. I felt the floor shift and then there was warmth in front of me. He took my hands out of my hair and held them between us and I was frustrated and confused and worried.

"I'm scared," I stated plainly, no tears, no garbling voice. "Okay? I get it, you want to protect me, you _need_ to protect me, but I am still scared as shit because it's all so… unreal. But then it's completely real. I don't know where I am."

Embry didn't say anything , didn't try to sugar-coat it. It was what it was- a mess. A total emotional, psychological mess. I sat there and held onto his hands and willed everything to be okay, at least here, right now. Now, he is Embry and I am Emma, and we were made for each other regardless of any sort of supernatural bond. I love him. His life is a part of mine now, and I just had a taste of the "whatever else comes with it".

I leaned forward and rested my head in the crook of his neck. He sighed into my hair and didn't say anything. Our knees touched sitting pretzel style and we were anchored.

Some things are always constant.

1:00 pm

The water stopped boiling for a moment once all the pasta was poured into the pot. I stirred it around a bit, then left it to boil again, walking into the living room and then slumped onto the heaven couch. Embry was on the roof, taking his turn to watch the streets and "keeping a nose out" for any stenches coming our way. Leah threw me a pillow and I tucked it behind my head as we watched the TV. I had put in one of the _It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia_ DVDs in hopes that it would brighten the mood around here. So far it was working… minimally.

After a few minutes, a vibrating pocket startled me out of my daze and I pulled out my phone, second guessing whether I should answer it. I glanced at Leah, but she was focused on the TV, so I bit the bullet and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"_Hi Emma, it's Ness_." Her usually chipper voice sounded more apprehensive than what I remembered.

"Hi."

"_We tried to call Leah, but she didn't answer her phone, so… I guess we're calling you_."

"We?" I took another look at Leah, but she was still looking as disinterested as ever.

"_Um, me and Jake… We just wanted to know…are you okay?"_

I wasn't prepared for that and stalled in my answer. It was long enough to hear the pot on the stove overflow, the water sizzling when it hit the burner.

"Uh… I actually have to go, the water's boiling over."

"_Oh, okay._" She was quiet. "_I'll talk to you later then?"_

"Yeah, sure," I answered, not really promising anything, and waved away the steam above the pot until the boiling went down.

"_Alright….bye."_

"Bye." I hung up and stirred the pasta, scooping one long string of it out to see if it was cooked and ready. I went into machine mode and quickly drained the pasta in the sink, then started on the sauce. A few minutes later, I had two plates of spaghetti and marinara sauce, bringing them both out to the living room.

I could have easily done all of this with a phone to my ear, chatting away with a friend. But I didn't. I couldn't.

"You want parmesan cheese?" I asked Leah, holding up the container. She nodded and we both took some, like I hadn't just gotten a phone call.

"You sure that'll go down?" she asked me as I twirled the pasta around my fork. I nodded and kept my eyes on my plate. We ate in silence save for the TV, still playing the comedy that wasn't really making me laugh.

2:00 pm

I walked out of the bathroom and slowed mid-step when I saw that Embry had replaced Leah on the couch, chowing down on his own plate of pasta. He looked up when he heard me, and swallowed a huge bite. "Hey."

"Hey," I walked past him and slumped back onto my end of the couch, _It's Always Sunny_ still playing. "Where'd Leah go?"

"She's outside." He twirled more pasta onto his fork, while I looked out the window.

"By herself?" I shouted. _'She is quite the mystery.'_

"She needed some air. She's fine, Em, don't worry about it." He stared ahead for a second, not looking at me for what he said next. "So Ness called you?"

I saw my phone on the coffee table had moved from my end to his, meaning he had definitely looked through my calls.

"Um, stalker much?" I sat up and grabbed it before he could do anything else. "You looked through my phone?"

Embry seemed to choke on his food, and after a few fists to the chest, swallowed and looked at me innocently. "Technically, yes. But only because yours is cooler than mine and I wanted to see if you had any games." I did not believe this, and I'm sure my expression showed as much. He went back to twirling pasta. "That, and I heard a really short call when I was outside and I was curious."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Is nothing I do sacred anymore? No privacy, no personal space, just continuous surveillance by supersonic hearing?

"You should call her back," Embry said through a mouthful of food.

"Really." I nodded but kept my eyes on the TV, not that I was watching what was on the screen. "I should, should I?"

"Well, you don't have to… I just think you should."

"Oh, well then by all means, if _you_ think so I guess I should." I was being rude, and it felt good.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, just finished his pasta. When he set it down on the coffee table, he was looking at me. He was burning holes through my head again, I knew it, but I didn't look at him.

"What's goin' on Emma?"

"What, are you my father?" I spit out. "Are we gonna have an attitude talk now? I will call Ness when I feel like calling her."

His face was harder, but he didn't look away. "And when will that be?"

"_God!_ Don't you get it?" I stood up glared at him. "I get that I'm new to all this, but _really_? You're really gonna bring this up? Thanks for making me feel like I'm thirteen again, I really love it." The sarcasm, it was having a chemical reaction with my adrenaline. It was pumping through me at a rate that had it dripping off of every word I said. "And don't think you can justify it because _neither_ of us knows what we're doing, and you know it. What do you know about handling a relationship, huh?"

Embry's jaw tensed and he looked away for a second, then his eyes seared up at me with a heat that was not in any way romantic.

"Emma-"

"No. Fine. You know what she called about? She called to see if I was _okay_. No, sorry, _they_ were calling, the both of them. And apparently Leah wouldn't answer her own dang phone so oh no, they had to actually speak to me first! _So_ sorry! And yes, I am _okay_, I am yelling at you right now because I am _just _fine, it's not like it phases me at all when a _vampire_ walks into my _work_ and talks to me about _my _friends and orders a _peppermint mocha _and then doesn't even drink it because why would he? He's a frickin' vampire, _he drinks people's blood for dinner_." My eyes caught the red of the marinara sauce on his plate, and my stomach rolled.

"I am _so_ okay with having to depend on all of you just to go outside because he knows where I live and he knows where I work and he can disappear if he wants to and he can spy on us and he has a creepy accent and he _touched my hand_!" I whipped my fingers in the air and rubbed them on my jeans but the feeling wouldn't get off.

Embry jumped up and grabbed my shoulders to make me stop moving, and I deflated. "I'm not okay," I croaked and leaned against him. "Every time I think of it I feel sick." I swallowed back anything that was trying to come up. "Ness is part… _that._ I can't talk to her when I know that."

"You're afraid of Ness?" he asked from above me. I never really noticed just how tall he was until I felt this small.

"No," I rolled my head against him and shook my hand again with a shudder. He grabbed it in his own and brought it to his chest. "I'm afraid of me. That I can hurt her… but I think I already did, when she called. And I was trying really hard to ignore it but _you_," I punched him in the arm weakly with my other hand, "_had_ to bring it up."

"I'm sorry," he murmured into my hair. He seemed to like to do that. "This sucks." There was no point in even agreeing. It was too true to require a comment. I hit his arm a few more times just to get something out.

"And this isn't me being a shrink, this is me being a werewolf that has a pack plural mind sometimes and I hear good things from conversations I was never a part of." I snorted into his shirt and took a deep breath in, out. "From an otherwise unknown source, 'Would you rather go on thinking you hurt her feelings and feel like shit forever, or find out for sure and only feel like shit until she forgives you."

Whoever said this was a wise old owl. "So who do I thank now for this sage advice?"

"Um… I think it was someone in Jared's family."

"I think you're lying."

"I think you should just accept the advice and be grateful."

"I think I'm more in the mood to argue."

"I can tell," he chuckled and pulled back so he could see me. "So… would you rather?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I didn't fail to notice that while he held my fingers tightly in his, the slithery cold feeling was gone.

3:00 pm

I tried calling her three times, but every time I couldn't press Send. Alright, so I attempted to call her, attempted to place an actual phone call, but never got around to connecting the lines. I thought maybe it would be easier if I was alone, but once I was sitting in my room by myself, the paranoia started to set in and I got to thinking there was no one between me and the window if _he_ could climb walls, or fly, or something ridiculous. So I skittered out of there and into the company of others with a sigh of relief.

"Did you call her?" Embry asked, taking in my relaxed appearance once I sat down next to him. I shook my head against the back of the couch, then grabbed his hand and held it tightly between us.

4:00 pm

I am watching the TV. I am completely zoned out. The outside world does not exist. I am totally okay with it.

5:00 pm

"That is not fair… not fair at all." Seth tsked me over the phone. "You watch the entirety of _It's Always Sunny_ and you didn't even call me? Cold, Emma… very cold."

"Sorry," I smiled and put the last DVD back in its case. "So how's Jordan?"

"Jumpy."

I laughed quickly and fumbled with the disc case.

_That makes two of us_.

As if to prove it, the front door opened abruptly and I jumped about a foot in the air. Leah waltzed in with her phone to her ear and stared right at me. "Yeah, she's right here."

I stared at the phone she was holding out to me until she forcibly put it into my hand. With a glare, I said goodbye to Seth and brought Leah's phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"_Emma?_"

I closed my eyes and hated the world. I knew who it was.

"Yes?"

"_Hi… it's Ness, I thought I'd try to catch you again while I had Leah on the phone."_

"Oh," I shifted uncomfortably when I noticed Leah watching me. "Yeah, that's fine." I stood up and made for my bedroom, then doubled back and grabbed Embry's hand, pulling him behind me for reasons my conscious mind didn't even register. "Um… what did you want to talk about?" I sat on the edge of my bed, and Embry sat against my headboard. Close enough so I wasn't alone, but far enough so he wasn't hovering. He was sort of becoming my security blanket.

"_Oh… well, I really just wanted to know how you were doing… since this morning."_

"Um," I cleared my throat and played with a thread from my comforter. "Yeah, this morning was… not fun."

"_Did you flip out yet?"_

I glanced at Embry, then looked back to the floor beneath my feet. "What?"

"_I'm just wondering if you've flipped out yet or if you'd rather keep it all inside for now."_

My mind reeled at this crazy little half-vampire psychoanalyzing me. "I, uh, flipped out already, thanks."

"_Oh, uh, sorry… my mom says I'm too forward sometimes and that I need a filter. I'm sorry, I didn't really think…"_

"Well," I crossed my ankles and tried to stop fidgeting. "Some would say it's refreshing... saying what's on your mind."

"_I guess… but having a dad that already knows what's on my mind doesn't really help either. I mean, I can speak for myself, and sometimes it's just plain rude, you know? They're called boundaries." _She sighed into the phone as if we were comrades in arms, girlfriends who could sympathize with each other's worries and woes. But that wasn't necessarily true.

"Um… I don't really know what that would be like, but I can imagine it, uh, gets in the way sometimes?" I looked to Embry for help, but he just sat there and gave me a small smile.

_Thank you, oh helpful boyfriend. I'm starting to think I picked the wrong person to sit with me here. _

"_Oh, yeah… I guess not," _she giggled, but it sounded forced. "_Silly me."_

I dropped my head into my hand and sighed. "Look, Ness… I… um…" Silence waited on the other end, and I decided to just plow through it all. "This morning, when I was at work, I knew what was going on, or at least I thought I did. But once the-" I struggled with the word again since the person I was talking to technically was one, but it had to be done. "-the _vampire_ came in and ordered a frickin' mocha right in front of me, and touched my hand when he took the dang thing, I got really messed up. It wasn't just what Embry or Seth were telling me anymore, it wasn't just seeing anything that might not be real- it was real, because I can't get that cold feeling off of my fingers, I _felt _it. And now I'm officially part of this world that I didn't know existed until a few days ago and yeah, I flipped out."

My voice dropped down to a low murmur, ashamed of what I knew I had to say next. "I know more or less about you… and your family… and I know you're all different from that, and I want to look past what makes you the same, but right now it's really hard." I swallowed a lump in my throat and held the phone tighter in my hand. "I'm sorry… if that hurts you. I know you're sweet and you love Jake and your family, and you all work hard at being some sort of normal, but I also know… a lot. Maybe too much. But maybe… if- or when- you still want to be friends and have me meet your family, all this craziness will go away for a while. Maybe it won't. I don't know."

I shook my head and ran my hand over my face, hating this one sided conversation. I really didn't know, and I didn't trust myself to give her a concrete answer.

"_Wow... well, at least you're honest,_" Ness muttered with some bite in her voice that made me freeze. "_Guess that sums that up."_

I didn't know what to say and certainly didn't expect her to spit my weak offer of peace back at me. There was a low voice in the background that sounded like it was trying to calm her down, and then some whispered arguing. Finally it reached an audible volume and I wished I wasn't hearing it.

_"Stop babying me."_

_"I'm not baby-"_

_"Yes you are! She's the only one who's being realistic, and it hurts, okay? Let me be angry!"_

I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked pleadingly at Embry, who was now sitting up and scooted closer to me. "I shouldn't be listening to this." He just looked at the phone, utterly uncomfortable. "Should I hang up?"

Embry shrugged and looked at a loss for words. "I don't know her enough. And Jake's changed since everything... I dunno."

There were still voices coming from the phone but I didn't dare eavesdrop anymore. Just before I could interrupt and say goodbye, there was a loud click and utter silence. My shoulders slumped.

"Well that failed."

6:00 pm

I love my vacuum.

I turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to their faces and comments and finished the job, knocking into their feet to make them lift up off the carpet, and completing the living room, hallway, and both the bedrooms. It sucked up all the dust and hair and bits of things that weren't supposed to be there, and when you're all done, you can throw all that crap away and you have a nice clean floor.

As much as a rented apartment floor can be cleaned, that is.

"You really enjoy doing that? Just because?" Embry asked me when I plopped down onto the couch for the millionth time today. I felt like I was on house arrest, but when I even thought of leaving, I put it out of my mind.

I shrugged. "It's something to do, take my mind off things."

"So you clean?"

I shrugged again, finally feeling tired, and let my head rest on his shoulder. He seemed to be mighty happy about something, and I just closed my eyes.

"I'm not a maid. Don't even think about it."

"'Course not," Embry hugged me to his side. "What gave you that impression?"

I didn't have the energy to argue anymore.

7:00 pm

I wish I was a drinker. Like one of those stereotypical college students that gets drunk on weekends just because they can. Because it's fun. But I can't because, One: We don't have any booze in our apartment. Two: I don't want people to know that I want to get drunk. That just makes it seem so much more dramatic than it needs to be. Three: I have to wake up ridiculously early tomorrow, and Four: I'm still under age give or take a few (five) months and there's a big ol' principle that's been too engrained in me to fight against it without devastating results.

Seth and Jordan walked in the front door and though it was nice to know the people I most cared about here were safe, I hated that I had to even think twice about that. I also hated that our apartment was becoming the anti-vampire headquarters.

_I am so sick of this day. It needs to end._

A buzzing noise brought my spaced out gaze to the phone vibrating across the counter. I picked it up and immediately groaned at the caller ID and against my better judgment, answered anyway.

"Hello?"

8:00 pm

"_Well he sounds like a pretty good guy."_

"Yep, he's a good friend." I rubbed my eyes for about the tenth time, telling her the same thing for about the tenth time.

"_Well I've heard about him all semester and I've seen the pictures, Emma. He's a cutie. And a keeper."_

"Mom!"

"_What?"_

"He's like a brother to me. It's not like that."

"_Alright, I'll stop. But as long as we're on the subject…"_

I held back a groan and wished I had never answered the stupid phone. My mother was making up for being across the country for a semester by calling me on the pretense of telling me she'd pick me up from the airport. And how Grandma Ruth was doing. And how our neighbor's toddler was doing. And what the dog did this morning. And-

"…_is there anyone we should expect to be stealing your attention away from us while you're home?"_

Without thinking, I looked at Embry across the room, who gave me a wry smile and raised an eyebrow.

"U-uh… no." I stuttered and grimaced. His smile faltered and I silently pleaded with him to understand. I wanted to ease my parents into the idea of him, I really didn't want to get into it at the moment.

"_No? You sure about that, beb?"_

"Yeah," I sighed and blushed. "Maybe, just… I'll tell you later." I hated having this kind of talk with my mom. She was the only extrovert in our family and it drove me and my sister nuts when she wanted to know everything that was going on in our heads like it was our duty to tell her. And if perchance, she found out that we kept something to ourselves, she'd take it personally.

There was a small gasp on her end. "_You're seeing someone?"_

"Mom."

"_Oh you are such a downer. I'm just playing with you."_

"Yep." I was having trouble containing my irritation by now. "Good job."

"_You girls," _she chuckled and continued in a voice that she's used with me since I was five, like we would answer her if she sounded like a kid's show character. _"Both you and your sister. You're always bottling things, I just want to know what's going on with you."_

Case in point.

"Yeah, okay, I'll tell you later." Hopefully rather than sooner.

"_Okay, it's getting late here anyways, so I'll let you go. Tell your friends hello for me!"_

"Yeah, okay."

"_Bye!"_

"Bye." I shut the phone and rolled my eyes. "My mom says hi."

Seth stepped up next to me and hugged me tightly to his side. "So she thinks I'm a keeper?" I covered my face with my hands and finally groaned aloud this time. "Emma, do _you_ think I'm a cutie? 'Cuz your mom thinks so."

Embry merely stood up and Seth quickly jumped away, hands up in surrender. "I kid, I kid."

9:00 pm

"Is all this really necessary?" Jordan frowned from his spot on the couch, then flinched when all eyes turned towards him. "What?"

"If we had bigger numbers, it wouldn't be." Leah said evenly. "But seeing as there are only three of us for the time being, it's the best option if any of us want some rest. We're not taking any more risks."

"What, like a night watch?" He asked incredulously.

Leah's eyes flickered angrily. "Yes. Exactly like a night watch. Lucky for you, you won't be part of it."

I leaned into Embry and whispered, "For the time being? I thought the pack couldn't help."

"You can take the couch," Leah tossed a pillow and blanket into Jordan's lap then turned to me. "The p-… the guys in La Push _can't _help. I called Jake, he's pulling some strings on his end."

"Jake? What can he do?"

She forced a very un-assuring smile. "Airport security."

"Airpo- but he's in South Dakota." My eyes bugged out and I was confused. "If the, uh, Rez guys can't help, then who does he know here that can-"

"They're not here yet, you'll meet them there."

"Meet who?"

No one was looking at me.

_No… No they wouldn't…_

"It's not Ness, if that's what you're thinking," Embry looked down at his hands still, but that weight was thankfully taken off my chest. I looked to Leah for an answer.

"Do I even want to know?"

10:00 pm

"_The ancient Maya civilization of Central America left behind intricate and mysterious hieroglyphic script carved on monuments, pottery and books. Unlocking its meaning has been one of archaeology's fiercest challenges… Until now. Tonight on NOVA, we will explore the groundbreaking new evidence…_

I resorted to PBS.

If I have to wake up at 5 am to make a 7 am flight, I need sleep. And there is no way I am just going to be able to fall asleep on my own.

Leah had taken first watch and Seth would be next. In a very un-Leah-like move, she offered her own bed for him to use in the mean time. He made a little show of being weirded out at first, but we haven't heard from him since. I was having a small déjà vu moment, sitting on the couch between Embry and Jordan, but this time it was not so jovial.

Jordan was being a grump, having been basically ordered to sleep over here. Embry seemed calm, but I could feel him tense up whenever he looked sideways at me. I knew at some point in the night he would leave my side to take his turn on the watch, but I didn't want to think about it.

The posh-accented narrator droned on about symbols and characters and I was paying attention, mostly. Twenty minutes into it, I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, letting the low tones and background music lull over me. I think one of them was trying to get my attention, but I was focusing on being my breathing and nothing else. Anything other than what tomorrow would bring.

_In, out. In, out. _

Soft lips on my forehead.

_In, out. In… out…_

"_Haƈh awí."_

OOO

**A/N: Oh em gee. She updated. And ended with a weird ass cliffie? Yes, it is true. I went there. **

**To all my returning readers, I cannot express my thanks for staying with me. To all my new readers, welcome to the madness that is M&M. And Leah. And Seth. Oh and Jordan, you guys seem to like him. :) And this frickin' weekend has finally come to a close. She's goin' home people! And Embry's gonna follow.**

**So who's gonna be at the airport, hmm? Next chapter is in the works. To anyone else who's working a monotonous, draining, 9-5 job this summer, I am with you. Brighten my windowless-office day and leave me your thoughts! I want into your minds!**


	24. Airplanes

**A/N: So... all you medical people out there… I know nothing. Just sayin'. **

**I'll put up one of those warnings they put on commercials: "DRAMATIZATION. DO NOT ATTEMPT."**

**I do not own Twilight or the characters/storylines therein. I do own a calendar, however, and cannot believe summer is almost over. **

**Chapter title comes from the Local Natives. (link on profile)**

**Airplanes**

For some reason, I had expected it to be a longer trip to SeaTac from our apartment, a longer timeframe to wrap my mind around the idea of not being around Embry for such an extended period of time. When at first I had known his flight to Sioux Falls was a day after mine, I didn't mind so much. Thirteenth, fourteenth, what's the big deal? Back then, we were simply two giddy people intent on being happy with each other and adding to a 'weird list'. But now…

_What a difference a weekend makes._

"Emma," Embry sighed, and I was snapped back into reality, sitting in the car outside the airport.

I shook my head and pursed my lips, focusing on picking out all the dirt from under my thumbnail. He had looked into changing his ticket, but once he saw the cost of doing so, he claimed he didn't have that kind of money and that the original plan was fool proof anyways and everything that they had sorted out would be for nothing. He didn't want to piss off anyone else. I was a whiny girlfriend and told him that being in debt would be better than putting me through the original plan. Then he pleaded with his puppy eyes asking me to understand and I still can't figure out if I had been reasoned with or if I was just plain guilt-tripped by them. Either way, we were here now, and I was stalling.

"Babe, it's gonna be fine. Nothing to throw up about."

I shot him a glare, first because he was trying to soften the blow with the 'babe' thing, then out of embarrassment because I really didn't want to throw up anymore, but it seemed like that was my main reaction nowadays for things like this. He sighed again from my glare, and I saw the stress he had been holding back pass over his features.

"I never said I liked this idea, just so you know." His voice was just over a murmur and he shook his head, raking his fingers through his short dark hair. "But it's help, and… I just want you safe." He hesitated before reaching over and pushing some of my wayward bangs back around my ear. I grabbed his hand and gave it a quick kiss, then held it both of mine tightly.

"I know," I murmured back.

Just then, I could feel him tense beside me in the car, and without even looking, I knew our time was up. "Emma?" his voice dropped into a growl, and I found him in almost the same state as he was in the coffee house- almost trembling and holding back a sneer.

"What?"

"Just…" he struggled and tried to even out his composure. "He might look… intimidating, but he's… I've only met him a few times, but he's a pretty good guy. Nothing to throw up over," he repeated, and I wondered if that last bit was for me or for him.

My brows furrowed at this new information, but before I could ask, a quick tapping made me jump in my seat, then jump again when I saw the hulking figure just outside my window.

Despite the dimpled grin that took over his features, he was _huge_, and that alone made it hard to look past the definite intimidation he may or may not have been trying to give off. In my case, I felt like a mouse. I may have even squeaked.

He stepped back from the car once he had our attention, and did nothing else.

_Am I supposed to open the door? I don't want to open the door._

I glanced at the door handle, then back to the behemoth outside, and he raised one dark eyebrow. I held back another squeak.

The sound of another car door opening, made me spin to the left and balk at Embry as he let go of my hand and got out of the car. He slammed his door shut and walked around the front, only giving a sideways glance to the Giant when he passed him. Embry opened my door, but I was stuck to my seat. He offered his hand, and on instinct, I grabbed for it, not realizing he would use it to pull me out of the car. It was quite a bit colder outside and once I stood up I immediately sunk into his side.

"Emma," Embry wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "This is Emmett Cullen. Emmett this is Emma."

_Right, he has a name. Of course he has a name... he's like a person, right?_

"Hey," Emmett gave a short nod towards me, and I just stared. "Can we get this show on the road?" His voice was low and warm and smooth, like darkened glass, and my eyes widened at the sound of it. There was a hint of annoyance but I quickly forgot it when he smiled at me again.

Embry tightened his grip on my shoulders and I blinked, realizing who I must've looked like.

_Just like Lauren- completely dazed and awestruck by a person trying to lure in his prey, hypnotizing for information, ordering a mocha…_

I noticed his twinkling eyes because I couldn't look away from them. They were a light brown color, like honey in the sun- "golden" as Embry had said before when he explained their family to me. It meant they went against their nature; they didn't drink from _people_. Instead they hunted down wild animals and sucked them dry.

The thought alone made my stomach turn and I swallowed to keep down any potential bile. At least I'd never have to see that happen. Hopefully.

_Nothing to throw up about. Nothing to throw up about._

"Uh-um…" I stuttered out and looked away, fidgeting.

"Let me get your bags," Emmett offered, stepping towards us, and I stiffened against Embry, who slowly but firmly led me out of the way so Emmett could get my luggage from the back seat. All I could do was watch him while the rest of me was frozen. He lifted my full-to-the-brim suitcase like it was empty and set my back-pack carry-on next to it on the ground, then looked up at me expectantly.

I looked right back, not knowing what he was waiting for. The Giant said something to Embry, then turned his gaze to the side, and I ogled at his profile.

"Emma."

_How is it possible that he just looks so... pretty?_

"Emma," I was shaken out of my daze and I distractedly pushed my hair behind my ears and folded my arms across my chest. Embry pushed back the long bangs that didn't cooperate and kissed my forehead.

"It'll be fine, and I'll see you tomorrow."

And then I was engulfed in Embry. My face pressed into his chest and his arms held me tightly, a little too tight to be honest, but I wouldn't tell him that. I was still in a bit of a fog and when I didn't respond with as much enthusiasm, Embry pulled back to look down at me. In doing so, he loosened his arms, and I took a breath I must've not been able to while I was in his vice grip. I blinked and looked back up at him, a little confused and forgetting what we were here and in this position for.

Embry searched my eyes for a moment, then in a tense voice said, "Call me when you land, okay?"

I nodded and accepted a short chaste kiss from him and another vice grip hug. And then the neurons connected. The whole of the past several days stormed into my thoughts and reality hit me again. This was a farewell, a parting of sorts. And behind us, waiting for me with my luggage was a…

_Nothing to throw up about. Nothing to throw up about._

I clung onto Embry and tried to ignore the exaggerated huff of irritation from the Giant behind us. To get some semblance of calm, I tried to focus on good things.

_Embry always smells nice. And he's always warm. I feel safe. There's love here. This is good. _

A cleared throat behind me made me snap out of that calm, and my own irritation boiled to the point where I was not such a goody-two-shoes-small-town-midwestern-girl. Without even looking at him, I gave a one fingered salute to the Giant's general direction.

"That's a nice bird," the Giant chuckled, all low and cocky, "but I'm not known for my patience and this is not a good day to test it."

A growl rumbled through Embry's chest and I straightened at the sound of it. "Look, we appreciate that you're helping us, really, but you-"

"No, _you _look, Balto." Emmett cut him off. "You think I want to be here and get involved in this little mess y'all are makin' out here? Hell no. And from the sounds of it, she," the Giant pointed his massive finger at me, "isn't even the problem. But I've got a niece that's closed us all off and that hasn't happened before." He sent a sneer my way and I cringed. "... So say goodbye to your girlfriend so I can do my job and get back to my family before something else goes wrong. Easy as pie and we all go home happy."

_Happy. Right._

_Now they all hate me. And I just flipped him off. Yes, I am so happy._

Embry growled and glared and Emmett crossed his arms over his chest, waiting. Then my mouth opened up and decided to take over the situation.

"Okay, well...okay."

_Nice job mouth. Next time, try to work with brain, you might accomplish more._

I started to pull away and reach for my back pack, when Embry stepped forward and grabbed it off the ground, handing it to me with a little more force than my stomach muscles could withstand. I let out a "umf" and bent over at the waist, catching my breath while Embry muttered curses under his breath and Emmett mumbled at the sky.

"I'm fine," I lifted my hand to stop Embry from overreacting and stood myself up straight with his help, then shrugged the strap of my bag onto my shoulder. Embry wore a pained expression and had one hand pulling at his hair, while Emmett pulled out the handle for my suitcase as a sign to get a move on.

I didn't like Emmett.

"Stop," I pulled Embry's hand out of his hair and held it in mine. "I'm fine, stop making that face." He shot me a look and I shot him one back. "I am! So stop it!"

Embry's face crumpled and he looked over at Emmett, clenching his jaw, then back to me. "He does anything… you tell me."

I nodded, then pulled him down for another kiss, mindful of our impatient audience. When I pulled away, I thought of something that might ease his stress a little. "Um…Huchaway?" I said softly to him, but it came out like a question.

Embry looked confused as I started to back up and I smiled weakly, waiting for him to figure it out.

"Huchaway? What…" In a matter of seconds it dawned on him and he couldn't hold back the smile while his shoulders lowered, less tense. "You mean _haƈh awí_?"

I bit my lip and shrugged, inwardly cringing at my horrible pronunciation. I didn't even know what it meant, just that he'd said it to me twice now. "Yeah?"

Embry's touch finally left me as I took another step back, but he was smiling now, so it wasn't so bad. He shook his head, still grinning in an 'I'm not surprised' sort of way. Eyes shining, he said sincerely, "_Haƈh awí_, Emma."

My spirits lifted, even if just a little, and I took a mental snapshot. Keeping that picture of him in the forefront of my mind, I was able to follow Emmett the Giant through the airport doors with a small smile stuck firmly in place.

OOO

Emmett seemed to have a five foot minimum radius between he and I, never making it seem as though we were traveling together. I was more than okay with that. Not only was he on my _list_ for calling my boyfriend "Balto", but from what I gathered, he really didn't want to be here babysitting the poor defenseless human girl that he didn't know from Eve. That vibe was pretty clear when he sat down on the complete opposite end of the seats from me at the gate. He had no book, no ipod, no phone that he was fiddling with. At least that I could see. He just sat there, people watching, every once in a while sweeping his gaze over in my direction.

I ignored him the best I could, and it was easier to just think of him as an angry-looking stranger than a fuming-vampire-escort.

Embry and I added to our weird list by text and I couldn't keep that small smile off my face.

_**I watch thunderstorms on the front porch in the summer.**_

_**Awesome. My girl is a crazy woman.**_

I rolled my eyes. He knows nothing of summer thunderstorms where I come from. They're warm and electric and the sky can be downright beautiful across the plains. It's a whole new ballgame compared to being on the coast. 

_**You would love it.**_

_**Rain is rain. I have yet to be impressed by it.**_

_**Lame. In time, you will learn.**_

Just as I pressed Send, the loudspeaker called our flight to board and I quickly typed another text.

_**Boarding now. I'll call when I land. Love you.**_

I followed the line of passengers into the plane and quickly found my window seat –_Thank you, parents who got me a ticket with a window seat_- then shoved my back pack under the seat in front of me. I pulled out my phone again to see Embry's text.

_**Thank you. Love you. Miss you.**_

I bet my lip and held back a dramatic sigh like the swooning girls lusting after Gaston in _Beauty and the Beast_. Of course, I always thought they were ridiculous, but now I had a reason to lose my breath like that. I was so lost in my love struck haze that I hadn't noticed who was sliding into the seat beside me.

"Ain't that sweet."

I jumped and my eyes widened at the sight of Emmett, stealing a peek at my phone, which I promptly shut and turned off. His close proximity was unsettling compared to our careful avoidance earlier, and I breathed a small sigh of relief when he settled into his seat, subtly leaning away from me as he turned off his phone. I folded my arms across my chest and leaned into the wall of the plane cabin, shuffling around in my seat until I found a comfortable position.

"Don't forget to buckle up."

My jaw clenched and I resisted the urge to flip him the bird again, but I jerkily buckled my seatbelt instead. I was determined to ignore him, to keep my head turned towards the window so he wasn't even in my peripheral vision. He barely made noise anyway, freakish graceful creature that he seemed to be, unless it was his voice.

"So Emma…"

I turned my head only a fraction to let him know I heard him. He spoke just soft enough so no one could hear our conversation.

"I have something for you actually, courtesy of the Doc and Alice."

I turned to him fully then, perplexed. "What?" I made sure not to look directly into his eyes now that I was stuck here alone with him. No need for me to daze into stupidity while Embry wasn't here to protect me from him.

Emmett reached into his coat pocket and with a flourish, held a small orange pill bottle in front of my face, shaking it so the small amount of pills within it rattled around. I flinched away and hoped I imagined that his smile got bigger.

_Is he seriously trying to trick me into taking drugs?_

My facial expression must've shown my thoughts, because he rolled his eyes and set the little container on the arm rest between us. "Have you been told about Alice?"

Honestly, when Embry told me the whole saga-like story that occurred several years ago, I had a hard time getting all the names straight. Seth, Leah and Embry I obviously knew, and then there was Jacob and Ness, and Bella Swan, who caused the whole thing to be with Edward Cullen. And they were Ness's…parents. I might've been able to recognize some of the people from La Push, but beyond that it was all very fuzzy and vague. If there was something important I should know about Alice, I didn't know it.

"I have not been told about Alice."

Emmett flashed his dimpled smile, and cocked his head. "Really… well then, here's a treat for ya: Alice can see the future."

I blinked, then tried to hold in a smirk, which failed. I let out an incredulous chuckle and nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Uh-huh," Emmett mimicked, still grinning. "Now Alice, she gets these visions of what'll happen based on people's decisions. One thing she saw was you freaking out, right here," he pointed to my seat, "once we were somewhere over Montana."

My sardonic smile slipped slightly, and I instinctively inched away from his pointing finger. Emmett continued.

"Any idea what you'd be havin' a panic attack for?"

I blinked and tightened my arms around my middle, not answering.

"There was also vomit involved, if that's any clue."

My cheeks flamed in embarrassment and I shifted in my seat, unable to get further away from him.

"Once that happened, there was a fuss with people on the plane and then again when we'd get off and it was a whole lot more exposure than we need. What we _need_ is to be under the radar. Capiche?"

My fingers dug into my sweatshirt and sunk further into my seat.

"So once Alice decided to send _these _with me," he picked up the bottle, rattling it around again, "vision was gone. Poof. No more trouble."

I looked at the pills with disdain, not wanting to be bullied into taking them, but not liking the prospect of this…_vision_, either.

"What are they?" I mumbled.

The dimples were back. "Just a little somethin' to keep you calm. It's nothin' too strong, nothin' illegal, Carlisle'd never go for it. He's a doc, he knows what to give little stressed out humans."

My eyes narrowed at the "little" comment, as I was pretty average height for a girl at five foot seven, and I wasn't a stick. I had a healthy amount of meat on my bones. I supposed for him, the majority of the population was little and he used that fact to his advantage. The fact that he was angry with me because of Ness did not help matters on my side.

_Yet another reason to not like Emmett._

He held out the pill bottle as an invitation for me to take it, and I reluctantly plucked it from his fingers, careful not to touch him. I kept my arms crossed with the pills held tightly against my side, choosing to take whatever it was once the refreshments came around. I mumbled this to Emmett when he kept watching me expectantly. He rolled his eyes again and settled back into his seat.

We sat in tense silence as the plane took off and settled above the clouds, and it felt like hours before the chipper lady with the refreshment cart started passing out drinks and pretzels. I shifted around in my seat, wondering what was taking her so long since the potential scenario that Emmett had painted started to come alive in my head. I didn't want it to happen, and it seemed the only way out of it was to take a dang pill.

My heart had already sped up tempo and Emmett was shooting me sideways glances when I kept looking up over the seats to watch the progress of the chipper lady.

_This is ridiculous. Pill or no pill I'm already gonna have a panic attack just in anticipation of stopping one from happening!_

When the lady finally reached our row I practically shouted, "Water please!" She handed down a half sized bottle of water and Emmett held it in his hand while I struggled with the child safety cap of the pill bottle. When I finally got it open, Emmett regaled me with some more of his brilliant knowledge.

"Just take one. That's all you'll need."

I held back a comment and took out the solitary white pill, accepting the opened water bottle from him. I swallowed it down, trying to think of it as an ibuprofen or Tylenol- something that wouldn't affect my psyche. But the beads of cold water on the bottle made it cold and slippery against my fingers and I gulped unnecessarily, feeling vomit-worthy feelings again.

Just then the old man sitting on the other side of Emmett tried to subtly whisper to him, but I clearly heard him. "She gonna be okay? I can switch if she needs to get to the restroom quickly."

I turned away to look out the window, hating how vulnerable I seemed now… but I couldn't help but wonder if the old guy was on to something. The pill bottle was still open in my hand.

Emmett tried to assure the man, but he kept at it, hoping to make things easier. "Are you sure? It'd be no problem, really."

I stared at the remaining pills at the bottom of the container.

"That's nice of you sir, but she'll be fine."

"Oh, I'd just feel s'bad if she got stuck with a weak stomach and couldn't get to the aisle in time."

_In time?_…_In time for what? My weak stomach?_

_Screw it._

I took out another pill and quickly swallowed it down with a gulp of water, then screwed the cap back on and made a show of setting the little container back on the armrest between us.

"I'm fine," I said flatly, finally making both of them shut up.

As Emmett turned away from him with a nod, I wrapped my arms around my ribs again and faced the window, leaning my head against the wall of the cabin just as I had earlier. I focused on the clouds just outside the small pane of glass and imagined being out there with them, soaking in the sun, weightless.

The rattle from behind me meant that Emmett had picked up the offensive bottle, and I had a brief moment of panic, wondering if he had noticed there was one more missing than there should have been.

But there was no smart-aleck remark and no charm-your-pants-off voice to reprimand me. So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the circulated cabin air. It smelled like plastic and socks and baby food, but when I slowly exhaled, there was that weightlessness. Like I was on a cloud, floating under the sun, and I wasn't alone.

He was smiling next to me and his eyes were shining and I let myself drift… heavenly…

OOO

**Jordan POV**

I was in heaven. Literally. I mean, I thought I'd be waking up a million times during the night on this couch, but I think it's even more comfortable than my worthless twin bed in my own apartment.

_It even smells nice… like a girl's hair or something…_

There were some faint voices in the morning, but eventually they all just morphed into dreamland noises again, and I was happily immersed in heaven. There was fruit, and there was tennis, and there was Leah with long hair, and a giant tympani-turned-trampoline, and-

"She _WHAT?_"

My eyes flew open and I felt like I just got electrocuted. I sat up, dazed and jittery, searching for the blast of noise that interrupted heaven. My head whipped around the room, finally remembering I was in Emma's apartment living room… but there was no one in sight.

"Are you ser- _what?_"

I recognized Leah's angry voice coming from the hallway to the bedrooms.

_Should I stay or should I go… _

"What do you mean it's her own fault? Jake, what the hell!"

I heard a few more choice words, and winced for this Jake person that I'd heard about in passing since being here. This whole experience has been like I've been dropped into someone else's role and not given all the main points of the story.

_There's something big that I don't know, and I've accepted that I won't know it for a while. And I have questions (oh, do I have questions) but until that time comes… this sucks._

Information flew over my head, in one ear and out the other, not meaning a thing to me, but was apparently incredibly important to the four of them.

Seth was just trying to play it cool, pretend that nothing weird was going on and just hang. Nothing happened in the morning at Emma's work, and the days before that were perfectly uneventful as well.

_Right_.

It worked for a while, but then it was too fake, and I was getting a headache trying to keep up the charade. I wanted to throw something at the wall and make it smash into a million tiny pieces, then smash those pieces until they were ground to bits of sand.

I'm pretty sure my heightened sarcasm mixed with rubbing my head at my temples every few minutes was a hint to Seth that his method wasn't working. We left my apartment for Emma's and then this weird awesome thing happened.

It was like I walked through a force field of oxygen and I could finally breathe once we closed the door behind us. Of course, I was then the only one around that didn't know the all-powerful secret that opened up the answers to all the _other_ secrets of the past few days, but I just felt… better.

Headache? Gone.

Then Leah passed a scowl our way.

Heartache? Quite the unwelcome guest.

_Just like old times._

But it was still better than not being here.

Emma shot me a smile, but it wasn't very real, more of an acknowledgement of our presence. All her attention was being taken up by her boyfriend now. I might have been jealous, but not of him. Just of _them_ and what they had. My rap sheet for playing it cool was not so great. Several times Leah had caught me staring at her from across the room, and I lost the ability to use words once when I bumped into her in the hallway or she actually addressed me and expected an answer.

_I guess I don't really blame her for talking to me like I'm an idiot_.

A loud thump followed by a muffled curse brought me back to the present. Now fully awake, I rubbed my eyes and scratched my head, yawning as I stood up. Then I had no idea what to do next. My 'host' was currently fuming in another room and I didn't want to do anything that might set her off. So I just changed positions on my bed-turned-couch and turned on the TV, flipping channels.

After an hour or two of brain-numbing television, I thought cleaning up a bit might help, so I grabbed some of last night's dishes that were scattered around the room. I was halfway to the kitchen when a sound I never thought I'd hear hit my ears, and I stopped.

Laughter.

It was soft, but it was there. And it was not from the TV.

Like a zombie, I moved toward the sound and stopped when I was standing at Leah's door. It was open with just a sliver of light coming out, and just beyond it was the laughter. I pushed it open wider with my elbow and stared.

There on the bed, sat Leah in a black tank top and grey sweats, shaking with laughter that was tapering off…and she was smiling.

_Smiling._

She hadn't noticed the door opening and sighed happily before running a hand through her dark hair, brushing it away from her face. She turned just a fraction and finally caught sight of me, standing there open-mouthed and frozen in her doorway.

Her smile was still there, still genuine, and in that millisecond when we locked eyes, I lost my grip on the world.

And the dishes I was still holding.

The clash and clamor broke me out of my stupor and I jumped, looking down at my feet and the dirty dishes now spread across the floor.

"What are you doing?"

I whipped my eyes back up to the source of that voice- that _voice_- and it was like looking at a mirror… only it was a Native American female brown-eyed version of my own surprise, embarrassment and horror that was reflecting back at me.

I couldn't for the life of me look away.

So I watched.

I watched as the mask was momentarily lifted and I saw every question in her expression, a fear of exposure that was so raw I felt the need to swallow. Her eyes followed that lone movement- since the rest of me was completely frozen in her doorway- and she quickly looked away, scanning me all the way to my socked feet, then back up again, right to my eyes. Her features weren't so severe, more soft edges and graceful slopes. She looked like a completely different person, like… a girl.

Then bit by bit, that rawness, that vulnerability, it was being fortified and protected with layer after layer of challenge.

_Mention this and you'll wish you'd never been born. _

_Go ahead, talk to me at the risk of your own tongue._

_Just try to use this to your advantage. _

All this just because I had seen a genuine smile.

And then several alarm bells started going off in my head because she had asked me something and I still had yet to answer. So like a dumbass, I did this:

"What are _you_ doing?"

One dark, slim brow arched up at my immature, long-shot attempt to break the tension, but she never broke eye contact, even with a subtle nod towards my feet.

"I'm wondering why you're standing in my doorway with a bunch of dishes on the floor. That's not very considerate since Emma just vacuumed last night." She watched, amused, as my lips pressed into a thin line because yes, I am stupid and completely forgot all the dishes I had dropped. With that reminder I started to feel a slight throbbing pain in several of my toes.

"Yeah. Well. That's… just awesome," I replied, mumbling the last bit to myself.

"Uh-huh," Leah was unimpressed.

"How 'bout I just…" I gestured vaguely at the floor, "clean this up and, uh…" And that was all I had. But of course, I'm still stupid, so I never plan for repercussions.

"How 'bout…" Leah over-did the Canadian accent I only sort of had, leaned forward and cocked her head just a fraction- _Challenge Challenge Challenge- _"…you come up with a complete sentence and tell me why you felt the need to bust into my room. Is someone dying? Have a bad dream? Did someone _bump into you_ on the way to the kitchen?"

_Hey now. That one was not my fault. _

And then she waited, and meanwhile my brain was shot to shit and any plausible escape route just slapped me in the face and told me to man up. She just sat there, empowered, while I stood with but a shred of dignity left. So, because I was not one to be emasculated in a matter of seconds and stand for it, I threw all care to the wind and gave in to the challenge.

"You know," I started and crossed my arms across my chest, just waiting for the adrenaline to build up and make me crazy stupid, but gutsy- that was the important part. "My foot hurts like a bitch right now."

"That would be because you dropped several plates on top of it," Leah snarked back quickly.

_Challenge…_

"Yes, well one would say that was out of surprise. Others might call it shock."

_Challenge…_

"Shock, you say?"

_Challenge…_

"Shock."

_Challenge!_

"Care to elaborate?"

_CHALLENGE!_

"You were smiling. In earnest. It was pretty shocking."

_KA-BOOM! She's silent._

"And laughing, you were also laughing… giggling, more like. It was… almost as if you were an actual person… who has emotions?"

_Still silent- I'm on a roll, can't stop me now!_

"So imagine my situation, since only once before- _once_ before- had I seen you smile at all, but that was more of a smirk thing because it was all in making fun of Emma, and then after the weekend from hell when we've all been kept on house arrest in this apartment with night watches and _secrets_ and not _one drink_ in sight…" What I would have given last night for a drink, a beer, a shot, just one, just something. I took a moment to roll my eyes and take a breath "… and the most pessimistic, cynical person I've ever come to know is laughing! And not some forced deprecating cackle thing, either. You were… that was happy laughing! You were a human being just for a second! And yeah, it was shocking as hell, so you can take responsibility for my throbbing feet thank you very much." I accused, feeling sort of awesome, even pointed a finger at her.

Then I did a double take.

She wasn't silent in the backing-down sort of quiet… she was fuming.

_Oh god… I am such a… I'm gonna die._

"Which is not what I meant to say," I tried to backtrack, still pointing. "Not the… end part, that was- no. Wait."

"No, I see," she nodded, propping her chin in her hand. "You think that if I act like a _human being_, as you say…" she gestured to me and all that awesome I was feeling before? Gone. "… then it becomes some phenomena of mankind, a shocking spectacle to see at any rare opportunity."

"Wait," I held up my hands in surrender and shook my head. "No, Leah, that's n-"

"You know, I piss and poop and bleed too, is that something else you'd see?"

"Hey!" The pointing was back, but it was different. There was no awesome, there was no crazy stupid accusing, this was just…mad.

Leah tilted her head on her hand in her own silent _challenge_.

"No, hey, that's not fair."

"Life's not fair."

"Augh! Would you just…" I threw up my hands and let them slap into my sides with nothing left. I thought back through our conversation or argument or whatever, through my lines, what I could fix… and came up with nothing. I rubbed my eyes and pulled at my hair and scratched my jaw, which was covered in stubble because I'm lazy, then regarded the woman in front of me.

Days ago I had promised her that I would sit by and let everyone do their thing, and when the time came that she _trusted_ me, all would be revealed. There was something about the three of them; Leah, Seth and Embry, that was supposed to be 'different'.

And I had just spouted off crap about her not being human… the majority of the time. But even so, I really hadn't been thinking. From the looks of things I shouldn't be conscious right now, but for some reason she'd given me mercy and not a beat-down.

"Look, I'm not trying to… I didn't… I'm sorry."

I shifted my weight on my feet, causing a bunch of clanks from the dishes and a spike of pain to come back to a few toes, so I moved back to my original position of straight and rigid.

I half expected her to ask what I was sorry for, but she didn't. She regarded me right back, all stormy and tense, then made a short nod. And it was over.

My shoulders relaxed, but I was not by any means feeling any awesome.

"I don't know why I said any of that, I'm-"

"I s'pose you'd like to know," she interrupted my apparently unneeded apology.

I stopped and cocked my head at her just like she had done to me.

"Why I was laughing in the first place? Course you do."

I shrugged. The ball was completely in her court now.

"You do," she affirmed with a nod. "I got a call from Jake in Sioux Falls, he's helped us out a bit with getting Emma home safely."

I nodded at the vague information.

"Turns out the help he got didn't run something by us before they left and they tried to… fix it, in their own way." She rolled her eyes. "They thought she'd have some panic attack on the plane. So they brought pills." At this, I balked and ran the words through my head a few times, every time coming up the same.

_They brought pills?_

"What the hell?"

"I know," Leah nodded, "But one of them's a doctor, so he wouldn't… they said it wasn't strong," she shrugged. "Something must've freaked her out, though, because she was supposed to only take one… and she took two. They checked the amount afterwards, and she must've snuck it past them or something. And now she's passed out."

Again, I failed to see the humor in this. _How is this funny?_

"How is this funny?"

Leah sighed. "She's fine, but wasn't coherent enough to get off the plane by herself let alone stand. She got out on piggy back with the help that Jake sent and was out cold the whole drive home, which is where she's still sleeping."

_Alright, the passed-out-piggy-back image has humor, but that can't be it._

"I'm waiting for it…"

Leah's lips twitched and that sassy brow rose once again. "I sent her a text to have her call me when she woke up, and a few minutes later, someone sent me a picture from her phone." She stood and walked only as far as she needed to so she could hand me her phone (I didn't dare step inside the door). There on the screen was a picture of Emma lying on a bed (clothed, thank god) with her eyes closed and mouth agape, obviously out cold. And there on her forehead were the words "I'm Home Sweet Home!" written with blue marker.

At first, it was shock again, then the whole picture registered and up came the bubbling laugh from my chest until it came out as a scoffing snorting sort of noise. I let loose a few chuckles and looked at the picture again, then Leah, and was pleased that we were both wearing smirks at the detriment of our mutual good friend.

_Sort of, almost like old times. _

"So has Mr. Over-Protective Boyfriend heard about this yet?"

Leah let out a mirthless laugh. "He hasn't seen this yet, but he knows about how much 'the help' helped."

"You keep saying 'the help' like there were butlers involved or something."

At this, she barked out a laugh, not like the real ones before, this was just to show how much I didn't know.

"Yeah, right. No, they're just some… family friends. More or less." She rolled her eyes and pushed her fingers through her hair. "Anyways, I s'pose it could have been worse, but we'll never know. For now Emma's just Sleeping Beauty, blissfully unaware. Stupid girl." She shook her head and shrugged. "Embry's pissed, as expected since she's his imp-…possibly far away girlfriend at the moment."

"Ah," I nodded. "Right."

I knew Leah didn't have a stutter. She also speaks her mind very clearly. So I tried to hide the fact that I noticed her slip of the tongue when she was about to say… whatever it is she was about to say. What else starts with "imp" anyways? Improper? Important? Imperative? It was lost by me anyways.

"So..." I handed back the phone and shoved my hands into my pockets. "He and Seth are gonna meet her out there, eh?"

This time both Leah's brows rose up, and I realized why just a millisecond too late. "Yeah they are… Eh?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, then made sure she heard me mumble, "Americans…"

She scoffed. "You do realize who you're talking to, don't you?"

I held back a smile and nodded. "I'm sorry, you're of the native people, I apologize. I'll try again." I redid the eye rolling and head shaking then muttered audibly, "Native Americans…"

Leah didn't even crack a smile. "Is your family Canadian?"

_And the banter is gone._

"Well yes, seeing as they reside in and are citizens of the nation of Canada-"

"No, I mean, if you were to say where your family is from… your _family… _the name, the heirlooms, the looks, the genes, everything… just Canadian?"

I shrugged and actually had to think for a second. "I guess I'd say… British, if I had to. A little Swiss-German on my mom's side, but mostly British… a bit Scotch- Irish… yeah."

Leah stood still and regarded me silently.

"So… you, then? What about you?" I offered lamely.

Leah's jaw tensed, then she took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Didn't seem like she relaxed at all, though.

"I'm Quileute."

I already knew this, but in this context, it was much more important than before. I took that in and stored it in a safe place. I couldn't think of a good way to conclude the moment, so just did the vague thing.

"Okay," I nodded. "Good to know."

"Okay," she nodded back and we just stood there in the quiet. It was a bit more of her to grasp and hold on to- a concrete fact, and I was grateful for it. The resounding silence wasn't oppressing… it was nice. In a small way, we knew each other a little better and it was comfortable.

"There are still dishes on the floor."

I looked down, and there were indeed dishes scattered about my feet… and _on_ my feet.

_Ow. I liked it better when I was distracted from pain by this girl._

"That there are."

I brought my gaze back up to Leah, intent on staying in this calm nothingness we had created. She merely blinked, unmoved, and raised that brow again.

"Which should not be the case…" I backtracked for the second time this morning and bent down to gather up the dishes. Leah didn't help, not that I expected her to, things weren't all rainbows and sunshine between us. But as she stood there waiting, I did get a good look at her bare feet. I'm positive I've seen her feet before from just hanging out here with Emma, but… I had a hard time keeping from staring at them out of the corner of my eye.

_They're just feet… delicate bare feet… Leah's delicate bare feet… right in front of me… small ankles… _

I snapped myself out of the weird feet-thoughts and stood, dishes in hand, wondering how best to leave. Maybe a smile or an awkward sputter of farewell, possibly a wave, or a salute. I knew what I'd really want to do is forget the dishes, go out for a walk or have a sit down with her and just hash it out- everything from why she puts on the _mask _to the weird guy's comment about her to Emma yesterday and - but I reigned in all in since we had an agreement.

"Could you put those in the dish washer?"

I blinked and halted all thinking. "Uh…what?"

Leah didn't elaborate, just pointedly looked at the dishes I was holding, then waited expectantly.

_But… that's it?_

"Oh…" Even I could hear the dejection in my own voice. "Yeah, sure."

She nodded and looked away, her face pinching in what looked like discomfort, then shut the door with a soft click.

I resisted the urge to pout and sulk from being cut off, and trudged to the kitchen to do what I was told. As I was placing the last plate in the washer, Seth and Embry burst in the door, Seth with a smile, and Embry with a scowl.

"Hey, man," Seth greeted and flipped open his phone with a wide grin. "You seen the Emma picture?"

Embry glared at Seth and didn't even bother with acknowledging my presence, heading straight to Emma's room and closing the door behind him, just as Leah emerged from hers. She had changed clothes and pulled her hair back. I guessed it was her turn on the 'watch'.

"Blackmail… it's a beautiful thing," Seth motioned with his phone to Leah. She smirked with a passing glance and breezed out the door, and I was a man and remained outwardly unmoved by the lack of farewell, wave, or salute. Things were definitely getting worse before they got better.

I piss her off, then give her the option of reveal the almighty secret on her own terms, things calm down.

I act like an idiot, she treats me like an idiot, but it's all to keep me 'protected' and things calm down.

And then there was today. And things have calmed down. More or less.

_Perhaps introductory stupidity is key to any hope for the future. _

I'd said it once and I'll say it again.

God help me.

OOO

**A/N: *hides***

***peeks out of hiding place and throws A/N for readers to… read***

**So there you have it. Some more Emma dealing and some more L/J (MAAAAAHH!). And like I said at the top of this chapter, medical people: I know nothing. Artistic license and lack of knowledge is my excuse. **

**How do you feel? What are you thinking? Reviews are awesome because they tell me these things. :)**


	25. Wake Up

**A/N: So you know what's ridiculous? When computers die. Then other computers only become available to you when a roommate can lend one or when the libraries are open. Such has been my life; I cannot begin to address the lateness of this chapter.**

**This is one of two parts; the next will be in Embry's POV.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Chapter title comes from Arcade Fire. (link on profile)**

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**Wake Up**

"Here comes the Wake Up bird! Wake up! Wake up! Wake Up!"

I groaned and swatted at whatever was pulling at my blanket and poking my sides.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

Poke. Poke. Poke.

"Don't," I grumbled, trying to shrink away from the poking.

"I won't stop until you wake up, lazy butt. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

Poke. Poke. Poke.

It was all very familiar. Waking up from a slowly clearing fog, that was all I could determine; it was familiar. This had happened before, I was acquainted with the poker, I was usually the pokee, and I was always annoyed. Further poking was causing more aggravation which started to clear away more of the fog, but with it only brought confusion. I had no reason to be here with the familiar poking, nor did I have any recollection of getting here.

That is, if I was correct in where "here" actually was.

"Wake up! Wake up! WAKE! UP!"

I was finally attacked and two hands grabbed my sides in the most vicious of all ticklish places, right under my ribs. I thrashed away from them and in the process, kicked the wall and got out from under my blanket cocoon with my hair everywhere and huffing in annoyance. And who should welcome me to the world of the living but… Amanda?

There in front of me was my commanding, scheming, overbearing older sister. She looked mostly like I remembered her, but… bangs. She got bangs and it was weird. Neither of us had gotten straight across bangs like that since we were little and Mom cut our hair in the kitchen. She had died her hair again, so it was almost as dark as mine, and her makeup was different.

"Hello," she smirked, her tone telling me I was either in trouble or she knew something I didn't. Probably a little of both. But that wasn't what was so disconcerting to me. As I tried to blink away the sleep and the fog in my brain, I took in more of my surroundings and was very… confused. If my senses were all correct, I was lying in my bed in my room, but I was in my house in Edgerton. I wasn't sure of much at the moment, but for the fact that I had the overwhelming sense that I wasn't supposed to be here. It was not a comfortable feeling to have.

Amanda plopped down onto the edge of my bed, making the mattress dip and bounce. "Are you aware of how long you've been sleeping, ma'am?" she asked like a police officer that just caught someone speeding.

I glared up at her, not particularly keen on indulging her after her methods of interrupting that sleep. The Wake Up bird was invented by Dad when we were little. I had since hoped it would die out, but here I was, reliving the torture.

"Hmm," she narrowed her eyes at me, and then picked something up from my nightstand. "Someone has been trying to get a hold of you for a while now… wanna tell me who Embry Call is?"

At the sound of his name, my breath caught and the fog disappeared, letting an onslaught of information and memories rush forward.

_Embry. Leah. Wolves. Embry. Kisses. Imprint. Embry. Wolves. Vampires. Airport. Emmett. Plane. Pills…_  
_Pills._

_Oh dear._

Amanda's chuckle brought me back to the present and I instinctively reached for what I could see was my phone in her hand. She tugged it away with a taunting little laugh and cocked her head to the side.

"Well, that got her attention."

I started to sit up against the head board and reached for the phone again. She stuck it under her butt and clasped her hands together in her lap.

"Does Emma have a boy?" Amanda whispered conspiratorially.

I huffed and held out my hand. "Give me my phone."

Amanda put her finger to the back of her ear. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Give me my phone, _please_." I seethed at her, but it was useless.

"Oh, well in that case… No, not yet. You gotta spill first, girlie."

"I have nothing to spill," I struggled to keep relatively calm. "Please give me my phone."

Amanda's grin grew with her happiness in watching me squirm. She didn't get many of these opportunities anymore. She just shook her head and sat there with that stupid smile on her face, waiting.

"'Manda," I sighed.

"Oh come on!" she whined, rolling her eyes. "That's a boy's name, isn't it? Embry? You haven't put some picture of a guy to show up when a girl calls, do you?"

Again, I reached for my phone, which meant basically grabbing at her butt, but she grabbed the little first and held it out of reach from me.

"Please, Emmy," Amanda pouted, now crossing into dangerous territory with the pet name. "Just talk to me. We never get to talk about this stuff anymore."

Well, that was a guilt trip if I ever heard one. Keeping in contact with each other was, admittedly, not one of my bigger priorities as of late, but it's a two way street. She hadn't tried to contact me, either.

"Yeah, well, tough luck," I growled, and her hand with the phone in the air lowered a fraction as her pout turned into a frown.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked softly, and if I was not mistaken, sounding a bit hurt.  
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "It just means that some things are private, and I don't really want to share it right now." A year ago, I might have told her, gushed about boys and any stories that went along with them. But a lot had happened since then. Even if I could have, I was not about to give everything up at my sister's whim.

Amanda was quiet for a moment, waiting for more of an explanation, but she got nothing.

"Okay," she said cautiously. "Because that's not cryptic at all…"

I groaned to the ceiling. "_Please_, just give me my phone."

"Not until you tell me who he is."

"Amanda!"

"I thought his name was Embry," she smirked.

At that moment, the very phone we were arguing over buzzed and the screen lit up. Amanda looked at Embry's picture and her brows rose into her bangs as she turned back to me. "He's a cutie."

I lunged for the phone again and after some bent fingers, ticklish tactics and the use of my nails, I finally pried it from her stealing hands. Then gave her a kick for good measure. She squawked and winced dramatically and I told her she had it coming.

Now that her fun was over, Amanda was pouting and if she weren't in her twenties, I could've sworn she'd cross her arms and stomp her foot for good measure.

"He better not be some druggie," she said pointing at the phone. "Or part of a cult. Or sleep around. Or broke with some dead beat job. Or-"

"'Manda," I interrupted, but she kept going.

"-part of a gang, or some weird secret society. And-"

"'Manda!"

"-if he turns you into some lush that gets drunk every weekend I will personally come out there and-"

"I get it! Geez, he's a good guy, okay?"

Amanda's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I said, officially tired of this entire conversation. I was itching to call Embry back but I wouldn't do that until I knew my nagging sister was out of hearing range.

Amanda waited, going for a dramatic pause, and then turned away with her nose in the air. "Fine. Leave me out of the loop, you horrible, heartless person."

"Will do." I kicked her again and she finally stood from the bed.

"You should take a shower before Mom and Dad get home from getting groceries. You stink."

I made a face at her back as she reached the door and right before it closed, she turned around and stuck her tongue out at me. The door clicked shut before I could throw anything at her.

Now with the room to myself, I finally was able to take a deep breath. For whatever reason, I was nervous to see what was on my phone. And I cursed out loud when it told me I had ten missed calls, three new voicemails, and twelve new text messages. Before I could even start to look at them, the phone buzzed with a call from… Alice Cullen?

"What the… how…" I whispered to myself as I stood from the bed and watched the name light up the screen. I sure as hell didn't put that name in my contacts. The name itself rang some bells since she was part of the vampire family, and supposedly the psychic one. Why she would be calling me, though, I had no idea. During my inner debate of whether or not I should answer, it turned into a missed call.  
And then she called again.

Needless to say, I was a little weirded out, but guessed that she might just keep calling until I picked up. So I did just that.

"Hello?" I answered, wincing when my voice cracked a bit.

"Hello Emma, this is Alice Cullen," said an utterly sweet voice.

"Uh… yeah… you're in my phone."

"Right! I thought it would be better that you knew who was calling."

"Uh-huh…"

"Anyways, we just wanted to make sure you know what happened after the flight this morning."  
That was the part I was dreading. "Oh?"

"Yes, you remember taking two Dramamine, don't you? Emmett wasn't watching closely and you are quite the lightweight," she tittered. "If he would have just kept his phone on a minute longer I could've warned him that you would try to pull a fast one on us, but that wasn't the case, I'm sorry."

Despite how fast she talked, she really did sound sorry, and it was throwing me off.

"You were asleep for the rest of the flight and only a little responsive by the time you landed, so long story short, Emmett had to carry you out of the airport."

"He what?"

"Not bridal style or anything!" Alice giggled. "Piggyback, actually. Jasper and I met him there and found your luggage right away, then drove you to your house. Your parents are lovely people, by the way. The cover story is that you wanted to sleep on the long flight so you took some cold medicine and it knocked you out- but not before you meet my brother and I. We called your parents before we left, so they wouldn't be worried, and let them know we'd take you home."

My mouth opened in abject horror at what she was telling me. Vampires met my parents. I was carried around the Sioux Falls Regional Airport on _piggyback_ virtually unconscious.

"You called my parents?"

"Well, it was the only choice, really. I imitated your voice when we called them so it wasn't too fishy that you didn't want to be picked up. Any other scenario would have made them suspicious."

My eyes were wide with the implication that this girl, this vampire girl…woman… female… Alice person- had called my parents as me and lied to them, and then carried on with her plan. It must have worked but I felt rather played with, like my life was becoming a game to these immortal beings all over the friggin' country.

"I should also apologize for Emmett; he's usually not that grumpy."

"Um… i-it's fine," I stammered.

"It is most certainly not fine, Emma, he was unbelievably rude to you. You'll be getting an apology from him when you come to meet us, that's for sure."

I choked on my own spit and cleared my throat. "To meet you?"

"Well sure, silly! After all, you want to meet your allies in this big mess, right? We want to see you! When you're awake, that is, of course, face to face and all that. It's not really fair to say that we've met you when you were asleep!" She giggled in her innocent bell-like voice, and I almost forgot I was talking to a real person.

Meanwhile, my mind was reeling with the thought of walking into a house full of vampires, not to mention seeing Ness and Jake again after that _wonderful_ phone call we shared just a few days ago.  
"Don't you worry about a thing, either. We're not as scary as you think, but we'll try to be as human around you as possible if it would make you more comfortable."

While I was having trouble bringing my breathing patterns back to normal, I could hear someone in the background reprimanding Alice.

"Oh… Oh, I'm sorry, that was rather blunt, wasn't it?"

I swallowed and nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me. "Um... I don't… u-uh…"

"I'm just making it worse, aren't I?" she giggled. "Well, that's what I get for wanting to make the call, I suppose. I keep forgetting you're not like Bella was in that way."

Any hope of bringing my heartbeat down failed miserably, and I could feel it in my head, my fingers sliding with sweat against the phone I was somehow still holding up.

_I'm being compared to Bella. I don't want to be compared to Bella. I'm only almost okay with the wolf thing, putting me in a group of vampires is far from peachy._

Thankfully, none of those thoughts actually made it out loud, and Alice plowed on through my silence.

"Oh! By the way, I put everyone's phone number in your contacts list, just in case."

Again, another reprimanding voice in the background answered her.

"Just for emergencies! I haven't seen anything yet, not to worry. Now I'll let you go, since you've just woken up, I'm sure you'll want to give Embry a call."

"Thank...you?" I said, though it ended like a question.

"You're very welcome! Goodnight, Emma!"

"Goodnight..."

A click and the silence following signaled the end of the strangest phone call I had ever experienced. But if I had thought I would have any time to reflect on such a thing, I was proven wrong by the subsequent buzzing from my phone. I almost yelled at it to stop before I realized it was a new text message from Embry.

"I've been told you're awake. Skype? I can use Leah's." I read from the screen, and I breathed a sigh of relief, immediately typing back "Yes please!" then went to searching for my computer. My bags were sitting neatly by my bedroom door, and as I walked towards them, I caught sight of my reflection in the body-length mirror hanging on the wall. I was still in the sweats and t-shirt I had purposely worn for comfort during the flight, but there was an addition I was not expecting.

It took a few seconds to read it backwards in the mirror, but there across my forehead in blue ink lettering, said "Home Sweet Home". The long bangs I had did nothing to keep it covered. I immediately started rubbing at it with spit, but it wasn't doing much. It was so lame. And so cheap. There was no question who did it, but overwhelming the need to yell at Amanda was the need to see Embry. I briefly wondered if that was normal or if it was from the imprinting, then dismissed it and focused on getting out my computer and signing on to Skype once I found the house's wireless signal.

Just as I brought the computer to my desk and called Leah's screen name, I remembered what was now on my forehead, realizing Embry would see it. Even with wishful thinking that he wouldn't laugh too much, I wussed out and grabbed a Twins hat from my closet, combed my hair back into a ponytail, and pulled the bill of the cap down just as Embry's face appeared on the screen.

"Hi," I grinned, but as I took in his frazzled state, the grin dropped to a frown. There were dark circles under his eyes, his arms propped on the table seemed to be the only thing holding him upright and everything else about him looked... completely exhausted.

"Hey," he sighed and I jumped at the high volume. I quickly turned it down then plugged in my headphones. "Sleep well?"

"You could say that, yeah" I said softly, relaxing somewhat at the sound of his voice, then, "You look like you could use some sleep, yourself."

"Yeah, well..." Embry breathed a laugh and rubbed his face with both hands, then pushed them back through his short, black hair. "You could say that."

"What's up?" I asked, worried.

"Nothing anymore," he said, then heaved a sigh as he continued to watch me through the video feed with a small grin. "Nice hat."

"Thanks," I said quickly and hoped he didn't ask any more about it. "I'm back in Twins Territory anyways, so... What was up before?"

Embry shook his head and the grin grew. "You."

I frowned. "Me?"

At my confused look, he leaned towards the computer. "It's always gonna be you, Em. It's not just... You left, and... I needed to know you were safe, and even when I found out you _were_... I couldn't be there to make sure, and..." he cut off and groaned, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Embry... Hey, I'm fine. I'm okay, we're okay," I said, trying to calm him down. I wished I could leap through the screen and be there with him.

"I know that," he sighed, lowering his hands and smiling sadly. "Doesn't change it, though. Not with us. I really should've known it would be this bad, but I guess I just hoped..." he shook his head again.

"What?" I could feel the pull in my chest start to grow in intensity, and my hand instinctively went to by heart, trying to rub it away.

Embry saw the movement and ducked his head with his fingers clasped at the back of his neck. "This sucks," he groaned. "This sucks a lot."

"Hey," I reached towards the screen, then pulled back, remembering I couldn't actually touch him, and touching the screen instead would just be weird. "Just tell me what's going on."

Embry raised his head and I got a full view of his helpless expression. "Oh I've just been going out of my mind, that's all."

"What for?" I pressed at my heart, thinking it might lessen the sensation that it was trying to get out.  
Embry propped his head up with one hand, letting the other drop to the table. "Well, what happened on the plane?"

My stomach dropped and the pull in my chest tightened even more, and I didn't answer.

"They said you took some Dramamine."

I looked down and crossed my arm in front of my chest, trying to hold in the embarrassment. "They?"

"Yeah. And that you snuck a second one."

"Yeah, about that." I said quietly.

"Em... just... why?"

"It sounds stupid now."

"Course it does." he shrugged. "I just want to know what happened."

I folded my arms tightly and scrunched my nose, not wanting to re-live my own idiocy. "Let's not and say we did?"

"Em, please? They told me their side of the story, but that's just one side. And one way or another I'm going to question it until I hear it from you. I'm going to go crazy thinking up my own version until I hear it from you."

"Fine," I huffed and leaned forward like he had before. I took a cleansing breath and took myself back to the morning, the departure, and the plane ride. "Emmett... is an interesting character."

Embry choked on a laugh.

"Apparently he isn't always so 'rude'," I finger quoted, " but whatever. He kept his distance in the airport, and that was fine, I just didn't know he would be sitting next to me on the flight."

With that, I proceeded to tell him what I remembered, from Emmett's insistence on the mystery pills, to his mention of Alice's 'gift' to the moment I really thought I would lose it and snuck the second pill.

"It must've kicked in fast... after that I have nothing," I shrugged.

Embry's eyes were never looking directly back at me, and I realized it was because of the method we were using; he had been watching me on his screen the entire time. It was a little odd to know he was looking right at me, but not able to make eye contact with me. My hand covered my heart yet again.  
"When I woke up, my sister almost confiscated my phone. Kept asking about you."

Embry shifted and cleared his throat. "Whaddyou mean?"

"She must've seen you call... and text. It's not like I have a code name for you as a contact. No one here knows who you are yet."

"What, she read your texts?"

"No, she just saw your name and your picture pop up, I guess. But she connected the dots and is pretty much assuming you're my boyfriend now."

Embry raised an eyebrow. "Aren't I?"

"Yes, but-" I rolled my eyes. "Not the point."

"What is the point?" he asked hesitantly, and crossed my arms again nervously.

"I just..." I avoided looking at him and focused on the mug full of pencils on my desk. "I wanted to keep you to myself... for a while."

Embry breathed a laugh, which turned into groaning again. I looked up and he was back to leaning his head down with his hands at the back of his neck.

"What?" I asked, thinking something might be seriously wrong.

"This sucks a lot!" he said loudly, and I wondered if he was talking to me or to himself. He ran his hands through his hair, then looked up, spread his arms out wide. "And I _really _want to kiss you right now!"  
I sputtered out a laugh and my hands covered my face that was heating up fast. I was extremely glad I had my headphones in and was the only one who heard that.

"And I know why you're wearing a hat!" he laughed.

My hands flew to my forehead on top of the Twins hat as my jaw dropped. "What?"

"Not that you don't look cute in a hat," he grinned and I almost forgot about why I was embarrassed at the sight of him so happy. Almost. "Are you... home, sweet home?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry," he laughed. "I was really pissed for a while when I saw the picture."

"What... You were? Why? And what picture?" I asked, because really, why would _he_ be pissed about _my_ sibling rivalry? And how in the world was there a-

Scratch that. I knew exactly how there was a picture of the evidence in question and just who would have had the balls to send it to my friends. Her name rhymed with Shamanda.

He shrugged. "It was just one more thing that went wrong and I couldn't do anything about it." His grin grew. "Then, after a while, it was just funny."

My shoulders slumped as I realized this joke was never going to die.

"It is _not_ funny," I grumbled. "It doesn't even make sense."

"Sorry." He didn't look the least bit sorry, seeing as he was shaking with laughter. "It'll wash off."

I gave him a simpering smile, and decided to roll with the thrills of my unfortunate day thus far.

"Speaking of unpleasantries," I drawled, "Got a lovely call from Alice Cullen right before you texted me."  
Embry grew quiet, and even through the webcam I could see his jaw tense.

"To meet me," I said like a petulant child who was told to clean up someone else's mess. "Plus, she called my parents and pretended to be me, then added her entire family to the contacts in my phone, and started comparing me to - Bella, or whoever she is now.

"And this was all when I was _unconscious_, which was because of her brilliant idea to give me _Dramamine_, which only backfired because she didn't _see _quick enough that I would, quote, 'pull a fast one' on them and Emmett turned his phone off so she couldn't _warn_ him.

"I mean, granted, if I didn't take their precious pill in the first place, I would have eventually thrown up during the flight because of nerves, but I would like to think that _that _would have been better than what actually happened." I ended as any complaining rant should end... with my arms crossed and a huff while I looked away from my audience.

Embry's lips were pressed into a thin line by the time my attitude calmed down and turned back to the screen. I had expected maybe a nod or a hum of agreement, but nothing was coming out of him at all.

"What?"

He shrugged and seemed to struggle for words before he finally spoke. "Given the circumstances... I understand," he said, then rushed to finish when he saw my stunned face. "I understand how it's frustrating, I get it, but knowing Jake means knowing a little about them too, and I'm pretty sure they just wanted to help. Especially Alice. She wants to fix things and make everyone happy, that's all."  
I shook my head and got my jaw to work again. "And 'everyone' is supposed to include me, right?"

"Emma," he sighed.

"Well, that's all great and good that she wants to fix everything but that's not very realistic, is it?"

"Babe, we're talking about vampires and werewolves, here. Realistic? If Alice hadn't done what she did, someone might have taken one look at you and Emmett and thought he was harassing you or something..."

I rolled my eyes.

"... and brought him in for questioning. Or apprehended him for your own safety. And he would have had to go along with it because he would be _surrounded_ by humans. Then you would've been separated and if the leechhad decided to follow you out there, who knows what could have happened. They may be fast and have creepy _gifts_, but they're not superheroes."

I was waning on my petulant child act, but I wasn't so ready to give in.

"Or you could have made it there with a barf bag in hand and that's it," Embry raised his hands in surrender and I cringed at the thought.

_Disgusting._

"The point," he sighed, "is that you made it there, you're not hurt because they took care of you, and now you're safe at home. However... sucky it is that I can't be there right now, I know you're safe, you know you're safe, and that's all that I could ask for from them."

He ended looking a few times more exhausted than when we first started the video chat, and I realized just how stubborn and immature I was being.

"Okay..." I hedged, "but that doesn't change the fact that Emmett was rude and Alice crossed some personal boundaries."

"Right," he nodded. "I'll give you that."

"And that this call could have happened hours ago and you probably wouldn't have been as stressed out as-"

"Em?" he said plainly, cutting me off.

"What?"

"You took a second pill!" He smiled tiredly, and I wasn't sure how to respond that that. It sounded like he was fed up with the whole situation, but more importantly, his statement just made me feel, well, dumb. I could feel my ears start to heat up, and it wasn't just the funny embarrassment about the hat or my sister's antics. It was borderline humiliating to be called out by him for something I knew was a bad decision _now_... just not so much _then._

It wasn't enough to make me cry, just enough to make me not want to look at him at all.

And in true form of my day, the sound of the back door of the house opening and closing, along with my dad's booming voice calling my name, stopped me from responding.

I looked up at him with a contrite smile and whispered, "I need to go."

"Em, wait," Embry took on a pleading tone. "I didn't mean... I'm just... Please, I'm sorry, this day's been-"

"You're stressed, I know, I'm sorry," I said quickly, hearing my dad's heavy footsteps coming down the hall. "I love you, but I have to go. I'll call you later." I closed the closed the video chat just as my bedroom door opened.

"Emmaline!" he boomed, and I rolled my eyes at the name. He was the only one who called me Emmaline in my family besides my sister when she was practicing her older sister dictatorship.

With his winter coat still on, short brown hair wet with snow and cheeks rosy from the cold outside, my Dad was a welcome and familiar sight. "She's awake!" he joked, then leaned down to hug me and I squealed at the cold from his jacket and especially from his ice cold cheek against my ear.

"She's awa-ake!" my mom sing-songed behind him, and as he stepped back, I got a round two of the cold hug, followed by a chilly kiss on my cheek, making me squeal and squirm again.

"And you're freezing! What, did you walk home?" I shivered away from Mom's cold hands on my cheeks.

They both laughed and smiled at me in a way that when combined, each smile morphed into the one their first born had given me earlier. You know, that one that rhymes with Shamanda. There was something I didn't know and I looked between the two of them expectantly.

"What?"

Mom smiled some more with a twinkle in her eye, but Dad was never one for being subtle.

"So why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend?"

* * *

**A/N: Joy of Joys. The best laid plans, man. They go awry. **

**Part 2 will be Embry POV!**


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